I Miss the Kiss Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Hi everyone... I've been gone for a while. I am too sick to even type right now. I just want to say that I was in NC, he broke it, I responded, and we fell deeper this time. Its been over a month now. And yesterday he did it again Yes, once again I got a text while I was grocery shopping, out of the blue, after be had come to see me this past week and just the night before, less than 12 hours before, he had been rambling on and on about how he was so tired of the games and so ready to be with me and love my girls and make me happy. I can't type more. Too weak, too out of focus. Its my fault for letting him in. But right now all I know is the absolute heartache I am feeling. He has not moved back in with his wife since our last d-day in January, has been living on his own but struggling still with his kids and the stigma of leaving his wife. Bla, bla, bla. the bottom line again: He TEXTED me that he couldn't do this anymore, had to work on his marriage (let's see, this is now SIX TIMES he has done this to me and to his W). So he immediately changed his number, she changed hers, too. And just that quick I am out like yesterday's garbage. I suck, life sucks, and I deserve everything I got for letting him back in Have at it, hit me while I'm down now if you must... IMTK Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Hi everyone... I've been gone for a while. I am too sick to even type right now. I just want to say that I was in NC, he broke it, I responded, and we fell deeper this time. Its been over a month now. And yesterday he did it again Yes, once again I got a text while I was grocery shopping, out of the blue, after be had come to see me this past week and just the night before, less than 12 hours before, he had been rambling on and on about how he was so tired of the games and so ready to be with me and love my girls and make me happy. I can't type more. Too weak, too out of focus. Its my fault for letting him in. But right now all I know is the absolute heartache I am feeling. He has not moved back in with his wife since our last d-day in January, has been living on his own but struggling still with his kids and the stigma of leaving his wife. Bla, bla, bla. the bottom line again: He TEXTED me that he couldn't do this anymore, had to work on his marriage (let's see, this is now SIX TIMES he has done this to me and to his W). So he immediately changed his number, she changed hers, too. And just that quick I am out like yesterday's garbage. I suck, life sucks, and I deserve everything I got for letting him back in Have at it, hit me while I'm down now if you must... IMTK Have you started counseling yet? ((hugs)) This is going to continue to happen until you decide enough. I wish you would hit your rock bottom so you would stop allowing him to jerk you around. I beg you to get into counseling....maybe then you will see that this affair is only going to keep dragging you down. Your kids deserve a whole mom, not someone who continues to walk into traffic and keep getting hit. I hope for your sake that this time, you stay NC and don't allow him back into your life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 (let's see, this is now SIX TIMES he has done this to me and to his W) Truly hoping there won't be a 7th. Do you feel like you are done yet? ((IMTK)) Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Hi everyone... I've been gone for a while. I am too sick to even type right now. I just want to say that I was in NC, he broke it, I responded, and we fell deeper this time. Its been over a month now. And yesterday he did it again Yes, once again I got a text while I was grocery shopping, out of the blue, after be had come to see me this past week and just the night before, less than 12 hours before, he had been rambling on and on about how he was so tired of the games and so ready to be with me and love my girls and make me happy. I can't type more. Too weak, too out of focus. Its my fault for letting him in. But right now all I know is the absolute heartache I am feeling. He has not moved back in with his wife since our last d-day in January, has been living on his own but struggling still with his kids and the stigma of leaving his wife. Bla, bla, bla. the bottom line again: He TEXTED me that he couldn't do this anymore, had to work on his marriage (let's see, this is now SIX TIMES he has done this to me and to his W). So he immediately changed his number, she changed hers, too. And just that quick I am out like yesterday's garbage. I suck, life sucks, and I deserve everything I got for letting him back in Have at it, hit me while I'm down now if you must... IMTK -------------------- That's why there is a tomorrow - so you can brush yourself off, and start all over again .. .. Don't worry about it .. Seems like there is a pattern with these men? ... When things come easy for them, they start having second thoughts - and they only Rise to the occasion when trudging toward a conquest? Ignore him again.. When the Right man comes to you, the Two of you will be in one accord - with happiness.. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 (((((IMTK))))) Are you going to counseling? Is he going to counseling? Don't blame yourself. You just love this man. It is just that he got the worst case of flip-flopping I ever heard of here on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 (((((IMTK))))) Are you going to counseling? Is he going to counseling? Don't blame yourself. You just love this man. It is just that he got the worst case of flip-flopping I ever heard of here on LS. I think you're right, he does have the worst case of flip-flopping! I do love him. I love the man he is when he's with me, but not the confused and apparently self- centered man who thinks it appropriate to text me to dump me yet again. He is in counseling, although how much it is helping I have no idea. I am in counseling, too. Next week's session should be a good one Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Have you ever talked about his way of dumping you during the periods when you were back together? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I think you're right, he does have the worst case of flip-flopping! I do love him. I love the man he is when he's with me, but not the confused and apparently self- centered man who thinks it appropriate to text me to dump me yet again. He is in counseling, although how much it is helping I have no idea. I am in counseling, too. Next week's session should be a good one But where is your self-love? Obviously six times of hurting you in this way means that he has a track record. One that you should consider before "letting him in" again and doing the whole wash, rinse, repeat thing. I really feel for you IMTK. You have to get better at protecting yourself. He is going to continue doing exactly what he has been doing. You have got to decide to get off this ride on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I think you're right, he does have the worst case of flip-flopping! I do love him. I love the man he is when he's with me, but not the confused and apparently self- centered man who thinks it appropriate to text me to dump me yet again. He is in counseling, although how much it is helping I have no idea. I am in counseling, too. Next week's session should be a good one -------------------- If he is married, and he is in counseling - that is probably the reason he is confused.. Like being in alchoholics anonymous and falling off the wagon now and then .. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 (((((((((((IMTK)))))))))))) My prayers and thoughts are with you...please do not beat yourself up, as it does no good at all, and serves no purpose.... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I think you're right, he does have the worst case of flip-flopping! I do love him. I love the man he is when he's with me, but not the confused and apparently self- centered man who thinks it appropriate to text me to dump me yet again. He is in counseling, although how much it is helping I have no idea. I am in counseling, too. Next week's session should be a good one How are you even able to function like this? Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Hi everyone... I've been gone for a while. I am too sick to even type right now. I just want to say that I was in NC, he broke it, I responded, and we fell deeper this time. Its been over a month now. And yesterday he did it again Yes, once again I got a text while I was grocery shopping, out of the blue, after be had come to see me this past week and just the night before, less than 12 hours before, he had been rambling on and on about how he was so tired of the games and so ready to be with me and love my girls and make me happy. I can't type more. Too weak, too out of focus. Its my fault for letting him in. But right now all I know is the absolute heartache I am feeling. He has not moved back in with his wife since our last d-day in January, has been living on his own but struggling still with his kids and the stigma of leaving his wife. Bla, bla, bla. the bottom line again: He TEXTED me that he couldn't do this anymore, had to work on his marriage (let's see, this is now SIX TIMES he has done this to me and to his W). So he immediately changed his number, she changed hers, too. And just that quick I am out like yesterday's garbage. I suck, life sucks, and I deserve everything I got for letting him back in Have at it, hit me while I'm down now if you must... IMTK tough situation , i just hope u are not stringing your husband along for your fun . are u & your husband divorcing ? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 You have to gain the strength to resist him, IMTK; you have to gain it for you. I honestly don't know how you can do that to yourself again after what you went through with him last time. If you carry this on you will take yourself to the point of breaking - if you have not done already. I know you love him... but look at the way he treats you; he just picks you up then chucks you back down again when he's through playing with you which only tells me that he loves himself more than he loves you. Can you bear to do this again? I hope you don't think I'm trying to hit you when you're down - I'm really not, I just worry for what you are doing to yourself. Please, please, please get rid. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 You have to gain the strength to resist him, IMTK; you have to gain it for you. I honestly don't know how you can do that to yourself again after what you went through with him last time. If you carry this on you will take yourself to the point of breaking - if you have not done already. I know you love him... but look at the way he treats you; he just picks you up then chucks you back down again when he's through playing with you which only tells me that he loves himself more than he loves you. Can you bear to do this again? I hope you don't think I'm trying to hit you when you're down - I'm really not, I just worry for what you are doing to yourself. Please, please, please get rid. Or she has to realize what she is dealing with: a split self who is going to continue this pattern until he solves his inner issues. In that way IMTK can be prepared the next time he flip-flops and not take it personally. Would this be an option for you, IMTK? Considering you both are in counseling actually doing something about your own issues. It is like being the wife of an alcoholic learning to detach yourself from his drinking bouts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 tough situation , i just hope u are not stringing your husband along for your fun . are u & your husband divorcing ? Yes, our divorce will be final very soon. I have been honest with him since October, as painful as it was. He knows where my heart was, and unfortunately still is. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 IMTK, I am so glad to hear you're in counselling. That's the best thing you can do! I know you love this man and if you choose to stay with him, then I think you are going to have to learn coping skills that will allow you to handle it. I'll be honest, though. I couldn't do it. My CP boyfriend (now fiancee) got cold feet once and broke my heart. I eventually took him back but it was incredibly tough for me to learn to trust him and we went through six months of therapy! I would encourage you to define for yourself what you need and want in a relationship. This includes whether or not you can handle the situation you are currently in. If you can't, then as hard as it will be, you should let him go and save yourself. I do believe that everyone eventually heals (if we allow ourselves to do so), and that we all live to love again. I believe also that you can love many people in your lifetime, but your eventual partner should be the one you love AND you can build a healthy, satisfying relationship with. We can't simply discount our hearts and the love we feel, but sometimes, I believe we have to let go of that love to make room for our future. I am not saying this is where you are or what you should do - no one can tell you what to do. I am just hoping that you place yourself first, decide what you want and need, and then hold anyone you love to meeting those standards. Good luck and be happy! And by the way, you ARE worth a great deal and life will get better. It's an amazing journey that sometimes has horribly bad spots, but then turns a corner into amazing wonderful periods. I wish that for you - whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 So who is responsible for the mess you find yourself in? You have no control right? You don't have a clue how to change your phone number at all do you? So what do you plan to do, show up here a seventh time and talk about how you are letting another control your life? Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 IMTK, I would encourage you to define for yourself what you need and want in a relationship. This includes whether or not you can handle the situation you are currently in. If you can't, then as hard as it will be, you should let him go and save yourself. I think this is the key - to not see yourself as a victim but as someone who has chosen to be in a relationship (or not) with this man. It gives you back the control of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 -------------------- If he is married, and he is in counseling - that is probably the reason he is confused.. Like being in alchoholics anonymous and falling off the wagon now and then .. This brings up a good question. IMTK, is MM in IC or MC? Mine is in IC by the way. I'm so surprized you took him back once he said he had HB with BW. That would have done it for me if I thought he meant it. Does he now say he was wrong about that? What made you accept him after that? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 This brings up a good question. IMTK, is MM in IC or MC? Mine is in IC by the way. I'm so surprized you took him back once he said he had HB with BW. That would have done it for me if I thought he meant it. Does he now say he was wrong about that? What made you accept him after that? ------------------- To clarify White Flower .. I had thought that if a MM is in counseling .. or seeking God by going to church - I would think that either of these routes would probably lead him back to his wife.. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 ------------------- To clarify White Flower .. I had thought that if a MM is in counseling .. or seeking God by going to church - I would think that either of these routes would probably lead him back to his wife.. Probabilities are not always what they seem. Some men actually get counseling while in counseling. Sometimes he learns to overcome an overpowering wife. Other times he learns to overcome a self-destructive behavior. And others he learns to give up the OW. Not sure where you're warning me but I know what the possibilites are. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 This brings up a good question. IMTK, is MM in IC or MC? Mine is in IC by the way. I'm so surprized you took him back once he said he had HB with BW.That would have done it for me if I thought he meant it. Do es he now say he was wrong about that? What made you accept him after that? What does HB mean? (sorry, i can't figure that one out!) Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Yes, our divorce will be final very soon. I have been honest with him since October, as painful as it was. He knows where my heart was, and unfortunately still is. what was painful ?divorce ? for u or ur husband ? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 What does HB mean? (sorry, i can't figure that one out!) I think you mentioned in your first thread that he did not have HB (hysterical bonding) with his W once they made love after she tried to win him back. Then when you learned of the reason why he threw you under the bus (sorry, hate the expression myself) and you asked him why, he texted you with 'I guess there was HB afterall'. Was that a different thread? I'll go find it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I think you're right, he does have the worst case of flip-flopping! I do love him. I love the man he is when he's with me, but not the confused and apparently self- centered man who thinks it appropriate to text me to dump me yet again. As do you. You go NC and then allow him to suck you back in. HE KNOWS how to push your buttons and make you cave. He is not who you think he is..Remember that! Don't let your heart and emotions fool you into believing he is the man you 'think' he is. Haven't you suffered enough pain? Go back and re-read your other threads.. Remember what he did to you? How he treated you? How much pain you were in not too long ago? Whatever you two feel for one another isn't love. It's far from it. People who love eachother and respect one another do NOT do what he's been doing. It's an unhealthy affair/relationship. The longer you stay with him and do this with him, the more you will get messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts