Lady2163 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I've done this type of post before. This is just a chance for people to check in... I'm two weeks done with being a single OW. I had a married long distance FWB for 6.5 years. He was never leaving his wife and I was okay with that. We are still talking. Both of us have jobs where it is difficult to make friends...everybody we come in contact with wants something from us. So we are friends and talk about our day and what we are working on. We bounce ideas off each other. Nothing X-rated in the conversation. He has ramped up the charm a bit in the last couple of weeks, but I haven't had any REAL temptation yet. He thinks I've started seeing someone. He knows I won't be going back to his area for a long time. He only gets to my area twice a year. I'm coming to terms with everything. It isn't easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I'm a MOW. 1.5 years in. Confused, stressed, in love, but starting to get sick of the whole situation. I'll start wanting to end things, he plays my heartstrings and I cave in like a moron. Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Horribly abusive marriage, fell into EA, then eventually brief PA, with long standing old friend helping me get through it. Then NC while I attempted a go at MC, unsuccessfully, left my M and eventually resumed relationship as a single gal. My MM has been slower to leave his situation, and I am not sure in the end, he will. We have been together over a year, all said, but with so many starts and stops, I guess it's all a matter of perspective. This is noticeably becoming completely unacceptable though, and will be decided in the next couple months either all in... or all out. Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Unhappy marriage. Started an EA which turned into a PA. Was a toxic emotional roller coaster that went on for about 7 months, with a lot of starts and stops. Ended the affair and went complete NC, been no contact approximately 4 months. Ended the marriage and been separated since October. It's been a time of intense emotions, self awareness, sorrow, strength, growth, acceptance, and everything in between. The only way to the other side is through the pain, and I am working through all of that now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BehindTheseHazelEyes Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I am a MW. Love my husband to death. Would never stray from him. Met him 9 years ago and thought he was single. NOT! We've been married over 5 years now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 NC since Jan. 25. Some days I obsess, other days I plan elaborate schemes to tell the wife, other days I feel alone and lonely and mad at him for hurting me (like I didn't ask for it) and like I will never date again. But mostly I just surrender and try to move forward, knowing there is someone out there for me, who is single, and will love me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 A lasted about 3 years, then he left her, we got M and have been blissfully happy since. It's been several years now and just gets better and better. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 A lasted 6 months, has been over for 6 months. We're approaching our 1 year anniversary and are very happy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 We began as an A. Lasted around a year, he left and we dated for some time before being together permanently. We are really happy and things are going beautifully. It's been more than two, less than ten years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Interestingg trend...seems like a influx of people who are happy or ended up with their MM. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Interesting. I know this is only one side of the story and we don't know what truly is going on with the other half of the relationship... but I would be interested to hear from the previous posters why they think their relationship is so perfect now and what makes it sustainable forever in a way that the OM's original marriage wasn't. What do you do that makes ex-OM and now H be so much happier now so that he will never stray and always stay? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Interesting. I know this is only one side of the story and we don't know what truly is going on with the other half of the relationship... but I would be interested to hear from the previous posters why they think their relationship is so perfect now and what makes it sustainable forever in a way that the OM's original marriage wasn't. What do you do that makes ex-OM and now H be so much happier now so that he will never stray and always stay? Happiness and perfection are two very, very different things. Firstly, perfection is an impossibility and perceived perfection is relative to the one who gauges it. I don't feel its particularly fair to weigh one relationship against the other. For my R, the valued components are love and acceptance, kindness and gratitude, open communication and full disclosure (re: the truth, all of it all the time, and especially in regards to the more difficult components one has to discuss in relationships), friendship and compatibility, and matching libidos and a healthy sex life. I say to him, "you take care of you for me and I'll take care of me for you." And we do. We make our respective happiness and share it with each other. Any relationship has tough spots. Lord knows recovering from an affair, no matter the outcome, is trying. As far as forever? No one can assure that. I told my sweetheart while still in the A that there is no guarantee for forever; ensuring forever starts with today. And so we do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nais Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I have been with my situation for a long time- we are still together and I do not intend to leave. He is still married, will remain as such as I have come to terms with my position. If he decides his marriage is over then it will be based on what occurs with them, but he does not talk neg about her often if at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I think he's afraid of me. Two text messages yesterday and no response (very atypical behavior). Perhaps he needs some time to think. Love him so much. Someone who's afraid of you would go out of their way to answer you, not ignore you. That sounds more like indifference than fear. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Married to him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Confusion_Reigns Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Where am I at today? I feel like I’m in the same spot I was last year, but no, not really. There’s been lots of progress. Slowly moving forward….and as I think on this question I have to say that I’m thinking mostly of the relationship I have with myself. Where am *I* at today? So, I’m married and that’s ending. He doesn’t want to leave my house and he’s trying to be so nice to me. But it’s a game for him. I can see that now. It’s taken me a very very long time to open my eyes to the reality of life with my husband. I guess I never really wanted to see him like that, as he really is because…well, because it says some pretty negative things about me. I’ve made too many excuses and I’m learning how to not make them for him anymore. I’m learning to listen to myself, trust myself, and love myself in a good way. It scares him, I think, to know that I’m not just ‘getting over it’ again like normal, that I’m not backing down, and that I am strong. This relationship is over and it’s been over for a while now. I’m in the process of figuring out how to truly end this with as little drama as possible, but am not seeing a clear path to that yet. I keep praying and I’m positive I’ll find my way. My friend feels like he’s a million miles away. He is a far ways away right now. But it’s ok, it’s good in fact. That distance feels needed. We talk every day. I try to not contact him EVERY day…but mostly I do away…just to say Hi and see how his day is…I feel guilty sometimes not always. Only because I know that this communication would hurt my H if he knew I talked to my friend. I don’t feel guilty about being friends with Mr. Amazing. He has…omg…it’s so hard to explain…but it’s like his very presence in my world is like a shining star that is illuminating thoughts, ideas, concepts, that have been dark for a long time. I always knew these things were there but I couldn’t (or didn’t want) to see them. But….I am cautious….how do I truly know his intentions? I know him well but I rellly only know what he wants me to know…it takes time to get to know someone, years to begin to understand them…I’ve known him one year on a limited bases, I’m not kidding myself to think that he’s ‘perfect’ or has no baggage with him. It will be what it will be and only time can tell what it’ll really be. For now, our friendship has progressed into a deep friendship. I’m truly amazed at his depth of perception, his candor, and his kindness. Sometimes….it seems like all of this is in my life right now for a reason…and I’m trying to figure out that reason. I’m trying to be still and listen and actually hear what I need to hear and not what I want to hear, understand? But, when it’s all said and done, the real bottom line is that I’m walking thru life with my head up, my eyes open, and trying to take purposeful steps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 19 months in. I still love him. He still loves me. That's all I'm really willing to share here. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Hell, I don't blame you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SugarHibiscus Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I'm maddeningly, crazily, blissfully in love with my MOM. We're starting to seriously talk about our exit strategies from our relationships. (Mostly him pressuring me...) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I'm maddeningly, crazily, blissfully in love with my MOM. We're starting to seriously talk about our exit strategies from our relationships. (Mostly him pressuring me...) Why does he have to pressure you if you're in love with him? Link to post Share on other sites
SugarHibiscus Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Why does he have to pressure you if you're in love with him? Pressure is not really the right word. He's been talking a lot lately about leaving our spouses to be with each other. He wants to make concrete plans to move in that direction. I'm just not ready yet and he's ok with that. I guess the pressure is coming from inside myself. I know what I want to do but can't bring myself to execute it. He says he'll wait as long as it takes. Does that make sense? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 A lasted 18mnths, we are 4mnths postA. Spent the day together recently with all the kids and it was amazing, how natural that felt. Our kids are all so well behaved and excited to see eachother again. The last time they saw eachother before then was about a year ago... the scenario was mmuch different then. they do not know i'm his gf yet, we are slowly developing a frienship infront of them. it brought tears to my eyes how well the kids played and meshed together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rhema Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I'm having my married boyfriend's son next week. I've been seeing him for 2 years. He's been there the whole pregnancy, very supportive. He's told family and friends. Still not the W. He says he's going to tell her. I've decided to let him handle it the way he sees fit. My entire family knows, although I refuse to allow them to get too involved in my personal life. As for our relationship....its been the same. I'm still totally in love with him. I couldn't leave if I wanted too...and I don't want to. Not now, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 To do my own update...I am emerging from a 7 year long distance physical friendship with a married man. We still talk and text often, frequently. I don't think either of us feels ignored or thrown away. He does think that I have a boyfriend now. He does believe sex is off the table for he and I. As convoluted as I made it sound on here, it is working. I have turned him down twice. He has been a bit persistent and dangled the carrot of temptation. Persistent, but not pushy. Just coincidental that business trips are to places I've always wanted to see! I don't regret the time I had with him. I'm still struggling with referring to things in the past tense. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Not entirely sure what my xMM wants but I am going to attempt LC platonic friendship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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