brightonrock Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Just trying to get an idea of timescales here. I'm nearly eight years in, has anyone else managed to continue this long? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 We were in the actual affair for about a year. Now we're together as a couple and he's divorced. I do know of other couples who have gone longer. I know a couple of people also who were in about the same amount of time as you and then they ended up in a fully open relationship. What is your situation, if you don't mind sharing more? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I think the longest I've seen was 10yrs, but I'm sure there are various times. Mine is just over a year and my limit is 2 years (and only that long b/c we have a time line with a specific event at that time that should happen to end it being an affair at that point). I seriously have no idea how those in long term A's do it or put up with it. There's no way that I could. NO WAY. Sometimes I don't know how I made it this long nor if I'll make it to the 2 year mark. Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Are you 8 years in as a single OW, or married OW? If you are married I could totally see 8 years. Guessing you both have the same amount to lose and perhaps no intentions on leaving the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Are you 8 years in as a single OW, or married OW? If you are married I could totally see 8 years. Guessing you both have the same amount to lose and perhaps no intentions on leaving the marriage? Oh, that makes sense. I hadn't thought of that option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Are you 8 years in as a single OW, or married OW? If you are married I could totally see 8 years. Guessing you both have the same amount to lose and perhaps no intentions on leaving the marriage? I'm nearly eight years as a married OW. I've got more to lose than him. He's not married but has a partner of nearly eight years so he's chosen to continue throughout the whole time that he's been with his partner. There was a time when I thought I could leave my marriage for him but not now. I've been married for 29 years. Link to post Share on other sites
summerdowling87 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I was on another forum that I read a man found our his WW had an A for 12yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnMoon Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Just trying to get an idea of timescales here. I'm nearly eight years in, has anyone else managed to continue this long? I'm only a year in. But I was an OW once before, for about a year, before I was ever married, and it's been 12 years since and it was never discovered. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Thomas Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 8 years. Good Lord. That's too much drama. How do keep the deception so long? You could've been a female 007. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 WTHF, may I ask how long in to the A that she found out about it? (Hoping that's not a thread jack and feel free not to answer if that's too personal. I don't have a reason to ask other than idle curiosity.) Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Yes, that's definitely a different kind of relationship than most on here, I think. More like an open relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Our A lasted a year. I am the single OW, I don't think I could have made it much past the one year mark Link to post Share on other sites
legalgirl Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I'm in about a year and a half and wonder how long I will deal with it. I am a single OW. Many days I wonder what the he** I am doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 3 years... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Our A was about a third of the total length of our R thus far. And with each passing year it becomes a smaller proportion. I have known As that lasted decades, some that were entire parallel families unknown to the BS, and some discovered by the BS later. Whether an A is a stable situation or not depends on what both parties want, and what they are prepared to settle for. We were initially happy with the A, but came to want to be together full time, and were not prepared to settle for less, so we transitioned the A to a FTR. If one or both partners do not want that, the A could last a lot longer as an A. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) I have been having an affair with a co-worker for 15 years now. Edited November 1, 2013 by mal0980 Link to post Share on other sites
GatsbyMH Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Just passed the two year mark in Oct. I was married (presently divorcing) and she is married and very slowly separating. Being kind of single now is much much harder than being married in my A. At least I had a distraction before. Now I just sit around being jealous all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I have been having an affair with a co-worker for 15 years now. Wow! are you a married OW? Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Wow! are you a married OW? Yes I am a married OW, but when the affair I wasn't married yet. I was 18 years old when I started sleeping with this older married family guy he was 38 and is a close friend to the family. I was 23 when I got married and still married to my husband for 10 years now and we have 3 boys, and he's still married too. Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Yes I am a married OW, but when the affair I wasn't married yet. I was 18 years old when I started sleeping with this older married family guy he was 38 and is a close friend to the family. I was 23 when I got married and still married to my husband for 10 years now and we have 3 boys, and he's still married too. Purely out of curiousity... what's the point in having an A so long? And what's the point in getting married, saying you will remain faithfull to a person while knowing you never did and never will? Unless your H knows about it and doesn't care... Link to post Share on other sites
mal0980 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Purely out of curiousity... what's the point in having an A so long? And what's the point in getting married, saying you will remain faithfull to a person while knowing you never did and never will? Unless your H knows about it and doesn't care... It's hard to explain, when the affair started I was in love with the other married man and I still am in love with him, I know it's hard to believe but I am also in love with my husband too. When I met my husband in my senior year in college and when we got engaged I wasn't seeing the other man because we both wanted to end the affair at the time. All those feelings came back at my engagement party when him and I saw each other again, and the affair started up again. The affair has been an on and off thing, I try to be faithful to my husband and I do love him but it's been so hard to break it off with the other married man especially hard because we both work in the same law firm, Him and my dad are both are partners in the firm, and I am on track to make partner. My husband doesn't know about the affair at all, neither does my dad & mom and the rest of my family, the only person that does know is my older brother who I have close personal bond with. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I was told this story and it is true: I woman was having an affair with a married man. This man had children. The man and his wife had a very bad relationship and they did nothing together. As time we on, the other woman infiltrated parts of his life because his wife was not interested. For instance, she would go to social functions, work events, etc. Everyone, EVERYONE, thought that this woman was his wife. Time moves on and this relationship lasted for 25 years and was a pretty solid relationship. His wife found out and gave him an ultimatum. He stayed with his wife. He could not give up his possessions and lifestyle. I cant even imagine the devastation that this OW suffered after being in a relationship for 25 years, you would feel that it is rock solid and he loves you deeply. Makes you think Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Mine was a little over 10 years.... Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I was told this story and it is true: I woman was having an affair with a married man. This man had children. The man and his wife had a very bad relationship and they did nothing together. As time we on, the other woman infiltrated parts of his life because his wife was not interested. For instance, she would go to social functions, work events, etc. Everyone, EVERYONE, thought that this woman was his wife. Time moves on and this relationship lasted for 25 years and was a pretty solid relationship. His wife found out and gave him an ultimatum. He stayed with his wife. He could not give up his possessions and lifestyle. I cant even imagine the devastation that this OW suffered after being in a relationship for 25 years, you would feel that it is rock solid and he loves you deeply. Makes you think I have heard a story similar to this. Except the man continued to see the OW, AND stay married. Him and his OW had a 40 year affair. He died in her bed. Think about that. She was not allowed to go to the funeral. Its a life that if you choose it, you are choosing to not really be in their life. Link to post Share on other sites
brunettebarbie Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I am the OW for 9mos and he says he wants forever with me..but he hasn't made any effort into even looking for an attorney. I need more than a whenever he gets time. I'm thinking time may be up Link to post Share on other sites
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