Help! I'm in love with a married man and he is strongly in love with me as well. Our love is obvious to everyone around us including my family - and my family is aware of his situation. We've been planning his divorce and our marriage - including talking to divorce lawyers, meeting with real estate brokers about our new house, and he has a spreadsheet of all of his assets that will have to be split in the divorce and the items in his house that he has planned to take. He also has gone to my hometown to visit my mother a few times while telling my father that he would like to marry me. He has introduced me to his kids as one of his friends.
While he will have to split his assets with his wife, I bring a lot financially to the marriage as well. Also, he has not slept with his wife in about 5 years.
We were planning on his divorcing two months ago but some work related problems have gotten in the way in the meantime and he asked me for a little more time. I said no and have not talked to him in the last four weeks.
I have known him for a number of years and had a serious relationship with him for about a year.
Do you think that it will work out with us and that he will leave his wife? Am I doing the right thing by cutting off communication and not having returned his last call three weeks ago? I am just thinking that if he is going to make a move he probably needed to suffer a bit and not have contact me.
ANY THOUGHTS HERE as to whether it will work out between us, should I call him to get some closure or just wait for him to call me?
Nope, don't call. If he loved you as much as he told you, he wouldn't let this go so long without contact. He has a wife, kids.....sounds like that is his priority or you would have heard from him, IMHO.
Seems like when push came to shove, he couldn't go through with it......talking about leaving and actually leaving are two different things. Or........he just told you what you wanted to hear.....or what he thought he might do, but when faced with it, couldn't do it after all......
Me, I wouldn't want a guy who cheated on his wife in order to be with me. I'd always have that nagging thought in the back of my mind, that he can turn around and do to me what he did to his wife.....just seems like bad karma all around and a guy with no integrity seeing someone on the side who is willing to make excuses for his behaviour.
Location: the easter bunny has eggs! breathe in; breathe out. there is still wonder in the world :)
no, you're marginal. accept that role.
you're not terribly bright if you believe he has not slept with his wife in five years. you are a hypocrite if you expect him to be faithful to you. if it is clear that monogamy is not a priority with either of you, why not live with that?
you're a chump. sorry. why not just enjoy the sex and stop with the relationship expectations? you're just not being smart. if you want a long-term promising thing, seek out other men.
This is a hard message to listen to, but you may feel it already in your gut as
a heavy feeling in your chest sort of weighing you down.
I have been seeing a mm for 4 years. The yo-yo never stops until you go through
the withdrawal, and realize a partial relationship is not good enough. I have tried
unsuccessfully three times to leave, and am on my fourth. I know I can do this, and reading
these stories helps clarify what reality is and what I actually am settling for
There seems to be so much elation and joy in your words. You were so happy and fulfilled when
you were planning your wedding. Could it be that he got cold feet? Yes, but , bottom line,
if the man LOVES you for you as you unlike any other, he would not LET YOU SUFFER ANY
PAIN whether emotional or physical. He would want to protect you, hold you and insulate
you from any bad feelings, which is what you seem to be going through right now.
The feelings you too have for eachother or had, are actually unmet needs that
have found an outlet. These feelings are intense for sure, and they can cause unimaginable
joy and sadness at a moments notice.
Married men seldom leave their wives. An affair affords them the luxury of new and strange on the side while their marriage affords them the stability they need. Some will leave their wives only if their mistress reimburses them the hundreds of thousands of dollars they will lose by divorcing. Some do have a little bit of conscience and can't bear to not be around their children full time.
I was in your shoes almost exactly and he is now divorced and we now live together.
But, for 2 of the now 3 years we've been together he was married, in the same situtation as yours where they had stopped sleeping together (before we even hooked up). He told her several times over those years he wanted to go be happy with me and ironically they both had been saying their marriage was over long before it started or before he and i started.
But my doubt lingers even now. and only I can appease it because more people will tell you to doubt him than there will be ones who encourage you. and the ones who encourage you end up being the ones you resent when your doubt or hurt (whether imagined or real) pops up.
All i can tell you is that even though, now, i am still struggling with issues from his marriage , i look bad and I do feel bad that i doubted him but at the same time how could i not....
so my advice is, what you feel is what you feel and if he's for real you guys will get through it together and if it's not be strong and know you did your best to make it work.
Thanks Clarity....Was your situation really close to what has happened in my case? Why do you think he is delaying things - is it that he (1)got cold feet, (2)never intended to be with me or (3)is working on extracting himself at the moment? Is there any way to tell? Any thoughts would be appreciated. THANKS!
Some married men leave their wives, some don't.Some just have affairs because the can get away with others have them because there is something seriously wrong in their marriage.Alot of times a couple will stick out a marriage no matter how miserable they are because they think it is best for the kids.It seems like he has given you several reasons why he is putting it off.
If he contacts you and gives you the same song and dance don't let him suck you back in.Tell you understand that it is difficult to end a marriage however you would rather wait until things are settled with his divorce before you discuss anything going further between the two of you.
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