noelle303 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 So I have a wide circle of friends who I don't mind if they know that the baby's father is married and all my really close friends knew about the whole thing. I'm not ashamed and it's something I'll be dealing forever anyways...but I just want to be able to keep whats private private. But everyone is so damn nosy about the father! Some more superficial friends, acquaintances, people from school - they look at me with those wide eyes and always subtly (and not so subtly) fishing for information, either from me or my friends. The other day my friend told me this guy we know and sometimes hang out with was asking her so much and even started guessing when she refused to dish! It feels weird. Why are people so damn curious when it comes to babies? Why can't they just accept that it's a private thing and drop it?! So annoying! And to top it all, this colleague of his (sperm donors) has stopped by at my work the other day (their company is a client of the company I work for) and saw that I was visibly pregnant. He didn't say anything about it, he was clearly taken back and I just know he put two and two together and figured out whose baby it is (I believe he suspected at least, if not knew we were having an affair). So since then he stopped by a few times and keeps fishing info (for the sperm donor I'm sure) and even suggested I move away!!! I told him to tell XMM that harassing me through his friends will also make me call the police on him. It sucks... I keep imagining running into him one day accidentally with the baby... what would he do? What would I do? How would we act? I just want her to be born...I can't handle being pregnant anymore, it sucks and I'm never well. Plus I really want to have her and wrap myself in a little bubble with her and shut out the outside world. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Noelle...the title cracked me up:lmao::lmao:...ok, having been a very contraversial person all of my life, also for some reason my life attracts the "noseys"...even when it is "normal". A good friend once told me that it's none of his business what people think about him. People love to gossip, I've gossiped before, I think we all have...BUT, I had a friend that was a true gossip and a very nosey person...she was a b*tch, she had 20/20 vision with others faults ...I have never gotten along with perfect people. Screw everyone...and keep in mind your a good topic and when they gossip about you, they're leaving others alone. You are doing the world a service:D Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 So I have a wide circle of friends who I don't mind if they know that the baby's father is married and all my really close friends knew about the whole thing. I'm not ashamed and it's something I'll be dealing forever anyways...but I just want to be able to keep whats private private. But everyone is so damn nosy about the father! Some more superficial friends, acquaintances, people from school - they look at me with those wide eyes and always subtly (and not so subtly) fishing for information, either from me or my friends. The other day my friend told me this guy we know and sometimes hang out with was asking her so much and even started guessing when she refused to dish! It feels weird. Why are people so damn curious when it comes to babies? Why can't they just accept that it's a private thing and drop it?! So annoying! And to top it all, this colleague of his (sperm donors) has stopped by at my work the other day (their company is a client of the company I work for) and saw that I was visibly pregnant. He didn't say anything about it, he was clearly taken back and I just know he put two and two together and figured out whose baby it is (I believe he suspected at least, if not knew we were having an affair). So since then he stopped by a few times and keeps fishing info (for the sperm donor I'm sure) and even suggested I move away!!! I told him to tell XMM that harassing me through his friends will also make me call the police on him. It sucks... I keep imagining running into him one day accidentally with the baby... what would he do? What would I do? How would we act? I just want her to be born...I can't handle being pregnant anymore, it sucks and I'm never well. Plus I really want to have her and wrap myself in a little bubble with her and shut out the outside world. Good for you Noelle, in warning him (and the MM) - No harassment. I'm sure things will be a lot better after she arrives. To my mind Noelle, all babies come from God. I see nothing wrong in telling this - to all who question. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 It feels weird. Why are people so damn curious when it comes to babies? Why can't they just accept that it's a private thing and drop it?! So annoying Noelle I'm sorry to hear about the MM's friend that now harassing you. But I wanted to answer the question I quoted. People aren't being nosy, so much as they know it takes two to create a baby (or at least it takes an egg and sperm). Having children is not nearly as private as you think. Being pregnant is a public thing if you leave the house. Maybe instead of taking offense to people's natural queries about the baby's father and just tell them you aren't together anymore and let that hang in the air for a moment. They'll stop asking then. People are looking to share your happiness and expectation with you. I don't think most intend to come across as nosy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 People love to gossip, I've gossiped before, I think we all have...BUT, I had a friend that was a true gossip and a very nosey person...she was a b*tch, she had 20/20 vision with others faults ...I have never gotten along with perfect people. Omg, I hate that kind. Those who do nothing but talk about lives of others! They meet up and together discuss absolutely every detail of other people's relationships, choices, actions etc. But it's so obvious they in fact have no life of their own to talk about. Noelle I'm sorry to hear about the MM's friend that now harassing you. But I wanted to answer the question I quoted. People aren't being nosy, so much as they know it takes two to create a baby (or at least it takes an egg and sperm). Having children is not nearly as private as you think. Being pregnant is a public thing if you leave the house. Maybe instead of taking offense to people's natural queries about the baby's father and just tell them you aren't together anymore and let that hang in the air for a moment. They'll stop asking then. People are looking to share your happiness and expectation with you. I don't think most intend to come across as nosy. Oh, they know we're not together... they just don't find that information to be enough but instead keep digging and digging! who is he, where is he, what happened, why it happened, endless questions! I know that being pregnant is public...but the private details are mine. I mean...it's obvious how I got pregnant... there was only one case of immaculate conception. But apparently pregnancy and babies make people want to know EVERYTHING about it, without any shame! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyblue Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 And to top it all, this colleague of his (sperm donors) has stopped by at my work the other day (their company is a client of the company I work for) and saw that I was visibly pregnant. He didn't say anything about it, he was clearly taken back and I just know he put two and two together and figured out whose baby it is (I believe he suspected at least, if not knew we were having an affair). So since then he stopped by a few times and keeps fishing info (for the sperm donor I'm sure) and even suggested I move away!!! I told him to tell XMM that harassing me through his friends will also make me call the police on him. I really hope you are making written notes about his friend's vitas and suggestions. And I hope you are having someone reliable keep it all safely somewhere for you. You know, just in case, worst case senario. Link to post Share on other sites
Fight4Me Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I remember being pregnant with all three of my kids and having total strangers approach me to touch my stomach! The first time it happened, I was too stunned to say or do anything, but after that I would take a defensive position making it obvious I was prepared to punch the assailant if they got any closer. Again, these were complete strangers, so you can imagine how coworkers and acquaintances were. Some people DO go a bit wonko around pregnant women and become invasive with questions or personal space. Just hang in there. You're doing great and before you know it, you'll be holding your baby girl and the rest of the world will fall away. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Get used to comments!! I had my boys @ a park when they were little & a stranger asked if they had the same dad?? It's just how people are. Just think of a "standard answer". Link to post Share on other sites
MorningCoffee Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Get used to comments!! I had my boys @ a park when they were little & a stranger asked if they had the same dad?? It's just how people are. Just think of a "standard answer". My sister-in-law and brother-in-law adopted babies from Asia. When these white parents were wheeling their Asian twins around at the suburban mall in middle America, people asked them things like "will they speak [native country's language] when they grow up?" I mean, LOL! People become unbelievably unthinking (stupid?) when around pregnant women or infants. I like the suggestion you develop a stock answer for most occasions -- will bring you peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I remember being pregnant with all three of my kids and having total strangers approach me to touch my stomach! The first time it happened, I was too stunned to say or do anything, but after that I would take a defensive position making it obvious I was prepared to punch the assailant if they got any closer. Again, these were complete strangers, so you can imagine how coworkers and acquaintances were. Some people DO go a bit wonko around pregnant women and become invasive with questions or personal space. Just hang in there. You're doing great and before you know it, you'll be holding your baby girl and the rest of the world will fall away. People do that ALL the time! I'm pregnant so there must be no boundaries or personal space here. They DO really get crazy and invasive with pregnancy, always touching, asking questions, needing to know everything about it and about my life etc. And I wouldn't say it's the signs of time...I'm perpetually asked about my husband, despite the fact that 2 seconds earlier they were puzzled by my young age. Ugh... I really do have to think about a standard answer, cause I always just end up being sarcastic and surprise, surprise they don't get the message but just continue probing. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 People do that ALL the time! I'm pregnant so there must be no boundaries or personal space here. They DO really get crazy and invasive with pregnancy, always touching, asking questions, needing to know everything about it and about my life etc. And I wouldn't say it's the signs of time...I'm perpetually asked about my husband, despite the fact that 2 seconds earlier they were puzzled by my young age. Ugh... I really do have to think about a standard answer, cause I always just end up being sarcastic and surprise, surprise they don't get the message but just continue probing. Again Noelle, I am all for telling anyone: She came from God. It's true and you don't owe anyone explanation anyway .. It will just give you something to say. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Wow, in reading the responses my thoughts are NO WAY...especially F4M... I guess things have changed greatly. The only thing I got asked was how many months...after I had my daughter when I went back to work 8wks later I still looked pregnant and one guy asked how many months..other guy said ,"dumb a**, she had the baby already"...he was soooo embarrassed, bet he never asked that question again. Link to post Share on other sites
cavedweller Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Noelle, Is the father going to pay child support?--Just asking, because, it is hard to raise a child as a single parent.. cavedweller Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 People are as nosy as you let them be. If you say we broke up and they say where is he all you need to say is no idea we broke up. (you could say burning in hell I hope but that would be unkind;) and only invite more questions) Why did you break up? Wasnt working out so we broke up. Why? just wasnt working out so we broke up. All you need to do is keep giving them the same information and either change the subject or walk away. Usually when people see they arent getting more information, they stop asking. Nothing more to see here so they move on. And good for you for telling his friend off. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Noelle, Is the father going to pay child support?--Just asking, because, it is hard to raise a child as a single parent.. cavedweller It is actually not hard to raise a child as a single parent. I did it for several years with TWO children. And with $200 a month child support. When there's a will there's a way. Why is it that people don't realize that if they don't have anything nice to say, they shouldn't say it at ALL. But I guess that goes with the theme of this thread. Noelle, I am happy for you. A child needs one parent that loves him and is stable. If there's two, then even better. But one is definitely enough. And your baby will LOVE YOU and YOU WILL LOVE HER! ((HUGS)) GEL Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 It is actually not hard to raise a child as a single parent. I did it for several years with TWO children. And with $200 a month child support. When there's a will there's a way. Why is it that people don't realize that if they don't have anything nice to say, they shouldn't say it at ALL. The poster you quoted asked about child support. And then you pipe in and say being a single parent wasn't hard, but that you also did receive child support. Even if it was a small amount. I'm guessing you don't see the irony in your statement or in the bolded. Support isn't in tearing other posters down. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 It is actually not hard to raise a child as a single parent. I did it for several years with TWO children. And with $200 a month child support. When there's a will there's a way. Why is it that people don't realize that if they don't have anything nice to say, they shouldn't say it at ALL. But I guess that goes with the theme of this thread. Noelle, I am happy for you. A child needs one parent that loves him and is stable. If there's two, then even better. But one is definitely enough. And your baby will LOVE YOU and YOU WILL LOVE HER! ((HUGS)) GEL I guess I'll pipe in there also. Noelle, I too raised two kids with no C/S, God always works it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Noelle, Is the father going to pay child support?--Just asking, because, it is hard to raise a child as a single parent.. cavedweller Nope, he won't be contributing at all. In fact, he does not know it's a girl, when I'm due exactly and I probably won't even tell him when she's born. As most posters know, he turned very abusive after I got pregnant and didn't abort so I made a decision to exclude him completely so he leaves me alone. Funny how the one person not interested in this baby is her own father. I will never understand how people can walk the earth, move on with their lives fully knowing that there is a child out there they helped to make. Thats why I'm puzzled at how me or him would ever react if we saw each other somewhere and I had the baby with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts