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I called S...broke nc...


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But...she didn't answer and I didn't leave a message...I wonder if she knows it was me..she will see the international code and know I'm sure. I'm glad she didnt answer. I miss her so very much, it is killing me. I wish I never dialed her number...but hearing her voice on the voicemail made me feel better, closer.

 

I'm not going to call her again...

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Stoneman,

 

Don't be hard yourself. You love her and are bonded to her in a way that maybe you don't even understand. The pain is real but it will get a little better, day by day. It just plain hurts to lose a lover. You have to let go of your dreams of your life with her. And that just plain hurts.

 

hugs to you,

Barr

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Stoneman,

 

Don't be hard on yourself. You might call her again. Two steps forward, one step back.

 

You love her and are bonded to her in a way that maybe you don't even understand. The pain is real but it will get a little better, day by day. It just plain hurts to lose a lover. You have to let go of your dreams of your life with her. And that just plain hurts.

 

hugs to you,

Barr

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whichwayisup
But...she didn't answer and I didn't leave a message...I wonder if she knows it was me..she will see the international code and know I'm sure. I'm glad she didnt answer. I miss her so very much, it is killing me. I wish I never dialed her number...but hearing her voice on the voicemail made me feel better, closer.

 

I'm not going to call her again...

 

You got your 'fix' albeit by hearing her voice. you just opened pandora's box. Wish you had posted here first asking people to help you NOT call her. But, what's done is done and she could very well call you now. Be prepared for 'the talk' and anger because you moved away without telling her.

 

Please don't call again. I hope for your sake she doesn't call you back. Why? Because you made this about you and not what was best for her.

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I don't know if this will hurt or help... or mean nothing.... but on the 1st of October, about 3 or 4 months after I asked XMM not to call me I discovered a missed call on my phone from his work number. No message. Just a missed call. It made me very happy to know that he had called. But (and this is a big BUT) that little action put another month of my life on hold. I waited and wondered if he would call again. Generally, I was strong enough to leave the phone off unless I was using it (my phone doesn't display missed calls unless the phone is on when the call comes in) but I still waited. He didn't call on the 1st of November. And I was crushed. Although it was better for me not to talk with him, it still hurt me. And I waited another month of my life..... waited for nothing. It has been 2 years and almost 1 month and I have never heard from him. I know that 2 years sounds like a really long time but I would not be feeling this much better without the silence.

 

So, I suppose for your sanity and definitely for hers, that horrible silence is actually a blessing.

 

You will be okay Stoneman. You really will be okay. Hugs to you.

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neveragain2012

We all fall off the wagon. No big deal. Just move on from there.

 

During my A I often compared it to other addicitions: food, smoking, alcohol. I smoke so I can fully understand that one. You have to go cold turkey. there is no "i can just have one". You can go three months of not smoking, be doing great, then one day you bum one from someone and you're at day 1 all over again. I'm guessing alcoholics have much the same issue. I know AP's do.

 

You're in an addictive situation. She is your drug. You have to go cold turkey if you ever want to kick the habit. But, like they tell alcoholics, smokers, and dieters: you slipped up. Don't let it discourage you. Just learn the lesson, learn your triggers (and try to avoid them) and move on from here.

 

 

Meanwhile, I'm stepping outside for a smoke :eek: One addiction at a time.....

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I remember in my divorces it took long to heal but once he found someone I let go of any chance of getting back together.Once you totally let go is when you feel better.

We sometimes have a tendency to hold on thinking it

will be different the next time. After I let go was when they wanted me back and it was way to late by then.

Keep busy do things with people that understand you and care in time this will only be a memory. I'm am sorry you hurt I hate how it hurts.

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UpwardForward

If it will help, I will post my recipe for chocolate cake w caramel icing.

 

Every time you feel like calling (or waiting), subsidize w some cake instead.

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But...she didn't answer and I didn't leave a message...I wonder if she knows it was me..she will see the international code and know I'm sure. I'm glad she didnt answer. I miss her so very much, it is killing me. I wish I never dialed her number...but hearing her voice on the voicemail made me feel better, closer.

 

I'm not going to call her again...

 

This is quite some news..

 

I won't throw a stone as I can understand the overwhelming feeling. I have been there myself. It is an addiction, yes. It is like you are thirsty in a desert and just her voice is like a drop of water on your lips. That's how I felt for months and months about xMW.

 

The difference is I NEVER contacted her, but she did ! And I would hold my breath everytime I had an e-mail or a text message from her. It is VERY hard. So easy to rationalize when you are healed, but so difficult to live it.

 

In my experience breaking NC will NEVER change anything at the end of the day nor will bring anything good. It will make you happy for a few minutes and then miserable for days and weeks.

 

Let her be where she chose to be, with her husband. She decided to follow him abroad or whatever..None of you were brave enough to leave your marriages for each-other so mourn it and move on.

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East is right. It is an addiction. And NC works for awhile but then if it is no longer working b/c there are things that need to be said, then by all means, say them. Each person must decide what works for them.

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So, no return call from her. I'm not sure what I expect. I'm sure she never wants to speak to me again? Or is afraid to talk to me after everything.

 

What i know is this...I tried so hard to avoid contact...but gosh is it hard. I know I should leave her alone and allow her marriage to be, but its so hard when I wish I was the one married to her...I know ill get through this. Calling her was like a what if...what if she leaves him for me now? Or what if we can really be together...but she told me before that wasn't happening.

 

For now, I can try my hardest to not contact her again and hope I get through this, still in tact.

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whichwayisup
Let her be where she chose to be, with her husband. She decided to follow him abroad or whatever..None of you were brave enough to leave your marriages for each-other so mourn it and move on.

 

This pretty much sums it up. She chose her husband just like you chose to stay with your wife. Let yourself let go and make yourself stop fantasizing and wishing how things *could have been*.. It isn't and you need to put tons of effort, be pro active in focussing on other things in your life, other than moping about her and missing her enough to pick up the phone and call. It's over and any contact now will prevent you (both) from healing.

 

What i know is this...I tried so hard to avoid contact...but gosh is it hard. I know I should leave her alone and allow her marriage to be, but its so hard when I wish I was the one married to her...I know ill get through this. Calling her was like a what if...what if she leaves him for me now? Or what if we can really be together...but she told me before that wasn't happening.

So if she left her husband, you'd leave your wife... If you left your wife first, would she leave her husband? See how this works? you two are NOT going to end up together and the sooner you let go of that hope and desire, the better off you'll be. She TOLD you numerous times she wasn't going to leave her husband.

 

I think you need to focus on either ending your marriage or fixing it. Right now your wife is getting the short end of the stick..If she stumbled across what you said on here, I'm betting that she would kick you out and the decision would be made that your marriage is over. you're just too afraid to lose BOTH women, so it seems you're sticking it out with your wife with NO effort to let go of exMW and reconnect with your wife. You are afraid of being alone with neither woman in your life. STOP the wishing and fantasizing of the happy ending between you and exMW.. This is why you are where you are. You still are holding onto hope.

 

For now, I can try my hardest to not contact her again and hope I get through this, still in tact.

 

Do you even think of the affect it has on her? Leave her alone and don't call again. Sorry to be harsh but calling her a second time will be a big mistake.

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