Davnnic Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 How did you know when it was time to end the A? Did something occur, or just a gut feeling? And if you felt it should end, did you end it, or continue? Any insight would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 I think it is a struggle for your Survival .. Finally - when you realize that the rollercoaster has as many, or more dips as highs .. When you come to the realization that the only True High - would be with someone whom is on the Same accord with you ... If you are married - it would be your spouse ... if you are single - it would be trusting God to bring you someone who would be "equally yoked" with you .. When you realize who you are in God: a Whole person - who is not meant to squeeze into the fraction of another's life .. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 I think it is a struggle for your Survival .. Finally - when you realize that the rollercoaster has as many, or more dips as highs .. When you come to the realization that the only True High - would be with someone whom is on the Same accord with you ... If you are married - it would be your spouse ... if you are single - it would be trusting God to bring you someone who would be "equally yoked" with you .. When you realize who you are in God: a Whole person - who is not meant to squeeze into the leftover fraction of another's life .. Link to post Share on other sites
her_halo_slipped Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 How did you know when it was time to end the A? Did something occur, or just a gut feeling? And if you felt it should end, did you end it, or continue? Any insight would be appreciated! This will sound ridiculous and please don't stamp on me...but I knew I had to end it probably before it started. And yet I went ahead anyway. do I regret it? What I regret is that for 7 months the A continued and for the past 3 I have been trying to end it. When he said a month ago " I feel guilty lying to my wife to be with you" I knew without a doubt it had to end.In the last 4 months I was lucky if I saw him twice! I realized then that guilt was a rival too great for me to compete with and I have been trying to end it and just move on. this has not been easy and I have oscillated back and forth several times ( and yes I have beaten myself up over it!). My last straw was a few days ago when we were alone together and we kissed. I slowly undid his shirt buttons and he just looked at me and told me how guilty he felt. I told him he could ask me to stop anytime and he didn't. two buttons later and he just said " I better go". Did he end it ? Doesn't matter. That was the definite mommnet for me. I have now been successful in maintaining NC (it's only 2 days but I am counting that as a victory to keep me going). So yes...it's ended. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 I ended it when I could not take the deceit anymore, and that moment was when my MW became pregnant (after telling me that she and her husband hadn't had sex in over a year). Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 How did you know when it was time to end the A? Did something occur, or just a gut feeling? And if you felt it should end, did you end it, or continue? Any insight would be appreciated! I would end an A - as I would end any R - whenever I felt my needs were no longer being met, or that I was no longer comfortable with the way things were. This took several forms - it could be that the MM started to want "more", or that I lost interest in that particular MM for any reason, or that I just found myself not choosing him when I wanted to see someone... repeatedly. When I felt it should end, I ended it. Or sometimes, just acknowledged that it had ended, if I hadn't contacted the MM in ages leading up to that realisation. I'm pretty brutal when it comes to Rs - I don't go for the "softly, softly" approach. That just leads to confusion and false hope, IME. I'd far rather everyone knew exactly where they stood. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 My Ws had a 1.5 month affair with a co-worker. Six months before DDAy, he claims he knew she wasn't the "one." But he did not have the courage to end it with her and continued to see her. Very cowardly and hurtful to her, IMHO. I think she began to pressure him at this point with normal questions regarding a future together, and for him, what had started as fun and games was taking on a serious tone he was not interested in, so he claims. I discovered her existence through a text while on family vacation, and in hind sight, I believed HE WANTED TO BE CAUGHT, so it would end. What he never, in a million years envisioned, is the depth of my rage and anger when I threw him out and told him, almost forced him, to go get her. In his delusional state, he he convinced himself I was in it for the paycheck, and that I would just take him back. And I think this is normal in many infidelities; the compartmentalizing of affair life and family life; the effort to control the duality; and the profound sadness at exposure of the affair to the light of day. Everyone gets hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I ended it when I could not take the deceit anymore, and that moment was when my MW became pregnant (after telling me that she and her husband hadn't had sex in over a year). Ouch. I'm sorry Joe; that must have been quite some punch to the stomach. To answer the question though - when the pain was more commonplace than the happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 How did you know when it was time to end the A? Did something occur, or just a gut feeling? And if you felt it should end, did you end it, or continue? Any insight would be appreciated! When the pain got greater than the pleasure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Davnnic Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 I have this nagging feeling that I should end it, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am thoroughly confused and he is picking up on that, as he asks me repeatedly if I am going to leave him soon. I don't know if I am ready to walk away and not look back, but I also don't know how much longer I can feel this unsettled. THank you all for your replies Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I have this nagging feeling that I should end it, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am thoroughly confused and he is picking up on that, as he asks me repeatedly if I am going to leave him soon. I don't know if I am ready to walk away and not look back, but I also don't know how much longer I can feel this unsettled. THank you all for your replies Is this the same A you were writing about back in September? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Davnnic Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 Yes, it is the same A. I have since separated and am getting divorced. HE is still Married, and wants to complete his degree (end of this year) before leaving his wife. yeah, I know, what you will all reply-HE ISN'T GOING TO LEAVE. That's what I am feeling...of course he claims that he isn't stringing me along...however, I sense that's the case. I don't want to be the woman who waits for these milestones...you know, the ones that always end up changing (after my youngest kid turns 2, once the oldest starts kindergarten, once I get my degree, once I get a new job, etc.). I do love him, but I will not wait for long-I waited far too long in my M for things to change, and life on hold is no way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
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