Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Just ending the affair with the married co-worker whom is almost 20 years older than me. We have been working together over 2.5 years, he admitted that he has been always interested in me over the time, and as for me I always admire and like him very much as well. And we started to be physically involved 10 days ago and we really enjoyed but I feel so gulity. He has been married to his wife very long and would like to keep marriage of course. I don't intend to or request him ending his marriage either. Today was the 3rd time during last 10 days we got chance $%^^ together, however we both decided to end seeing each other this way and keep going back to previous professional relation. But I feel painful and lost.:( Anybody here gives me some direction or help? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Just ending the affair with the married co-worker whom is almost 20 years older than me. We have been working together over 2.5 years, he admitted that he has been always interested in me over the time, and as for me I always admire and like him very much as well. And we started to be physically involved 10 days ago and we really enjoyed but I feel so gulity. He has been married to his wife very long and would like to keep marriage of course. I don't intend to or request him ending his marriage either. Today was the 3rd time during last 10 days we got chance $%^^ together, however we both decided to end seeing each other this way and keep going back to previous professional relation. But I feel painful and lost.:( Anybody here gives me some direction or help? The affair only lasted 10 days? Do you normally feel very attached to a man after such a short time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) I meant we started to get physical 10 days ago, but I guess we felt being attacted to each other really for a while because I had been working for him over 2.5 years ago. Pls do tell me it is a right thing to do ending the affair before it gets too far. He is afraid of being caught and I am afraid of being noticed at work. We both hope that we are able to go back the professional stage before we were getting into current intense stage. The affair only lasted 10 days? Do you normally feel very attached to a man after such a short time? Edited June 2, 2012 by Mount Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Were you just attracted? Or did you have some kind of emotional relationship before? Did you talk on the phone, text, email, hang out before 10 days ago? Yes it is the right thing. He won't leave his wife, you don't want him to, and you don't want to lose your job. So basically, a sexual tryst is NOT worth all of that drama of your professional and personal reputation being tarred if the A comes to light. Further, you may very well start developing feelings that you did not expect and that will hurt you soo much if you invest even more into him that he cannot or won't fulfill. Tell him for your and his sake you guys need to refrain from interacting for a while so that you can get back to a professional relationship. Then treat him like a regular coworker and focus on your job, friends, other things in your life and not him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 Over past 2.5 years we talked for hours on daily basis, and often hanging out for coffee run and work lunch just him and myself. If it is right thing to do ending the affair even the physical was just started, why I feel so lost and painful. Were you just attracted? Or did you have some kind of emotional relationship before? Did you talk on the phone, text, email, hang out before 10 days ago? Yes it is the right thing. He won't leave his wife, you don't want him to, and you don't want to lose your job. So basically, a sexual tryst is NOT worth all of that drama of your professional and personal reputation being tarred if the A comes to light. Further, you may very well start developing feelings that you did not expect and that will hurt you soo much if you invest even more into him that he cannot or won't fulfill. Tell him for your and his sake you guys need to refrain from interacting for a while so that you can get back to a professional relationship. Then treat him like a regular coworker and focus on your job, friends, other things in your life and not him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 You did the right thing. For so many reasons! Your professional reputation could be tarnished, you could lose your job due to having an affair with someone you work with (is he your boss? If so, that makes it much worse) and yes if his wife finds out, there will be a huge mess to deal with and a lot of fall out. It hurts but you will be okay. You got used to being close to him daily, like a habit..Ego feeds, he makes you feel good and makes your day special. Take some time off of work, book a week or two holiday just so you don't have to see him for a while. Be strong and do not allow him close to you again. You hurt now but imagine having a year or two affair or more with him, falling deeper for him and then having it end? Be GLAD it's over now, earlier rather than later. You were fine before he came into your life that way, you'll be fine again. Spend time with good friends and family..Keep busy, allow yourself to grieve the loss but let yourself get depressed over this. You are young, smart and attractive! You will be okay as time goes on, just know that you can get over him and that you dodged a bullet! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Over past 2.5 years we talked for hours on daily basis, and often hanging out for coffee run and work lunch just him and myself. If it is right thing to do ending the affair even the physical was just started, why I feel so lost and painful. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good unfortunately. Breaking an attachment most always makes you feel like a fish out of water. The good news is that it will be better for you in the long run...the pain you would potentially feel if this blew up in your face may be FAR worst. You will get over the feelings of lost and pain....it will take some time but focusing on yourself and other aspects of your life will help with this. You'll be fine! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 if it only lasted 3 days and you're still working together, then this affair is hardly over. you'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 Can you elaborate? I meant the physical part was just started almost 10 days ago and yesterday we both decided to end our such sneaking around relationship as he is afraid of being caught by wife and I am afraid of being noticed at work. But mostly I am afraid if I don't cut it off now, later on it would be more painful/difficult for me emotionally letting go. Right now I don't work with him directly as I have moved to other department three months ago but we still are in same function. And he is everyone's go to person for work knowledge help. He said we shall remain friends whole life, but I do doubt it as I don't think it would be healthy for me. Your perspectives please. if it only lasted 3 days and you're still working together, then this affair is hardly over. you'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Mount,But mostly I am afraid if I don't cut it off now, later on it would be more painful/difficult for me emotionally letting go. This is definitly something to focus on. I'm dwelling over wasted time, myself these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 Anyone has suggestions that keep affair ending, and not make myself going back the old road to avoid further destruciton and unhealthy attachment? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Do not be 'friends' with him. That's impossible and it's not fair of him to tell you that you two will be friends forever. Such crap! Do all that you can to avoid him. Cut him out of your life, daily routine. Do NOT rely on him for anything, no friendship, no coffee breaks, no talking, nothing. The less you know about him, what goes on in his daily life the better for you. This is how you detach. You don't need this man. Yes you may want him but you don't need him. Wanting and needing are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 I totally agree with you, I feel like he said that being friend whole life, was just want to string me along the way. Any other wisdom? Do not be 'friends' with him. That's impossible and it's not fair of him to tell you that you two will be friends forever. Such crap! Do all that you can to avoid him. Cut him out of your life, daily routine. Do NOT rely on him for anything, no friendship, no coffee breaks, no talking, nothing. The less you know about him, what goes on in his daily life the better for you. This is how you detach. You don't need this man. Yes you may want him but you don't need him. Wanting and needing are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 I have to admitted these days I had one day contact with the Married Man and made out again. But after that I tried to pick fight with him, I think it is my self-denfense strategy to break up with him. Any other suggestion, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 No, due to some other reasons, that can not be proceeded. Any other options? Tell his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Sorry i just think he used you! Link to post Share on other sites
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