carriebradshaw Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Hi, everyone. I have entered into a very complicated relationship with a man- I am married about 11 years to a man who is fantastic and wonderful but whom I seem to have outgrown and whom I have never, ever had good sex with. In essence, I married my best friend and that was great for a while, but has now run its course. As a younger woman, I had a very healthy and fun sex life, so chalked up the lack of connection as a necessary evil of marriage. As recent as two months ago, I met a man on Facebook who lives overseas. We were very excited by each other and started talking on the phone and sending pictures back and forth- nothing dirty but definitely took the form of suggestive on my part. He was very complimentary of my beauty and everything else and made me fall in love with him online. We agreed he would come to the states and hang out with me for a few days and take things to the next level. He did. And oh boy. When we met, I can't say I felt an instant connection. To be honest, he is not super handsome, which I knew, but it threw me. He also did not compliment me when he met me and played it very cool. He had a long, arduous flight so seemed tired and cranky- we went to dinner and drank wayyyy too much wine and went back to his hotel and fooled around. Though it was very hot and sexy, he could not maintain an erection so we did not have "sex". I was ok with that but he seemed super embarrassed by it. PS I am 40 and he is 53. The next day we hung out and I was starting to find his personality grating- he was very negative and cynical and was not treating me well at all- he had promised a long weekend full of romance, and he was turning out to seem disinterested and disengaged. I was sure he found me unattractive, which was painful considering I am a bit insecure having been in a sexless marriage for all of these years. Halfway through the weekend I got angry at him and left him in his hotel room and told him I was done with him, that I was tired of all the complaining and disinterest and was very disappointed- remember I have been faithful for 11 years so took a huge risk to be there, and I was angry he was making no effort to please me or romance me. When I told him this, he seemed quite upset, flustered, and did not know what to do. He begged me to give him another chance, and have breakfast with him the next day. I initially said no, but he texted me the next morning at 7 am and begged again. I had him come over before breakfast but told him sex, or the promise of sex, was off the table. We had breakfast and then walked around for hours, which was mildly pleasant, and even joked that he would be better off with my sister, who is more of a stoic, serious, academic type than me. We then had an early dinner and he complained of being tired once again, so we went back to his hotel and he was pretty much a slug and wanted to watch a movie and go to bed. I left. The next day we hung out and fooled around again- what's weird is that besides actual penetration, he was gifted. I hate to admit it, but he turned me on. Before he left to go home, I mentioned that it would be nice if we could meet up twice a year, for four days at a time, around the world, with no strings attached. I realized we probably were not going to end up together as I had originally fantasized about, so why not hook up from time to time? He loved the idea and thought it was great and we agreed to meet in Europe in the fall, where he lives. I was feeling good about everything until he left, when I kind of fell apart. Why was he so inattentive and so uncomplimentary? Why did he not seem to like me more? And why so much of a problem getting it up? He's been back home for about a day and a half and has been surprisingly quiet- I have no idea how to read him, don't want to be a psycho, but, and this is crazy- I really think i am hung up on the fact that he is not sweating me. Clearly I am going mad- my big question is- how do I find out how he is feeling about me? Keep in mind he is emotionally detached- I just wish I knew- driving me crazy. I am going back to my husband this weekend but can't stop thinking about this guy. The whole twice a year thing is intriguing, but I'm not necessarily as "cool" as that, though I wanted him to think so. Meaning- I think I am getting attached to him and feel hurt that maybe he doesn't feel the same way? Help. What should I do? How can I better communicate with him and find out how he feels? Or, do I cut the cord and get over him and delete him from Facebook, etc.? Please let me know...as someone who has been married for years, this feels so new and weird and I worry about being obsessive. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 EUUUUW. Seriously, I hope your post is not for real and that you are a troll. Going with the thought that you are for real, why are you even thinking about this loser?!??? OMG. Lives in another country... delete him from facebook, pelase! Sounds like you are getting bored in your marriage. Might want to take a look at that. Talk with your H and work on your marriage and forget about any idiots you might meet on facebook! Use some common sense, because you are flirting with disaster - same goes for Craigslist. Hmmm let me think you meet a guy online, he comes to this country and you meet him in his hotel room! Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 umm..I think you might want a different kind of forum. Maybe phillanderers or ashley madison. why was he so inattentive and uncomplimentary? Who knows? Maybe since you were making yourself so easy to have he didn't feel it necessary to work for it or even sweet talk you. Who cares? I feel sorry for your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Hi, everyone. I have entered into a very complicated relationship with a man- I am married about 11 years to a man who is fantastic and wonderful but whom I seem to have outgrown and whom I have never, ever had good sex with. In essence, I married my best friend and that was great for a while, but has now run its course. As a younger woman, I had a very healthy and fun sex life, so chalked up the lack of connection as a necessary evil of marriage. So, why not divorce? Why stay married and cheat on him? If he is your "best friend", where's the respect and kindness of setting him free before choosing to be with someone else? Or, at best, ask for an open relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 WOW. :eek::eek: Link to post Share on other sites
browndog319 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 How fitting that your screen name, is that of a silly and capricious character. You are being desperate and irrational, just like Carrie. Lack of sexual connection in marriage is not a given, especially if you marry a person who you connect in bed with. You are lucky that the overseas man, was not a psycho killer. Grow up and work on your marriage. Wow, I thought I was the only woman who thought Carrie Bradshaw was silly and capricious! The four women on that show barely made one complete woman... Link to post Share on other sites
So Very Confused Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I think I am getting attached to him and feel hurt that maybe he doesn't feel the same way? Help. What should I do? How can I better communicate with him and find out how he feels? Or, do I cut the cord and get over him and delete him from Facebook, etc.? Please let me know...as someone who has been married for years, this feels so new and weird and I worry about being obsessive. I think you got carried (no pun intended) away with the novelty. You know it's not hard to find a man that will turn you on. You could probably spit out your window and hit one right now. It doesn't matter how he feels about you. He sounds like a jerk and a terrible lover anyway. Stop worrying about how he feels and think about what this relationship is offering you because it doesn't sound like anything at all to me. Yes, you should delete him from FB. I promise you'll be over this toad in a couple of days. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 EUUUUW. Seriously, I hope your post is not for real and that you are a troll. Going with the thought that you are for real, why are you even thinking about this loser?!??? OMG. Lives in another country... delete him from facebook, pelase! Sounds like you are getting bored in your marriage. Might want to take a look at that. Talk with your H and work on your marriage and forget about any idiots you might meet on facebook! Use some common sense, because you are flirting with disaster - same goes for Craigslist. Hmmm let me think you meet a guy online, he comes to this country and you meet him in his hotel room! Seriously. umm..I think you might want a different kind of forum. Maybe phillanderers or ashley madison. why was he so inattentive and uncomplimentary? Who knows? Maybe since you were making yourself so easy to have he didn't feel it necessary to work for it or even sweet talk you. Who cares? I feel sorry for your husband. Agree with both of these posts Link to post Share on other sites
Dionysus Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hi, everyone. I have entered into a very complicated relationship with a man- I am married about 11 years to a man who is fantastic and wonderful but whom I seem to have outgrown and whom I have never, ever had good sex with. Alternate-universe Cabin? Is that you? There is no useful advice to be given here on my part. OM already said that he wasn't looking for anything serious so that is what you should expect. What a soon-to-be mess. Btw I've never seen Sex and the City. Is it any good? I have my doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
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