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XMM has gotten away with MURDER.......


Lostinlife4now

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Lostinlife4now

It has been a long while since I have seen or talked to xMM...and the one thing that keeps creeping into the back of my head is: HE HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH MURDER......an affair that lasted almost 8 years and his W never found out....It just creeps me out that he can go on like nothing ever happened and he was leading a double life for so long and then he just conveniently goes back into his M and she will NEVER know......I just don't think that is fair....She should know what kind of husband she is married to....but I did get a great piece of advice from a friend of mine....

 

She said...It might not happen today or tomorrow or even next year....

BUT EVERYTHING COMES OUT IN THE WASH!!!!!! and she will find out someday!!!! Oh my I actually feel sorry for his wife......

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bentnotbroken
It has been a long while since I have seen or talked to xMM...and the one thing that keeps creeping into the back of my head is: HE HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH MURDER......an affair that lasted almost 8 years and his W never found out....It just creeps me out that he can go on like nothing ever happened and he was leading a double life for so long and then he just conveniently goes back into his M and she will NEVER know......I just don't think that is fair....She should know what kind of husband she is married to....but I did get a great piece of advice from a friend of mine....

 

She said...It might not happen today or tomorrow or even next year....

BUT EVERYTHING COMES OUT IN THE WASH!!!!!! and she will find out someday!!!! Oh my I actually feel sorry for his wife......

 

 

You should feel more sorry for the people who know what is happening to her and refuse to do anything about it. They are truly the one's who are in need of pity. Sad isn't it. To watch a life being destroyed and no one say anything.

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Lostinlife4now

You are so right bentnotbroken!

 

There were a number of times that I wanted to call her and tell her...but the couple of girlfriends that knew STOPPED me...Their thoughts were why would you want to mess up her life? and their kids? I always thought she should know and to this day I think she should know.

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I am the W that wondered. I wanted to know the truth. I know my exH has a few family members that knew for months before I found out by doing some digging. It hurt me a LOT to know my father in law traveled with my H to visit his MOW... On several weekend trips - he HAD to know - and never told me.

 

Betrayal runs deep. We are only as sick as our secrets.

 

I still see the way he participated as a direct betrayal to me since he went along with it and never told me what I deserved to know.

 

He took away my choices - I cold have known the truth.

 

I'm a firm believer that every spouse should know the REAL person they are married to - IF the BS doesn't have what's real - then the M isn't real either... All pretend - just a lie.

 

Knowing what's real - the truth of what her spouse is capable of - yep, I vote for telling her.

 

Let him deal with the consequences to his actions.

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Then out him and be willing to answer for yourself at the same time.You new he was married and part of why you "protect" him is to protect yourself.No?

 

You are the one letting him "get away with murder".Why?

 

 

Yes, this is very true. For 8 years you were willing to be part of the secret. Now that he has decided to cut you out, you want to out him. Examine why YOU would be telling her NOW versus 8 years ago. I agree with all you said, but I agree with the fact that the BS has a right to know, too. I was a BS who lived a 13 year lie. After the last affair/divorce, it was amazing how many people came forward to tell me stuff they knew. Where were they when it was all going on??????

 

On the other hand, I have been a person who tried to tell a BS what was going on when their H was coming on to me STRONG and propositioning me. After it happened twice despite my rejection and my (now ex) H got involved to tell him to back off but he didn't, I told her. I was friends with this woman and she freaked out on ME when I told her (and I did NOTHING wrong except try to let her know what her H was up to). She told her kids that I was trying to ruin their marriage by telling such lies and completely cut me from her life. It was nuts. I tried to tell a neighbor across the street about all the men his wife was sleeping with when he was deployed but he also got mad at ME and told me to mind my own business. I thought he might want to know since his three kids ages 2, 4 and 6 were waking up to strange men in the house.

 

Unfortunately, when you try to tell, it winds up being a case of "shoot the messenger". Sooooo, because of these situations, I have decided I won't be the one to tell people about their cheating spouses anymore unless they are my sister or my child. They'll have to find out somewhere else.

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My thoughts are the same as the others. If you were so concerned about the BW, you should have told her many years ago.

 

You are the reason he got away with cheating for 8 years.

 

Why do you think it is unfair when he treats you bad(lies or dumps you), but yet didn't mind when he treated his wife like this?

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Lostinlife4now

For all of the posters thank you for your replies...and just for the record...I STOPPED THE AFFAIR...Could not live with myself anymore with the guilt and wanted to come clean all the way around......Now I think he should do the same or I should tell.....

 

I have hurt her once by having the affair.....I feel like I would be hurting her all over again by telling her....Understand????

 

And he is a COWARD and has NO CONSCIENCE!!!!!!

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bentnotbroken
For all of the posters thank you for your replies...and just for the record...I STOPPED THE AFFAIR...Could not live with myself anymore with the guilt and wanted to come clean all the way around......Now I think he should do the same or I should tell.....

 

I have hurt her once by having the affair.....I feel like I would be hurting her all over again by telling her....Understand????

 

And he is a COWARD and has NO CONSCIENCE!!!!!!

 

 

:confused:No..not really. Cowardice is a badge of dishonor that not only affects to the offended party but affects the one wearing the badge. I am not the one of those who believes everyone shoots the messenger. My experiences(yes I have told more than one BS even before I became one of the increasing ranks) have been just the opposite. The belief that telling a someone that they are in danger will hurt them more than not knowing is really just a salve to ease the discomfort of not being able to accept whatever the consequences are for telling. It is self protection at it's finest.

My opinion is he is a coward and he has no conscience, but may I ask how have your actions been different than his? Will you define yourself with these same terms? Do you always let other talk you out of doing what you feel is right?

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debby,

On the other hand, I have been a person who tried to tell a BS what was going on when their H was coming on to me STRONG and propositioning me. After it happened twice despite my rejection and my (now ex) H got involved to tell him to back off but he didn't, I told her. I was friends with this woman and she freaked out on ME when I told her (and I did NOTHING wrong except try to let her know what her H was up to). She told her kids that I was trying to ruin their marriage by telling such lies and completely cut me from her life. It was nuts. I tried to tell a neighbor across the street about all the men his wife was sleeping with when he was deployed but he also got mad at ME and told me to mind my own business. I thought he might want to know since his three kids ages 2, 4 and 6 were waking up to strange men in the house.

 

Unfortunately, when you try to tell, it winds up being a case of "shoot the messenger". Sooooo, because of these situations, I have decided I won't be the one to tell people about their cheating spouses anymore unless they are my sister or my child. They'll have to find out somewhere else.

 

I have had the same experiences as above with telling. While I do understand how the BS would want to be told, I just don't know how or who should be the one doing the telling.

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An affair is murder?

Oyi...Enough with the drama.

 

Also, if he got away with murder

you got away with being an accomplice to murder!

 

Yes its true that its unfortunate that his wife is living a lie - but maybe she knows and is turning a blind eye - maybe she'd rather have a "father" to her kids than go through a messy divorce.

 

And maybe she doesn't know anything - and yeah, I would think that she deserves to know...but for you to now give a flying **** about what she deserves after things went sour with the guy you wasted 8 years on just comes off as very hypocritical and simply the antics of someone that's been scorned.

 

You say that you wanted to tell her before but your friends STOPPED you - really? So its their fault you didn't come clean before?

 

Why can't people take accountability for the things they do or don't do?

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude to you

and yes, I've been involved in an A and I felt ****ty and I didn't even know her to tell her, and it was wrong.

But to actually compare the act to murder and wail on about how you wanted to do the right thing for so long - but its always someone else's fault you didn't is childish.

 

If you want to tell her - tell her.

 

Will that absolve you of your accomplice to murder status - well that's up to you, I guess.

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It has been a long while since I have seen or talked to xMM...and the one thing that keeps creeping into the back of my head is: HE HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH MURDER......an affair that lasted almost 8 years and his W never found out....It just creeps me out that he can go on like nothing ever happened and he was leading a double life for so long and then he just conveniently goes back into his M and she will NEVER know......I just don't think that is fair....She should know what kind of husband she is married to....but I did get a great piece of advice from a friend of mine....

 

She said...It might not happen today or tomorrow or even next year....

BUT EVERYTHING COMES OUT IN THE WASH!!!!!! and she will find out someday!!!! Oh my I actually feel sorry for his wife......

 

 

Life isn't fair. Nature and biology are not based on fairness. Being concerned with everything being fair rarely leads to anything good.

 

Everything doesn't come out in the wash. His wife may never know.

 

... and it doesn't matter.

 

Focus on yourself.

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Lostinlife4now
An affair is murder?

Oyi...Enough with the drama.

 

Also, if he got away with murder

you got away with being an accomplice to murder!

 

Yes its true that its unfortunate that his wife is living a lie - but maybe she knows and is turning a blind eye - maybe she'd rather have a "father" to her kids than go through a messy divorce.

 

And maybe she doesn't know anything - and yeah, I would think that she deserves to know...but for you to now give a flying **** about what she deserves after things went sour with the guy you wasted 8 years on just comes off as very hypocritical and simply the antics of someone that's been scorned.

 

You say that you wanted to tell her before but your friends STOPPED you - really? So its their fault you didn't come clean before?

 

Why can't people take accountability for the things they do or don't do?

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude to you

and yes, I've been involved in an A and I felt ****ty and I didn't even know her to tell her, and it was wrong.

But to actually compare the act to murder and wail on about how you wanted to do the right thing for so long - but its always someone else's fault you didn't is childish.

 

If you want to tell her - tell her.

 

Will that absolve you of your accomplice to murder status - well that's up to you, I guess.

 

 

Tigerclub.....It's just a saying.....he has gotten away with murder....Don't have to get so......real..............ugh......................

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Tigerclub.....It's just a saying.....he has gotten away with murder....Don't have to get so......real..............ugh......................

 

hehe, Yeah I'm sure that's why you wrote it that way as the title of your thread.

 

The saying is that "so & so, could get away with murder" implying that they get their way, & could get away with anything, etc...

 

not that they do x and that is compared to murder.

 

but whatever, you say your saying and you sing your song ... its all good.

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Lostinlife4now
An affair is murder?

Oyi...Enough with the drama.

 

Also, if he got away with murder

you got away with being an accomplice to murder!

 

Yes its true that its unfortunate that his wife is living a lie - but maybe she knows and is turning a blind eye - maybe she'd rather have a "father" to her kids than go through a messy divorce.

 

And maybe she doesn't know anything - and yeah, I would think that she deserves to know...but for you to now give a flying **** about what she deserves after things went sour with the guy you wasted 8 years on just comes off as very hypocritical and simply the antics of someone that's been scorned.

 

You say that you wanted to tell her before but your friends STOPPED you - really? So its their fault you didn't come clean before?

 

Why can't people take accountability for the things they do or don't do?

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude to you

and yes, I've been involved in an A and I felt ****ty and I didn't even know her to tell her, and it was wrong.

But to actually compare the act to murder and wail on about how you wanted to do the right thing for so long - but its always someone else's fault you didn't is childish.

 

If you want to tell her - tell her.

 

Will that absolve you of your accomplice to murder status - well that's up to you, I guess.

 

 

Yes its true that its unfortunate that his wife is living a lie - but maybe she knows and is turning a blind eye - maybe she'd rather have a "father" to her kids than go through a messy divorce.

 

This is EXACTLY what she is doing....she is the type to turn a BLIND EYE and she would rather have a "Father" figure for her kids....But in the end I DO FEEL SORRY FOR HER!!!! Is it ok that I have come clean and wish to make a wrong a right???????????????????

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Yes its true that its unfortunate that his wife is living a lie - but maybe she knows and is turning a blind eye - maybe she'd rather have a "father" to her kids than go through a messy divorce.

 

This is EXACTLY what she is doing....she is the type to turn a BLIND EYE and she would rather have a "Father" figure for her kids....But in the end I DO FEEL SORRY FOR HER!!!! Is it ok that I have come clean and wish to make a wrong a right???????????????????

 

If she is turning a blind eye - meaning that she knows of the cheating but choosing not to care - what do you have to come clean about?

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Lostinlife4now
Then out him and be willing to answer for yourself at the same time.You new he was married and part of why you "protect" him is to protect yourself.No?

 

You are the one letting him "get away with murder".Why?

 

 

Hi Hearton.....I don't have anything to protect...been divorced a lot of years and I am single....so no skin off my back.....

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Lostinlife4now
If she is turning a blind eye - meaning that she knows of the cheating but choosing not to care - what do you have to come clean about?

 

 

I guess you are right TigerClub I really don't have anything to come clean about! If she doesn't care...why should I?

 

But what galls me is that he walks around like the pompous ass that he is, look at me I am so wonderful, it makes me wanna throw up in my mouth....

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I guess you are right TigerClub I really don't have anything to come clean about! If she doesn't care...why should I?

 

But what galls me is that he walks around like the pompous ass that he is, look at me I am so wonderful, it makes me wanna throw up in my mouth....

 

I can certainly understand the anger there - because there was no justice.

OW/OM experience a lot of pain and we (at times, even though we hate to admit it) want to see some justice dealt out on the other end - I totally get that, but whatever their arrangement is - is their business and the truth is, even with all that, something has to be missing for him to be running around and whoring around on her, and for her to "pretend" not know for as long as she did.

 

In all honesty, that's not the type of relationship I would ever want to be in, and I'm sure the same goes from you.

 

So although you're not seeing the "justice" you'd like to see, take comfort from the fact, that you are dealing with your mistakes and you will hopefully come out of all this stronger and if you want, you can find a much healthier relationship in the future that will be nothing like the one you had with him, or the one he has with her.

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Lostinlife4now
I can certainly understand the anger there - because there was no justice.

OW/OM experience a lot of pain and we (at times, even though we hate to admit it) want to see some justice dealt out on the other end - I totally get that, but whatever their arrangement is - is their business and the truth is, even with all that, something has to be missing for him to be running around and whoring around on her, and for her to "pretend" not know for as long as she did.

 

In all honesty, that's not the type of relationship I would ever want to be in, and I'm sure the same goes from you.

 

So although you're not seeing the "justice" you'd like to see, take comfort from the fact, that you are dealing with your mistakes and you will hopefully come out of all this stronger and if you want, you can find a much healthier relationship in the future that will be nothing like the one you had with him, or the one he has with her.

 

 

Yes TigerClub....Justice...that's what it is, couldn't pinpoint it but you did. Thanks....From what I have heard he is getting his justice as we speak....W has not been feeling well for quite a few months and the doctors cannot diagnose it as of yet...and he always told me HE CANNOT BE AROUND OR HANDLE SICK PEOPLE! What a shame, she doesn't even have that in her Husband...she does deserve so much better. And if she is really sick and only has a short time left here on earth...I think she should be happy and not with a prick like him....Just my opinion!!!

 

And yes I am dealing with MY MISTAKES....And no I don't want a healthy relationship in the future, too much baggage with people...I am tired and I would MUCH RATHER be alone....Just so peaceful and drama free!!!!

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Yes TigerClub....Justice...that's what it is, couldn't pinpoint it but you did. Thanks....From what I have heard he is getting his justice as we speak....W has not been feeling well for quite a few months and the doctors cannot diagnose it as of yet...and he always told me HE CANNOT BE AROUND OR HANDLE SICK PEOPLE! What a shame, she doesn't even have that in her Husband...she does deserve so much better. And if she is really sick and only has a short time left here on earth...I think she should be happy and not with a prick like him....Just my opinion!!!

 

And yes I am dealing with MY MISTAKES....And no I don't want a healthy relationship in the future, too much baggage with people...I am tired and I would MUCH RATHER be alone....Just so peaceful and drama free!!!!

 

Why are you keeping tabs on him and his wife, what's going on in their life? Sorry to say this, but it seems you're far from over him.. full of anger, resentment, wanting to tell her.

 

Look, if she is sick and it's serious, it isn't your place or business to interfer and tell her the truth. After all this time, now you want to tell? To make him suffer, pay and suffer consquences.. But , you don't know her and if she is one who doesn't want to know, you could bring A LOT of strife into her life that she may not want to deal with.

 

My suggestion is, focus on your own healing and letting go so you can one day find a peaceful and drama free relationship.

 

I know your post is a rant and stuff, but I hope soon you're able to free yourself of him, thoughts of him, his wife so you can be happy again. And at peace. Right now it certainly doesn't seem like it.

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Yes TigerClub....Justice...that's what it is, couldn't pinpoint it but you did. Thanks....From what I have heard he is getting his justice as we speak....W has not been feeling well for quite a few months and the doctors cannot diagnose it as of yet...and he always told me HE CANNOT BE AROUND OR HANDLE SICK PEOPLE! What a shame, she doesn't even have that in her Husband...she does deserve so much better. And if she is really sick and only has a short time left here on earth...I think she should be happy and not with a prick like him....Just my opinion!!!

 

That's really sad. It doesn't sound like he got any justice though - just sounds like the wife's life took a turn for the sh**ier.

 

He really does sound like an unreliable selfish dick.

 

And yes I am dealing with MY MISTAKES....And no I don't want a healthy relationship in the future, too much baggage with people...I am tired and I would MUCH RATHER be alone....Just so peaceful and drama free!!!!

 

Whatever you choose, hope it does bring you peace.

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Lostinlife4now
Why are you keeping tabs on him and his wife, what's going on in their life? Sorry to say this, but it seems you're far from over him.. full of anger, resentment, wanting to tell her.

 

Look, if she is sick and it's serious, it isn't your place or business to interfer and tell her the truth. After all this time, now you want to tell? To make him suffer, pay and suffer consquences.. But , you don't know her and if she is one who doesn't want to know, you could bring A LOT of strife into her life that she may not want to deal with.

 

My suggestion is, focus on your own healing and letting go so you can one day find a peaceful and drama free relationship.

 

I know your post is a rant and stuff, but I hope soon you're able to free yourself of him, thoughts of him, his wife so you can be happy again. And at peace. Right now it certainly doesn't seem like it.

 

No WWIU....I am not keeping tabs on him or his w.....i happened to hear it through the grapevine from a very reliable source...that's all...not making it out to be more than it it is....Geez!!!!

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Lostinlife4now
That's really sad. It doesn't sound like he got any justice though - just sounds like the wife's life took a turn for the sh**ier.

 

He really does sound like an unreliable selfish dick.

 

 

 

Whatever you choose, hope it does bring you peace.

 

 

 

Yes her life did take a turn for the worse!!! And I do pray for her EVERYDAY!

 

and unreliable selfish dick...those words are too nice in describing him.....

 

Thanks TigerClub....you are a gem!

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No WWIU....I am not keeping tabs on him or his w.....i happened to hear it through the grapevine from a very reliable source...that's all...not making it out to be more than it it is....Geez!!!!

 

Mutual friend?

 

But, don't you see, you knowing those types of details of their life and what goes on IN IT, only feeds your anger and resentment? It isn't healthy for you. If this is a mutual friend and they 'knew' of the affair, maybe think of telling them to not tell you stuff that goes on there..

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