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Obsessive Love Syndrome


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 4th July 2013, 6:34 PM   #1
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Obsessive Love Syndrome

Well I had enough of my stupid brain cells and bit the bullet ... I went to see a phyc, he asked lots of question about my previous relationships, but he focused more on rejection and my refusal to accept it. He told me at the end he would like to continue seeing me, I asked him so what's wrong with me ?? He said He was sure i have Obsessive Love Disorder and gave me lots of information about the illness - I can't believe what I have been reading, most of it is me.

I was wondering maybe lots of people in A's also suffer from this ? It's not something that just turns on it's always been there.

He said if I want healthy relationships in the future (minus cheating) I must return and fix this.

Here is a link of obsessive love disorder UNDERSTANDING OBSESSIVE LOVE | carolineseether

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Old 4th July 2013, 6:54 PM   #2
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I've heard of this before and did some research on it a few years ago when I was into looking up attachment disorders. It's a type of anxiety disorder and people who are stalkers, for example, often suffer from it. They build entire fantasies about them and another person or usually take relationships to intense levels, in a very one-sided way though, where they read into everything and obsess over everything and don't deal with rejection well. It's of course in degrees like any anxiety disorder, with some people having it worse than others. There is one poster, whose erratic and quick obsession and "love", which dillies and dallies by the day, and requires dissecting the love object's every mundane phrase for deeper meaning and one minute you're planning an entire fantasy life and the next you're not, probably also suffers from this, but in a more extreme manner.

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This disorder has its foundation in the insatiable fixation of wanting to possess the target of their obsession. The emotions that are experienced when in love, like mutual respect, trust and security, are overtaken by feelings of jealousy, insecurity and resentment. This then gives way to a painful and all-consuming obsession and preoccupation with an actual or wished-for lover. This insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, and rejection by physical or emotional unavailability of their target can result in the perpetual fixation and compulsion to obtain the person they desire. The unnerving aspect is that a person might not even be in a relationship with the object of their desire or have (recently) separated from them, they might simply have had a stray conversation with them at some point and gotten interested in them, which has then slowly turned into an obsession. This obsession can start out with activities like keeping tabs on the person and then transcend into something far worse like stalking them, emotionally blackmailing them and in the most extreme scenarios, taking to violence towards the person or oneself.

Obsessive Love Disorder
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:01 PM   #3
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Yeah I didn't agree with all of it, for one I'm not a stalker I will admit I have serious rejection issues and have almost suffocated the other person until they bend to my will if they don't I have become depressed about it and obsessed about the situation.

I decided to go because of this other man I met (we have know each other for a while and harmlessly flirted) as I mentioned before I have never been able to sleep with a man unless I am emotionally and physically attracted to them. After we spent a night together he rejected me (because he is a close friend of xhusband) and I wasn't having it, I was obsessing about him then obsessing about xMM because I couldn't get what I wanted. I just leave destruction in every relationship and I'm realising its a problem within me it's my nature and how I deal with rejection.
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:13 PM   #4
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I am amazed he made such a diagnosis with one visit. He is basically saying you have OCD. You are not a stalker!!!!!

Is this guy an MD or just a liberal arts psych?
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:17 PM   #5
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Yeah I didn't agree with all of it, for one I'm not a stalker I will admit I have serious rejection issues and have almost suffocated the other person until they bend to my will if they don't I have become depressed about it and obsessed about the situation.

I decided to go because of this other man I met (we have know each other for a while and harmlessly flirted) as I mentioned before I have never been able to sleep with a man unless I am emotionally and physically attracted to them. After we spent a night together he rejected me (because he is a close friend of xhusband) and I wasn't having it, I was obsessing about him then obsessing about xMM because I couldn't get what I wanted. I just leave destruction in every relationship and I'm realising its a problem within me it's my nature and how I deal with rejection.
I'm sure stalking is more on the extreme end, you're probably on the milder end.


I went through this, which I called post-breakup insanity. I guess I temporarily experienced obsessive love.


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These types of obsessions are usually accompanied not only by compulsive rumination and analysis, but frequently by attempts to question the other person, either face-to-face, by phone, mail, or via a third party or parties. Here is where, I believe, the confusion about this type of OCD occurs. Generally, the OCD sufferer, when tortured by doubts, may repeatedly question or search for information. This may be the result of the individual with OCD being unable to process information on their particular obsessive topic, even though they might actually have enough to answer their question. Therefore they erroneously believe that more information will solve their problem. The more they question, the more the doubts increase. Gradually, this questioning strikes the other person as strange and begins to bother or annoy the other person who is being questioned inappropriately. They may respond with annoyance, graduating to hostility and in many cases, withdrawal from the relationship and finally from all contact with the OCD sufferer. This withdrawal, of course, only serves to increase the sufferer's distress due both to rejection by the other person, and to their source of information being cut off. If, in addition, their obsession is about losing the other person, this can really drive anxiety and distress levels through the roof as the behavior paradoxically served to make the obsession come true.

This is where some of the really desperate behavior on the part of sufferers begins to be confused by many, with that of individuals who are delusional, pathologically jealous, or otherwise out of touch with reality. (None of which, by the way, have anything to do with OCD.) The person with OCD may go to great lengths to pursue the person to ask their relentless questions, and I have seen several cases where they would even manipulate to the point of threatening to harm themselves or do desperate things if their questions went unanswered.

Obsessive Love (When People Become "Obsessed" with Other People)
Wow! This so speaks to stuff I've seen here:

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There is another type of non-OCD disorder called "erotomania" in which the sufferer has delusions that they have a relationship with another person, that the other person knows about, but is "keeping secret." Sometimes the other person can be someone famous. A good example is the woman who believes she is David Letterman's wife and keeps breaking into his house. Again, this is not OCD.
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:22 PM   #6
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He was pretty thorough with me, he basically told me what I do before I could tell him. He said I was to read it up have a think on it and give him my conclusions next week as to why I agree and disagree. I disagree with the stalking but I've read that not all OLD stalk or are violent. I think it's more to do with my personality and thought process during early stages of relationships I do control I do obsess and I want it my way.
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:27 PM   #7
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He was pretty thorough with me, he basically told me what I do before I could tell him. He said I was to read it up have a think on it and give him my conclusions next week as to why I agree and disagree. I disagree with the stalking but I've read that not all OLD stalk or are violent. I think it's more to do with my personality and thought process during early stages of relationships I do control I do obsess and I want it my way.
I have to warn you.

Many psychs have inappropriate sentimental relationships with patients. He could easily fall for you and lose his license.

You should pick a female psych to be safe. If you truly have this diagnosis and if you tell him all your innermost secrets you will develop a every powerful emotional bond. For your own sake I hope this doc is not a good looking guy.
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:31 PM   #8
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Lol Pierre I think I'm falling in love with you ... It's the way you speak to me
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:40 PM   #9
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Lol Pierre I think I'm falling in love with you ... It's the way you speak to me


At least he cannot diagnose you with "lack of sense of humor syndrome".
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Old 4th July 2013, 7:57 PM   #10
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Hey TheOW,

Check out research done by Helen Fischer on the chemicals released in the brain after rejection. They are shown to mimic love. Same as the type we talk about on this board to support the unrealistic, sometimes chemical dependent nature of an A (like coming off heroin).

So it works both way- people who are rejected (whether by betrayal through an affair, or just in general) might feel like they lost someone they loved when they didn't really...

I'll look for the link if no one else can find it.

I think the diagnoses he gave you is a bit harsh. I would say its this rejection chemical and maybe self esteem (specifically, that you are a good looking gal and so when you are rejected you feel like you don't have 'it' or something like that?). I dunno.

How is everything else?

Thanks for sharing your doctor's diagnoses.
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Old 4th July 2013, 8:24 PM   #11
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Yeah or maybe he was testing me I don't know he said i was to search the subject and get back to him next week on what I thought.

I'm some way I agree with him in others I don't, I especially find rejection hard to deal with and it can take many months for me to get over it (is that normal?) I know I don't love them but its a big void I have, I do start to obsess about it/them it does control me and my daily activities, so I think he has a fair point but I'm not a stalker nor violent to others ... I do have a fiery nature though and it can become almost a black rage if I don't calm myself down.

Apart from my love life and obsessing over my love life and my recent rejection and my xMM trying to part my legs again .... Everything else is Brilliant

Maybe I should just become a nun

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Old 4th July 2013, 8:34 PM   #12
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I will admit I have serious rejection issues and have almost suffocated the other person until they bend to my will if they don't I have become depressed about it and obsessed about the situation.
Instead of putting a label on this, he should be just helping you deal with your issues, understand why this happens, face the reasons, and work through it until it's fixed and you can re learn how to be in a healthier way, learn how to handle rejection that won't mess you up or make you feel like you're drowning and do react out of desperation.

At least you are aware now and are willing to work on yourself. Kudos to you OW.

If this Dr doesn't work, find another one that you connect with and can trust, feel totally comfortable opening up to. Not all are good fits, so don't feel bad or worry if this doesn't work with him.
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