LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

Should the OW/OM attend the children's sporting events...even inconspicuously?


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Old 14th June 2010, 7:17 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Close to the Edge
Posts: 8,862
Should the OW/OM attend the children's sporting events...even inconspicuously?

Years ago, an OW mentioned that her MM liked for her to attend his children's sporting events, but not with him actually. She was to sit apart from him and his family (including his W). And she did so. Happily.

Do you think his request was reasonable or appropriate? Do you think she should have declined his invitation? Why? Or, why not?

ETA - There was no d-day in this scenario (yet, or that I knew of). It was MM's way of including the OW in more of his life, while not openly.
NoIDidn't is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:43 PM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,077
Before I even knew what happened and when he said they were just friends .. and he just didn't want to be married anymore..

I walked past a brand new gray Cadillac with her name on the license plate.. The two of them were sitting in lawn chairs on the first base side of the field of the playoff game..

I was in such shock, I cried in the bleachers during the whole game.. I know people who we had known all of those years in little league .. must have thought I was crazy.. She continued to attend most of the games .. (thankfully a short playoff season) ..

If one has the gall to call a man at his business for diff reasons all of those months prior to breaking up the marriage .. she has audacity for anything?

He died 10 years later .. Now she is remarried and in the midst of ruining another family .. He has contacted prostate cancer .. and she has gone through a lot of his money already in just these three years..
califnan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:46 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,077
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIDidn't View Post

ETA - There was no d-day in this scenario (yet, or that I knew of). It was MM's way of including the OW in more of his life, while not openly.
------------------

Sometimes I think the MM wishes to use these events for the discovery ..
califnan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:50 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,771
Journal Entries: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIDidn't View Post
Years ago, an OW mentioned that her MM liked for her to attend his children's sporting events, but not with him actually. She was to sit apart from him and his family (including his W). And she did so. Happily.

Do you think his request was reasonable or appropriate? Do you think she should have declined his invitation? Why? Or, why not?

ETA - There was no d-day in this scenario (yet, or that I knew of). It was MM's way of including the OW in more of his life, while not openly.
Ew. Just. Ew.
"Hey, OW, I love ya lots, but I don't love you enough to leave my W. So why dontcha come on out to Junior's ball game, so I can rub my happy little family in your face."
ew.
Did I say ew? Ew.
jthorne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:51 PM   #5
Established Member
 
seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Highland Scotland
Posts: 1,828
If they are having an A and there is no disclosure, then absolutely no place at all. How incredibly self centered of the MM.
__________________
I have a MM, he is my husband, my best friend, soulmate, lover and keeper of my heart. I reciprocate.
seren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 7:58 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 3,807
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIDidn't View Post
Years ago, an OW mentioned that her MM liked for her to attend his children's sporting events, but not with him actually. She was to sit apart from him and his family (including his W). And she did so. Happily.

Do you think his request was reasonable or appropriate? Do you think she should have declined his invitation? Why? Or, why not?

ETA - There was no d-day in this scenario (yet, or that I knew of). It was MM's way of including the OW in more of his life, while not openly.
The MM I was seeing DID attend my son's sporting events -- when the MM was living an apartment away from his wife. After he moved back in with her (after a year), he attended 1 event and he told his wife he was running out for pizza Needless to say, he didn't stay long.

I think it is ridiculous for an OW to attend a kids sporting event of the MM's children. WHY? so she can see him and his wife interact?
fooled once is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 8:05 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Silly_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: SE England
Posts: 5,138
I find it a bit sinister and would worry that the children would find out or be aware of something odd.

If the MM has chosen to keep the OW away from his 'public' life - and his wife - then he should definitely, in my view, keep her the hell away from the kids.
Silly_Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 9:24 PM   #8
Established Member
 
LucreziaBorgia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Silent Hill
Posts: 9,546
Definitely leave the kids out of it. There is no reason whatsoever to have OW/OM around the kids. It would be different if H and W were divorcing or divorced (both exH and I bring our SO's to our daughters events - then again, we all get along really well).
__________________
Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
LucreziaBorgia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 9:27 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 7,205
Ahhh, but c'mon...He needs the OW to see what a devoted father he is, right?

He's just staying for the sake of the kids....We all know that!

Sure she should go, if she believes his bs.....

But then, I'd like an invitation to see her son play. I'll sit on the sideline and watch not only her, cuz she's such a great mom, but my fWS too, because he's a kinder father figure to her son then his own father.

Love it!
Spark1111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:17 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Brokenlady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 800
I was invited to attend some of his daughter's events. He would of course not be seen with me, but it was an attempt to make me feel included in his "other life". It felt really awful to see him with his W. I know the kids recognized me as someone their mother was loudly and openly jealous of before she knew of the affair. So it was probably no surprise when the A was outed, to the kids anyway. In retrospect, I think my presence at those things made me look like a stalker.

Anyway, I picked out Christmas gifts for his kids for several years, I bought all the decor and linens for their bedroom at his house when he finally moved out. I wanted them to someday know I cared even though they never knew I did those things.

The plan was always supposed to be that i would meet them someday, and all of the prior stuff was just groundwork. For a long time I thought we could blend our families, but unfortunately all his eneregy went into appeasing his psychotic xW at the expense of our relationship. Ah well.
__________________
"Things do not change, we change." - Henry David Thoreau
Brokenlady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2010, 10:50 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,548
Quote:
I know the kids recognized me as someone their mother was loudly and openly jealous of before she knew of the affair
Can I ask then, why on earth you would go? Knowing that the kids would recognize you and that she felt that way about you? Was it that you couldn't say no to your MM? It was totally inconsiderate of him to invite you!

Quote:
It felt really awful to see him with his W.
Don't you think he knew that?
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th June 2010, 12:25 AM   #12
Established Member
 
MorningCoffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: West Coast USA
Posts: 398
My fMW/AP didn't invite me to sporting events, as her child was still too young for such things, but early on in our A, she did suggest I get a girlfriend so we (me, my GF, my AP and her H) could all go out on a "double-date."

I mean, are you kidding me? I am going to find a GF while I am entering into a PA with her? What are these MW/MM thinking?

Reflecting on this with hindsight, and in light of the OP's question, I wonder if the MW/MM is trying to come up with some sort of subterfuge or camouflage to enable the AP to gain some sort of "public" stance in their life with their H/W. Weird, no?
MorningCoffee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th June 2010, 1:10 AM   #13
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenlady View Post
unfortunately all his eneregy went into appeasing his psychotic xW at the expense of our relationship. Ah well.
Yeah, because that would be only reason why he would ditch you in favour of his marriage, his BS just *had* to be psychotic/Dr Evil/Lizzie Borden. Purleaze, haven't we had enough of this excuse for an affair ending?

Back on topic, I like what Morning Coffee says about this scenario, that's an interesting observation.
turnstone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th June 2010, 2:18 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Close to the Edge
Posts: 8,862
Quote:
Originally Posted by MorningCoffee View Post
Reflecting on this with hindsight, and in light of the OP's question, I wonder if the MW/MM is trying to come up with some sort of subterfuge or camouflage to enable the AP to gain some sort of "public" stance in their life with their H/W. Weird, no?
I think so. I think the MP is doing two things at once. Appeasing the OP by making them feel included and have a memory to *share*, and also to enable them to have the A right under the spouse's nose, practically in plain sight.

I just wonder how the OPs that do it feel? Is it like a delicious secret to be so open and yet so discreet? Almost every case that I know of, the OP was figured out immediately by either the BS or a friend of the couple that just noticed little things.
NoIDidn't is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th June 2010, 2:31 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Northeast England
Posts: 621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spark1111 View Post
Ahhh, but c'mon...He needs the OW to see what a devoted father he is, right?

He's just staying for the sake of the kids....We all know that!

Sure she should go, if she believes his bs.....

But then, I'd like an invitation to see her son play. I'll sit on the sideline and watch not only her, cuz she's such a great mom, but my fWS too, because he's a kinder father figure to her son then his own father.

Love it!
I was invited to one once and I'm very glad I went. His biggest reason for staying in the M is his child and he wanted me to see firsthand why. I struggled with the decision to go, as he struggled with inviting me, for weeks. In this circumstance I was very glad to have gone as it did give me an insight and understanding I needed.

Keep in mind it was a very large event and there were hundreds of spectators so there was nothing conspicuous about me being there.

Someone noted something along the lines of so you could see how he interacts with his W. The goal was to understand the R with his daughter...one of the outcomes was to see the complete lack on interaction with his W and for it to verify much of what he had told me at that point (bear in mind this was only a few months into it). I understand it was only a 'snapshot' of them, but it showed me exactly what he had described his M as-and before anyone jumps the gun that was nothing other than companionable and content and they were complacent, and their interaction said that for the short bits I could see them together.

Would I do anything further or would I have done it under different circumstances-no.
MizFit is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Children's feeling's during Seperation and Divorce. Meaplus3 Separation and Divorce 5 6th February 2008 1:28 PM
Children's marital problems juley_r0x Marriage & Life Partnerships 7 23rd February 2006 10:22 AM
children's responsibility during separation arcoiris Separation and Divorce 3 5th December 2005 12:04 AM
The X and OW are getting married in the chapel at my children's school. mourningMM Separation and Divorce 3 27th January 2005 5:57 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:35 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.