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i am so conflict


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i am 30s and with a married man for one and half year now.

 

we met at last year, at the beginning i know he is married and with two kids, and he know I have a long term boyfriend. because we have same topic and same frequency, so it's like old friend, although we don't know each other before, but we get familiar soon and i don't think much.

the mail is daily things, and short. he told me what happen in his life and i told what i see. i think he is a nice person, and i am happy to read his mail, so we are like penpal, the mail is not everyday, we reply when we have time.

 

until one day, he wrote to me that he think about me everyday, and tell me how he feel with me. I was shock to get this mail, becasue i never thought about this will happen to me. I write a friendly mail back, and we keep write daily thing like before. one day we start chat, and the other day we start phone. i did think he is seperate with his spouse becasue we spend a lot of time talk and chat everyday.

 

and one day I find out I fall in love deeply with this man. and i breakup with my bf. and he tell me he want devorce and marry me.

 

he tell his wife about our thing, and he told me his wife cannot accept it and say she don't want devorse. so he tell me he cannot devorce so cannot marry me.

 

i do try to leave this man becasue i want family and he cannot give. but everytime after his confort, i always turn back to him. he say we are true love and he want to keep me forever. he say he will always treat me nice and he say he accept i find another man to build the family with. he say why i destroy the good things we have now.

 

I am so confused.

 

sometime i am thinking why i am so sad because he tell me he love me and will not leave me. i really don't know what to do, i want to find my own love and get marry, but in the other hand it's so hard to just leave him when I love him and he love me. and for me, it's impossible for me to date other when i with him. i am really love him.

 

i know what he want is two women, becasue it's the best solution for him. and he tell me clearly that he cannot marry me only if his wife accept it.

 

i feel so miserable, becasue i know no wife will accept it. so my choice is stay with this man who i love very much and be the lover, or leave him and probably be single forever.

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i am 30s and with a married man for one and half year now.

 

we met at last year, at the beginning i know he is married and with two kids, and he know I have a long term boyfriend. because we have same topic and same frequency, so it's like old friend, although we don't know each other before, but we get familiar soon and i don't think much.

the mail is daily things, and short. he told me what happen in his life and i told what i see. i think he is a nice person, and i am happy to read his mail, so we are like penpal, the mail is not everyday, we reply when we have time.

 

until one day, he wrote to me that he think about me everyday, and tell me how he feel with me. I was shock to get this mail, becasue i never thought about this will happen to me. I write a friendly mail back, and we keep write daily thing like before. one day we start chat, and the other day we start phone. i did think he is seperate with his spouse becasue we spend a lot of time talk and chat everyday.

 

and one day I find out I fall in love deeply with this man. and i breakup with my bf. and he tell me he want devorce and marry me.

 

he tell his wife about our thing, and he told me his wife cannot accept it and say she don't want devorse. so he tell me he cannot devorce so cannot marry me.

 

i do try to leave this man becasue i want family and he cannot give. but everytime after his confort, i always turn back to him. he say we are true love and he want to keep me forever. he say he will always treat me nice and he say he accept i find another man to build the family with. he say why i destroy the good things we have now.

 

I am so confused.

 

sometime i am thinking why i am so sad because he tell me he love me and will not leave me. i really don't know what to do, i want to find my own love and get marry, but in the other hand it's so hard to just leave him when I love him and he love me. and for me, it's impossible for me to date other when i with him. i am really love him.

 

i know what he want is two women, becasue it's the best solution fo wife r him. and he tell me clearly that he cannot marry me only if hisaccept it.

 

i feel so miserable, becasue i know no wife will accept it. so my choice is stay with this man who i love very much and be the lover, or leave him and probably be single forever.

 

 

Hello Vanellope,

Reading your post, gave me the impression you may be needing a nudge to help you make the effort to get out of this A.

 

You are still young and have so many opportunities for a normal healthy realtionship and to have the family you obviously desire.

 

I hope you won't continue wasting your time with someone who is already married.

When I was in my A. I used to ask myself questions in my mind. Like, I asked myself, Heaven forbid , but, what if the MM were to pass away. What would I do? My answer is of course, I'd go on with my life. So, yes, I can live without him.

 

My point is, we give them all this power and we have absolutly no choice but to either accept what they offer or to not accept this and get on with our lives.

When you have enough and not before then will you take strides to change your situation. There are probably wonderful opportunities passing you by because you are only focussing on this unavailable man.

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thank you, skywriter, I agree what you say. I think the conflict is he want both, he love both, so sometime it's hard to just walk away, because I still in love with him very much, but in the other hand I understand that I will just be a lover in real life if I continuous. Sometimes it's really hard to leave because when both still have feelings for each other, and he make me feel this love is special.

 

he say, why we can't just enjoy this love, and why I feel sad because he still love me very much just can't marry me, I really don't know how to answer it. I believe here some of you might encounter the situation like mine, how to deal with it? and when you really in love with someone, it's hard to open the heart to the other person. I did try to date, but after that I just feel empty.

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