I've met my soul mate but he's married!!

[Hopeless Romantica]

I have met my soul mate. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. I met him last year at a meeting, but we never got to know each other well enough for me to even know he was my soul mate. I saw him again last week at the same conference. I knew he was married by his shiny gold ring blinding me. (I'm single.) Usually, this is enough to turn me off, but this time, it didn't. We talked and talked and laughed about everything.

 

We connected on every level. I didn't sleep w/him. We were both in desperate need of the human touch. He said he need to be touched. I gave him what he wanted. And he did the same for me. The experience was not tainted with anything else; it was pure and innocent. I.e., we didn't sleep together.

 

I have absolutely no regrets except that he is married w/two children.

 

After spending 9 consecutive hours w/him, I know he was meant for me. Since seeing him last week, he's called me, but we haven't talked.

 

I haven't been myself lately b/c I've been thinking of him. He's such a good soul. I don't know the specifics of why he and I shared our moment, only that he "wanted to be touched." I don't even want to know the details of his marriage. I could tell he didn't want to talk about "her," and I was glad for that.

 

I'm hungry for some advice. I want to be w/him. Should I just wait to see if this is meant to be? I'm not the type to wait around for anyone, and I won't. But I don't want to close the book on us.

 

God, I sound like an idiot who has no sense. This is new for me and I hope someone can offer me some advice. I'm losing my mind.

[NEONINK]

My advice... If he's in such a crappy marriage, why hasn't he left... I call that a loser.

 

But my best friend's advice, who happens to be married and the same thing happened at a conference... Would say she has found heaven. They see each other about 4 times a year. She has children, he doesn't, both are married to other people.

 

I don't agree with her choice, but it's her life. They probably will see each other 'occasionally' until the end of time, he won't leave his wife. She definitely would leave her husband. She says it gives her reason to get out of bed and get on with life. Otherwise, she would be miserable.

 

BTW... my friend's little affair has been going on 3 years now. (longer than many of my single relationships).

[moimeme]

I'm losing my mind.

 

Love is a form of insanity, IMHO.

 

Have you read the articles about how oxytocin acts on the brain?

We got chemicals in our bodies whose purpose it is to get us to breed. We meet someone with the right pheremones - BAM! the chemicals flood us. They cause intense feelings of bonding - even though, realistically, you can't bond for a lifetime after 9 hours' of acquaintance. The job of these hormones is to get you to have sex and become attached. You don't even think straight while they're at work. From six months to a year in the relationship, they start to wear off and then Prince Charming turns back into a frog in a lot of cases.

 

my friend's little affair has been going on 3 years now. (longer than many of my single relationships

 

Sure! It's SO easy to be madly in love with a person who doesn't hog all the food in the fridge, leave his sweaty socks on your pillow, and belch after meals because he's 'comfortable' with you. People in affairs don't have to manage living together, which is the relationship-killer. They are in permanent date mode - all spiffed up for each other and on their best behaviour. Then, when they go back home they can be their not great selves.

 

You could live in this sort of fantasy world. It means spending Christmas and holidays alone. It means having to sneak around and lie. It means not living with the one you love. But, it saves you the work of constructing a real relationship with all its attendant warts.

[quankanne]

*groan* ... not more of this self-serving crap about findinga soul mate who just "happens" to be married to someone else!

 

Lady, I'm going to take the grumpy road here, no apologies offered: you're sniffing around places where you don't need to be sniffing around, looking for something or someone because you feel your marriage is lacking a certain spark or zing. So you've convinced yourself that this is where you are meant to be, chasing after someone's husband and slapping the label "soul mate" on it to justify any inappropriate behavior you wish to indulge in.

 

Please -- save your dignity and focus on your relationship with your husband. If that doesn't work, divorce the guy and THEN look elsewhere for someone who'll fit your definition of love, romance and the "it was meant to be" bullsh*t, because right now you only are looking for validation where you probably aren't going to get any.

 

In my not so humble opinion, a soul mate isn't the person whose bones you want to jump or whose marriage you want to break up, its the person who brings something to your life in a harmonic way so that every relationship you have is enhanced, not threatened.

 

quank,

the grumpy-*ssed

[Tony T]

That damned oxytocin will do it every time. Of course, if it weren't for oxy, there would be no soulmates for anybody.

[Clancy]

Once when I was a teenager I passed a girl on the street and she was as beautiful as an angel and she smiled at me at I smiled at her and we both kept going. Keep going.

[I'llBeBetterOFF]

Boy this one hits close to home with me. As I read your message I thought oh no you've got to RUN and don't turn back. I don't mean to come across as self righteous, but what on earth has happened to good old fashioned morals, respect, discipline? Life will continue to be full of temptation in different forms, but if our attitudes don't change and we continue to "dispose" of relationships and set aside lives as though they are outdated outgrown its a very hi price to pay and I personally feel it is very selfish. Remember there are always two sides to every story. Yours, mine and then theres the truth! Food for thought. I really hope you have second thoughts and decide against this temptation. Affairs have a rippling effect it isn't just a man and a woman, but reaches far beyond and effects evryone most tragically innocent children.

 

 

I hope you won't feel I am being too harsh. I'm hoping you will have a change of heart and this will open your eyes to maybe take a different perspective.

 

From the heart.

[hunter]

You write "I've met my soul mate but he's married!!

That alone should answer your question.

 

I have been there

I have just ended a fling with a co-worker that we both led each other on, and all that I got out of it was a broken heart and now I have to work side by side with him, and trust me that is not easy.

At times it is affecting both our work.

 

The best thing to do is just confront him like I did and end it all.

Even tho you don't think you can, it is hard, I am going thru it all now.

 

You will get thru it.

 

From one who has been there

and done that

[2SidestoStories]

Okay. (soapbox in place.)

 

IF a person is your "SOUL MATE" then he or she will be with you no matter what, right?! This is the way the whole "soul mate" idea is supposed to work, right? IF a person you meet is married already, even if unhappily so, BACK OFF. Most people do not leave marriages for someone else, most often times because they are not looking to leave the comfort of what they know for a complete unknown. I can't say why for certain though because every situation is different to some extent.

 

I am not coming from a place where I am discussing "morals" nor "right vs. wrong." I'm just trying to say that if you want to use the argument that this person is your soul mate, by DEFINITION, this person will be available to be with you, and you cannot do a darn thing about it if he's not.

 

(I also frankly do not believe in soul mates. In case that wasn't clear.)

[tommyboy]

I don't intend on scaring you but...

Trust me if you pursue this man that you claim is your soul mate you may very well find yourself prey to his own short comings. I am single and had no intensions of becoming involved with the woman I did, but I did. I am in the worst kind of hell right now and can't pull myself out of it. I called her "the one" and that I could see forever in her eyes. Well guess what? I have never loved any one more and have never met any one that I connected to on so many levels but she is not available to me and I am facing the prospect, after 4 1/2 years that she may not be. I didn't want to be involved with her in the capacity to which we became involved "in love", but it happened and I plead for mercy from God for my INCREDIBLE feelings of loss. You may think it is nice and quite innocent right now, but believe me from what I am learning and still can not believe, more often they retain their partner before you.

 

If you could feel the pain inside of me and know the things I have seen and heard you wouldn't even tempt yourself. It is like a nightmare that you can not wake up from...breaths deep and long with no relief insight for the heart palpatations or the dizzyness. I have it quite bad and have given her everything I could possibly give her with regard to myself. My dreams shattered as well as my insides. I am a good looking guy and have a great deal to offer her, but she is opting for the man she married, alcoholic (not for now), ignored her, gave her her opinion, pawed her when intoxicated for sex, and too much more to list.

 

Please reconsider- Please make sure you don't give him the touch he desires... it will lead to your hearts touching and for the wrong reasons. Until is available, let him know that is how he gets your warm touches.

[Hopeless Romantica]

tommyboy,

thanks for your posting in reply to mine a couple weeks ago. Since I wrote that, I am back to feeling like my old self again. I should tell you that my soul mate called me three days after I saw him (after the weekend and from the privacy of his office at work). I missed his call and had to wait a whole eight days before speaking with him again. After I replied to his voice mail, I waited for him to call me back. The waiting was killing me and I could not function at work, so I called him again (last Tues). Anyway, when we finally talked, it wasn't about "us," per se; it was about our weekend plans, what happened the day we hung out (nothing too deep), my career plans, etc. I was disappointed in the conversation, even though he was sweet and attentive. We hung up and I still had that confused feeling. He called me back minutes later just to say that he really did have a great time w/me. This was what I needed to hear to get me to function again. It was my kind of closure. I knew that I was not just some cheap thrill for him; that what happened meant something to him too, but that it was over. It let me know that he was sincere and wasn't going to be looking for anything more. Why? I don't know, but it's not important for me to know to move on.

 

I am now clear on where he and I are going. NOWHERE. I am not waiting for him. Now, I can breath again. I was hopeful up until he called me the last time. But now, I have given up that hope and can move on from this incredible experience.

 

I am sorry that you have found yourself embroiled in your situation. There is truly nothing worse than wanting someone that you can't get or have. I was sick w/that feeling for what seemed like a long time.

 

I hope you release yourself, or that she releases you soon. Life is too short to spend it pining over something you can't have.