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Day 1 of NC, is it supposed to feel like aliens are going to jump out of my stomach?


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I have almost reached the end of day 1 of NC.

I decided last night to do it, but haven't told him, I just haven't been answering his calls.

Do I really need to tell him? I don't know if I can stick with it having to tell him, I might cave.

I have been feeling physically sick, anxious and nervous all day. If this lasts much longer, I don't know how well I'm going to cope.

Thanks for listening. Well actually, it's thanks for reading I guess.

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"Is it supposed to feel like aliens are going to jump out of my stomach?"
YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except they're clawing at you and scraping your insides before they make their way out.

 

It sucks. But many of us are feeling the exact same pain you are right now. It tends to get easier over time, like everything else.

 

As for cutting off all contact altogether, wow bold move!! Good for you. Everyone is different, some of us want closure (that we'll never actually get), and some of us are strong enough to do what you did. Not having in your last words may result in you breaking NC, but then again I don't know you so that might not be the case.

 

If you feel it was best to cut off contact abruptly then all the power to you. Proud of you for almost making it through one full day, keep it up :)

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I don't think I can talk to him.

If I do, I'm afraid he will be able to convince me not to as he has before.

It's hard because I talk to him all day, every day and today I didn't talk to him at all. It felt like I didn't have water today or something. I'm sure there are quite a few people on here that know exactly how I feel.

Thank you but don't call me strong yet, it has only been one day but I was able to ignore another call as I was typing this.

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I don't think I can talk to him.

If I do, I'm afraid he will be able to convince me not to as he has before.

It's hard because I talk to him all day, every day and today I didn't talk to him at all. It felt like I didn't have water today or something. I'm sure there are quite a few people on here that know exactly how I feel.

Thank you but don't call me strong yet, it has only been one day but I was able to ignore another call as I was typing this.

 

One day is HUGE. It's always the hardest. So yes, you are quite strong already, especially for being able to walk away and realize that you will just fall into the same pattern as before. Many of us just give in and become weak again.

 

Ohhhh and I totally get the feeling of emptiness from not talking to him all day like we usually do. It's going to be a really tough habit to break. I'm struggling with this myself right now. No more texts, no more sweet emails... it's balls. Coming here kind of makes me feel a little better. Especially because right now there are so many of us going through it.

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What do you find yourself doing to take up the time that would normally be spent talking to him?

If I keep talking to my dog as much as I have this evening someone will have me committed. Even the dog is looking at me like "really? get a life, Mom!"

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I don't think I can talk to him.

If I do, I'm afraid he will be able to convince me not to as he has before.

 

I tried ending it three times, he was just too good at talking me out of it. That's why when I resolved to end it for good, I did it via e-mail and asked him not to contact me anymore (with which he complied). Unfortunately, I caved that time around. The second time, I simply stopped initiating contact. I guess he got the point on his own, or perhaps he got busy, or maybe he grew tired of me. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am finally free.

 

I'm sorry you're in pain. I know how agonizing it is. I lost enormous amount of weight as a result, and now I have to lie to many people in my life as to the real reason for the weight loss.

 

It will get better though. Stay strong.

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I tried ending it three times, he was just too good at talking me out of it. That's why when I resolved to end it for good, I did it via e-mail and asked him not to contact me anymore (with which he complied). Unfortunately, I caved that time around. The second time, I simply stopped initiating contact. I guess he got the point on his own, or perhaps he got busy, or maybe he grew tired of me. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am finally free.

 

I'm sorry you're in pain. I know how agonizing it is. I lost enormous amount of weight as a result, and now I have to lie to many people in my life as to the real reason for the weight loss.

 

It will get better though. Stay strong.

 

 

I'm sorry you're hurting too.

How long have you been NC?

Some weight loss would actually be a bonus for me. I can't seem to lose any weight for anything. So maybe I do have a little something to look forward to here :)

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What do you find yourself doing to take up the time that would normally be spent talking to him?

If I keep talking to my dog as much as I have this evening someone will have me committed. Even the dog is looking at me like "really? get a life, Mom!"

 

Lol! I'm annoying the Sh#t out of my dog since NC! She actually hid from me in the closet today :))) she is a comfort to me.

I'm on day 2...

I've been baking, cleaning and seeing friends to distract myself. I hope yuh are feeling ok. I used to have more anxiety when we were talking. My Dr put me on Ativan at night because I would wake up feeling paniced like I was literally going to DIE :(

if it gets bad so see your Dr... You are going through a lot and you don't have to suffer...

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Lol! I'm annoying the Sh#t out of my dog since NC! She actually hid from me in the closet today :))) she is a comfort to me.

I'm on day 2...

I've been baking, cleaning and seeing friends to distract myself. I hope yuh are feeling ok. I used to have more anxiety when we were talking. My Dr put me on Ativan at night because I would wake up feeling paniced like I was literally going to DIE :(

if it gets bad so see your Dr... You are going through a lot and you don't have to suffer...

 

 

LOL yeah, my little man is now hiding from me too. He just wants to sleep and I keep on chatting away with him.

I have Valium to help me sleep because I have always had sleeping problems.

I agree though, I had a lot of anxiety while talking to him. Waiting for what's coming next is always so hard. If I didn't hear from him like normal. I would get all nervous that I would never hear from him again.

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I felt the same way. Like I would never hear from him again. Then I wound panic and call his cell and text like crazy...this was in the first few months. I would pace and pace...cry and cry. Tell myself that if I didn't hear from him by whatever time I would drive up to his house. I have never felt so insecure in my entire life.

 

What is your story? Why are you NC

how long have you been with MM?

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I have almost reached the end of day 1 of NC.

I decided last night to do it, but haven't told him, I just haven't been answering his calls.

Do I really need to tell him? I don't know if I can stick with it having to tell him, I might cave.

I have been feeling physically sick, anxious and nervous all day. If this lasts much longer, I don't know how well I'm going to cope.

Thanks for listening. Well actually, it's thanks for reading I guess.

 

You are doing really good!!!

 

No, you don't have to tell him. You could send him an email or a text letting him know you are doing being disrespected by being the OW and you do not want him to contact you anymore. But do not answer his calls, because right now you are not strong enough to stay committed to this. Each day you will get stronger. Hang in there!

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I felt the same way. Like I would never hear from him again. Then I wound panic and call his cell and text like crazy...this was in the first few months. I would pace and pace...cry and cry. Tell myself that if I didn't hear from him by whatever time I would drive up to his house. I have never felt so insecure in my entire life.

 

What is your story? Why are you NC

how long have you been with MM?

 

 

Me neither. The insecurity was so bad. I did all of the same things.

6 months, his W knows and wants to meet me and get to know me.

2 days ago he told me he wanted to cut the intimacy for a little while while he gets himself together to leave, but wanted me to remain his best friend.

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You are doing really good!!!

 

No, you don't have to tell him. You could send him an email or a text letting him know you are doing being disrespected by being the OW and you do not want him to contact you anymore. But do not answer his calls, because right now you are not strong enough to stay committed to this. Each day you will get stronger. Hang in there!

 

 

Thanks.

I really don't want to email him either. I just feel kind of silly emailing, texting or calling to tell someone not to email, text or call me.

I turned my phone off for the night.

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Oh she knows? How did that happen?

MM says I am his best friend. I said I am NOT your best friend. Would you treat your best friend like this?

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Oh she knows? How did that happen?

MM says I am his best friend. I said I am NOT your best friend. Would you treat your best friend like this?

 

 

He told her after we started getting intimate and discussed an open marriage with her.

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I'm sorry you're hurting too.

How long have you been NC?

Some weight loss would actually be a bonus for me. I can't seem to lose any weight for anything. So maybe I do have a little something to look forward to here :)

It's been five weeks of NC. Haven't seen him since September. I'm actually not doing bad at all now. I have no urge to see or talk to him. Sadly, I don't miss him, the MM, the person, at all. Considering how invested I was emotionally, I wonder if I'm supposed to feel something more. I miss the attention he gave me in the very beginning of our A. But, other than that, it was just one big, whiny mess that I never wish to revisit. The anger though is still something I'm struggling to overcome. But the last couple of days have been fairly serene.

 

I think what helped me the most was that this time around there wasn't any abrupt ending. It was more like a transition. Which is surprising because I always thought I would need that final scene to move forward, like an exclamation mark at the end of this chapter.

 

As for the weight loss, it was very worrisome for me - my body has never reacted that way to emotional turmoil before. I was a bit underweight to begin with, so people were very concerned for me. My doctor is even doing tests now. I truly hope that your physical health won't be affected by this. Maybe you should consider making the gym a new hobby - it can be very therapeutic during this time; it will also take up that free time you're talking about and, of course, get you to that goal fitness level. I started attending yoga classes, which has been a marvelous experience. What I went through with my weight was not healthy, so I don't wish that unto anyone.

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It's been five weeks of NC. Haven't seen him since September. I'm actually not doing bad at all now. I have no urge to see or talk to him. Sadly, I don't miss him, the MM, the person, at all. Considering how invested I was emotionally, I wonder if I'm supposed to feel something more. I miss the attention he gave me in the very beginning of our A. But, other than that, it was just one big, whiny mess that I never wish to revisit. The anger though is still something I'm struggling to overcome. But the last couple of days have been fairly serene.

 

I think what helped me the most was that this time around there wasn't any abrupt ending. It was more like a transition. Which is surprising because I always thought I would need that final scene to move forward, like an exclamation mark at the end of this chapter.

 

As for the weight loss, it was very worrisome for me - my body has never reacted that way to emotional turmoil before. I was a bit underweight to begin with, so people were very concerned for me. My doctor is even doing tests now. I truly hope that your physical health won't be affected by this. Maybe you should consider making the gym a new hobby - it can be very therapeutic during this time; it will also take up that free time you're talking about and, of course, get you to that goal fitness level. I started attending yoga classes, which has been a marvelous experience. What I went through with my weight was not healthy, so I don't wish that unto anyone.

 

5 weeks??!! WOW! I can't wait to get to that point. I am impressed :bunny:

I made it through day 2 with the help of work and chocolate cake.

He called me twice, but the phone has now been pretty quiet for a few hours.

I am going to do a super house clean this weekend to keep busy. I hope that helps.

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I'll be day 4 on NC in 2 hours!! I did the same thing you did, I didn't let him know I was leaving. No email, text or calls.

 

I just packed up all my stuff and drove off after being alone in his apartment for 4 hours.

 

I don't think you need to tell him. Let him do all the wondering and questioning in his head, it's his problem now.

 

Then, I booked a ticket to Sam Diego to visit an old pal and just left. No turning back. I know if I talked to him he will convince me that I love him and more BS than a bull can ever sh*t.

 

20 more days and I'll be with my family for my holidays, and I'll be home free! I know my dad will kick some sense into me when I get back, he always does, and then I'll be back on my feet in no time. I'm counting down!

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5 weeks??!! WOW! I can't wait to get to that point. I am impressed :bunny:

I made it through day 2 with the help of work and chocolate cake.

He called me twice, but the phone has now been pretty quiet for a few hours.

I am going to do a super house clean this weekend to keep busy. I hope that helps.

I can't believe it's been that long. I am definitely starting to recognize my old self once again. And I was an absolutely insane, hopeless mess during my A, so there is definitely hope for everyone out there. There are still bad moments (not days like it was before, just moments) where I'm battling the hurt that he's caused me. I still indulge in that sense of victimhood, which I know I must somehow overcome before I can truly move forward.

 

As we, enders, like to reiterate, it's not really NC until he stops contacting you. If you don't want to block him, then you should consider sending him a short sentence or two, asking him to give you peace. Do not engage in an actual discussion though. You have to keep in mind: if he grows tired in the next days or weeks on his own and takes a silent approach, you will very likely experience a whole new kind of pain, wondering why he stopped pursuing you, constantly checking your phone for some kind of confirmation that he still loves you, that you are wanted, which will likely drive you to break NC. That's what generally happens in this kind of approach. My xMM's silence was what hurt me the most the first time I went NC, because it was at odds with my expectations.

 

Again, I remember the whiny mess that I was during our A, the hopelessness I felt when it ended... So I can assure you: if I managed to get to this place full of promise, where getting through the day is no longer a chore, anyone can. You're certainly doing great so far!

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nc is supposed to hurt. teaches you lessons.

 

Hurt in what way? And what lessons? Are you speaking from experience?

 

This is very much a support thread, be nice if you could expand a little. :)

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