xpinkladyx Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I don't really know where to turn At the moment, i am the other woman the object of my affections is 21, and im nearly 26 - we met at work, and we fell in love with each other He is with his girlfriend and he lives with her and is going on holiday with her next month....He's told me after the holiday, he's leaving! but I dont believe him We've not had sex....we've come close, but he won't sleep with me until hes not with her...we've only kissed a handful of times and we cuddle alot - so its not really an affair, but it is He told me he loves me - he texts me at every opportunity and he comes and see's me at every opportunity I also have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, but he will not come over when i have my son - and i dont know why - i have an idea but it hurts to even think of it like that I want to break away from him because i feel like he isnt going to leave her - how can he - hes going on holiday with her - why wait until after the holiday!! I'm getting asked out alot, and im not going because im waiting for him - i want to be with him - but im starting to think its not going to happen, and i've got to wait another 2 months maximum to see if anything changes....it is slowly killing me as I dont want to be in this situation!! but i love him Always have, this has been going on inside me for nearly 2 years - but i faced up to the fact i didn tlove my ex and i left him 9 months ago! i dated somebody else, but the guy i dated wasn't him, nobody is!! People at work have often mistaken me for my "friends" girlfriend - friends have said we are perfect together as we have such a good chemistry that works - and it hurts!! I've told him to leave me alone countless times, and he always comes back,a nd instead of telling him to go away again, i let him back in!! I am frightend, and i think im running away - but I honestly think we have no future - and I'm terrified of letting him go because i dont want to deep down, but to save myself from getting hurt, i feel like i have to Just wanted to post somewhere, where somebody might just understand! Part of me thinks he's being genuine, the other half just wants to run! xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Being that they live together he has to find a new residence. That's the first thing on his list. He is going on vacation with her which means they should have sex, hope you're ok with that. Maybe he didn't want to loose his money so he decided to take the trip, that's a possibility. Are you willing to give him this last chance? When he returns from vacation and he has not broken it off, then you walk. Lets hope he hasn't proposed to her on vacate... then he'll be counting on you being his OW forever. So what’s your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I don't really know where to turn At the moment, i am the other woman the object of my affections is 21, and im nearly 26 - we met at work, and we fell in love with each other He is with his girlfriend and he lives with her and is going on holiday with her next month....He's told me after the holiday, he's leaving! but I dont believe him We've not had sex....we've come close, but he won't sleep with me until hes not with her...we've only kissed a handful of times and we cuddle alot - so its not really an affair, but it is He told me he loves me - he texts me at every opportunity and he comes and see's me at every opportunity I also have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, but he will not come over when i have my son - and i dont know why - i have an idea but it hurts to even think of it like that I want to break away from him because i feel like he isnt going to leave her - how can he - hes going on holiday with her - why wait until after the holiday!! I'm getting asked out alot, and im not going because im waiting for him - i want to be with him - but im starting to think its not going to happen, and i've got to wait another 2 months maximum to see if anything changes....it is slowly killing me as I dont want to be in this situation!! but i love him Always have, this has been going on inside me for nearly 2 years - but i faced up to the fact i didn tlove my ex and i left him 9 months ago! i dated somebody else, but the guy i dated wasn't him, nobody is!! People at work have often mistaken me for my "friends" girlfriend - friends have said we are perfect together as we have such a good chemistry that works - and it hurts!! I've told him to leave me alone countless times, and he always comes back,a nd instead of telling him to go away again, i let him back in!! I am frightend, and i think im running away - but I honestly think we have no future - and I'm terrified of letting him go because i dont want to deep down, but to save myself from getting hurt, i feel like i have to Just wanted to post somewhere, where somebody might just understand! Part of me thinks he's being genuine, the other half just wants to run! xxx Gently, I suggest you consider counseling. In Jan this yr, you were living with a man but met someone else and weren't sure if you were his booty call. A week ago, an ex, maybe this OM, lied about you leading to his new GF hitting you. Now, a man, maybe the same, is a semi-MM you don't trust intends to leave as vaca would make most people question. Why so much drama all the time? All within 7 months? None of these sitch's have been healthy. There maybe reasons you could explore as to why 1 bad after another. I do wish you well in finding happier and healthier circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Why do you think he avoids your son? And when you answer this you'll have all the answers YOU need and YOUR path will be clear. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) I don't really know where to turn At the moment, i am the other woman the object of my affections is 21, and im nearly 26 - we met at work, and we fell in love with each other He is with his girlfriend and he lives with her and is going on holiday with her next month....He's told me after the holiday, he's leaving! but I dont believe him If you don't believe him, there mostly likely is a reason why....our gut knows We've not had sex....we've come close, but he won't sleep with me until hes not with her...we've only kissed a handful of times and we cuddle alot - so its not really an affair, but it is It still is an affair. I suppose he has some amount of conscience and boundaries why he won't go "all the way" and consummate the affair. He told me he loves me - he texts me at every opportunity and he comes and see's me at every opportunity It's easy to say you love someone, if it is not true, no Love Police or Lightning from the Heavens will strike you dead so there is little risk in simply saying it. Therefore consistent actions, respect, care, transparency, etc come into play with such declarations. Texting, a form of lazy communication, that can be done at any time and place, is often inconspicuous to others and can be done while multitasking isn't the biggest show of love as it takes minimal effort. I also have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, but he will not come over when i have my son - and i dont know why - i have an idea but it hurts to even think of it like that What do you mean you don't know why? What's your idea? To be honest, if I were him, I would not readily be around the child of a woman I am having an affair with and am not currently serious about. When I started dating my ex, his son was 6 at the time too, and I was reluctant about being around him if the ex and I were not going to be serious. I personally feel like it is irresponsible to have people traipsing around your house and in your child's life when things are casual. If I were a single mother, I would not do that, at all. For actual safety and emotional and psychological well being. The ex, at the time, said he was serious about me, saw himself marrying me and I allowed myself to be okay with being around his child. That was a mistake for many reasons, as he is irresponsible. After we broke up, he had girls he knew for a couple weeks living with him and meeting his child! In a year, he had 3 different gfs, all of whom he allowed to be in his child's life smh. I have ZERO respect for that and am glad we broke up, as God forbid we had married, had children, divorced and he did that to our child. I think this guy is being responsible in this regard by choosing not to be at your house with your child....you should respect him for that. I want to break away from him because i feel like he isnt going to leave her - how can he - hes going on holiday with her - why wait until after the holiday!! Trust yourself....if you have niggling feelings, they're usually for a reason. I'm getting asked out alot, and im not going because im waiting for him - i want to be with him - but im starting to think its not going to happen, and i've got to wait another 2 months maximum to see if anything changes....it is slowly killing me as I dont want to be in this situation!! Go out with other people! After all, he has a gf, you are not in an exclusive relationship. If he wants you all to himself, then he will leave his gf and commit to you. In the mean time, date who you'd like. If you do not want to be in this situation, opt out! Save yourself drama. Imagine if you don't want to do this, you keep feeling badly, and go against your judgment and continue, you'll feel even worst when your fears come to light and you're gonna want to kick yourself for knowing all along but i love him Always have, this has been going on inside me for nearly 2 years - but i faced up to the fact i didn tlove my ex and i left him 9 months ago! i dated somebody else, but the guy i dated wasn't him, nobody is!! Yes...the ever present dilemma of love. The thing is, "love" without the right circumstances is usually a hassle. There is not ONLY ONE person to love, so might as well find the most ideal person to love who will love you the way you want, and come with the circumstances conducive to your well being. Love isn't for you to feel bad, be in dilemmas for years and the like. People at work have often mistaken me for my "friends" girlfriend - friends have said we are perfect together as we have such a good chemistry that works - and it hurts!! That's nice....what these people think doesn't matter, looks can deceive and looking good together is no testament to it being right or lasting, especially from outsiders. Anyone can say anything to compliment you without it meaning anything significant, without them even being right, and without it being something to build on. I've told him to leave me alone countless times, and he always comes back,a nd instead of telling him to go away again, i let him back in!! He doesn't respect your boundaries and neither do you. I have been there. Telling my ex to leave me alone or setting up all these rules and things I wouldn't put up with....it was bull and he realized it, as I ALWAYS took him back so me talking was just "blah blah blah...she's just saying this but she doesn't mean it". He had no reason to take me seriously, and didn't. My fault. Same with you. Boundaries aren't about making speeches, they're about actions. Saying leave me alone and taking someone back is not a strong message.....saying leave me alone and then YOU avoiding them and their advances no matter what, shows that you're serious. I think you want him to chase you in some way....I too have been there, saying leave me alone, when I meant, hopefully when I say this, it will be too hard and he won't go away but just change the stuff I hate. Didn't work. I am frightend, and i think im running away - but I honestly think we have no future - and I'm terrified of letting him go because i dont want to deep down, but to save myself from getting hurt, i feel like i have to Again, trust yourself, you're probably on to something. It's scary to let go, your mind plays tricks on you and gives you all these reasons to stay or the worst yet, is making you feel scared like if you let this person go you will NEVER find another.....not to worry, it's temporarily insane thinking and not true. Just wanted to post somewhere, where somebody might just understand! Part of me thinks he's being genuine, the other half just wants to run! I think you should date others, leave him alone to keep his promise he already made about leaving her and see what he does. If he ON HIS OWN, doesn't leave her and pursue you, then your feelings are right and you can be glad you dodged years of drama. xxx My responses are bolded Edited August 10, 2011 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpinkladyx Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 MissBee Thank you Your very right - and the thing about my son I wasn't thinking i saw it as a red light as a problem with me - i dont want him near my son either if it isnt going to be serious relationship!! ive had problems with men not wanting me because of my son and i just go on the defensive a little bit - a couple of my friends let their kids meet every guy they date - and i dont agree with it - i think its because he is such a close friend of mine, and my son knows him already as he has met him when he has come into my work place and we had a funday and stuff so he has met him then too as he was working it! As for my plans, he says he loves me but his actions tell me he loves her - he goes back to his girlfriend every night, he is giong away with her, sleeps in the same bed as her and probably still sleeping with her and not to mention he lives with her too - he is too commited to her to walk away now - so you know what, im done with this - ive had some thinking time, and I cant do it anymore, and im not going to, i deserve to be number one, not number 2, or even worse i might be number three or 4, I just dont know! like i said im not short on offers - and i know eventually i will meet somebody else, and i can put all this in the past! thank you xxx Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 MissBee Thank you Your very right - and the thing about my son I wasn't thinking i saw it as a red light as a problem with me - i dont want him near my son either if it isnt going to be serious relationship!! ive had problems with men not wanting me because of my son and i just go on the defensive a little bit - a couple of my friends let their kids meet every guy they date - and i dont agree with it - i think its because he is such a close friend of mine, and my son knows him already as he has met him when he has come into my work place and we had a funday and stuff so he has met him then too as he was working it! As for my plans, he says he loves me but his actions tell me he loves her - he goes back to his girlfriend every night, he is giong away with her, sleeps in the same bed as her and probably still sleeping with her and not to mention he lives with her too - he is too commited to her to walk away now - so you know what, im done with this - ive had some thinking time, and I cant do it anymore, and im not going to, i deserve to be number one, not number 2, or even worse i might be number three or 4, I just dont know! like i said im not short on offers - and i know eventually i will meet somebody else, and i can put all this in the past! thank you xxx Good for you Pink! You'll be just fine! Link to post Share on other sites
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