sallyanne Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Hi New to this.. I met a great man recently through an internet dating site, he was seperated at the time, his wife had left him, for another man. We spend some lovely time together, and then his wife found out about us, through his son.. She turned up one day at the family home ( where he still lived) saying she wanted him back....he maintained to me that he wasn;t having her back and he wanted to be with me. They'd had a rocky relationship for years according to him... Wife was ending texts all the time he was with me. He took me to meet his family and his son etc ... and out of the blue, approx 4 weeks ago , he told me that his wife had moved back into the family home and was staying in the spare room, and said it was for their sons sake (he;s 16) and that she said he wasn't looking after him properly whilst he was spending time with me. He suggested we had a couple of weeks apart, for him to sort things out. He texts me and tellls me he wants to be with me, and keeps telling me he's told his wife its hes not getting back with her... He keeps telling me that he's speaking to her about splitting up,but never gets anywhere. he says he's hoping that she will realise that its not gonna happen, and that she get bored and leave again, he wants the split to happen that way, cos whilst he was with me she was texting and threatening to kill herslef etc, and thinks there is no other way out than for her to realise its over. BUT he's told her that me and him are over. I've had a bit of a text fest today and said i'm getting fed up of waiting... and don't understand why if he wants to be with me he can't just be with me and be hard on her..... Any advice please .... am i wating my time? Link to post Share on other sites
Chingaling Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I wonder how long you have been seeing him? Your post said "recently"... could it be that while he was "done" with his marriage, his W had unfinished business? I am so sorry this happened to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 This sounds like one of those situations where we'll never know what's truly going on and all we can do is second guess it. Sallyanne, he may not want to be the bad guy in the eyes of his kid and his wife and is therefore is waiting for her to 'come to her senses' so that he doesn't have to be the one to send the mother out of the family home. In which case, it may just be a couple of weeks. on the other hand, the fact that he's needing space suggests thinking time for him... maybe there are unresolved issues within the marriage and he doesn't want to turn his back on it just yet, hence the denial of your relationship. I don't envy your position. It sounds to me like he's minimising you, which is not a good sign. Maybe, back off, tell him you're going to give him the space he wants and, if he wants to be open about your relationship and put you first, then to call you. I'm sorry sallyanne. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sallyanne Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 She was away last weekl, and we met up and had a great weekend. I asked him last week, if it was going to be weeks before I saw him again and he said no....that he was hoping to have things sorted this week. He's supposed to have sat down with her every night to talk about things and when I ask him how it went, he says they started talking and ended up arguing.... I asked him today to be honest and if he didn't want to be with me I would leaving him alone.... I got a text back saying I want to be with you... Whay I don't understand is that if he wants to be with me why isnt he? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I agree with JT, if you can manage a couple of weeks then try. I know it's hard and it'll drive you crazy not knowing what's going on, but if you can make it you'll know much better then. Keep yourself busy and focus just on the moment, try and have some fun and catch up with people that love you. Come back to him in a couple of weeks and ask your question then. Good luck, sallyanne. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Hi New to this.. I met a great man recently through an internet dating site, he was seperated at the time, his wife had left him, for another man. We spend some lovely time together, and then his wife found out about us, through his son.. She turned up one day at the family home ( where he still lived) saying she wanted him back....he maintained to me that he wasn;t having her back and he wanted to be with me. They'd had a rocky relationship for years according to him... Wife was ending texts all the time he was with me. He took me to meet his family and his son etc ... and out of the blue, approx 4 weeks ago , he told me that his wife had moved back into the family home and was staying in the spare room, and said it was for their sons sake (he;s 16) and that she said he wasn't looking after him properly whilst he was spending time with me. He suggested we had a couple of weeks apart, for him to sort things out. He texts me and tellls me he wants to be with me, and keeps telling me he's told his wife its hes not getting back with her... He keeps telling me that he's speaking to her about splitting up,but never gets anywhere. he says he's hoping that she will realise that its not gonna happen, and that she get bored and leave again, he wants the split to happen that way, cos whilst he was with me she was texting and threatening to kill herslef etc, and thinks there is no other way out than for her to realise its over. BUT he's told her that me and him are over. I've had a bit of a text fest today and said i'm getting fed up of waiting... and don't understand why if he wants to be with me he can't just be with me and be hard on her..... Any advice please .... am i wating my time? He is a cake eater. He has a wife and a family -- and a mistress! He has lied to his wife now and said he and you are done. So the sneaking around starts..... How recent is recent that you started 'dating' him? And why in the world is he introducing his kid to you already??? He wants you to hang around in case his wife DOES get really fed up with him and kicks him out. He wants you to hang around so that he can sneak away and be with you AND then return home to his wife. My advice? Tell him to look you up when he is divorced. Because for now, you are the OW and your contact with him will be when he deems it time and when he has time for you...when his wife is away. You will be sneaking around. Wonder what happened before there was text messaging You are more than welcome to hang around and wait....but you could be waiting months/years for him to not be married anymore. I find it very cowardly of him to put it on his wife to end the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Sallyanne; I regret that you fell in love with a man on the single's sights who was not completely free. When they say that they are separated - it could go any way ... Remember: He is Supposed to sweep You off of Your feet ... It seems like these married men wish to act like the "damsel in distress" for the OW .. Put the ball in his court - Make Him work out his problem .. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Any advice please .... am i wating my time? How valuable is your time? If you don't like drama then my advice is to get away from this situation. If you don't mind drama, stick with it and hope in the end that he comes through for you. Will it be worth it if he doesn't? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 This has got to be confusing for his kid. He likely knows both that his dad told his mom that he wasn't seeing you anymore AND that you and his dad are still seeing each other. What a horrible position for him to put his kid into. I say you are wasting your time. And adding to the confusion of a child because his dad is too hurt and angry at mom to really think about what he is doing to him. Given what's been posted, it really just sounds like he's trying to do to his W, what he feels she did to him. I wouldn't want to be a part of that dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sallyanne Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions . Well seems my dilemma is over, he's finished it with me, says its too difficult for him . Poor me Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions . Well seems my dilemma is over, he's finished it with me, says its too difficult for him . Poor me There is a high probability that he will change his mind. Just know what you want before that happens. Can you be happy with being the other woman and all that it entails? If not, do not remain involved with him until he is divorced. Sallyanne, I know you are hurting right now but it will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions . Well seems my dilemma is over, he's finished it with me, says its too difficult for him . Poor me that was obvious when he allowed his W to move back in. he never had the talk with her because he was spending his time and energy trying to make the M work - that's why he didn't have the time and energy for you. it wasn't fair for him to string you and your emotions along like he did. next time wait until the ink is dry on the final divorce papers before spending time with any man. not to mention all this emotional healing that needs to be worked through after a divorce. to dump that on anyone hardly seems right or fair. proper order will always make things simpler and less emotional - leaving a clear path to more happiness for each day. Link to post Share on other sites
1Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 It could be he is not telling you the whole, true story. You only hear one side- his. Tell him to come see you when he has final divorce papers in hand. Link to post Share on other sites
1Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Yeah and on internet dating site because his "wife left him". Why didn't he wait until he was healed to start doing that? Link to post Share on other sites
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