DelusionalOne Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) So, 10 weeks after D-Day... Strict NC (I don't respond to breadcrumbs, contact or social network stalk in anyway) .... I find out accidentally that xMM has a new OW. I wish I could say "good riddance to bad rubbish" but I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm shaking and I am sick I my stomach. I am reeling with the knowledge that I truly meant nothing. THANK GOD I never let it progress to a PA. Edited April 16, 2013 by DelusionalOne Typo Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 i'm so sorry! I don't know what I would do...even though I have no more feelings for exMOM and would never be with him I think I would die if I found that out....Just knowing that I risked everything in my life for someone who thought so little of me. You ARE better off. But I imagine the pain is very heavy right now. Stay strong and come here to talk as much as you need! What a dickweed! HUGS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I'm sorry that you're going through this. Just remember...this doesn't say anything about YOU...but about HIM. Learn from what you've been through, heal, and move on. It's all you can do at this point. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Good for you for not going PA. At least you were not delusional! I meant it in the respect that while I might feel hurt, humiliated and stupid for believing all of that crap... I don't feel used. To some, it might not seem like there is a difference... To me it does. And perspective is everything. Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I'm sorry that you're going through this. Just remember...this doesn't say anything about YOU...but about HIM. Learn from what you've been through, heal, and move on. It's all you can do at this point. I like this OWl! Okay Pierre, I will try Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 When I was growing up, I had my share of heartbreaks like we all do. My mother used to say to me... "It's never a mistake to love another person. It may not be the perfect situation and it may not end well but it is never a mistake. What that person does with that love defines who they are not who you are." I've tried to hold on to those words and share them over the years.... This time though ... Big mistake. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Hate to break it to you guys, but this is pretty much how it goes down with all of these married men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Hate to break it to you guys, but this is pretty much how it goes down with all of these married men. Not coming as a huge surprise to me. I always knew he would seek out another person... I guess the shock to me is how quickly. I'm starting to glean a little insight to maybe why his wife cheated on him! Edited April 16, 2013 by DelusionalOne Typos Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Curious...how do you know he has a new OW? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Curious...how do you know he has a new OW? A mutual acquaintance. In "strictest confidence", of course. It came up in gossip conversation. I usually avoid the gossip but the conversation started as something more relevant (not about him). Edited April 16, 2013 by DelusionalOne Typo. Link to post Share on other sites
firstandlast Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 So, 10 weeks after D-Day... Strict NC (I don't respond to breadcrumbs, contact or social network stalk in anyway) .... I find out accidentally that xMM has a new OW. I wish I could say "good riddance to bad rubbish" but I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm shaking and I am sick I my stomach. I am reeling with the knowledge that I truly meant nothing. THANK GOD I never let it progress to a PA. Ouch! I know how you feel -- same thing happened to me, only her new OM overlapped with me a bit. It's a blow to the ego for sure. But at the same time, it's a reminder of what the affair was and wasn't. It felt like magical once-in-a-lifetime love. But in the end, it was just an affair. I can tell you it does get better. Stay busy and let NC and time work its magic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 once the initial kicked-in-the-gut feeling wears off, use this new finding to help you completely delete that loser from your head. *hugs* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherRound Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 So, 10 weeks after D-Day... Strict NC (I don't respond to breadcrumbs, contact or social network stalk in anyway) .... I find out accidentally that xMM has a new OW. I wish I could say "good riddance to bad rubbish" but I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I'm shaking and I am sick I my stomach. I am reeling with the knowledge that I truly meant nothing. THANK GOD I never let it progress to a PA. I guess I'm confused as to why you feel so upset? I mean, that's your feeling, and it's valid - but can you put a why on it for me? Of course he moved on- you two aren't together any longer - that is a pretty natural thing for people to do, move on (????). Or, was it that you were under the impression that you were the only person he would have an affair with? I mean, after you and he ended, he was still in the exact same situation that he was prior to meeting you, I'm assuming - so, why would his answer at this point be any different than to move on to another relationship outside of his marriage? I don't think it has anything to do with you - or your lack of "specialness". It's just a natural thing for him to do. He isn't happy in his marriage - at least as evidenced by having EMRs, and yours with him ended - which left him in the same exact marriage and just as unhappy (maybe even unhappier) and so he moved on. Not trying to attack you (I hope it doesn't come off like that!) - I just don't understand why such a strong reaction? Or, did you have a strong reaction like this to every ex partner moving on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Yes, I am allow to feel any way I want. Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean the feelings automatically go away as well. As I said to someone else, I always expected him to seek out someone else, I guess the shock for me was that it was so soon as his new EMR has been going on a few weeks. So approximately 6-7 weeks after I got the whole "my child is everything and I need to focus on my marriage and family and be true to myself and my marriage" he almost immediately got involved with someone else. It was a kick in the ego. Who wants to feel like they were nothing and easily replaceable? Trust me, after the initial shock wore off, I was fine and slept perfectly fine last night. He is not my problem any more. He is his wife's problem. All of this, just made it easier to see who he really is and just put it behind me as the mistake it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Wellington Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Some people need a "distraction". They need "someone" to fill a void instead of finding other things aside from an A to fill it. While I still miss my OM, I feel better every day for being "out". Should he choose/has chosen already to find someone else to fill what is missing in HIS life is HIS choice. I look at it as Im stronger than he is and I don't NEED or WANT someone who is that emotionally unstable/unavailable in my life. While he may have had feelings for me while in the A, his feelings were obviously fickle and fleeting. We deserve better. Sure it's a kick to the ego for anyone, but obviously his ego thrives on constant stroking as he needed validation so quickly after you. You are the stronger person. At some point, Im sure both of our OM will be back, sending an email/text "just to say hi". (Yeah , JUST saying hi).....don't stroke his ego. Delete, delete, delete.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 At some point, Im sure both of our OM will be back, sending an email/text "just to say hi". (Yeah , JUST saying hi).....don't stroke his ego. Delete, delete, delete.. Good god I hope not! I've actually rebuffed a number of his breadcrumb attempts...so he's probably gotten the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Wellington Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Good for you!! You're halfway there already. My OM has pulled away, sucked me back in, pulled away...YOYO, YOYO, YOYO...it's laughable actually but he has ALWAYS sent that little "just" saying hi email, followed by an apology for the lapse in communication. I fully expect to get another at some point. He can find someone else to prey on that will make him feel better this time. SO done!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Good for you!! You're halfway there already. My OM has pulled away, sucked me back in, pulled away...YOYO, YOYO, YOYO...it's laughable actually but he has ALWAYS sent that little "just" saying hi email, followed by an apology for the lapse in communication. I fully expect to get another at some point. He can find someone else to prey on that will make him feel better this time. SO done!! I walked away 2x before as well and xMM sought me out almost immediately and I crumbled like a sandcastle during high tide! It's much easier to maintain NC when a D-Day happens and xMM throws you under the bus to save their own arse. Have you had a D-Day? Link to post Share on other sites
Wellington Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 No Dday. It's the oddest thing (or maybe not so odd). Every time we tried NC it was because there were too many feelings involved and we would need to take a break. We both admitted we fell in love. The last communication I had with him (a month ago) was he was going to broach separation with his wife, needed to sort out his life, he loved me and not to go away. He would be back for me. He's gone NC before and always came back. This time, the ONLY way I will answer is if he's finally on his own, and is ready to have an above board relationship. I won't get sucked back into the YOYO. Best part is. If I don't hear from him, I know I'll be fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
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