firstandlast Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 After nearly 7 months of managing strict NC (surprisingly easy) despite being on the same work team as my xMOW, I've been asked to work with her directly to get some training on a new type of project. I'm a lowly contractor, so I can't just demand to switch teams. At the same time, I'll probably hear today about whether I've gotten a job I've been interviewing for. Please, please wish me luck. If I don't get the job, how should I handle this? Financially, I can't just up and quit. My contract ends in about a month, so maybe I should just ride it out. I'm not worried about falling back in love with my xMOW or anything. It's just the thought of being in the same room with her repulses me to the core, and I'm worried I'll do or say something unprofessional. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Why are they training you if your contract ends in a month? Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 Why are they training you if your contract ends in a month? Good question. And my manager knows that I'm close to being offered another job (I gave her a heads-up about using her as a reference). It doesn't make any sense. I'm hoping that the xMOW, who knows my contract is ending soon, points this out to the manager so that someone else takes my place. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 The fact that you said she 'repulses' you is strange to me. Why such a strong reaction? I know that after you two ended your A she found a replacement AP to fill the void (which is probably what she did seeing that she got married during your EA and therefore can't be called a serial cheater). Does your wife know? Wouldn't she absolutely refuse for you two to work together? Is it possible your exMOW set this up knowing you were leaving the job soon (<----that's what I am thinking). Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 I had to take a look back at your past posts. I have a question....Have you told your BW that you will be training with you ExMOW? Please do not leave that out as it will upset reconciliation. On another note....I am hoping that you get the other job!!! If you contract is almost up in one month, what is the point of the extra training? Are you hoping to re-up the contract? Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 The fact that you said she 'repulses' you is strange to me. Why such a strong reaction? I know that after you two ended your A she found a replacement AP to fill the void (which is probably what she did seeing that she got married during your EA and therefore can't be called a serial cheater). Does your wife know? Wouldn't she absolutely refuse for you two to work together? Is it possible your exMOW set this up knowing you were leaving the job soon (<----that's what I am thinking). No, she was already married (3 months) when we started the affair and still married during her brief (mostly emotional) affair #2 and still married then with the third one. She's probably still married, but I don't know. Maybe it's irrational, but there's still a lot of rawness on my end. I know I'm an adult who made my own choices, but she could have saved me a lot of grief without all the future-faking, etc. I don't want to be in the same room with her. I don't think the xMOW set it up. In fact, I have a feeling that she delayed my coming on the project as long as she could -- other people not on our team were doing a lot of the work before now, which didn't make a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 I had to take a look back at your past posts. I have a question....Have you told your BW that you will be training with you ExMOW? Please do not leave that out as it will upset reconciliation. On another note....I am hoping that you get the other job!!! If you contract is almost up in one month, what is the point of the extra training? Are you hoping to re-up the contract? Yes, I told my wife. She didn't freak out like I thought she would. If anything, she seemed concerned that the xMOW would use the opportunity to subtly put me down. Did I mention how great my wife is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 I had to take a look back at your past posts. I have a question....Have you told your BW that you will be training with you ExMOW? Please do not leave that out as it will upset reconciliation. On another note....I am hoping that you get the other job!!! If you contract is almost up in one month, what is the point of the extra training? Are you hoping to re-up the contract? I'd much rather get another, permanent job. If I had no other choice and saw that I'd have to work with the xMOW, I'd just explain that I can't work with xMOW, and if that means not renewing my contract, then so be it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Yes, I told my wife. She didn't freak out like I thought she would. If anything, she seemed concerned that the xMOW would use the opportunity to subtly put me down. Did I mention how great my wife is? I am so glad to hear that your wife is backing you. And yes you should remind yourself everyday what a gift she has given you. On another note, your wife might be right. XMOW just might use this to knock you down a notch or two. By the way, did your wife ever inform the XMOW's BH? Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 I'd much rather get another, permanent job. If I had no other choice and saw that I'd have to work with the xMOW, I'd just explain that I can't work with xMOW, and if that means not renewing my contract, then so be it. Wow...keep up the hard work!!! I didn't tell anyone here but Karma bit my FWH's butt. He was let go from his job in Feb. We are lucky and that he just got hired at an even better job. It could not have happened at a better time. He was replaced with a single woman that chose to go to the strip club with contractors and dance with the girls. Not a great workplace environment for someone just dealing with Dday. Also the manager that let him go is on his second marriage with his former OW and has been having daily lunches with his new hire. Sorry to T/J. It is just nice to seem men stepping up and owning their crap. And I mean that as a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 How do you know about her third affair? I think that second one was just to make you jealous...very immature. Has she knocked you down before? Like on Dday? She's got nothing to knock you down with now. You two might have been equally blameworthy with the first A but she's on her THIRD and she's been married less than 2 years? Someone's got huge problems at home. I'm guessing she was looking for an exit affair and didn't think you'd leave for her. It might be okay to work with her- if you see her and feel nothing and she can't hurt you in any way you will be 100% recovered! (or as close to 100% as you can get). Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 How do you know about her third affair? I think that second one was just to make you jealous...very immature. Has she knocked you down before? Like on Dday? She's got nothing to knock you down with now. You two might have been equally blameworthy with the first A but she's on her THIRD and she's been married less than 2 years? Someone's got huge problems at home. I'm guessing she was looking for an exit affair and didn't think you'd leave for her. It might be okay to work with her- if you see her and feel nothing and she can't hurt you in any way you will be 100% recovered! (or as close to 100% as you can get). OR she's just a serial cheater. i would bet on that rather than all the 'she's replaced you because of the pain' and 'she's looking for an exit affair'. some people just have affairs and cake eat. and OP has every right to feel repulsed - i guess he's healed enough to see her for what she really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 How do you know about her third affair? I think that second one was just to make you jealous...very immature. Has she knocked you down before? Like on Dday? She's got nothing to knock you down with now. You two might have been equally blameworthy with the first A but she's on her THIRD and she's been married less than 2 years? Someone's got huge problems at home. I'm guessing she was looking for an exit affair and didn't think you'd leave for her. It might be okay to work with her- if you see her and feel nothing and she can't hurt you in any way you will be 100% recovered! (or as close to 100% as you can get). By knocking me down, I mean flaunting how well she's doing with me gone. She's been getting a lot of recognition at work and has been put in charge of a couple of teams -- I can totally see her trying to act as if I'm reporting to her or something during training. In a recent online group meeting she tried to point out one of my mistakes to a manager who was also attending -- it turned out in this case that she was wrong, but I think she's probably looking for me to slip up. She more or less told me about the third affair. I think she expected us to be friends after the breakup, so she felt OK telling me that she was pining for this guy, who happens to work across from me. When she cancelled an outing with me to meet with him (she admitted this), I bowed out. I don't think the second affair had anything to do with me. We were sort of broken up at the time, and the opportunity presented itself. She had gone up to her hometown a week or so before her husband joined her and kissed an old boyfriend -- she maintained a long-distance relationship with the guy for about a month before starting up again with me. For all I know, that continued even when she was with me. That should have been my first clue that her affair with me wasn't about some unique thing between us but her having never really committed to her marriage. I guess I didn't want to see it at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 I am so glad to hear that your wife is backing you. And yes you should remind yourself everyday what a gift she has given you. On another note, your wife might be right. XMOW just might use this to knock you down a notch or two. By the way, did your wife ever inform the XMOW's BH? Yes, I'm constantly amazed that she has given me another chance. I'm not going to squander it. My wife never told the other BS. I made my case but told her it's completely up to her. I think there are still times when she would like to tell. I won't stop her if she does. But for all I know, the xMOW has already told the husband and is working on the marriage. She seems to have broken up with guy #3, though they may have just taken way underground. It doesn't matter either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 OR she's just a serial cheater. i would bet on that rather than all the 'she's replaced you because of the pain' and 'she's looking for an exit affair'. some people just have affairs and cake eat. and OP has every right to feel repulsed - i guess he's healed enough to see her for what she really is. Yes, exactly. This has less to do with me and more about her inability to commit to her husband or anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Washingmachine1980 Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Maybe she feels the same way you do about this. I would never want to work on a project or even be in same room with an ExMM. That would be so awkward and terrible too. Never understood why people hookup with co-workers. No good ever comes from this. This really hot guy works out at my gym at work. I saw him out one night, waved and left it at that. Would rather be able to go to the workout room in the future without having to avoid someone over a hookup or bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 Maybe she feels the same way you do about this. I would never want to work on a project or even be in same room with an ExMM. That would be so awkward and terrible too. Never understood why people hookup with co-workers. No good ever comes from this. This really hot guy works out at my gym at work. I saw him out one night, waved and left it at that. Would rather be able to go to the workout room in the future without having to avoid someone over a hookup or bad relationship. Totally. I'm sure she hates me, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firstandlast Posted May 7, 2013 Author Share Posted May 7, 2013 Well, that turned out to be a whole lot of drama over very little. Now I can cut her out of my life completely and never think about her again. Or at least not get the daily reminders that she still exists. My wife had actually gotten to a point where she thought I should go into the meeting with full confidence to prove to myself that I'm good enough for the job and not inferior to the xMOW in any way. I almost regret not getting the chance now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Well, that turned out to be a whole lot of drama over very little. Now I can cut her out of my life completely and never think about her again. Or at least not get the daily reminders that she still exists. My wife had actually gotten to a point where she thought I should go into the meeting with full confidence to prove to myself that I'm good enough for the job and not inferior to the xMOW in any way. I almost regret not getting the chance now. Sorry I missed your last post......CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am sure that is a huge weight lifted off both yours and your wife's shoulders. I promise it will help her in going forward (a little less worrying about what might happen while working with your exMOW). Please keep up on the updates. It is nice to hear from MM trying to recover their marriage. It keeps BW's like me a little more sane. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts