sterlingr10 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 If your relationship ended when your were young,then came together again to unify your family with marriage but then had infidelity twice. With a couple years of separation but never divorce, is it a good idea to come back and try again? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 No. But very vague scenario. Who cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 First time no one, second time after marriage he made her turn to 2 other guys and she announced she wanted a divorce. They separated and had different lives except the child they have. Now with wife and child in another state, they love one another and want to make a go...... Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Well, yes...I mean what is there to lose, already married, have a family....took a few years apart. As long as there can be healing from the past, true forgiveness, reztoring respect and trust... It wouldnt be easy, neither could drag a bunch of the old fights & baggage back in. Both would need to agree to keep lessons learned, and to start fresh & be a whole new relationship. Might not work, but it could if both hearts are truly in the right place and not only for the sake of kids. Just my opinion that why not try again in this case.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 I guess the whole two years of having relationships with other people to turn back to one another due to a move that only one made to be close to their family.This behavior is what got them back together the second time, he had no place to go was living with mother and their son and over time they fell. He said he would be still together because of their son. Plus, with lovely family taking sides after the separation/divorce talk is a hard thing to forget. But like you said if they just forget the last two years, actually figure out and work on what caused them to get in trouble while in a new state with only one side of the family.....good luck to them. It just doesn't seem like the problems were ever addressed and solved, it seems the reconciliation was fueled by the move and lack of child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 plus 2 year denial to EVERYONE that there is nothing going on.....family and friends Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sorry. I'm confused. Is this your story? And what does he made her turn to 2 other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 im trying to understand it myself. I was involved with the husband,she wanted a divorce after he ignored her and such and they never moved forward with it, he had me for 2 years in the open and she had a few guys but nothing lasted. He told me that he was moving to be with his son, not her. All of a sudden they are in love. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sterlingr10, Im sorry. It is hard when you think you are in a good relationship and suddenly they go poof on you. But the fact is, his and her relationship is theirs. Not yours to understand or decide if it is a good decision or not. Most of the posters on here make "bad" decisions which is why we are involved with WSs as either a OP or as a BS, myself included. It is really easy to say "he shouldn't go back to her" or "why won't he leave her". But we can only control ourselves. By either deciding to put our foot down and say I won't accept this or by picking up a spoon and continuing to eat the same old same old. The fact that he was asked for a divorce and never in 2 years did anything about it is telling. It seems like he did not want (for whatever reason) to sever his connection to her. You may not ever figure out the whys. To protect your sanity you might want to wish him the best then pull yourself completely out of the picture. It may hard and unfair in your mind but it sounds like it is what it is. Best of luck to you. I hope it works out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sterlingr10, Im sorry. It is hard when you think you are in a good relationship and suddenly they go poof on you. But the fact is, his and her relationship is theirs. Not yours to understand or decide if it is a good decision or not. Most of the posters on here make "bad" decisions which is why we are involved with WSs as either a OP or as a BS, myself included. It is really easy to say "he shouldn't go back to her" or "why won't he leave her". But we can only control ourselves. By either deciding to put our foot down and say I won't accept this or by picking up a spoon and continuing to eat the same old same old. The fact that he was asked for a divorce and never in 2 years did anything about it is telling. It seems like he did not want (for whatever reason) to sever his connection to her. You may not ever figure out the whys. To protect your sanity you might want to wish him the best then pull yourself completely out of the picture. It may hard and unfair in your mind but it sounds like it is what it is. Best of luck to you. I hope it works out. Never got divorce. Some people never make the connection that the man was still married. Another example to not date married men/women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 Yes, I do want the best for him and obviously I wasnt. Actions speak louder then words,2 years of neither one of them getting the divorce going says alot. I believed lies and know better. Im just embarassed and ashamed that i got into this situation. I believed things for 2 years that werent true. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Life experiences and maturity can change people over time. If you are not hurting anyone, like you are married and trying to rekindle, why not? Who cares what the family thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sterlingr10, stop thinking you weren't the best. That is just a way to punish yourself for not "winning". His choices and actions speak for him, yours speak for you. Like Road said, you got involved with a man who for 2 years had reasons why he couldn't get divorced and you let it ride. I'm not going to beat you up for sleeping with a MM (glass house and all) but if you thought that the relationship was a stable one, progressing to you and he having a committed relationship, you should have put your foot down sooner and found out why there was no divorce in the works and if you didn't like the answer, exit stage left. Easier said than done, I know. But sometimes the right thing is hard. We have to enforce boundaries to protect ourselves. Like ripping a band-aid off, it hurts in the beginning but then the healing can begin. The hardest hurdle you will have is trying to justify this. The whys and such, you will find yourself comparing yourself to her and all that crap. Don't, just don't. When you feel yourself doing that just stop. It is hard, but doing that keeps you locked into this moment. You don't want to stay here, you want to move on. Take some time to figure out why you were content to float along for that long with no progress. Learn from this. Don't allow yourself to stay caught in the net in case he starts trying to waffle. Move on and have a great life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sterlingr10 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 Thank you, eye of the storm. I know that i am better then this, just a low moment. I wish people could just be honest. A life was planned and dreamt for, but like life it changed. He told me things he didnt want to face and im healing, I just do not like being lied to.i asked about the divorce consistently and should have listened to my gut. Im getting help and taking time for me. I never want to put me or my family through this. Its been 4 months so itll take time for the feelings for him and his son to go away..... Link to post Share on other sites
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