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Should I be patient?


confused4awhile

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confused4awhile

I'm new here and looking for advice. It all started about 2 1/2 years ago when I took a new job. I met a man that caught my attention. We became very good friends and after about a 1 1/2 years became romantic. After 1 kiss from this man I left my 12year marriage. (And yes it was that good) I felt in that one kiss what can only be described as Kaboom!

 

We work together for a company that frowns upon interoffice relationships, he's 19 years older than I and to make things more complex he has a girlfriend of 8 years.

 

He tells me not to worry that things will all work out but everytime I try to talk about the situation he finds a way to get out of the subject. I sometimes feel he tells me enough to keep me strung along and other times I believe him. On the whole he is a honorable man. He has been the brightest spot in my life and foolishly I have fallen head over heels in love with him. He has never come out and told me that he will leave her but tells me he is falling in love with me. He tells me that given his age he has learned to be cautious and that I need to be patient. He spends money on me constantly but not time. I usually only get to see him socially about once every 2 weeks for a few hours in the cover of night.

 

I can't leave this situation! I've tried many times to take myself out of it but all he has to do is call and I'm right back there. I constantly get hit on by other men so it's not as if I can't get one. When I tell him about these advances by other men he makes comments about telling them I have a significant other. He calls me his girlfriend even though he already has one.

 

I've told him that I'll agree to keep peace through the holidays but then he has to make a decision. I'm just not sure I can follow through with this ultimatum now that I've made it.

 

What should I do? Be patient and wait for him or is this hopeless?

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This man is not going to make any moves and this should be quite obvious to you. I don't say this with the intent of being mean but you have some serious issues leaving a long term marriage for a man who has a girlfriend and who isn't even willing to talk about his relationship with you.

 

None of this is this guy's fault. I'm sure he's very flattered by the attention you lavish upon him but that's the extent of it. Actions speak louder than words and if he hasn't broken up with his girlfriend already, there's a very good reason. Because the guy refuses to talk to you about this situation is a clear indication he has absolutely no intentions of taking any favorable action in your behalf. He is using you big time and, frankly, making a fool of you. That makes me very sad.

 

You really need to forget this man and work on yourself. Obviously your marriage wasn't fulfilling but some of your irrational actions are symptomatic of more serious problems which you may need to explore with a competent therapist. Being in love is not nearly enough to justify some of the dramatic decisions you have made.

 

Move on and start a new life for yourself and don't think that everytime YOU fall in love, the OTHER person is going to jump to attention and behave as you prescribe. It just doesn't happen that way.

 

I know of very, very few people in the universe who would leave their husband for a guy who wants to keep his girlfriend of eight years. What you have done makes no sense to me at all. Maybe I've missed something.

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Originally posted by confused4awhile

What should I do? Be patient and wait for him or is this hopeless?

 

Yes, this is hopeless. Completely hopeless.

 

Let's look at the facts here..........He's got a girlfrienf of eight years. That alone tells you that he's got major problems with committment. Wonder how many other flings he's had while being with his girlfriend? Surely you must know you're not the only one. He's been carrying on with you, while enjoying a longterm (and you know sexual) relationship with his girlfriend. He's got the best of both worlds. Of course he's not willing to talk about ending things with her!! Why would he??

 

Tony was right in everything he said. This man is making a major fool of you! Please open your eyes and realize that you're wasting your time here. This man will continue to use you as long as you let him. You've taught him that you can be used, taken for granted, and strung along. If I were you, I wouldn't even consider any kind of an ultimatum. He'll never give in. The smart and healthy thing would be to bid him adieu and sever all contact with him. You have no future with him. I repeat.......you have no future with him.

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confused4awhile

Thank you both so much. Since I've never really gotten a chance to talk to anyone about this you both have given me the insight I needed. For the record...My marriage was an awful one, verbally abusive and in reading both of your remarks I think your advice is just what I needed. Taking a hard look this man gave me attention made me feel beautiful and did alot for a very hurt self image. So I cling to that from him when I could very well be getting that from someone who is available. I'm so glad I found this site and I will take your advice the best way I can!

 

Thanks

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No one is faulting you for ending an abusive marriage. I can understand where the attention of another man would be a boost to a faltering self esteem.

 

However, are you not in an abusive relationship now???? No, he's not punching you out or calling you horrible names and making you fear for your safety, but it's abuse of another kind. He's leading you on, making vague, idle promises and using you for his own sexual gratification and ego. What's worse is you're allowing it and inviting it. By allowing this treatment, you're abusing yourself.

 

I have a wonderful book I'd like to recommend to you. It's called "The Emotionally Abused Woman" by Beverly Engel. It's an excellent book and I think it would help you to learn a lot about yourself, your choices in men, and why you keep repeating self-destructive patterns.

 

You are on a dead end street with this man. Please understand this and see the situation for what it is, not what you want it to be. You need to focus on yourself and your self esteem and realize that you're worthy of being more than a fling for some committment-phobe. Learn to love yourself and then a worthy, honorable man will be able to love you. You're degrading and dirtying yourself every second you remain attached to this man. You're worth more!!

 

Please keep posting here. There are many people here who will encourage you and support you as you make a difficult decision. Take care.......

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confused4awhile

Fancy,

 

I will check that book out for sure.

 

 

But how do I escape this situation? I work with this man. I can't quit my job. I make more at that job than anyother in the area offers for my position. I have seniority and(unless the owner were to become aware) a great amount of repsect from the owner and my colleagues.

 

He pursues me whenever I try to break away. Telling me that we are like hand and glove. To a certain degree this is true. Which I beleive is why this all happened to begin with.

 

He is evasive true but not unwilling to talk about it. I think he's confused and scared. I know he has a good heart and does not want to hurt this woman he is with.

 

And yes I understand in that he's hurting me but what can I do?

This man has scribed himself into me. He knows my weaknesses and plays off of them.

 

This is so hopeless and God help me I do love him

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He knows your weaknesses because you've exposed them to him. You've given him 100% control over you and this "relationship." It's time you bucked up and gained control over yourself, this situation and your future.

 

The first step is deciding you're going to do this. Unless and until you do that, you might as well stop reading now. You have to resolve that you want a better life and future for yourself than accepting seconds. He knows you're weak and that's what he's playing on. You've made this so very easy for him.

 

I stongly suggest you leave and get another job, but if that's completely out of the question, you make it very plain to him that it's over and you want him to leave you the hell alone. Do not talk to him unless it's absolutely necessary and work related.

 

This man strikes me as the type who's looking for something easy (i.e. an insecure woman who will put up with his crap). If you let him know you're no longer going to partake in being used as a side dish, chances are he'll move on to easier prey. If he continues to pursue, look him squarely in the eyes and say, "If you come near me again, I will contact your girlfriend and reveal everything." Say it with determination and watch him head for the hills. Believe me, you won't have lost much.

 

If you want to end this, you can. Period. The question is.......will you?

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confused4awhile

Well Fancy I guess to answer your question NO. I felt so empowered this afternoon. I even wrote a letter to him.

 

He is leaving for 10 days to go visit his parents for the holidays and they are not in good health. I felt so terrible about what I was about to do given everything else he is dealing with right now, that I didn't send it. Basically it said to not contact me in anyway while he was gone. To take the time to reflect upon his actions towards me and to the woman he's commited to. That I was going to take thta time doing the same thing.

 

Being a person of conscience this whole thing has not sat very well with me at all! Do unto others as you would have done to you. I feel very sorry for this woman and what he is doing to her too.

 

Anyway I broke down and called. I know I shouldn't have but I wanted to say goodbye and wish him well on his trip. Needless to say all he had to do was talk about missing me while he was gone and calling me everyday while he was there. I'm right back to start.

 

I even tried to sound cool and uncaring. That didn't work. He told me he couldn't wait to get back home so he could be with me. I told him that it didn't matter much b/c I wouldn't be seeing him when he got back anyway. That when he got back he would be with her. He told me to stop being such a pessimist.

 

Than he began to tell me how horrible this trip will be on him. Which I know it will be. I can only imagine being an only child, having my folks elderly, ailing and thousands of miles away from me. Spending Christmas alone without her or me or his daughter(which is from a previous marriage).

 

So anyway here I am. No better off. I care for this man so deeply. I don't want to add to his troubles right now with what seems such a petty thing in light of everything. I know it's hard to beleive but he think he does care for me. He tells me so and it is with emotion.

 

Right or wrong I will await his return and after the new year I will press this issue with him once and for all. I know what will happen. I'm a smart woman but I feel right now he needs me to lean on and I should be there for him.

 

So I guess when he returns I will get the answer and will have to move on the best I can!

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Dear confused4awhile,

 

As I read your story, tears rolled down my eyes as your situation is so much silmilar with mine.

 

I am in a relationship with a guy at work for the past 7 months. He has a 7 years live-in girlfriend. I had too ended a failed marriage early this year. I am 'what you would call' jumping from a hot frying pan to another. I had a lot of times broke off with him and ended up always running back to him.

 

He has a lot of problems regarding work n financial so I feel like sh*t when I tried to push him in leaaving his girlfriend. Anyway,just last week his girlfriend found out about me and him, she warned me off on the phone. Guess what? Til now I am still with him. I felt I have no more pride left. But I do love him a lot.

 

I have gave him an ulitimate; leave her and to move out of her house as soon as he can find a place to stay. I know he will do it eventually but I do not want to wait around forever so I have also given myself an ulitimate; I am going to give him til end of janunary, if he has no action done, I am going to resign and pursue another career choice and change my handphone number and to move to somewhere else. It may seem very dramatic to do all this to avoid a man but I aidn't giving myself the chance to run back to him.

 

Well, if you are going to ask me am I very sure I am going to carry out my ulitimate promise? All I can tell you is that I can't stand sharing him with another woman anymore.

 

I just want to share my story to you to let you know you are not alone with this situation. I am going through the same thing....

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Confused, I don't know what else to tell you. You seem determined to continue letting this man manipulate you and use you. I hate to see you hit rock bottom before you realize you're tired of living this way.

 

You say he cares for you and loves you? A good way to determine if someone really loves you is when he treats you better than he treats himself.

 

Does he do that?

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confused4awhile

It feels so good to know I'm not alone. He called me today at work when he arrived to his parents. Things are not well for him, worse than he expected. My heart goes out to him and I want to be a friend to him thru this difficult period. It pains me to know that he is alone. His selfish g/f let him go alone b/c she did not want to be hassled. Seems so uncaring to leave him alone in his time of need. Had I the option, I would have gone there for moral support with him. As his g/f she should have no matter how unpleasant. Isn't that what love is?

 

However, When he returns I'll have to face my worse fears and do what is right by all three of us.

 

I'm thinking of just walking away. If he leaves her after that than we can talk but I think I should keep my distance when he returns. Let him make his mind up without me in the picture and move on with my life in the meantime. If he misses the boat it's his loss.

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Dear confused4awhile,

 

its gonna be really hard walking away from him especially you love him so much. I have muster all my courage and yet til now I can't do it. I am not being negative but if you decide to leave this relationship, be very determined. I can't really advise you on your situation and I am not the right one to give you advise. Afterall,I have not able to break away from my own troubles so similar to yours. I am keeping check on your post as the advises given to you might as well be useful to me.

 

Girl, you are not suffering alone.I am suffering too.

 

You take care and have a Merry Christmas.

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confused4awhile

Lost that is comforting but not good.

 

Here it is Christmas Eve and I'm sure like me you are alone. Although he is away on a family affair and its also not pleasant for him I know that if he were home it wouldn't be with me but with her.

 

We did talk last night and tonight too. I made a vunerable statement to him and than asked him how vunerable a statement it really was. His comment was that it was not as vunerable as I might think. Kind of wondering what that means.

 

I know he has feelings for me, strong ones. But he also has obligations. Such a tough thing. Plus we could both lose our jobs if found out. So many obstacles.

 

We're supposed to have a long talk when he gets home so I'll let you know how it goes.

 

 

Anyway Merry Christmas Sweety. My thoughts are with you too

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Dear confused4awhile,

 

Yes I was all alone on christmas day but so lucky for me is that I have to work on both the eve and the day,so does he. Although he and me are of the same company but we are of a different location. Both of us could lose our jobs too if our company find out. I am young so I didn't really care whether I have this job or not but I am really worry for him cos he is not getting younger and he needs this job very much.

 

On christmas eve itself, I express my loneliness at a what suppose to be a warm loving holiday for me. He spend 2 hours on the phone with me til midnight even though I know both of us are dreadfully tired. I know he wants to be the first one to wish me Merry Christmas. To ease his gulit? Maybe.... On Christmas day, he had called to apologize to me cos he had to go to a christmas dinner with his girlfriend. I was devastated and disappointed but what can I do?

 

He loves me, I know he does, from the way his eyes speaks. Maybe I am lying to myself. I know the day wil come where I will have to tear myself away from him.

 

 

Let me know how it goes for you and your guy. I hope all the best for you. That he is wiling to at least give you a sincere heart to heart talk and the truth.

 

take care,my friend.

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Dear confused4awhile,

 

 

I had a talk with my man last nite. I told him I couldn't stand it anymore with this no future triangle relationship and I am preparing to move on if I can't get an answer from him. I asked him whether he is ever going to break up with his girlfriend, he told me that "maybe yes". I asked him is he going to end up marrying her and he answered "maybe no" What kind of answer is that? I got so pissed off I told him that he can forget about having "us". Yes I broke up with him but before you can praise me.......

 

I called him again tonight and cried over the phone. I told him I missed him. I asked him is he never going to call me ever again. He told me that he just want to give me time to cool off and to really think what I want. I know I am pathetic. I AM VERY PATHETIC.

 

I can't muster the courage to walk away from him. I really truly love him so much.

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To lost-girl and confused and all the ladies on this forum who are waiting for him.

 

Look in the mirror...really look and see the beautiful woman you are.

Then ask yourself out loud, if you were a man, how would you treat you.

 

If the answer is I would treat me with love and respect, then allow yourself to feel angry, and proceed to extricate yourself from the abuse of a triangulated relationship.

 

If the answer is, I am not worthy of being shown loving behavior, I do not deserve love and respect..I am lucky to get what I can get, ..then please know you need to heal a wound that has nothing to do with anyone but you.

 

If someone was wounded, I am sure you ladies would help them...My only wish is that you give yourselves the same amount of love, nursing and attention that you would give a stranger.

 

 

I know this sounds like preaching and you have heard it and probably read it all before...blah blah...

But this kind of "love", is more than just an addiction...Imo it may have a combination of sexual chemistry (strong stuff), the rescue syndrome (I will save him from his crappy marriage) a dab of (I am better than his wife) and a touch of (I want what she has got).....all rolled up into one... :( ...Ya think?

 

His wife or g/f then becomes the obstacle/the competitor with whom you are also in a relationship with...not a good one either I want to say.

 

Don't tune me out ...I am on your side! Yeah, and sure you may end up with the guy...and it may be great, but will whatever motivated you to get into the triangle to begin with be addressed ?

 

I won't listen to, but I love him...it's about him...No it's not...GO to the singles web sites...there are so many potential men to meet that it's trip to the candy store...really... :)

 

And I am not letting him ( the mm) off the hook...He has alot of issues, had them before you came along and will have them after you leave..

 

DAMMIT you don't need his junk....! :sick:

 

 

So free yourselves...all you lovely gals out there...to a New Year that is really happy!

 

 

Rock on!

 

 

SKittles... :)

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confused4awhile

Well I'm sitting here tonight on the EVE of his return from his trip. The last time I spoke to him was Thursday and all seemed great. However he's only contacted my once in the last two days. This was only after I emailed him 3 times and called twice to leave messages on his cell phone. I was worried something was wrong.

Anyway, as the time approaches for his return I'm having trouble coping here.

 

I've spent the last 2 hours in my bed crying. I know what will have to be done this week. The BIG question/talk. I know how this is going to end up and I don't know if I can deal with it.

 

After spending so much time and engery, losing my marriage everything....I'm about to get told ..."I'm not leaving her."

It will all be for nothing

 

 

I seriously don't know how I'm going to deal with it when I hear it for real. He made a comment the other day that he wondered if his being attached is what kept my interest. What kind of comment is that?

 

Sometimes I think he has trouble thinking a women 20 years younger than him can really love him and continue to do so no matter what...other times I think he's thinking all this is just one big game...who will try the hardest to keep or win me? The big ego trip.

 

I 've spent two days trying to figure out exactly what hold this man has over me...what power. I'm a smart, fit, and have been told by many men highly attractive woman.

 

God I even signed up for one of those online dating clubs and have gotten on average 25 emails a day for the last 2 weeks. So I can't be a troll. I just can't seem to move on. These men that have contacted me have all seemed very nice and on the whole are professional men that are very nice looking themselves. But the first thing I do is start comparing.

 

God What is the matter with me?

 

I'm forever doomed...when you find that one person who you feel makes you complete how the hell do you move on?

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How can you feel complete with someone that you 'date' only once every couple of weeks? You can't be open about your relationship in your workplace?

 

On "being attached is what kept your interest" maybe you thought if you tried hard enough you'd get him to leave his gf? That would feed into the "ego trip" scenario.

 

Although you have affirmed that men find you attractive by joining the online dating service, you might want to take it easy on jumping into another 'relationship' at this time. Date and have fun, keep busy - wait to get serious until you have recovered from the break up.

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confused4awhile

brashgal: ( and everyone else)

 

I know it hard for you to understand the situation. True we may only get together 3 times a month or so socially but we talk every day. Not only at work but for hours on end on the phone. It's a mental connection that we share. We live about an hour apart and I have a young child at home so it's not that we wouldn't like to see one another more often. It mostly because I can't see him more often.

 

It is true about work also. That is a big deal where I work but you know things happen. It does not affect our work and we make a hell of a team, our boss pairs us up on projects all the time because when we work together we make the company plenty of money. Even when the suggestion has been made for us to work on projects with other people the boss has said NO "and break up the one team that consistently performs profitably?" Some people can handle both and we are a good example of that.

 

As far as jumping into anything...I'm not looking for anything else serious. Hell I can't seem to look for anything at all. I went to the single's site on the advice of friends and this board. Believe me the last thing I'm interested in right now is a relationship with anyone except for this man or I wouldn't be here.

 

I thought maybe meeting someone else and becoming friends with them would be good. I've never been someone to rush into anything. Although I know it may not seem that way to you all here.

 

Please try to remember that it's hard for someone to give the whole story in these postings and to "outsiders" looking in things may not seem right. It's easy to pass judgment. Do you think I've enjoyed this? Do you think I intended on any of this happening? The answer to both is No...but like the old saying goes "Sh*t happens." You can't help when you start to have feelings for a person.

 

For instance after I wrote that posting last night he called and we ended up talking until 4:00a.m. this morning. I know plenty of people that are together that can't even hold a conversation with they're "partner" for 15 minutes. And those lengthy talks happen every night. Even after knowing each other as long as we have we NEVER run out of things to talk about. We do have a very special connection that started as a very good friendship.

 

We've both discussed the fact that our friendship turning romantic was a shocker to us both. I mean who looks for that to happen? This man was committed to this woman for 8 years. Never straying, never looking and it just happened. They've been though so much together in the course of their relationship.

Between him helping her through a fight with Cancer to her helping him with his ailing parents.

 

Some of you think He has commitment issues because of the "dating" her for 8 years. Well, whoever said he wasn't the one that wanted more? So quick everyone has been to jump to conclusions about this man. To make him some horrible monster.

 

When he needed a friend I was there to listen and when my marriage started to fall apart he was there for me. We emotionally became dependant of one another and later it turned physical. We didn't plan it and I think we equally fought it for some time.

 

Whatever happens between us or doesn't this man has helped me in many ways. When my husband tore me down he lifted me up. He helped me to see how beautiful I was even at 5'2 150pd. When I started to feel better about myself after years of emotional abuse I lost the weight with his help...now proudly down to a size 1 which I've managed to keep the weight off for over a year. There was a time I wouldn't wear make-up or dress so that I may be noticed by anyone. There was an afternoon during our friendship that he went shopping with me, showing me clothes that would look best on me and he was right. And i'm not talking slutty stuff either...business suits and such. God I didn't even hardly know how to walk in high heels...If you were to see a picture of me 2 years ago and a picture of me now nobody here would believe it. He helped a mousy wallflower and gave her the confidence to blossom into just a flower. As he has said he watched me bloom into a beautiful young woman.

 

He gave me self confidence when I had NONE! He taught me to take up for myself when others tried to tear me down and he has always made me feel special. The romantic part came later. Maybe it came about because of the things he did for me...he was not the aggressor here I was. A lot of my friends have said that I have mistaken admiration and gratitude for what he did for me as love. Kind of like what happens with doctors and patients sometimes. This could be true I don't know....

 

I just wanted to give everyone a little more insight into the situation and say that before everyone makes these men out to be "boogie-men" it always takes two and sometimes it's not as one sided as the "poor ole misguided" girl.

 

Thanks

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He gave me self confidence when I had NONE! He taught me to take up for myself when others tried to tear me down and he has always made me feel special. The romantic part came later. Maybe it came about because of the things he did for me...he was not the aggressor here I was. A lot of my friends have said that I have mistaken admiration and gratitude for what he did for me as love. Kind of like what happens with doctors and patients sometimes. This could be true I don't know....

 

I just wanted to give everyone a little more insight into the situation and say that before everyone makes these men out to be "boogie-men" it always takes two and sometimes it's not as one sided as the "poor ole misguided" girl.

 

 

Oh confused4awhile, you will now change your name to confusednomore.. :)

 

I am happy to hear that your friend gave you self-confidence, etc. he sounds like he was very loving and caring to you....but truthfully you gave that to yourself. Sadly, alot of us don't think we are worthy until and unless someone validates our feelings of self-worth.

 

I don't think that everyone here makes the om to be the boogie-man, as you put it...Folks at LS tend to be over-protective, and may come across as hammer-handed sometimes...but are always well-meaning imo... :)

 

And you can and must move out of this relationship as you know it, because it is extremely distressful to you...

and as others have said, give yourself time to heal.

 

I know you love him and he loves you according to your experience in this but if he is not taking steps...action,action,action to being with you, then this is a deal -breaker.

 

And if giving him up is physically painful for you right now, then perhaps at this time you don't give him up entirely, but give up your expectations of the relationship...

 

Reduce exposure to him and find others to be your friend, shopping, etc...

 

I know ...easier said then done...but confused, be confused no more.... the answer is as bright as a sunrise :)

 

Whittle it down ....Be thankful he helped you out of a bad marriage, but he may be no more than transition man.

 

 

I wish you luck...p/m anytime for tea and sympathy.

 

 

Skittles

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Please try to remember that it's hard for someone to give the whole story in these postings and to "outsiders" looking in things may not seem right. It's easy to pass judgment. Do you think I've enjoyed this? Do you think I intended on any of this happening? The answer to both is No...but like the old saying goes "Sh*t happens." You can't help when you start to have feelings for a person.

 

HALLELUYA TO THAT COMMENT

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Please try to remember that it's hard for someone to give the whole story in these postings and to "outsiders" looking in things may not seem right. It's easy to pass judgment. Do you think I've enjoyed this? Do you think I intended on any of this happening? The answer to both is No...but like the old saying goes "Sh*t happens." You can't help when you start to have feelings for a person

 

Confused, I can't imagine the full scope of your pain because I am not living it. The majority of posters imo, are not passing judgement because there is a good chance that sh*t has happened to them too. Alot of us feel for you...but may not express it in a nice way all the time.

 

And if salient parts of a poster's story is left out, then it is by their choice....we can't read minds and if a story is inconsistent or changes midstream....it's really a waste of time for everyone...and I am not necessarily addressing that comment to you confused...please know this....

 

 

So despair not..there are people who really give a sh*t ...because we learn from each other eventually.

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confused4awhile

Thank you guys so much. I didn't mean to sound harsh there and I know I've left quite a bit out...but unless I plan to turn this into a novel LOL I've tried to keep it short.

 

Anyway just got an Email and he's home...He didn't call because

"somethings up and I don't know what yet but I'll call you later"

 

I'm wondering what the hell he's talking about. And I hope all is OK. My mind has gone to the g/f...is something wrong with her or did she find something in the 2 weeks he was gone? I would not want to her have found out that way. Above all she does not deserve what has happened and she has suspected our involvement for some time. Even before there was anything to worry about. I really hope that is not the case and if he choooses to tell her that it comes from him and not because she found out some other way. How heartbreaking that would be for her. Even though I don't think she deserves him (because of what I've been TOLD to the way she treats him) I would still hope that if it were me I'd not find out that way. Is it wrong to feel that mixture of emotion though....Wanting her to know but now wanting her to find out... I just don't know. I wish he'd told me more but I guess I'll find out more later.

 

In hurt and anger I've lashed out at him on here too. So I'm also not above bashing. No one is. Very had to do when so much raw emotion is involved but my hope at this point is sometime in the future if romantically we don't work out I can still be this mans friend. I know it will be a very long time before I can do that without keeping false hope alive but as I said he is very special.

 

Thanks guys for all your support.

 

I'll keep you posted

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Anyway just got an Email and he's home...He didn't call because

"somethings up and I don't know what yet but I'll call you later"

 

 

It would drive me absolutely crazy till I found out! Bless your heart, I bet 1,000 things are running through your mind right now but it's probably nothing serious. Please share with us if you want, what the deal is!!

 

 

I've read over this thread and have been following it, do you think perhaps you could eventually change this relationship into a friendship and then find someone that can exclusively be yours?? You really need that and he may need to stay further committed to this woman. It just may not be in the cards for y'all to be together. But that's no reason why you couldn't still have him in your life, if you could handle that.

 

I had a very strong attraction to someone 20 yrs my senior but alot of things went wrong and weren't meant to be (being married as one of them!! :eek: ) but he is still a very good friend. The age difference has worked in a way that I'm able to gain insight through the wisdom he has plus with our mutual admiration (non-sexual) for each other, there's closeness that I don't have with my girlfriends that are my age.....

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confused4awhile
do you think perhaps you could eventually change this relationship into a friendship and then find someone that can exclusively be yours?? You really need that and he may need to stay further committed to this woman. It just may not be in the cards for y'all to be together. But that's no reason why you couldn't still have him in your life, if you could handle that.

 

 

This is how the whole thing started to begin with is a friendship. And I want nothing more than to keep at least that. I am going crazy but I don't want to call in case it does have to do with the g/f. Besides he just got home from a 2week trip and I don't want to punch right on him...well I do but LOL

 

It hard for me to find someone to be exclusive with. I don't want to I guess is the problem. They won't be like him and I know that sounds sad but its true. We've jokingly said to one another "why settle for anything less once you've had the best." And I guess this is true. He's the best listener, conversationalist, friend, and lover I've ever known. The age thing is a big deal with him. He's never come out and said it but hinted enough about it. It bothers him what others will think. I, myself, say screw them but...

 

In reality it probably isn't in the cards for us. I'm smart and I know that but just unwilling to let it go I guess. Hoping above all that things will work out.

 

Thanks I'll keep you guys up to spend on what's up

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