What if you 'get' your wishes?

[Irishlove]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

[jthorne]

What does him being fifty have to do with it?

Don't ever waste your time or energy on someone who disrespects you.

 

BTW, your signature makes me sad.

Edited April 8, 2011 by jthorne

[Irishlove]

What does him being fifty have to do with it?

Don't ever waste your time or energy on someone who disrespects you.

With him being ten years older there are medical issues to deal with. When I'm fifty and he's sixty will he look for a thirty again? I'm really more mad right now that he disrespected me. That is unforgiveable even IF he was covering his butt. He was asked if he loved me and he said "no" WTH was that? You do so just say YES! That lying POS

[TinaniT]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

 

 

He does not sound like a man I would want to be with.

 

I am sorry he acted that way, Irish.

[Silly_Girl]

Irish, sounds like you're pretty clear as to the situation. What's next for you?

[Got it]

Doesn't sound like a man I would want to tie my life to.

 

What do you want to do? What is best for you?

[JadedAmore]

To me, it sounds like he A) is a coward or B) has no respect for you. Possibly both.

 

If you were to stay, what do you think you would really be getting out of this relationship? I hope you think long and hard about your decision, but ultimately you will only do what makes you happy in the end.

[Irishlove]

I have no idea. As of now I don't know WHO he is. I thought I did but I don't. Jekyll and Hyde.

[Heart On]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

 

Talk about MAJOR red flags and very valid questions you shouldn't ignore!!

 

Does this describe his behavior in anyway?

 

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics.html

 

If so read this.

 

http://narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.yolasite.com/when-your-perfect-partner-goes-perfectly-wrong.php

 

The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phenomenon that occurs in relationships with narcissists is a regular theme…Soaring with the extreme high of new love with the most incredible, romantic, unbelievably perfect man or woman of your dreams is tantamount to a romance novel or soap opera. So many of us pray and hope for such a relationship but we never truly think it can really happen. Then, when it does there is such fear of losing such bliss that many are blinded when Dr. Jekyll behaves like the deadly Mr. Hyde. They ignore the red flags and the gut feelings that keep trying to tell them something’s wrong because they know “Mr. Perfect” was not a figment of their imagination. He was very real. And so, if he’s suddenly Mr. Hyde momentarily, they are convinced it is a temporary situation and their perfect partner will return any minute, if they are just patient enough. If only they knew just how wrong their belief is!”

 

I hope, for your sake, that this is not what is happening to you.

But if it is,just know you aren't alone.

 

:)Peace:)

Edited April 11, 2011 by Heart On

[fooled once]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

 

First thing I wanted to say -- why do you assume the ex will make the moves on HIM? Maybe he is making the moves on his ex?

 

I can tell you this - when *I* divorced my ex, nothing - NOTHING could have made him attractive me after I was DONE with him. NOTHING.

 

He showed you who he was by the rotten things he said about you. Be GLAD you aren't with him. He is telling you WHO he is .. listen to him.

[fooled once]

Just read your entire thread...

 

I have to say - I don't care if he was caught - that is no excuse for being mean and rude.

 

Then again, if he isn't ready to leave (and it sounds like he isn't), he is NOT going to admit to anyone that he cares for you because then they would kick him to the curb.

 

He is denying he has feelings for you because he is more concerned about his wife/family than what he says he feels for you.

 

You deserve better. See him for the jerk he is.

[WorldIsYours]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

 

You were in an affair with him. What did you expect? Wait don't even answer that. I already know...

[Breezy Trousers]

Talk about MAJOR red flags and very valid questions you shouldn't ignore!!

 

Does this describe his behavior in anyway?

 

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics.html

 

If so read this.

 

http://narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.yolasite.com/when-your-perfect-partner-goes-perfectly-wrong.php

 

 

 

I hope, for your sake, that this is not what is happening to you.

But if it is,just know you aren't alone.

 

:)Peace:)

 

 

This cannot be emphasized enough. Most women don't see the lack of empathy/narcissism until months into the relationship, and by then the damage is done and it's more difficult to get out.

 

If your MM has Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde mood swings, then please take this advice seriously.

[OWoman]

Irish, this doesn't sound to me like anyone gets their wishes. Nobody wants to sustain damage, especially not at the hands of someone they care for.

[Bionic Me]

The MM finally asks you to marry him...then what? Do we wait while he is at the ex's house and she is making the move? Do we then wait to see if we are being cheated on? Do we accept the flip flopping then? Do you move out of state?

 

They built twenty years and I can't see me at any family functions because he has made me into the home wrecker by his own words. They only know what he's said. I'm sure he has said some rotten things about me when he was caught the first few times.

 

Do I accept that? Do I really want that mental disorder in my house? Would there ever be peace? Would it always be the odd person out? He fits in with my family, I just don't fit in with his.

 

I would NEVER talk to him the way he talked to me. If he wasn't fifty I'd punch him in the mouth for EVER saying rude comments about me to anyone.

 

 

Yet this is someone that you are willing to waste your previous years with. How wonderful!

 

You would never talk to him the way he talks to you? You allow him to talk to you this way. Why punch him?

[Bionic Me]

What does him being fifty have to do with it?

Don't ever waste your time or energy on someone who disrespects you.

 

BTW, your signature makes me sad.

 

co-sign it! Epic.

[Bionic Me]

With him being ten years older there are medical issues to deal with. When I'm fifty and he's sixty will he look for a thirty again? I'm really more mad right now that he disrespected me. That is unforgiveable even IF he was covering his butt. He was asked if he loved me and he said "no" WTH was that? You do so just say YES! That lying POS

 

By any chance, has he trashed his W to you?

 

People will treat you the way that you allow them to.

 

"You do just say YES!"? Is this what YOU want him to say?

[Irishlove]

By any chance, has he trashed his W to you?

 

People will treat you the way that you allow them to.

 

"You do just say YES!"? Is this what YOU want him to say?

He has only talked about his wife things that are true that she told me herself.

[gilluk]

I have no idea. As of now I don't know WHO he is. I thought I did but I don't. Jekyll and Hyde.

 

 

hi, hope u dont mind me just replying to this, but i think we have the same man mines is in his fifties, im 34 and after years together just started saying some awful things to me, that i never thought he would say, im so hurt by him but i love this man, i adore every part of him, and i hope deep down that these things were said in a moment of hurt..

 

mines was talking about us being together in 10 to 15 years, i mean he will be an old man, all this is about the fact i have young kids and he doesnt want to take the role of a step dad and hurt his kids anymore, even though his kids arent that much younger than me..

[Hazyhead]

Irish, is it possible you feel obliged towards him? Like, you helped him into the A and now he's left, or been kicked out, you owe it to him to see it through? I ask because I felt very similarly when my xMM had 'left' his wife (again). He minimised what he'd said about me in the past and played it as 'It'll be hard but we're meant to be' (a line I believe he told his wife too and probably still does). I don't regret getting out of it, at all, which I wouldn't have expected.

 

I think you aren't sure enough that you want to commit to him. You owe him nothing and yourself everything.

[donnamaybe]

He has only talked about his wife things that are true that she told me herself.

Really? She told you that she, herself, is a hag and that she stinks?

[Bionic Me]

He has only talked about his wife things that are true that she told me herself.

 

 

So his wife told all of this herself? (especially the bolded) Interesting.

 

Now he feels sorry for himself is saying crap like he loves his wife? He's NEVER said that. He said he owes her. This sounds like HER talking. He said his feelings have changed. How do you go from wanting to marrying me a few weeks ago and not living without me to this? I'm numb.

 

He doesn't like anything about her. He complains she stinks, shes not intimate, everyone says she's a biotch. Did he have an epiphany? I didn't do anything to be treated like this. In fact he started this entire bs. I'm adiment about seeing him in person. I want him to tell me face to face it's done and he no longer has feelings for me.

 

IS this part of the cheating? I'm sick to my stomach. This isn't the person I know. I don't love this person. Where did HE go? What happend? I didn't do anything wrong for his feelings to change. She is the same hag.