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How do stop yourself from texting him?


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Something happens, or I see or hear something he would find funny and I immediately go to text him.

The last two months it's hit and miss when he replies. We went from best friends to him treating me similar to how he treats his wife and I am not game for that.

I'm trying my best not to initiate any more contact, he denies anything is wrong every single time I have asked, and only seems to pay attention to me on his convenience these last couple months.. I'm heartbroken but just want to be strong and get past it. I've already had the urge to text him and its not even 9am!

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DelusionalOne

You just stop. Period. That "urge" to share things will not go away for awhile. I am 6 months out of it and it still happens.

 

You can not be friends. "Friends" is all about him. It's his way of disengaging slowly so it causes him no pain. I think you are starting to see that. Work up some pride and stop throwing yourself at someone who is not respecting you. When you think of it that way... It's easy not to text.

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here in the UK it is virtually impossible to block numbers...

 

My xMM got like this after a while. I would never know what reaction I would get if I texted him, to the point I would obsess over whether to text him or not as I had no idea what the reaction would be! Basically he wanted to call the shots and even though we had had loads of contact in the early days, on the days we didn't see each other he would never call or text me.

 

I would only hear from him last minute when he decided he was free.

 

In the end I just texted less and less - because I did not know if he would reply. I knew if he didn't reply at all then I would feel like **** and that he thought nothing of me. So I found it better to not put myself in that position in the first place.

 

So it did actually help me to slightly disengage from the whole thing...with our contact dwindling I guess the addiction began to wane a bit and I did feel miffed that he would not bother contacting me if I did not for days at a time. It was this that started my decision to go LC and then NC. He didn't even seem to notice that I was contacting him less!

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I cannot block or delete his number. We are friends enough that would be obvious to people. I have to try and do this on my own.

I guess I'm not so sure I want to end things, as much as I'm sure I don't want to be a door mat. He can contact me, I'm no longer wanting to chase him. It's started with him chasing me and somehow it's flipped. He treats me good when he feels like it. Lately though I've been feeling like his wife. I'm not his wife. I'm his friend. His lover IF the friendship is nurtured. Otherwise, **** right off.

 

But it's a lot easier to say than do.

 

Is this a game guys play? Hot and cold?

 

I am married too and not in a sexless marriage but a very emotionally barren existence.

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here in the UK it is virtually impossible to block numbers...

 

My xMM got like this after a while. I would never know what reaction I would get if I texted him, to the point I would obsess over whether to text him or not as I had no idea what the reaction would be! Basically he wanted to call the shots and even though we had had loads of contact in the early days, on the days we didn't see each other he would never call or text me.

 

I would only hear from him last minute when he decided he was free.

 

In the end I just texted less and less - because I did not know if he would reply. I knew if he didn't reply at all then I would feel like **** and that he thought nothing of me. So I found it better to not put myself in that position in the first place.

 

So it did actually help me to slightly disengage from the whole thing...with our contact dwindling I guess the addiction began to wane a bit and I did feel miffed that he would not bother contacting me if I did not for days at a time. It was this that started my decision to go LC and then NC. He didn't even seem to notice that I was contacting him less!

 

Wow this is very much what it's like.

But he does notice when I don't contact him for sure.. He will always do something to get my attention and I always bite!

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Wow this is very much what it's like.

But he does notice when I don't contact him for sure.. He will always do something to get my attention and I always bite!

 

He would notice eventually - but after around 4 days - which frankly I thought was too long....even if we had had some kind of fight, 4 or 5 days later he would suddenly just ring as if nothing had happened. I think he is so wrapped up in his own misery, sometimes he didn't particularly notice and that is why it took so long...

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LilGirlandOW

Goodluck.. I know the feeling MM is the only person I text aside from the odd quick message to family, and we text alot so its something I would find hard to loose.

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LilGirlandOW

If it wern't for texting/cell phones NC would be much easier.

 

Like going NC is the 70's must have been a piece of cake. lol.

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If it wern't for texting/cell phones NC would be much easier.

 

Like going NC is the 70's must have been a piece of cake. lol.

 

Yes! I think this all the time.

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BrokenPrincess

 

You can not be friends. "Friends" is all about him. It's his way of disengaging slowly so it causes him no pain.

 

^^this exactly. It sucks the life out of you slowly while he uses your increasingly distant "friendship" to wean himself off.

 

By texting him now, you are just dragging out the inevitable end. Do whatever you need to do to not text him. I had to avoid some websites, magazines, tv shows, my Kindle completely because I was triggering too badly with the urge to share something with him. Don't laugh but I started playing Candy Crush instead and it kept me completely distracted & occupied while I went through some tough urges to reach out to him.

 

Calling on my stubborn pride was always been my last resort to not break NC...I tell myself, this was his decision to remove me from his life. I am not going to put myself out there pathetically and give him even an inkling of how much I miss him.

 

It's really hard but you just have to take each urge that you don't act on as a success and you'll keep getting stronger & stronger.

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Yeah that can be an emotional roller coaster from going cold turkey to something you use to do everyday for months to a year or so.

 

Take their # out of your phone so you won't feel the urge to text. Occupy your time with paying phone games and stop listening, watching, and going places that may remind you of the AP.

 

You'll prob never get that person out of ur system but once you let go and accept it gets much easier.

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I cannot block or delete his number. We are friends enough that would be obvious to people. I have to try and do this on my own.

I guess I'm not so sure I want to end things, as much as I'm sure I don't want to be a door mat. He can contact me, I'm no longer wanting to chase him. It's started with him chasing me and somehow it's flipped. He treats me good when he feels like it. Lately though I've been feeling like his wife. I'm not his wife. I'm his friend. His lover IF the friendship is nurtured. Otherwise, **** right off.

 

But it's a lot easier to say than do.

 

Is this a game guys play? Hot and cold?

 

I am married too and not in a sexless marriage but a very emotionally barren existence.

 

The game is not so much "hot and cold", it may be his way of trying to either end the relationship or at least ease up on the intensity without hurting your feelings. He probably also wants you around when HE needs you, so he doesn't want to end things permanently.

 

 

Same thing happened to me ... I was pursued so heavily by MM, but two years into the the tables were turned and I became a needy, desperate, clingy, moody wreck addicted to my phone. His last message was, "Maybe I need some time." I took that hint and went NC.

 

 

I think I'm 3 or 4 months into it. That day was the most hurtful of my life, but now I can't remember the day or even month. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the feeling of not being a slave to my phone and texts. You will get your life and a lot of time, energy and focus back. It's nice to see the world with clarity again.

 

 

When you are having a weak moment, step back and think of your pride. Every text you send diminishes your self-esteem and bolsters his ego. If you need a release, just promise yourself you won't send anything right away, and come to the LS forum for some inspiration.

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It's an addiction. Affairs are like an addiction.

 

Think of it like a drug: a terrible hungover and craving on the first weeks and months of deprivation, but you know you'll be better off in the long run.

 

Look at it as your own personal battle - you may love him, but that urge to send and receive sms is in fact an addiction. You depend on it to feel good. So look at it as a challenge. To yourself. "This is not me; it's my addiction".

 

Best of luck.

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