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Which one to I choose?


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I was married 9 years and after my divorce I was too hurt to jump right back in to the arms of another man. I concentrated on being a mom and working to build my new life.

 

Around 7 years after my divorce I met this man named Larry. We were just friends. He was like my best friend. I could be myself around him, we laughed together all the time. He was so giving and so caring toward me and my son. We would go on long drives together and just talk about anything and everything. After a few months I started staying the night with him when my son would be away for the weekend visiting his grandma.

 

One night back in November my son was gone for a few hours visiting a friend so I went over to visit with Larry. While I was there my son called to ask if he could stay the night with his friend. I told him that was fine. After I explained to Larry that my son wasnt coming home for the night he asked me to stay with him. I told him I had to go to my house to get me some clothes.

 

When I got to my house I decided that it was too late and so I was just going to stay home and I would go visit him first thing in the morning. I called him to let him know that I was really tired and I wouldnt be coming back over.

 

The next morning I called him to see if he wanted me to stop and get him some breakfast and he didnt answer. I figured he was still asleep. A few hours later I tried to call him again and he still didnt answer. I didnt try again because I figured that he would see my phone number on his called ID and return my call when he got the chance.

 

Two weeks later he finally called me telling me that the feeling he had for me were pretty close to gone. He accused me of not coming back that night because I went out with someone else. I explained to him that I was just tired and I wished that he would understand that. He hung up on me and that was it.

 

I met this other guy and we hit it off great. We started dating and having a great time. He asked me to move in with him. I thought about it and talked it over with my son and we both agreed that it would be a wounderful lifestyle.

 

Now here I am living with this guy, he is still a wounderful man. He gave away a lot of his furniture so that I could have mine in the house because it was all brand new. I lived in an apartment and he has a house so he gave up a lot for us to come live with him.

 

Lately he has been trying to control my decisions on raising my son. He tells me that he needs to go to bed earlier than the bedtime he has had for the last two years. I always ask my son what he wants for supper and this guy tells me that I shouldnt be asking him what he wants he should just eat what I fix him. I have always bought my son a little something on my payday, this guy tells me that that needs to stop he shouldnt get something every other week, and I feel like if I can afford it then,what is the big deal?

 

This guy has no kids and my son and I have lived alone and had our own rules for the last 9 years. My son is my pride and joy and I have raised him this long by myself I figure that I dont need anyones help this far along in the game.

 

Problem is, yesterday Larry called me. He told me how much he has missed me and that he wants to see me this weekend. I want to see him so bad because I miss him but i know if I go and see him then it wouldnt be right.

 

If I leave this guys house and go get an apartment of my own then I know it would totally break his heart and he gave up a whole lot of his furniture for me to move mine in. He has been done wrong by girls in the past just moving in and then leaving him high and dry, and he just got laid off from work this past week.

 

What should I do I am so confused, I need all the help and advice I can get here. Do I pick the man I live with and lay down with everynight or do I pick the man who was my best friend and showed me the best summer of my life?

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I am sorry for the problems with both of your men - But you and especially your Son comes first ..

 

Is it possible to live by yourself for awhile.. Larry acted unstable by ignoring you and being acusing - for your not returning that night ..

 

The one you are living with, is bad for your son - maybe even resentful of him .. He has no business interfering with, or trying to change your parenting..

 

My answer: neither men, for now ..

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I am woundering now if I should just go back to living alone. I was happiest that way. Of course it was lonely from time to time but my son and I was happy during that time.

 

I feel like I have the rest of my life to be a girlfriend, a lover, and a wife. But hey, I only get one shot at being a mom! Right?

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bentnotbroken

Two jerks with different reasons for their "jerkiness":o, (yeah I made it up, it's Friday). If being with your son alone makes you happiest, then by all means move. So he gave up some furniture....it was his choice right. You have every right to stick to the consistancy of your rules with your son.

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I am woundering now if I should just go back to living alone. I was happiest that way. Of course it was lonely from time to time but my son and I was happy during that time.

 

I feel like I have the rest of my life to be a girlfriend, a lover, and a wife. But hey, I only get one shot at being a mom! Right?

 

--------------------

 

You are right on, Gail .. Life is about priorities ... Your priority is your son -

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jennie-jennie

I never could understand adults who move in with another adult and bring their child and then expect the other adult to not act as one. Of course your boyfriend has a say in raising your son. He can't be expected to live with him and not have a say. That would make your son more powerful than your boyfriend - not good for a child.

 

You two adults need to discuss and agree together on how you want to raise your son. If you are not fine with that, by all means move out and live by yourself, then there is no need to discuss with anyone how to raise your son.

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