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Polyamory or an open marriage


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I am interested in hearing from those involved in a polyamorous relationship or an open marriage. I have recently become involved with a married man (with the permission of his wife) who is in an open marriage. There is some disagreement between by lover and myself as to the role that I should play in this relationship. For instance, I have stated that the moment his wife becomes dissatisfied with our relationship, our relationship will end. He, on the other hand, believes that we should determine when our relationship ends regardless of any future misgivings of his wife.

 

I also have been told that the group dynamics of the "triad" involve a victim, an abuser, and a facilitator, and I am finding it difficult to maintain a non-confrontational role without inserting myself into the role of the facilitator. (ex. I do not like the way he talks to his wife at times. By not saying anything I become the facilitator, but is it any of my business? I guess I am just looking for the rules here as this is new territory for me.

 

I am wondering if there are any other people experiencing this type of situation and what advice you have to offer.

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Happy threeway

I don't know about the three roles, but this relationship can only work if you are all on the same page. You need complete honesty between you, your lover and his wife. If you don't like how he talks to her, you have to tell him...same as you would in a standard monogamous relationship. The Triad will evolve on it's own better if you try not to analyse it too much. I am currently involved in a triad, myself, my husband and his childhood best friend. There is love, respect and compassion between all three of us, but we have found that there must be complete honesty in all facets of the relationship, for it to flourish

 

Good luck!

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  • 2 weeks later...
lipglossboost
Originally posted by Haddy

I guess I am just looking for the rules here as this is new territory for me.

 

 

Since there are no 'traditional' rules for this type of situation, I would say that you make your own. You do what makes you feel comfortable, and do nothing that doesn't.

 

It sounds to me as if you are only ok with dating a married man because his wife has approved of it, and if she did not, you would not either. If this is the case, there is your rule.

 

I am not sure how or why you are involved in conversations he has with his wife, unless it is simply in passing. How does she take it? Is he abusive? How does she speak to him? It's difficult to determine if it is truly your business or not, but I would say that anything that makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up about. If you hide your feelings, any of them, it will only create resentment later on.

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