He wants to keep seeing me but has a GF...Sorta...

[Lyravega]

I recently started seeing this guy about a week ago. We have a lot of mutual friends and chatted each other up randomly at an event we were at with friends last Friday. As we began to talk, we found out that we have way more in common with each other than we thought possible. We have great chemistry and definitely did not hesitate to start hanging out with each other as much as possible from that day on. We just click.

 

When I did the obligatory Facebook profile creep I saw that he was in a relationship with someone, which confused the hell out of me because he told me that he his ex just moved across the country. When I asked his close friend about it, he corroborated that story saying that he wasn't ever really happy in that relationship and that he was definitely happy to be out of it. Furthermore, he really liked me and that he's never been into a girl the way he is into me. The relationship status he attributed to the fact that this guy wasn't ever really on Facebook, so he probably just forgot to change it. A likely story.

 

I decide that since this guy and I had only started seeing each other so recently, I wouldn't ask him about it until things began to escalate between us. He began to contact me and see me nearly every day after we first met and paid for me when we went out. He was extremely interested in me and made that plain from the get-go. We even exchanged mix cd's upon his request. We never got any sort of physical so it's not like he was using me for sex. Our bond is very much emotional.

 

Last night he began acting really weird and guarded. When he dropped me off at my house he explained himself. Apparently he and his girlfriend (of three years) are on a break, not broken up as he had previously indicated. He thinks I'm awesome and still very much wants to hang out but let me know that that's where he stood on the subject. I told him I have feelings for him and that I was bummed that this was the case but that I am open to seeing him as friends. I would never try to break anyone up, but part of me knows that staying friends would basically be me holding out until he and his GF broke up, which may never happen. If this were anyone else I wouldn't consider staying friends, but he and I just work on a completely different, effortless level of compatibility. He's someone I want in my life even if we aren't able to be together.

 

That being said, I guess my question is why did he lie about his relationship status and date me when he knew he wasn't really in the place to be doing so? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you wait it out, or cut your losses? I know what would make me happy, but I don't know the right thing to do in this situation. Halp!

[Lyravega]

Just the kind of advice I was looking for. You're absolutely right, Alexandria, I should have asked about it given the first opportunity, but I felt like I didn't really have a chance with him anyway so it was irrelevant. Until he started actively courting me, that is. Then I just tried to figure out a good time to ask about it, which never presented itself (read: I basically just avoided it altogether in pure escapist fashion).

 

Since friends of his said he was broken up (I know, I know, hearsay is only hearsay) I just took them at their word and assumed it was some clerical error on his part. But he straightened it out so there's no mystery there anymore.

 

I don't really find trying to compete with someone else appealing. I'm just glad he was forthwith enough to let me know what was up after a week in instead of way later down the road or when s*** hit the fan.

 

Seems that the likelihood of them splitting for real is significant what with long distance relationships being difficult enough without also taking a break...especially since they were having problems anyway, but I am by no means putting all my eggs in this basket. At least I'm trying my damnedest not to.

[truthbetold]

I recently started seeing this guy about a week ago. We have a lot of mutual friends and chatted each other up randomly at an event we were at with friends last Friday. As we began to talk, we found out that we have way more in common with each other than we thought possible. We have great chemistry and definitely did not hesitate to start hanging out with each other as much as possible from that day on. We just click.

 

When I did the obligatory Facebook profile creep I saw that he was in a relationship with someone, which confused the hell out of me because he told me that he his ex just moved across the country. When I asked his close friend about it, he corroborated that story saying that he wasn't ever really happy in that relationship and that he was definitely happy to be out of it. Furthermore, he really liked me and that he's never been into a girl the way he is into me. The relationship status he attributed to the fact that this guy wasn't ever really on Facebook, so he probably just forgot to change it. A likely story.

 

I decide that since this guy and I had only started seeing each other so recently, I wouldn't ask him about it until things began to escalate between us. He began to contact me and see me nearly every day after we first met and paid for me when we went out. He was extremely interested in me and made that plain from the get-go. We even exchanged mix cd's upon his request. We never got any sort of physical so it's not like he was using me for sex. Our bond is very much emotional.

 

Last night he began acting really weird and guarded. When he dropped me off at my house he explained himself. Apparently he and his girlfriend (of three years) are on a break, not broken up as he had previously indicated. He thinks I'm awesome and still very much wants to hang out but let me know that that's where he stood on the subject. I told him I have feelings for him and that I was bummed that this was the case but that I am open to seeing him as friends. I would never try to break anyone up, but part of me knows that staying friends would basically be me holding out until he and his GF broke up, which may never happen. If this were anyone else I wouldn't consider staying friends, but he and I just work on a completely different, effortless level of compatibility. He's someone I want in my life even if we aren't able to be together.

 

That being said, I guess my question is why did he lie about his relationship status and date me when he knew he wasn't really in the place to be doing so? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you wait it out, or cut your losses? I know what would make me happy, but I don't know the right thing to do in this situation. Halp!

 

You many not be meaning to, but you're completely contradicting yourself.

 

Unless you can be absolutely elated if he and his gf work things out and the idea of attending his wedding someday wouldn't make you Then you're kidding yourself that you'd be perfectly happy being his friend only.

 

It sounds from your second post that you already have ideas that since they're on break that means it's inevitable that they're going to break up and if so then it would seem that subconsciously or not you are playing the game that Alexandria mentioned of "pretty please, pick me" by hanging around hoping he'll see how much better suited you are and how great you two would be.

 

You shouldn't have to audition for the leading role in a man's life. You'd be better off to tell him to come find you if he ever finds himself truly single and OVER his gf. Even crappy breakups take some time to process in order to move on and be in a healthy relationship.