Nanny Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 About a year ago, I met the most amazing man ever!! We met a gas station. Spoke briefly in passing, exchanged numbers really no big deal! We communicated via txt for about a week. Finally, I agreed to have lunch. During lunch he told me he was married. DUH???? WHy am I HERE!! I asked, "Why are you married?" Be began to give me every excuse about how lonely and detached he is from his wife. Blah Blah.... But at the same time he begin to explain his wife refuses to join him while he works out of state. He quickly changed the subject and started asking questions about my child and siblings. The more we spoke the more i discovered our childhood lives where extremely different. For example, he is from a prominent family abroad and I was broght up in a single parent hood in a small town of less than 800 people. So go figure.... Seems the more I talked, the more interested he became. He stared me in the eye, held my hand and asked "Why are you not married?" I jokingly explained, "Because my husband hasn't found me and true love is top priority". He Blurted.... "It was arranged, my marriage it was arranged." I didnt know how to respond as I never imagined myself faced with such a situation. Soo I asked tones of questions and came to the conculsion, arranged marriages should be against the law as love should be foundation. I tried breaking it off. He flipped out, leaving me countless msgs and txt about how we are soulmates and his life has not been the same since the day we met sadly....... I share same feelings. He is the most humble, successful,kind, fun loving person ever and he deserves to be happpy. How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave ? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 About a year ago, I met the most amazing man ever!! We met a gas station. Spoke briefly in passing, exchanged numbers really no big deal! We communicated via txt for about a week. Finally, I agreed to have lunch. During lunch he told me he was married. DUH???? WHy am I HERE!! I asked, "Why are you married?" Be began to give me every excuse about how lonely and detached he is from his wife. Blah Blah.... But at the same time he begin to explain his wife refuses to join him while he works out of state. He quickly changed the subject and started asking questions about my child and siblings. The more we spoke the more i discovered our childhood lives where extremely different. For example, he is from a prominent family abroad and I was broght up in a single parent hood in a small town of less than 800 people. So go figure.... Seems the more I talked, the more interested he became. He stared me in the eye, held my hand and asked "Why are you not married?" I jokingly explained, "Because my husband hasn't found me and true love is top priority". He Blurted.... "It was arranged, my marriage it was arranged." I didnt know how to respond as I never imagined myself faced with such a situation. Soo I asked tones of questions and came to the conculsion, arranged marriages should be against the law as love should be foundation. I tried breaking it off. He flipped out, leaving me countless msgs and txt about how we are soulmates and his life has not been the same since the day we met sadly....... I share same feelings. He is the most humble, successful,kind, fun loving person ever and he deserves to be happpy. How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave ? 1) you can't end it without pain 2) yes it would be selfish of you...but go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 About a year ago, I met the most amazing man ever!! We met a gas station. Spoke briefly in passing, exchanged numbers really no big deal! We communicated via txt for about a week. Finally, I agreed to have lunch. During lunch he told me he was married. DUH???? WHy am I HERE!! I asked, "Why are you married?" Be began to give me every excuse about how lonely and detached he is from his wife. Blah Blah.... But at the same time he begin to explain his wife refuses to join him while he works out of state. He quickly changed the subject and started asking questions about my child and siblings. The more we spoke the more i discovered our childhood lives where extremely different. For example, he is from a prominent family abroad and I was broght up in a single parent hood in a small town of less than 800 people. So go figure.... Seems the more I talked, the more interested he became. He stared me in the eye, held my hand and asked "Why are you not married?" I jokingly explained, "Because my husband hasn't found me and true love is top priority". He Blurted.... "It was arranged, my marriage it was arranged." I didnt know how to respond as I never imagined myself faced with such a situation. Soo I asked tones of questions and came to the conculsion, arranged marriages should be against the law as love should be foundation. I tried breaking it off. He flipped out, leaving me countless msgs and txt about how we are soulmates and his life has not been the same since the day we met sadly....... I share same feelings. He is the most humble, successful,kind, fun loving person ever and he deserves to be happpy. How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave ? It wouldn't so much be selfish as it would be a waste of time. Just because he says it was arranged doesn't mean it actually was. But that doesn't matter anyway. People in love marriages are often cake-eaters too. And that's all this guy is. Read these boards for a while. The MM always says just the right things. Oh, and they all claim to have wives how they aren't close to their wives, their wives don't understand them, they don't have sex, blah blah blah. Same shyte, different pile. But somehow, to those involved, the situation is so unique and the relationship is so "special." Yeah, unique, just like every other affair out there! He's married. It's none of your business and not your problem if the marriage was arranged or not. Will you continue using this as an excuse...the reason it's "okay" for you to be involved with a married man? Why your situation is unique? Don't kid yourself. He's a cheating scumbag. Don't sink to that level. Stay away from married men. I can't believe how many excuses there are out there to justify getting involved with married people. "Oh, but we're soulmates, his wife is psycho/mean/cold/cheating" -- same old same old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanny Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yes, my thoughts exactly!!! I even asked how many times..... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 About a year ago, I met the most amazing man ever!! We met a gas station. Spoke briefly in passing, exchanged numbers really no big deal! We communicated via txt for about a week. Finally, I agreed to have lunch. During lunch he told me he was married. DUH???? WHy am I HERE!! I asked, "Why are you married?" Be began to give me every excuse about how lonely and detached he is from his wife. Blah Blah.... But at the same time he begin to explain his wife refuses to join him while he works out of state. He quickly changed the subject and started asking questions about my child and siblings. The more we spoke the more i discovered our childhood lives where extremely different. For example, he is from a prominent family abroad and I was broght up in a single parent hood in a small town of less than 800 people. So go figure.... Seems the more I talked, the more interested he became. He stared me in the eye, held my hand and asked "Why are you not married?" I jokingly explained, "Because my husband hasn't found me and true love is top priority". He Blurted.... "It was arranged, my marriage it was arranged." I didnt know how to respond as I never imagined myself faced with such a situation. Soo I asked tones of questions and came to the conculsion, arranged marriages should be against the law as love should be foundation. I tried breaking it off. He flipped out, leaving me countless msgs and txt about how we are soulmates and his life has not been the same since the day we met sadly....... I share same feelings. He is the most humble, successful,kind, fun loving person ever and he deserves to be happpy. How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave ? How long have you known this man? It's usually impossible to end an affair without temporarily hurting someone....but it's temporary. Continuing an affair usually accumulates more hurt. I've never understood why it matters what kind of marriage someone has. Arranged/happy/sad/sexless/loveless...shouldn't matter IMO...if they pretend to be single then announce they are married...that's all that should matter. They are married...they know they are...it is up to them to change their circumstances. I don't know how all arranged marriages work; but, I do have one friend who shed light on some that is different than what is often painted. She is from an African country, her marriage was arranged, but there is still lots of choice and she's happily married. Since they were kids their parents had it in mind for her and her now husband to marry. They did have an opportunity to court and "date" and to actually develop chemistry and like each other. She told me that if they had not ended up liking each other, there was no law or anything that could "force" them. It was simply a tradition but not something the law can force someone to do and parents usually also respect if the couple just doesn't gel in that way. To me it sounded a bit more like friends having kids and saying, they should marry each other, and as they get older encouraging them to date and hoping it does work out so the families are joined but if they really do not click...then people let it go. I'm sure some arranged marriages are more restrictive but just wanted to point out that some are not. But again I don't see why it matters... OP..your MM is not showing anything remarkable. Everything he says and does sounds like every other MM. They point out how bad/loveless their marriage is and how the OW is the answer to all their life's woes...it's very soap operaish. I really wouldn't be flattered. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanny Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I see... just reading through the threads has given me the strength to end it!! I can not believe I've wasted over a year.... Just let GO is the only way!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanny Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 At this point, I dont want him to leave.. I couldnt imagine living this life, Im too good of a catch to entertain this nonsense any longer... Thanks for your insight..... BTW.... Happy NEW Year! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 At this point, I dont want him to leave.. I couldnt imagine living this life, Im too good of a catch to entertain this nonsense any longer... Thanks for your insight..... BTW.... Happy NEW Year! Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 The thread topic is 'Arranged vs Love Marriages' and the thread starter asks the questions: "How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave ?" Stage Two. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 How can I end this affair without hurting us both ? Would it be selfish of me to give him a ultimatum and ask him to leave Either way, people are going to hurt. Affairs hurt everybody. You put yourself first and tell him that you are interested in dating him but only when he divorces and some time has gone by (so he can be alone and deal with the loss on his own and grow a bit as a person before jumping out of a marriage and straight into your arms. doing that is just asking for a very unhealthy relationship)..Put a time limit on this, like you don't want to be sitting here waiting for him in six months from now...And he's still not putting a plan together, or even moved out or had a divorce talk with his wife. He may be the nicest guy in the world, but he is still married. Don't settle to be his OW. Go on with your life and if in the future he comes to find you as a single man, then go ahead date him and get to know him in a healthier way. Link to post Share on other sites
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