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I've been on this board for awhile and since I let go of trying to keep at least a friendship with the xMM... I feel so happy and relieved.

 

Not going to lie and say I didn't have angry boo-hoo moments because I did..

 

All it took was a simple unfriend on FB. No longer praying I don't see it in my face anymore. Out of site out of mind. No more wondering if/when he'll message me. I now know I was afraid to let go. I love all relationships I come across so when a person pops into my world (like the MM did), I for whatever reason still try to hold on to the friendship. It hurts when the person doent feel the same way but all those are signs of the xMM checking out after the Dday and taking his emotions as well. Just using me for sex at that moment.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over him, but it feels good to finally take control of my emotions. Usually once your over them that's when they bother again.

 

Anyone have any stories of how they felt once they finally accepted and let go?

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I was doing fine until he reappeared asking questions about what I meant in my email to him.

 

Who knows what the future will ever hold for either of us. Not even talking about us being together--but just his life and mine.

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Have you gotten control of your emotions or are you just annoyed he's questioning you of your emails?

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Have you gotten control of your emotions or are you just annoyed he's questioning you of your emails?

 

The latter.

 

I'm thinking he thinks I can't live or go on without him. Or, he's upset I want to move on and have a real relationship and this is his way of me not moving forward. Keeping me around for an EA would hinder my moving from the A and keep his M going as he is getting what he wants.

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I think I'm doing pretty well.

 

xEngW (Engaged woman, I'm making up my own acronym here) and I broke up in January, been complete NC since April.

 

I'm not completely over the emotional trauma I think of everything that happened...I still feel like there's this hole, this scar inside of me, that hasn't haled yet that slightly stains everything I do and feel...but otherwise, I'm doing very well. I'm working out with a trainer twice a week, taking dance classes twice a week, going to parties every other week or so, and I take a kung fu class once a week and spend my off times exercising, cooking, and working on my forms.

 

So I'm pretty busy! My business is taking off and I've got a few projects that are occupying my time. I also took a free online college course from Coursera just for the heck of it.

 

I don't think about her nearly as much as I used too. She's like a mosquito now, coming to buzz in my emotional ear every now and then just to irritate me.

 

I'm not dating now and I'm deliberately choosing to be that way. This relationship brought out and has forced me to deal with a lot of aspects of myself that I don't really like and that I'm having to work on. As such, I feel it's unfair for me to get into another relationship given the emotional state I am in right now.

 

But..that's ok though. I feel like I'm on the cusp of a reawakening and I really like the direction my life is taking. I feel really good about myself...and I don't want to ruin that by reintroducing someone into my life that caused so much damage.

 

It's strange...I don't HATE her by any means and I do miss her and I truly do hope she is happy and well....but I don't want her to have any sort of influence or effect on my life what-so-ever. Does that make sense?

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findingnemo
I've been on this board for awhile and since I let go of trying to keep at least a friendship with the xMM... I feel so happy and relieved.

 

Not going to lie and say I didn't have angry boo-hoo moments because I did..

 

All it took was a simple unfriend on FB. No longer praying I don't see it in my face anymore. Out of site out of mind. No more wondering if/when he'll message me. I now know I was afraid to let go. I love all relationships I come across so when a person pops into my world (like the MM did), I for whatever reason still try to hold on to the friendship. It hurts when the person doent feel the same way but all those are signs of the xMM checking out after the Dday and taking his emotions as well. Just using me for sex at that moment.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over him, but it feels good to finally take control of my emotions. Usually once your over them that's when they bother again.

 

Anyone have any stories of how they felt once they finally accepted and let go?

 

I accepted the facts, I told myself I had to set him free to be M, I gave myself a chance to have my own man, my own life, family and home. I let go...and I was free. It hurt like crazy. I cried for 3 weeks straight when I made the decision. But I knew I had to do it. Once done a burden was lifted off my shoulders. It continued to hurt at times especially when there were triggers. But it got better. I still hurt once in a blue moon, but I know that it is based on false thinking. How can I miss someone I never really had? What am I missing?

 

It's been 9 years now and it's better than "okay".

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I accepted the facts, I told myself I had to set him free to be M, I gave myself a chance to have my own man, my own life, family and home. I let go...and I was free. It hurt like crazy. I cried for 3 weeks straight when I made the decision. But I knew I had to do it. Once done a burden was lifted off my shoulders. It continued to hurt at times especially when there were triggers. But it got better. I still hurt once in a blue moon, but I know that it is based on false thinking. How can I miss someone I never really had? What am I missing?

 

It's been 9 years now and it's better than "okay".

 

Wow.... I like that! Very true!

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imbetteroff

I need to let go too. He used me for sex like a cheap slut, he was so sweet with me but I now know he just wanted sex. He cheated on his wife with me and a few other women he met online, he had the audacity to tell me. He slept with their 17 year old babysitter and her twin sister. His wife finally had enough of the cheating and divorced his sorry ass, she also took out a protective order, which he violated a few months later.

I foolishly thought that if I give him sex he would want to be with me, then I would divorce my husband and MM and I would live happily ever after, what a fool I am!

He is now living with another woman and is going to church and pretending he is a good family man, all the while still texting me and asking me to meet him for sex.

I am still not over him, I think I fell in love with him. I have not seen him since January of this year, but he is still texting me. I'm still hoping he wants to be with me, but deep inside I know he just wants to use me as a sex toy.

When he moved in with her he called her his "room mate". When I asked him what he was thankful for in this life his reply was "his kids".

He never mentioned her until I flat out asked him if he had a new love in his life.

They both have their "family" pic all wearing their Sunday church clothing on their FB pics. It kills me every time I see their pic, I need to stop obsessing about it and just stop looking at it, they all look so happy.

I am miserable in my marriage, I feel like my life has stopped having meaning. I think about him all day long, and every time I feel like I'm being punched in the stomach over and over. I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks since I found out.

I don't know how to stop loving him. I have no self esteem, self respect, I am a mess and completely pathetic.

I resist him and tell him no when he texts, I flat out told him to stop texting me, but he still texts me because even though I sometimes ignore his texts, eventually I answer them.

He texted me 2 days ago and told me he had a dream about me and we need to meet again, I told him I would sometime, but I have no intention of meeting him.

I never text him or contact him it's always him who initiates contact.

I don't think he loves her or anybody else for that matter, he is just a liar, a cheat, manipulating, perverted, most disgusting human being I've ever met. But yet I can't stop thinking about him. He never said he loved me, he never said he had feelings for me.

I've scheduled an appointment with a therapist next week, I know I need help BAD!! I need to work on my issues so I can get better and let this douche bag go once and for all.

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I need to let go too. He used me for sex like a cheap slut, he was so sweet with me but I now know he just wanted sex. He cheated on his wife with me and a few other women he met online, he had the audacity to tell me. He slept with their 17 year old babysitter and her twin sister. His wife finally had enough of the cheating and divorced his sorry ass, she also took out a protective order, which he violated a few months later.

I foolishly thought that if I give him sex he would want to be with me, then I would divorce my husband and MM and I would live happily ever after, what a fool I am!

He is now living with another woman and is going to church and pretending he is a good family man, all the while still texting me and asking me to meet him for sex.

I am still not over him, I think I fell in love with him. I have not seen him since January of this year, but he is still texting me. I'm still hoping he wants to be with me, but deep inside I know he just wants to use me as a sex toy.

When he moved in with her he called her his "room mate". When I asked him what he was thankful for in this life his reply was "his kids".

He never mentioned her until I flat out asked him if he had a new love in his life.

They both have their "family" pic all wearing their Sunday church clothing on their FB pics. It kills me every time I see their pic, I need to stop obsessing about it and just stop looking at it, they all look so happy.

I am miserable in my marriage, I feel like my life has stopped having meaning. I think about him all day long, and every time I feel like I'm being punched in the stomach over and over. I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks since I found out.

I don't know how to stop loving him. I have no self esteem, self respect, I am a mess and completely pathetic.

I resist him and tell him no when he texts, I flat out told him to stop texting me, but he still texts me because even though I sometimes ignore his texts, eventually I answer them.

He texted me 2 days ago and told me he had a dream about me and we need to meet again, I told him I would sometime, but I have no intention of meeting him.

I never text him or contact him it's always him who initiates contact.

I don't think he loves her or anybody else for that matter, he is just a liar, a cheat, manipulating, perverted, most disgusting human being I've ever met. But yet I can't stop thinking about him. He never said he loved me, he never said he had feelings for me.

I've scheduled an appointment with a therapist next week, I know I need help BAD!! I need to work on my issues so I can get better and let this douche bag go once and for all.

 

Usually I don't go the "tell the BS" but in your case, I wouldn't be mad if you did. If you show his wife those text, I'm sure he'll leave you alone then. :)

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imbetteroff

I'm afraid he is going to tell my husband and my boss.

I need closure, so next time he texts me I'm going to flat out ask him how he feels about me and his new "love". I already know the answer but I need to hear it/see it coming from him, I think knowing exactly how he feels about me will help me get over him and finally move on.

I know I WILL get over him!! I can't wait to start feeling better. :)

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123Sassygirl
I've been on this board for awhile and since I let go of trying to keep at least a friendship with the xMM... I feel so happy and relieved.

 

Not going to lie and say I didn't have angry boo-hoo moments because I did..

 

All it took was a simple unfriend on FB. No longer praying I don't see it in my face anymore. Out of site out of mind. No more wondering if/when he'll message me. I now know I was afraid to let go. I love all relationships I come across so when a person pops into my world (like the MM did), I for whatever reason still try to hold on to the friendship. It hurts when the person doent feel the same way but all those are signs of the xMM checking out after the Dday and taking his emotions as well. Just using me for sex at that moment.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over him, but it feels good to finally take control of my emotions. Usually once your over them that's when they bother again.

 

Anyone have any stories of how they felt once they finally accepted and let go?

 

I cannot wait to reach that stage of just letting go and being "okay". I have unfriended him on FB...which was initially upsetting...but now I'm actually very okay with that...I don't have to worry now that I am going to see some picture of his BS being put up and him pretending to be "happy family" with her. Having just said that, his business page just popped up on my FB newsfeed as he just posted something on the business page...so that reminded me I needed to go "unlike" that page, as again, I don't need that reminder.

 

I have yet to delete my email that he contacts me through and I have yet to take him off my BBM. I know that when I do, that will be it. There will be no further contact. He seems to enjoy the affair...and he wants it to continue...but he wont do any work to have it go on. Once I make the decision to end it for good, he will respect that and go on with his life and I'm sure he will quickly find another woman to start up with. I think knowing I'm so easily replaced breaks my heart but is also in a way stopping me from letting this go....although I know for my sanity this just needs to end.

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I never thought i would get here....but i have, and it's amazing!

 

I do still think about him, but i don't wish to talk to him, i don't wish to see him, i don't wish to hold him near, kiss him and make love to him. He's hurt me too many times, and why should i want to be close to somebody like that. I do wonder if he will get in touch but i don't want him to, all i know is if he does, i'm ready for him in the sense of he's going to hear everything i have ever needed to tell him, but i'm not living my life waiting for this moment. I picked myself up and carried on.

 

There will be a part of me which will probably always love him, but not the guy i discovered he was, so i guess its not him that i love, i love the person who i thought he was, the person he showed me, the caring guy i thought he was when really....it appears that he doesn't have a caring bone in his body. Just to leave me like i meant nothing, even after he told me he loved me right at the beginning just shows it was nothing but all talk.

 

I feel like a weight has been lifting, and that i can move forward. I can talk about it without wanting to cry, or with it hurting. I can also listen to songs that reminded me of him without wanting to scream and call him.

 

He was never here, he was almost here - and i wasn't settling for being in an option - or the girl he used for sex when he wasn't getting any. I'm not even angry with him anymore, i feel nothing

 

There is the light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep going x

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It was exactly one week before X-mas that he cowardly ended it with a form letter e-mail. I received two short e-mails after, which I attribute to weak attempt to be ego stroked. I never responded to a single email.

 

The ending of the relationship was brutally hard for me. I compared it to having my heart ripped out and throw into a moving lawnmower.

 

I never got closer. I contemplated it and wrote several letters that I never sent. The moment where I could say "f-you!" or "This is how I felt...." To this day, it does bother me somewhat, given I felt after he wrecked havoc and my life, my daughters and his wife's, he was eventually able to glide back into his life with the wife.

 

I spent hours on this board reading the posts, which have been ever so helpful. Tons of therapy. Tons of self examination and tons of psych books.

 

Time has given me perspective, and I'm better. But not a day passes where I don't think of him and my feeling still run from anger, to sadness, to betrayal, just not as intensely.

 

I've been trying to date, but it's been dismal.

 

It is what it is. I'm working toward the place where I could care less and he's entirely removed from my thoughts.

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It's true, when I was done, it was first only in action but still a huge relief. Neither of us did anything to harm the other. There is still a very outskirt friendship.

 

Done meant I learned a very gorgeous man had been interested in my attention that I was to fogged to notice HIM! That one was still not the one. A MORE gorgeous guy inside and out, I'm sure I still would not have noticed with my head up A-@ss, was THE one. I thank God every day I was ready for him!

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I cannot wait to reach that stage of just letting go and being "okay". I have unfriended him on FB...which was initially upsetting...but now I'm actually very okay with that...I don't have to worry now that I am going to see some picture of his BS being put up and him pretending to be "happy family" with her. Having just said that, his business page just popped up on my FB newsfeed as he just posted something on the business page...so that reminded me I needed to go "unlike" that page, as again, I don't need that reminder.

 

I have yet to delete my email that he contacts me through and I have yet to take him off my BBM. I know that when I do, that will be it. There will be no further contact. He seems to enjoy the affair...and he wants it to continue...but he wont do any work to have it go on. Once I make the decision to end it for good, he will respect that and go on with his life and I'm sure he will quickly find another woman to start up with. I think knowing I'm so easily replaced breaks my heart but is also in a way stopping me from letting this go....although I know for my sanity this just needs to end.

 

 

Well just remember, the other AP may not be as understanding and less demanding as you were. Some MM only think of what's between their legs so when they give the next AP the same treatment she may not take it as well as you did.

 

I could have easily contacted the BS via FB with every evidence of cheating but I choose to defriend and live my life before he entered.

 

Just be prepared for the MM to bother you down the road.

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