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they are getting divorced, but i am still the other woman...


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It has happened. They are getting divorced but it is not what I expected. I feel like I am in the middle. Their marriage had problems for years but the focus is on our relationship. She (his wife) is emailing me demanding an explanation. He tells me about her in every conversation that we have. Before, we never even mentioned her name or the word married or wife.

 

I understand that the whole thing is difficult for him, but who is going to take care of me? I dont think I should be in the middle. I am a part of the situation but I feel like I am getting divorced too. Instead of having a relationship with him, I am going through the turmoil of an ending marriage.

 

What am I supposed to do? Is it ever going to be ok? I thought when they were divorced, I could move on with my life, our life together.

 

Anyone been through this? Any advice? How can I support him when I am going through hell too? I am guilty of loving him while he was married, but I am not guilty of a failed marriage...or am I???????

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What can you really expect, when you got involved with someone who had previously made a sacred commitment to someone else? Whether his marriage was never good over the past several years or not, that is irrelevant. If it was that bad, he should have been man enough to end it prior to getting involved with you. While the marriage ending, and the pain his poor ex wife is going through, may not be totally your fault, your presence in the picture obviously played a part in things. Who knows how things really were? You only ever heard his side of the story, that doesn't mean he gave you a truthful, accurate portrayal of what his marriage was like. Naturally his wife is going to want an explanation....maybe in her mind (and in fact), you were the catalyst for their marriage ending. Who knows?

 

Why don't women just stay away from men who are unavailable (married, attached, involved) and invest their time in those who are truly available? There's millions of single men out there.

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Originally posted by pocketranger

I understand that the whole thing is difficult for him, but who is going to take care of me?

The only one responsible for taking care of you is YOU.

 

 

 

I dont think I should be in the middle.
Why don't you think you should be in the middle? You are part of it and became part of it the minute you made the decision to have an affair with a married man.

 

I am a part of the situation but I feel like I am getting divorced too. Instead of having a relationship with him, I am going through the turmoil of an ending marriage.
Going through turmoil is part of being in a relationship!

 

What am I supposed to do? Is it ever going to be ok? I thought when they were divorced, I could move on with my life, our life together.
Do? Do whatever you want to do. What outcome are you looking for? Do what you think is right to achieve that outcome.

 

What is your interpretation of "ok"? You ask if everything will be ok -- but what does 'ok' mean to you?

What did you expect the divorce to be like? What do you think will happen when its final? Did you expect his wife to just sign a piece of paper and not feel anything? She's angry and she's hurt -- did you not think about her feelings?

 

Anyone been through this? Any advice? How can I support him when I am going through hell too? I am guilty of loving him while he was married, but I am not guilty of a failed marriage...or am I???????
How can you support him during an intense emotional period--you better figure that out because there will be other "hells" to go through in the future. Either suck it up and be there for him, or don't. He needs to do the same for you.

 

Whatever was wrong in his marriage that he made a decision to cheat is not your responsibility - but you are the one he cheated with and that makes you a contributing factor to the demise of his marriage. The relationship you had with him as a mistress will NOT be the same once he is divorced and free to build a relationship with you. He is going to talk about his ex and the problems they had and how he feels about her. Maybe if you listen you will learn more about him.

 

Divorce is painful. If you two love each other then just be there for each other. If his exwife is trying to contact you then tell her that you don't have anything to say and ask her not to call or email you. If she persists then get in touch with his divorce lawyer.

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Originally posted by befuddled11

Why don't women just stay away from men who are unavailable (married, attached, involved) and invest their time in those who are truly available? There's millions of single men out there.

And why don't married men stick to their vows?

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"Why don't married men stick to their vows?"

 

That's a very valid question.......but the reason I posed the rhetorical question of "why do women get involved with married men?" was because it's generally not the cheating married man who comes to relationship forums such as this.....it's the mistress.

 

It's the mistress who makes the choice, based on free will, to get involved with someone who's "taken", yet it's most often the mistress who comes to places like this asking, "Why me? Why do I have to go through all this pain and hurt?"

 

Having an affair with a married man is not some new phenomenon.......it's been going on for centuries......and someone would have to live under a rock to not know that when you play with fire, you're eventually going to get burned.

 

I'm surely not absolving the married man of his abundant share of the responsibility....but come on, it's not the married man who's here asking the questions.

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Pocket,

Your situation is kind of like eating too much ice cream and wondering why your clothes are a bit snug!

 

If you've been in the middle of this since the beginning.....why would you think you could bow out gracefully now? OFCOURSE she's going to come to you seeking explanation and placing blame. Women almost ALWAYS blame the other woman instead of the AssClown they are married to...even though he initiated it. It's easier for them to blame someone else. It's understandable.

 

Should he protect you? Yeah, maybe.....but chances are....he'll only protect himself. As long as she is blaming YOU....he's still in the clear as far as taking responsibility. He now has the option of working it out with her....cause afterall....this whole thing has all been YOUR fault.

 

That's why I always say.....no one really wins in these situations. It's just a big old mess.....no matter what happens.

 

I know you've been thru hell on this one Pocket.....and I don't think happiness is around the corner. Maybe in time.....but not for awhile.

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