Kcruiser Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 All the advice I got in my last post I did listen to it and started NC which lasted only a few days. It was too easy to start things up again and we fell back to where we were because we have so much fun together. So Fast Forward 2 months. He came over the other night very upset. He hugged and kissed me and then told me he is moving back in with his wife and kid because his kid is having a very tough time. He will be sleeping in the guest room but he knows when he made this decision it meant the end of us. He said he has responsibilities to his child and he needs to see if this can work. He tells me he doesnt think it will, but he needs to be able to look back and make sure he made the right decision. He told me he cares for me more than I realize and that it hurts him too. We both cried. He also told me not to wait around because he doesnt want me wasting my life on him but if our paths cross again then great. So many stories on LS warned me not to get involved with a separated man. I chose to ignore them becasue I thought we were different. Last night i saw his friends and they told me just to be patient, but i cant look at it that way. Yes I agree with him and them that its not going to work out BUT i need to look forward with my life and make myself happy without him. He dropped of my keys and some clothes today and that will be the last we will talk for a while. I have deleted him from my phone. The only way I can contact him is by email which i did last night but im not planning on emailing him again. I have been very very upset and i know he is too. I do believe his sincerity. He told me he doesnt regret getting to know me and falling for me, but he wishes it happened after he gave it one last shot with his wife. So there you have it. My story confirmed everything I have read. If you are in my situation listen to everyone. Even if it does work out, there is a lot of pain along the way. Be careful and thanks for the advice. People on here know what they are talking about, because they come from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 It sounds like he's letting you know that he doesn't expect his "last shot" to reconcile his M. He says there will be an "after" to his one last shot. Is he leading you to believe that maybe you should wait around longer? Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I am sorry that you are hurting, but I think he is making the right choice for himself. He is going to try to make it work, and if it does, I hope that someday you can be happy for him. But if it does not, then it gives him the clarity that he did all he could do, and it was the marriage that was broken, not that he was selfish and walked away because it just got a little boring/ or tough. I think him telling you not to wait for him was a statement made out of love. If he did not really care for you, he would have asked you to wait around for him, so he would be able to come running back when/if things do not work out for him at home. It was an unselfish move on his part, to relieve you of any guilt you may feel (and you will feel it) about starting to date again. I think you will in time see it for the loving gesture that it was, and not as a dismissal of you. Hold your head up, hun. It will start to get better, you will heal. And in time, if he finds that his marriage is broken beyond repair, and comes looking for you.. perhaps you will both be in a better place emotionally, and will find that the time apart has done you both good. And if he finds that he can repair whatever was broken in his marriage, you will eventually be able to look back on your time with him as a learning experince, and cherish the time that you spent with someone you loved, who loved you in return. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Gosh .. let's hear it for those "guest rooms" .. So many stories about these men moving back into the guest room, when they go back to their wives.. Seriously, Kcruiser - you are going to be fine. Once we Receive it and go on with our lives - that is the best blessed new beginning we could hope for .. It is those who hang onto the coat tails - who prolong their agony .. I wish you the very Best K.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Last night i saw his friends and they told me just to be patient, It's good you aren't listening to his friends. They don't know what is going on inside his head..Listen to your SM, he has told you it's over and has made his decision. As much as it hurts you, respect that and try to let go. He does care about you. He has ended this with respect and done it without being mean or cruel. Sometimes things just don't work out and this seem to be a case where he has to focus on reconnecting with his wife, making it work for his kids sake. He obviously has some love left for his wife though, otherwise he wouldn't have ended it completely with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 It's good you aren't listening to his friends. They don't know what is going on inside his head..Listen to your SM, he has told you it's over and has made his decision. As much as it hurts you, respect that and try to let go. He does care about you. He has ended this with respect and done it without being mean or cruel. Sometimes things just don't work out and this seem to be a case where he has to focus on reconnecting with his wife, making it work for his kids sake. He obviously has some love left for his wife though, otherwise he wouldn't have ended it completely with you. Wow, WWIU.. I didn't think you would kick someone while they are down like that... I mean possibly yes that is true, possibly it just means that he is a man of integrity and knows that to give his marriage a true chance, he has to be free of outside entanglements. I don't know this posters whole story, but it does not sound as if she has been playing OW, but was simply dating a separated man, who is rethinking his decision to divorce. His choice to end it completely with her does not mean that he "obviously has love left for his wife" per se, but that he is honest enough to know that he can never put 100 percent into his marriage if he has the OP waiting to be the fallback. I think he deserves some credit for being willing to step up to the plate and do it the "right way" and make sure that buisness is finished with one woman before making a commitment to another. I think in time OP will see that he was a good guy making a hard choice, and she will respect him for it. But let us not minimize his feelings for the OP like that... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re-read my post FA. You must have missed some parts. He does care about you. He has ended this with respect and done it without being mean or cruel. I remember this posters story from before and her MM was always waivering back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Re-read my post FA. You must have missed some parts. He does care about you. He has ended this with respect and done it without being mean or cruel. I remember this posters story from before and her MM was always waivering back then. yes, you said he cares about her and loves his wife... I saw what you said... Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I believe many of these MM can (and do) love both of them - the W and the OW - at the same time. But I tell you this - with the staggering dollops of pain that he administers to both of them as a result of his "love" for them, I'm left wondering - is it really worth it? His kind of "love"??!? I'm thinking, no. That way lies madness. << hugs to the OP from a complete online stranger who's been there, too >> Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I'm so sorry to hear about this. I agree - you can not wait around, but I can give you some light on the 'guest room' thing. My MM slept in the guest room for months prior to leaving his W. At first, I was just like everyone else- not thinking he would leave, but he knew he would. I didn't believe him from all of the stuff I have read on here - really I didn't. I guess what I am trying to say is this: Only YOU know what the MM is thinking, and only you have had the realtionship with him. Deep down - YOU know if it is BS or if it is the truth. Trust your instincts. Keep your friends around and don't put your life on pause. I think if it is meant to be, it will be. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 i think he knows he's trying to work it out with his wife - in the mean time he wants you to be happy and move forward... that's a good thing. you are free to find someone who makes you top priority... i think he deserves a huge thanks! now go get busy living and being happy!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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