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"A" ending on a HIGH or ending on a LOW?


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Praying4Peace

Did your A end on a high note or a low note? I would count disappearing after a Dday as it's own 'unknown' category.

 

Mine ended on a high, though the BS thinks it ended on a low. I feel like it makes it harder in some way and better in some ways. I can have nice feelings towards him and just focus on moving forward...but it makes it harder to forget about him. I wish I had more anger, though some days I can get pretty pissed off at the whole mess.

 

Mine was a year and a half EA/PA with several Ddays and we saw each other almost every day.

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Did your A end on a high note or a low note? I would count disappearing after a Dday as it's own 'unknown' category.

 

Mine ended on a high, though the BS thinks it ended on a low. I feel like it makes it harder in some way and better in some ways. I can have nice feelings towards him and just focus on moving forward...but it makes it harder to forget about him. I wish I had more anger, though some days I can get pretty pissed off at the whole mess.

 

Mine was a year and a half EA/PA with several Ddays and we saw each other almost every day.

 

Can you go into more detail why you feel it was high and the BS felt it was low?

 

Mine ended about as well as it could be...no dday, but mutual agreement that it couldn't last forever. We still have much respect and caring for each other...but the PA was over 2 months ago...still have some bouts from NC back to LC...and I think I've discovered it will most likely remain a LC situation with perhaps NC coming after time, weaning and just growing apart. The boundaries are all in place so drifting seems to be the natural progression...but all in all even though I miss my xMW (the closeness and the passion), it ended as well as these things can I think..

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Praying4Peace

Zevahc, I call that a 'high' meaning your feelings didn't change that much other than insisting you are no longer in an A.

 

My situation- there was a Dday and then three days later some trickle truth revealed that was probably just as damaging as a Dday. xMM and I had a huge fight over text witnessed by his W and my H.

 

A few weeks later his W left for a 'break' from him. We got back together...talked on the phone for a few days (these are all night talks) and then had a last day together before he left on a long distance trip (which forced us into NC for a considerable length of time). I still have memories of our last day. No misunderstandings, the friendship part was in full effect, so was the physical part, and it was a very sad and emotional day.

 

Would have been better to have left it at the bitter fight. That's all.:(

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My A with my MW ended with no fighting, but it ended (I think it ended, at least) so I wouldn't rush to call it ending on a "high." I guess about as good as we could have asked for. We relapsed 3-4 weeks ago and had sex (which I don't think either of us regrets). Then I guess she thought she needed to examine her marriage without me in the picture, and I ultimately agree with that. Thus, LC was established. I think NC is impossible right now because we work in the same office, so LC is more realistic. It sucks, but there was no fighting or any hurtful words exchanged. We still care about each other and respect each other very much, and that might make it more difficult than if we did fight and ended with fireworks.

 

What would you consider that, P4P?

 

I can only imagine A's ending on a complete high if there were little to no emotions involved, and the couple had goodbye sex before deciding to end it.

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Would have been better to have left it at the bitter fight. That's all.:(

 

Can I ask why you feel it would have been better?

 

You're right...i would say that mine ended on a "high" all things considered..broken hearted..day to day changing emotions...highs/lows etc...but...could have been much much worse. I still so far feel privileged to have found someone I consider my other half...(yes, I know others will disagree and say this was not real), but...I loved like I never have...meant someone I connected to in every way...and even though she is not mine...I have no regrets for feeling that way...my regrets are for wanting someone else's spouse and for the way it all happened...I feel for the BS, and everything we did was wrong in our actions..i just don't regret having loved...

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Praying4Peace
My A with my MW ended with no fighting, but it ended (I think it ended, at least) so I wouldn't rush to call it ending on a "high." I guess about as good as we could have asked for. We relapsed 3-4 weeks ago and had sex (which I don't think either of us regrets). Then I guess she thought she needed to examine her marriage without me in the picture, and I ultimately agree with that. Thus, LC was established. I think NC is impossible right now because we work in the same office, so LC is more realistic. It sucks, but there was no fighting or any hurtful words exchanged. We still care abgout each other and respect each other very much, and that might make it more difficult than if we did fight and ended with fireworks.

 

What would you consider that, P4P?

 

I can only imagine A's ending on a complete high if there were little to no emotions involved, and the couple had goodbye sex before deciding to end it.

 

Oh I wasn't clear. Your description sounds like a high. I didn't mean happy but I meant with a nice time together before the goodbye. Height of emotion would've been a better choice of words.

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Mycatsnuggles

We're still together but I wonder this question. My hope is we can end with a Huge argument and I can "hate" him for a bit because my heart will be so broken.

 

I asked yesterday. "If your found out you will disappear forever"

 

He replied "yes"

 

There was more discussion. I appreciated his honesty. I have always known this is the case. It took my breath away it hurt so much. Hurt him too. We both cried.

 

I want the anger to mask the intense pain at least for the first few days. I really don't know how I would function with him gone forever.

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ScarlettKaren

Mycat, this is almost exactly what happened to me. He had a d-day. I got short. Cold texts. And he's gone.

 

8, nearly 9 weeks later and I can say I don't hate him. I hate the way it ended. As it was put at the beginning. It is an unknown, neither high nor low. I expend too much time and tears on what ifs that I can't answer.

 

I think I'd rather have either a high or a low than this middle level hell.

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BrokenPrincess

I get this. The first time we ended was on a High...we were fully enmeshed and DDay hit, so we immediately said goodbye. It felt like we'd ended too soon. At the time (right after DDay), he said he was glad it ended like that and not with us mad at each other. I disagreed, I wished we could've ended in anger or just getting sick of each other.

 

Second ending after rekindling was on a Low...being underground for a couple months was like poor man's version of our old relationship. When he ended it via email, I felt depressed, relieved, a little mad, etc. This time I feel like I'm healing much faster than when we had ended the first time while in full upswing, but now I do also have sadness that he (and maybe I) won't have those happy memories top of mind anymore when we think back on this relationship.

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Mycatsnuggles

B princess my hope was we would become bored with each other and separate. We have only grown closer. He's not a man who cries ever and yet I have seen tears twice now when we've discussed stopping. I tried to go out on a high. Setting a date to "end". Lol naive to think I could walk away.

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For me, definitely a low.....although I fall into that "unknown and sudden" category. I can't say how he is doing since I haven't seen or heard from him.

 

I wish things could have ended nicely. I have a lot of really good memories, and as everyone has said, they are difficult to forget.

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B princess my hope was we would become bored with each other and separate. We have only grown closer. He's not a man who cries ever and yet I have seen tears twice now when we've discussed stopping. I tried to go out on a high. Setting a date to "end". Lol naive to think I could walk away.

 

I tried setting a date myself last year...that came and went...neither of us were ready then...we talked about the date approaching...and cancelled...oddly enough...not even a few months later it came...but that was probably because I had already started gearing myself towards some end...i knew from day one I didn't want to live my life like that...I just became to love her more and more.

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Mycatsnuggles

Scarlett. Wouldn't that still be a high? If you didn't want to end and it was forced by a d day? You still have good memories of each other. You still wanted to be together?

 

Or is it a low because the memories you had together are now tainted by his having to disclose info? My fear he would share our emails. He promises to delete them if they were to be exposed. Honestly for her sake she should never know how close we became.

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Praying4Peace

I feel like there's certain distinct torture of NC on a Dday that is unlike anything else. Our first Dday was 2-3 weeks NC and I shudder just thinking about it.

 

I'm certain that type of Dday is difficult for both parties involved. Even if the person who had the Dday on their end WANTED to end it, no one wants to do so without a word. It isn't human nature (though I guess there are inhuman AP's out there, but so far not described here)

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P4P: I agree....not in human nature to just drop someone. So why do so many of them do it? I would be in such a better place if he would have let me down gently.

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P4P: I agree....not in human nature to just drop someone. So why do so many of them do it? I would be in such a better place if he would have let me down gently.

 

I think it's fear...at least initially....there was a thought we had a dday even after the actual A had ended...it prompted a complete change in behavior of my xMW...she said it was "panic". Though she may not be entirely happy at the moment...I don't think she sees "this" as the solution...but rather just a bandaid perhaps...if we all knew of the consequence and the end...would we really have traveled these roads?

 

It has been stated best that...we're all human...

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Praying4Peace
P4P, is your exMM still with his wife?

 

Yup! Living the good life. House, kids full-time, our joint business. Oh and a fallback girl (in his mind). Sounds pretty good :sick:

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Summer Breeze

It was a little bit of a mix for us. I ended it when things were great between us. He had told me he would never leave home and I agreed to have a R with him despite that. We always got along great and were very close. At the end we had spent some time together and it was amazing. We both felt it had moved to another level and the bond was incredible. I was home thinking about it and I realized I wanted more than what that level gave. We saw each other a few days later and for the first and only time said I wanted more. He said he couldn't. I said he wouldn't. I told him I loved him, kissed him and left. It hurt but it was the right time to end it. We had a fantastic R but I wanted more. He made his choice and I made mine. I was on a high and by all accounts he was on a massive low.

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My A ended on a very high note, in fact perfectly, with us moving in together as full time life partners.

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Mine ended on a definite low for me and probably high for him.

 

He left his wife in February and we had 8 weeks together before he decided to move back home.

 

Complete shock for me, with me begging him to stay. I feel stupid now, its been 4 weeks. I'm just beginning to feel better.

 

I keep trying to remember that when we were together there where so many lows. Every time he left me to go home, weekends, holidays, birthdays and not being able to get hold of him when I wanted.

 

Now I am looking forward to the better times I will have in a relationship with none of these problems

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findingnemo
It was a little bit of a mix for us. I ended it when things were great between us. He had told me he would never leave home and I agreed to have a R with him despite that. We always got along great and were very close. At the end we had spent some time together and it was amazing. We both felt it had moved to another level and the bond was incredible. I was home thinking about it and I realized I wanted more than what that level gave. We saw each other a few days later and for the first and only time said I wanted more. He said he couldn't. I said he wouldn't. I told him I loved him, kissed him and left. It hurt but it was the right time to end it. We had a fantastic R but I wanted more. He made his choice and I made mine. I was on a high and by all accounts he was on a massive low.

 

I could have written the same thing, Summer Breeze. We talked, I wanted more. He couldn't give it and I said "I'm done". He took me out to dinner, spent the next two days with me and then I dropped me off at the airport. That was the end of the A. A high because there was no d-day, there was mutual agreement and we remained friends.

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Summer Breeze
I could have written the same thing, Summer Breeze. We talked, I wanted more. He couldn't give it and I said "I'm done". He took me out to dinner, spent the next two days with me and then I dropped me off at the airport. That was the end of the A. A high because there was no d-day, there was mutual agreement and we remained friends.

 

We'd had multiple ddays and he made it clear he wasn't ending our R. I came to the point I was ready to. He didn't agree with me but it didn't matter to me.

 

I'm so glad that's how it ended for you FN. You always sound so healthy about things so I always enjoy your posts.

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secretlady76

Did it end on a high or low note? No, it ended on a totally bloody s*** note!

 

Unexpected. D-Day. MM, basically changed his mindset from 'My marriage is over' to 'My marriage is not over and we can't be in touch' in under 24 hours.

 

The thing that upset me the most was how he did it (the reasons for him finishing it was not an issue). A bloody text message. Ok, so would any other method have been better?! Probably not but that is what really hurt me the most. That I was only worth a text message.

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Mine was on a low. He'd come clean to me before we met up the last time in March, that his wife hadn't asked him for a divorce at all...that he'd made it up. I met up with him and while I loved him and loved being with him, I knew things were ending. He promised me he was coming to see me and all sorts of stuff when we were parting...but I told him I felt we needed to go NC until he initiated a divorce. He continued to push to visit and then one day in April, I snapped and told him I was going to tell his wife. It just came out of me in a fit of anger. I didn't tell her anything, but I did put a package he'd sent me back into the mail to return to him...I noticed he hadn't put a return address on it, probably fearful his wife would get it if it somehow got returned. In a panic state, he told me he was going to tell her and begged me not to do so. A couple of hours later he called and said he'd told her and "it was worse than he'd expected." Then he requested LC. I made it NC but broke it over the early weeks with emails...as did he. It's been 3 weeks of NC now. Depressing. Definitely ended on a low.

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