BellaStella Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Hi everyone, I am new here and I need some advice. I have been in an affair for about two monthes now. It all started when I had feelings for a professor that I had for one of my classes, I had fantasies of being with him, I never thought anything would SERIOUSLY come of it. For about three monthes, I watched him carefully, deciding whether or not he had the same feelings for me as well. During this time, we worked very closly together on a school publications. After watching him enough to know that he had enough feelings for me I went ahead and confronted him. He confessed he had very strong feels for me, yet said he would have never made a move on me if I didn't tell him. I told him that I had mutual feelings for him, which shocked him. He never in a million years thought I would go for him. Our relationship began from there. I had figured out after a while that he was married. I never thought I would be involved with a married man. Our relationship has really blossomed in the last two monthes. I really enjoy him as a friend and a lover, he is the sweetest most respectful man that I have ever met. We have great communication and I can talk to him about anything. He said that he loves me and says it with genunine feeling. He always talks about things he would like to do with me in the future, like travel, things he could not do with me while with his wife. There is just one problem, I can't stand the fact that I am a "Mistress" and would like him to leave his wife. I told him this straight out, and he said ( and I understand) that it will be a very hard desicion for him. Yet from the first day he has put me above everything else in his life. If our affair is ever found out about, he could loose both his job and his marriage. There are some interesting specifics to our relationship that I have not seen in other affairs. I am a virgin, and he knows that I am not going to have sex with him until we are in a committed nonaffair relationship. He is perfectly willing to wait. Another thing is that he problems in his relationship with his wife. In thier relationship there is almost no intimacy, as well as other problems. So tell me, what are my chances here? What is your take on this relationship? I know that only 2 percent of men leave thier wives for the other woman, could I be in that two percent, and what could help me? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Originally posted by BellaStella I know that only 2 percent of men leave thier wives for the other woman, could I be in that two percent, and what could help me? I don't believe that the number is as high as two percent. However, if you are in that two percent, you will only acheive this through no contact, and an ultimatim, as well as no regard for the feelings of the woman he originally committed to. Also, do your statistics account for the recidivism rates? If he did it to this woman, what will stop him from doing it again? I call it Diego Rivera Syndrome, Professors have women falling for them all the time, and you already know firsthand his apathy for fidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
BellaStella Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 He is very new in the teaching world, he worked in the field for a very long time. I trust him very much, and don't think he would ever do it again, it's just a feeling I have from him. He would have never instigated a relationship with me without knowing I wanted it from him first. He has a lot of respect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 If he really respects you and loves you then he will leave his wife immediately. If he does not, then he doesn't love you. Read some of the other threads about affairs and you'll see how the majority of people feel about it and their (our) opinions on affairs in general and projected outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Originally posted by BellaStella He is very new in the teaching world, he worked in the field for a very long time. I don't know how to respond, because this makes no sense to me. They are completely opposite clauses. Not that it matters, if he's been there long, he knows what he's doing. If he's brand new, imagine what happens when the next girl falls for him. Maybe he'll get lucky, and get lucky with some of them. I trust him very much, and don't think he would ever do it again, it's just a feeling I have from him. It's not a feeling you "have", it's a feeling you are "given." Cheaters are capable of manipulating their prey. If you don't think he's capable of manipulating someone that he says he loves, what do you call what he's doing to his wife? He would have never instigated a relationship with me without knowing I wanted it from him first. He has a lot of respect for me. No doubt you would have never signed on if he hadn't have made you feel this way. You're not going to believe me, no one likes the idea that they are not in control of their own emotions. Even if this entire forum agrees with me, you will continue to delude yourself, and allow yourself to be deluded. All I can do is refuse to validate those delusions. Don't think you're an exception to his rule, he has no respect for fidelity, and you not only are aware of this, you're a firsthand participant. Out of curiousity, what subject does this guy teach? Link to post Share on other sites
BellaStella Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Journalism Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 I am guessing, new as I am here as well, that most here will expect me to go off on you like a bomb... But, no. The reasons wives have affairs are different from the reasons husbands have, in most cases. There are always lots and lots of "accesory" reasons - maybe even more central ones, but I think a large proportion of guys do it because the like "conquests". I know next to nothing about this one, but that is how it sounds to me. I do know you're young (you said you're a student) and he is not so young (years out in the field before teaching...). Stop to consider this: He has no right to take advantage of your teacher/student relationship like this! THAT is why he stands to lose his job! BellaStella, there are a whole lot of good, honest guys out there - they're just not as easy to see; they're pretty quiet, compared to the "bad boys". Don't waste yourself on someone who's not worthy, because... the professor ain't... Link to post Share on other sites
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