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My Ex husband and I are having an affair.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Old 4th September 2004, 9:49 AM   #1
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My Ex husband and I are having an affair.

I was 19 when I first married the love of my life. We stayed married for 3 years. Drinking and immaturity caused a major breakup for us. I filed for divorce - he didn't want a divorce. After the divorce his mom and brother and himself kept calling me over and over trying to get us back together. All I wanted was some time to think alone but it wasn't happening. I met my current husband and don't know what happened but he basacially saved me from all the craziness but I still never got time to think or deal with my breakup. We have been married for 16 years. My ex husband is also remarried now for 9 years. Recently a friend of my exhusband and me was diagnosed with cancer and is dying. Due to conversations together with my ex over the phone talking about our friend we started to become friends again ourselves. Well guess what? My ex husband and I are now sleeping together and making love like we have never even been apart. We have both confessed our love to each other. We both have kids now and our spouses have really done nothing major to make us want to have an affair together. We have never really gotten over each other and now both of us would love to turn back the hands of time and start over again. We can't hurt our current families though but we can hardly stand being apart. We are the perfect couple and always have been. We have both grown so much over the years and neither one of us drinks anymore - we both have been totally sober during this whole process. We don't have a chance to get together that often cause we live 2 hours apart.
We know we should be together for life but we can't afford to hurt everyone else around us. Not sure what to do. I love him so much.
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Old 4th September 2004, 10:08 AM   #2
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Darling, it is irrelevant if you love your ex hubby there or not. You have a family now, you have responsabilities and if you care just one little bit about your kids, you'll think about this whole situation a lot better.

we can't afford to hurt everyone else around us

Too bad, honey, 'cause you already are. They just don't know it yet.

I'm not saying this just to make you feel guilty, I am giving you facts. Fact is that you and your ex had your shot when you were young. It did not work. Now what are you going to do? Don't think that you can get away with it. You can't. And it is not fair.

Think about where you are, about what you want and most importantly about where you want to go. Where you want to be. About what's best for you and for your family. About what and who is most important in your life.

Then you'll know what to do. Don't be afraid to look in the mirror even if you see things that you do not like.
You are not alone on this one,

Curly
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Old 4th September 2004, 10:25 AM   #3
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Curly, sweetie, you are

JUST SIMPLY DARLINGLY LYRICAL

[b]Think about where you are,
'bout what you want and most importantly,
'bout where you want to go, where you want to be,
'bout what's best for you and for your family,
'bout what and who is most important in your life,
Then you'll know what to do.
Don't be afraid to look in the mirror even if you see,
things that you do not like.

You are not alone on this one.[/
b]

BOOM.....SHAK-A-LA-KA, BOOM.

You could probably sell the song to Alantis Morrisette.
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Old 4th September 2004, 11:53 AM   #4
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I hate Alanis Morissete ! And that includes you !!!!
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Old 4th September 2004, 1:18 PM   #5
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Once again, gentlemen, we see that a compliment isn't always a "compliment."
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Old 4th September 2004, 1:31 PM   #6
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I thought you were mocking me ....
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Old 4th September 2004, 1:50 PM   #7
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I meant it as a compliment to your writing style. I've always wondered what made it so charming, and finally reached a conclusion: it is poetic and lyrical. Of course, I had no idea that you didn't like Morisette. For future reference, who should I say your lyrics could be sold to?

But I can also understand that it could have mocked you (although I'd hoped you would know me better).

Most interesting little case study in a male's intention vs. female's reaction, is it not, Curly?
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Old 4th September 2004, 2:55 PM   #8
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I do admit I am a bit sensitive to some people's reactions... I guess I'll pm you about that so that we do not turn the attention on Alanis Morisette ( ) instead of Bobbers Girl problem.
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Old 4th September 2004, 3:21 PM   #9
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How would you feel if you were sitting at home and find out your husband was having an affair? You wouldn't feel worth a sh**
You love your ex? What about your husband? Or did you love him until you starting messing around with you ex? Or is your ex an escape?
I feel sorry for your husband and children. You must not respect any of them at all. There is no reason for an affair. You obviously don't know the word commitment and your family has to suffer because you don't have the guts to say it's over, instead you have chosen to hurt everyone involved.
I don't understand people that have affairs. I don't respect that choice at all.
I don't care if you never got over someone, file for divorce before you decide to start screwing someone else. At least then you could have some respect.
I was with someone for 7 years, had children with him and he screwed around on me. It is a terrible place to be when you sit at home and find out that information and the self esteem and all the emotionally problems. It is not good.
For YOUR family sake you need to figure something out instead of continuing down this road only to cause more hurt....
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Old 5th September 2004, 9:37 AM   #10
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You know what my ex and I have always loved each other no matter what. Our love for each other is amazing. We both have been able to again share a little bit of each others lives.
We would love nothing but to get back together with each other.
As for my husband - he drinks too much - he passes out in the "man room" in the garage. My daughter can't stand it. He won't get help and I can't force him too. This has been going on for years and I got tired of it years ago BUT I hung in there. I would love to divorce him and sure that I will but not right now. My daughter knows I want to divorce him but has asked me not to do it.
Now as far as my ex goes with his family - He married her as a rebound from me. The oldest daughter is not his with his current wife but the younger one is. He is there for the younger one. Like I said we were pretty young and dumb at the time we married but now 20 years later we have grown up quite abit and know exactly what we want.
I was with my ex yesterday afternoon again we spent hours together back in our home town. We went out for lunch and dinner and had dessert in between. We ran into a bunch of people that we knew and even heard it's about time you 2 are back together. The 2 of us are not getting any younger - I'm 40 now and he is 43.
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Old 5th September 2004, 1:35 PM   #11
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Each of you need to divorce your current spouses and get together. You're leading a double life. People have seen you two out in public, asking if you're back together??? Hey, it's a small world out there and won't be long before someone knows someone who knows your husband or your ex's wife. Only a matter of time.

Good for you that you both found your way back together!!! Just end what you each have, change your life and be together. DON'T STAY in crappy marriages just for the sake of the kids! That is such BS!! I'm sorry but kids mirror their folk's relationships and later in life apply into their own relationships. ...You KNOW your daughter seeing her father drunk isn't good. He refuses to get help?? Do you think that isn't gonna do some damage to your kids? Staying in that atmosphere is not healthy!

Not everyone gets a second chance with the love of their loves. Take it but end the cheating and running around. ...Or are you (both) scared of leaving your lives as it is, getting together than finding out it won't work?? Just something to think about.
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Old 5th September 2004, 6:53 PM   #12
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Bobbers girl,

What makes you think even if you got a divorce that he would also get one. Let's take it a step further, if he did get a divorce and you and your ex got married, what make both of you think either one of you will be faithful to the other one. Remember you are having an affair with a married man. You are the OW. Congradulation! Both of you have violated your vows and are destroying your families lives.


I am not trying to be harsh, however you are both acting irresponsible. Going out in public with each other as if you are a couple is not only disrespectful to both of you but also your families. You may as well tell you husband right now before someone he knows tell him. And believe me it will happen.
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Old 6th September 2004, 11:31 AM   #13
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Your H has already hurt your D with his alcoholism and now YOU are hurting her with your affair. Do you honestly beleive that your D will be so understanding of you when she discovers that you have been cheating on her father? It is bad enough that one parent is not behaving like an adult but both parents? Don't you know that your H's alcoholism and your infidelity have created an environment where your D is more likely to follow in BOTH of your footsteps? I feel sorry for your D and pray that she will overcome the pain and trauma when she discovers your affair and that she will not repeat her parents self destructive choices.
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Old 9th September 2004, 6:39 PM   #14
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BG, it sounds to me like u have made your decision, life is to short, live where u want to be, love who makes u happy!!
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Old 9th September 2004, 7:03 PM   #15
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You can't have your cake and eat it. You have to make up your mind either way. what you are going through is CHEATING not love. Poison will never become honey because we said so.
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