I'm cracking up..

[crackinup]

I need help because I'm cracking up inside. I know this isn't the place for someone like me, because society despises people like me.. but I have nowhere to go, I have nobody to talk to. And I'm cracking up. I'm so stressed up I just can't do my things anymore. I have so much guilt and fear in my life now, I just don't know how to cope with it anymore.

 

I got involved with a colleague at work. At first it was a casual fling, but things took an unexpected turn.. and then next thing I knew, I slept with her. It was unexpected.This happened almost more than a year ago. The problem is tat, I'm married, with a 2 year old, and the worst thing is that my wife is pregnant with a second baby right now.

 

I know I'm not to be forgiven.. I did the worst thing I've ever did in my life and I really seriously think that I have some sort of addiction with sex. I don't know. I think my wife is not satisfying me sexually. I'm not sure.

 

Things went 'well', we were being discreet and all, until some other colleagues started becoming suspicious. Things happen, and my wife found out. My wife knows some of the colleagues tat became suspicious. I tried so many ways to explain to her, tat it was a casual fling and nothing else. I had no heart to tell her that I slept with another woman.

 

My wife has given me a few chances to come back as she found out many other things which proved I'm still with the girl. She found text messages on my phone which I forgot to delete, 'reports' of me still hanging out with the girl at lunch from my colleagues.

 

The reason I'm still with the girl is because.. she's too into the relationship. And the worst thing is tat I gave her the impression that I love her too. We made some videos and took some pictures, and we exchange explicit text messages and she has copies of them with her. There was one time when my wife finds out tat I'm still with her.. she had hinted that if I ever leave her, she will tell everything to my wife.

 

This girl is emotionally needy. She's demanding more of my time with her, forcing me to give I have to work late as a reason to go home late. And she's even asking me to tell every single thing I talk to my wife at home, and wat I do whenever I'm not with her. Just that she hasn't tell me to leave my family yet.

 

I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't. I'm facing such dilemma tat my wife will eventually leave me if she finds out tat I slept with her. I'm so stressed out, I'm not myself anymore. I feel so guilty of the whole thing.

 

It's not tat I don't love the girl.. I want to care for her but I can't lose my family, cos I still love my wife and my daughter.

But then I find myself unable to resist the sex that I'm having with the girl. It's just too incredible. I seriously think I have some sort of sex addiction.

I know I shouldn't be asking for any advice.. but I just need a channel to voice out. I just can't cope with this anymore. I have to 'pretend' every single day to her and my wife. In front of her, I will need to be her lover, who loves her more than I love my wife, who gives her my time more and more each day, and just can't stop pampering her with loving words and gifts and all.

 

...and in front of my wife.. I need to tell her lies every single day just to justify why I need to be at office all the time to finish up my work.

Someone please help. I need an opinion.

Edited March 18, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[OWoman]

I need help because I'm cracking up inside. I know this isn't the place for someone like me, because society despises people like me..

 

Society does not despise "people like you", but it sounds as if you do. Some counselling would certainly help you.

 

No one should ever stay in a R they don't want to be in - whether an A, an M, or any other kind of R. If your OW is blackmailing you, then by continuing in the A with her you are simply giving her even more evidence to use against you with your W. You need to stand up to that, and break it off if breaking it off is really what you want. She may well go to your W, but that is a risk you need to face, and should have faced earlier when you made your videos. Your W already suspects; IMO the easiest and most sustainable option would be to be honest with your W. She may dump you - but that is out of your control. She may dump you anyway based on what she has already been told, and because she knows you are not being honest with her. You may have a better chance with her if you are honest than if you continue to lie when she has a pretty good idea that you are lying.

 

But it sounds to me that you are confused. You're saying you want to break it off with the OW, but OTOH you say you can't resist the sex. You seem to be conflicted and torn, wanting it all but without any consequences. Life doesn't work that way - you need to decide what you want, and accept the consequences that come with that decision. And if you're not sure what you want - as it seems - then counselling would be your best option to help you sort that out.

[bentnotbroken]

Your wife deserves the truth and maybe she should leave. It's clear she doesn't have your respect, love or concern. She's pregnant and you're playing hide the twinky. Grow some jewels and tell the truth.

[whichwayisup]

Your OW is a real piece of work. She's manipulative, cruel and selfish. She certainly has you played for a fool and knows how to push your buttons so you'll do as she says.

 

GROW SOME, man! Seriously. If you want OUT of the affair, you have every damn right to end it and say goodbye. If you want to fix your marriage, reconnect with your wife again, then tell her the truth, go to marriage counselling to help.

 

To blame the OW, and to blame your wife because she doesn't "do it for you in bed" is a lame excuse. OWN your choices and face what you've done.

 

As for therapy, do some one on one counselling too. If you feel you have a sexual addiction, go talk to a professional and deal with it, get past it so you can live a happier and stress free life. Lying, sneaking around is going to kill you inside.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Aren't your concerned that your baby thats inside of your wife is being exposed to everything that your GF is doing away from you..not saying that shes sleeping with other people but for christ sake some STD's can cause blindness in newborns or many other comlications. I will never understand why people do this? It sounds to me like this is an impulse more than an A...and if thats true then you need to see a sexual addiction counselor ASAP...the longer you wait the longer it will hurt, and the longer it will take for you and your W to heal from this mess you've entangled yourself in. I think at this point if this OW is blackmailing you then you probably just need to come clean..it will only get worse.

[Brokenlady]

I'm confused here. On one hand you describe your OW as a manipulative pathetic black hole of neediness (who happens to be a sexual dynamo) that you don't really love despite what you told her, then you say later that you love her more than your wife.

 

Then you go on to talk about sexual addiction, which would indicate that you probably love neither. I don't think you're a sex addict, assuming you have only one affair partner. Whatever your issue is, it's not addiction to sex.

 

But I think it would be wise for you to seek out some therapy to figure out exactly what is going on.

[stillafool]

First of all "tat" is "that".

 

Now, I think the best thing you can do is come clean to your wife what you have done. File for divorce because you have completely "f--ked up your marriage, and find an apartment with the new girl. Let your wife move on. As you said you are a sex addict and will more than likely do this again since you said your wife isn't satisfying you in that department. When the new baby arrives she will be even less sexual towards you, especially with your ongoing affair. You may as well get your stuff and move on now and stop wasting everyone's time. Face it you are a "cake eater" and you need to be free to eat your cake. Let your wife be free to find the man she is suppose to be with for the rest of her life. Basically, be fair.

[pureinheart]

Society does not despise "people like you", but it sounds as if you do. Some counselling would certainly help you.

 

No one should ever stay in a R they don't want to be in - whether an A, an M, or any other kind of R. If your OW is blackmailing you, then by continuing in the A with her you are simply giving her even more evidence to use against you with your W. You need to stand up to that, and break it off if breaking it off is really what you want. She may well go to your W, but that is a risk you need to face, and should have faced earlier when you made your videos. Your W already suspects; IMO the easiest and most sustainable option would be to be honest with your W. She may dump you - but that is out of your control. She may dump you anyway based on what she has already been told, and because she knows you are not being honest with her. You may have a better chance with her if you are honest than if you continue to lie when she has a pretty good idea that you are lying.

 

But it sounds to me that you are confused. You're saying you want to break it off with the OW, but OTOH you say you can't resist the sex. You seem to be conflicted and torn, wanting it all but without any consequences. Life doesn't work that way - you need to decide what you want, and accept the consequences that come with that decision. And if you're not sure what you want - as it seems - then counselling would be your best option to help you sort that out.

 

OWoman...this is a beautiful response and I seriously could have a good cry with the OP and your reply...you are a way cool person ((((hugsss)))

 

Concerning the OP...you are human and I am holding back the tears right now ....take care...k....

[pureinheart]

Your OW is a real piece of work. She's manipulative, cruel and selfish. She certainly has you played for a fool and knows how to push your buttons so you'll do as she says.

 

GROW SOME, man! Seriously. If you want OUT of the affair, you have every damn right to end it and say goodbye. If you want to fix your marriage, reconnect with your wife again, then tell her the truth, go to marriage counselling to help.

 

To blame the OW, and to blame your wife because she doesn't "do it for you in bed" is a lame excuse. OWN your choices and face what you've done.

 

As for therapy, do some one on one counselling too. If you feel you have a sexual addiction, go talk to a professional and deal with it, get past it so you can live a happier and stress free life. Lying, sneaking around is going to kill you inside.

 

WWIU ((((((((hugggsss)))))

 

I think you hit it...sexual addiction....

[fooled once]

I need help because I'm cracking up inside. I know this isn't the place for someone like me, because society despises people like me.. but I have nowhere to go, I have nobody to talk to. And I'm cracking up. I'm so stressed up I just can't do my things anymore. I have so much guilt and fear in my life now, I just don't know how to cope with it anymore.

 

I got involved with a colleague at work. At first it was a casual fling, but things took an unexpected turn.. and then next thing I knew, I slept with her. It was unexpected.This happened almost more than a year ago. The problem is tat, I'm married, with a 2 year old, and the worst thing is that my wife is pregnant with a second baby right now.

 

I know I'm not to be forgiven.. I did the worst thing I've ever did in my life and I really seriously think that I have some sort of addiction with sex. I don't know. I think my wife is not satisfying me sexually. I'm not sure.

 

Things went 'well', we were being discreet and all, until some other colleagues started becoming suspicious. Things happen, and my wife found out. My wife knows some of the colleagues tat became suspicious. I tried so many ways to explain to her, tat it was a casual fling and nothing else. I had no heart to tell her that I slept with another woman.

 

My wife has given me a few chances to come back as she found out many other things which proved I'm still with the girl. She found text messages on my phone which I forgot to delete, 'reports' of me still hanging out with the girl at lunch from my colleagues.

 

The reason I'm still with the girl is because.. she's too into the relationship. And the worst thing is tat I gave her the impression that I love her too. We made some videos and took some pictures, and we exchange explicit text messages and she has copies of them with her. There was one time when my wife finds out tat I'm still with her.. she had hinted that if I ever leave her, she will tell everything to my wife.

 

This girl is emotionally needy. She's demanding more of my time with her, forcing me to give I have to work late as a reason to go home late. And she's even asking me to tell every single thing I talk to my wife at home, and wat I do whenever I'm not with her. Just that she hasn't tell me to leave my family yet.

 

I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't. I'm facing such dilemma tat my wife will eventually leave me if she finds out tat I slept with her. I'm so stressed out, I'm not myself anymore. I feel so guilty of the whole thing.

 

It's not tat I don't love the girl.. I want to care for her but I can't lose my family, cos I still love my wife and my daughter.

But then I find myself unable to resist the sex that I'm having with the girl. It's just too incredible. I seriously think I have some sort of sex addiction.

I know I shouldn't be asking for any advice.. but I just need a channel to voice out. I just can't cope with this anymore. I have to 'pretend' every single day to her and my wife. In front of her, I will need to be her lover, who loves her more than I love my wife, who gives her my time more and more each day, and just can't stop pampering her with loving words and gifts and all.

 

...and in front of my wife.. I need to tell her lies every single day just to justify why I need to be at office all the time to finish up my work.

Someone please help. I need an opinion.

 

Society doesn't despise people 'like you' - they despise actions that you are choosing to do.

 

You could end it if you wanted to.

 

IMHO -

 

You are being purposefully careless with the videos, pictures and text messages. You like that your wife knows. You like having 2 women fighting for you.

 

I don't believe you love your wife like a wife -- because if you did, IMHO, you wouldn't CONTINUE this. You would have stopped it the first time your wife discovered your affair. If you truly wanted your marriage, you would have been TOTALLY honest with your wife.

 

You just like the thrill of the affair. Please dont use "sexual addition" as a reason. To me, that is just silly. Are you wanting to have sex with every woman you come across or JUST this one person?

 

Your actions are speaking to you. They are saying you want the OW more - as you are giving HER what you should be giving your wife -- your time and GIFTS?!?!? So you are spending family money on the OW even after your wife has found out?

 

Please do your wife a favor - leave her. She doesn't deserve your lies. She doesn't deserve to be exposed to STD's. She deserves honesty and respect, two things you seem incapable of giving her.

[White Flower]

Dear Crackin,

 

You have a sex addiction. You say you love your wife yet you continue in this behavior. You sound pretty young so you have a very long road ahead of you with regard to addiction.

 

In a nutshell (and addicts need so much more information than a nutshell) sex addicts are in terrible need of intimacy. Some search their entire lives for that special connection (intimacy) where they are understood and accepted completely. Which one of these two women can you have that with? And if neither, then can you at least build on that goal with one of them?

 

I hope and pray you don't end up spending years of your life as a serial cheater, breaking many hearts along the way. That is no life for your future girlfriends and no life for you. Get help from a counselor who specializes in SA (sex addiction) and go from there. You may have to tell your W that you need help with this which means confessing the PA. I have read on infidelity sites that many BW take back their WH as long as it is early in the game and not too many offenses have occurred. I think there is time for you.

[her_halo_slipped]

Your wife deserves the truth and maybe she should leave. It's clear she doesn't have your respect, love or concern. She's pregnant and you're playing hide the twinky. Grow some jewels and tell the truth.

I shouldn't laugh...really it is such a serious topic but bent you have such a characteristic way of putting things.

"playing hide the twinky" was funny enough.....but then "grow some jewels" just had me rolling around the floor with tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks.

If you don't mind I am going to use these lines at some point in the future. Maybe the next time I speak with my recently ex MM. He sure could add a diamond or ruby to his collection. I know one place he won't be hiding his twinky thats for sure lmao.....

[Pink_orchid]

It is a shame your wife is pregnant because I don't think you love her. You seem to be risking everything to carry on with this other girl, although you are oscillating between guilt and confusion, maybe talking to a counsellor is going to help you find the answers. In case you have never known anyone have counselling, some people think it's going to be judgemental in this situation but it's not, I used to work for a counselling organisation, they see all sorts, single people, married people, people having affairs, all sorts of complicated situations... they will be able to help you sort yourself out.

[torranceshipman]

My God you are a piece of work, referring to your mistress as needy simply because she demands some time fromyou - after you lied about loving her, given that you at callously stringing her along, and given that she isnia giving up so much to be with you and putting up with so much emotional baggage and hurt for you. You are so selfish, cut her some slack. And grow some...make a choice. I know you want everything without consequence but its hurting everyone now, including you - te game has gone to far. These are peoples lives that you are crapping all over and the best and. Only option now is to tell the truth.

[NoIDidn't]

I doubt very seriously that the OP suffers from sex addiction. Sex addicts will shag anyone that is willing, not just one particular person outside of their primary R.

 

Sex addiction is so much more than just wanting to have sex a lot. There is a lot of compulsion behind it. The supposed sufferers report bagging people they aren't even attracted. Making time to spend with this OW because of blackmail is hardly proof of sex addiction. Its proof of being too afraid to face the consequences of your actions, though.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

I doubt very seriously that the OP suffers from sex addiction. Sex addicts will shag anyone that is willing' date=' not just one particular person outside of their primary R.[/quote']

 

THis is completely false, and I don't think anyone on here should really be giving advice on sex addiction.

 

For ALOT of sex addicts, it doesn't even get to a point of physical connection. ITs an impulse...the only reason I say he should get help is because one major symtom of sex addiction is...

 

*you hurt and put people you love at risk repeatedly just so you can get what you want.*

[BlueeyedJonesy]

another thing is sexual addiction has NOTHING to do with finding intimacy. The addict is filling a void with a drug (sex) usually has to do with the past...molestation, emotional neglect, physical or sexual abuse.

 

Please please PLEASE....don't make assumtions on something if you have no experience with it... I hear people spout off the same things I thought when my H was an addict and I find it hurtful. sorry to threadjack...just had to get that out there

[Hazyhead]

crackinup, I know this is going to sound harsh but I feel you're making too many excuses for your resistance to action. You are going to hurt people, whichever way you cut this, but the longer you string it out, the more difficult you are going to make it. This woman is not going away and your priority needs to be doing the best thing for your wife. So, just grow a pair, and do it - tell her and deal with it openly.

[georgia girl]

cracking up,

 

I hate to add fuel on the fire with you, but you really are incredible. Put on your big boy pants and own up to the mess you've made in your life. Then, choose one of these women (NOT TWO) and ask her, if given everything she knows about you and assuming you're honest here, if she's willing to accept you. Then, do whatever it takes to make that woman happy - INCLUDING SOME SELF DENIAL!!! You're not five anymore. You don't get things just because you want them. You make informed, adult choices because you have commitments and responsibilities in your life and honoring those are what makes a man a man and not a boy.

 

You will likely end up alone, IMHO. That would be the least of the bad things to happen to you if you don't seriously grow up and learn that life is about making dignified choices, not spoiled, selfish, self-serving ones. These ladies are both better off without you.

[GreenEyedLady]

cracking up,

 

I hate to add fuel on the fire with you, but you really are incredible. Put on your big boy pants and own up to the mess you've made in your life. Then, choose one of these women (NOT TWO) and ask her, if given everything she knows about you and assuming you're honest here, if she's willing to accept you. Then, do whatever it takes to make that woman happy - INCLUDING SOME SELF DENIAL!!! You're not five anymore. You don't get things just because you want them. You make informed, adult choices because you have commitments and responsibilities in your life and honoring those are what makes a man a man and not a boy.

 

You will likely end up alone, IMHO. That would be the least of the bad things to happen to you if you don't seriously grow up and learn that life is about making dignified choices, not spoiled, selfish, self-serving ones. These ladies are both better off without you.

 

I totally agree with this!!!

 

Why does addiction come up when people refuse to make a choice?

 

OP, stop making excuses for yourself. You chose to go outside your M and now you're scared because your partner in crime refuses to be ignored. Perhaps you should have watched Fatal Attraction before embarking on your harmless, casual fling.

 

Consequences are coming your way. Own up to them.

 

GEL

[NoIDidn't]

THis is completely false, and I don't think anyone on here should really be giving advice on sex addiction.

 

For ALOT of sex addicts, it doesn't even get to a point of physical connection. ITs an impulse...the only reason I say he should get help is because one major symtom of sex addiction is...

 

*you hurt and put people you love at risk repeatedly just so you can get what you want.*

 

I can appreciate your strong feelings on this, but what I stated was my opinion based on his post. And I stand by it.

 

And I didn't say a thing about "physical connection", I said "compulsion". You should consider reading my post again and see if you confused part of my post with the others in the thread.

 

ETA - Its very interesting that you didn't quote the rest of my post that basically said what you are saying no one has considered.

Edited March 21, 2010 by NoIDidn't

[NoIDidn't]

cracking up,

 

I hate to add fuel on the fire with you, but you really are incredible. Put on your big boy pants and own up to the mess you've made in your life. Then, choose one of these women (NOT TWO) and ask her, if given everything she knows about you and assuming you're honest here, if she's willing to accept you. Then, do whatever it takes to make that woman happy - INCLUDING SOME SELF DENIAL!!! You're not five anymore. You don't get things just because you want them. You make informed, adult choices because you have commitments and responsibilities in your life and honoring those are what makes a man a man and not a boy.

 

You will likely end up alone, IMHO. That would be the least of the bad things to happen to you if you don't seriously grow up and learn that life is about making dignified choices, not spoiled, selfish, self-serving ones. These ladies are both better off without you.

 

I agree. I don't think this poster is addicted to anything, just unable to delay gratification and blaming others for it. Its not the OWs fault for blackmailing him if he stops taking what she is offering.

[White Flower]

I need help because I'm cracking up inside. I know this isn't the place for someone like me, because society despises people like me.. but I have nowhere to go, I have nobody to talk to. And I'm cracking up. I'm so stressed up I just can't do my things anymore. I have so much guilt and fear in my life now, I just don't know how to cope with it anymore.

I got involved with a colleague at work. At first it was a casual fling, but things took an unexpected turn.. and then next thing I knew, I slept with her. It was unexpected.This happened almost more than a year ago. The problem is tat, I'm married, with a 2 year old, and the worst thing is that my wife is pregnant with a second baby right now.

 

I know I'm not to be forgiven.. I did the worst thing I've ever did in my life and I really seriously think that I have some sort of addiction with sex. I don't know. I think my wife is not satisfying me sexually. I'm not sure.

 

Things went 'well', we were being discreet and all, until some other colleagues started becoming suspicious. Things happen, and my wife found out. My wife knows some of the colleagues tat became suspicious. I tried so many ways to explain to her, tat it was a casual fling and nothing else. I had no heart to tell her that I slept with another woman.

 

My wife has given me a few chances to come back as she found out many other things which proved I'm still with the girl. She found text messages on my phone which I forgot to delete, 'reports' of me still hanging out with the girl at lunch from my colleagues.

 

The reason I'm still with the girl is because.. she's too into the relationship. And the worst thing is tat I gave her the impression that I love her too. We made some videos and took some pictures, and we exchange explicit text messages and she has copies of them with her. There was one time when my wife finds out tat I'm still with her.. she had hinted that if I ever leave her, she will tell everything to my wife.

 

This girl is emotionally needy. She's demanding more of my time with her, forcing me to give I have to work late as a reason to go home late. And she's even asking me to tell every single thing I talk to my wife at home, and wat I do whenever I'm not with her. Just that she hasn't tell me to leave my family yet.

I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't. I'm facing such dilemma tat my wife will eventually leave me if she finds out tat I slept with her. I'm so stressed out, I'm not myself anymore. I feel so guilty of the whole thing.

 

It's not tat I don't love the girl.. I want to care for her but I can't lose my family, cos I still love my wife and my daughter.

But then I find myself unable to resist the sex that I'm having with the girl. It's just too incredible. I seriously think I have some sort of sex addiction.

I know I shouldn't be asking for any advice.. but I just need a channel to voice out. I just can't cope with this anymore. I have to 'pretend' every single day to her and my wife. In front of her, I will need to be her lover, who loves her more than I love my wife, who gives her my time more and more each day, and just can't stop pampering her with loving words and gifts and all.

 

...and in front of my wife.. I need to tell her lies every single day just to justify why I need to be at office all the time to finish up my work.

Someone please help. I need an opinion.

Like I said, he has a sex addiction because he has admitted as much. He didn't come hear to say hey I can't make a choice. He is hear to say hey I'm coming close to cracking and I need real help. He admits to not loving the OW but the sex is irresistable*; not all SAs have sex with strangers in seedy motels. Some will have long term As and feed lies of love in order to protect the sex supply.

 

Not all MM have SA and not all OW on this board are out to give a MM an easy escape. I happen to know a few things about SA and I will stand with my opinion based on what crackinup has told us.

 

Crackin, there is a really good book on this and I suggest you read it. It will definitely help you decide whether you have SA or not. It is called, 'Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes.

 

With regard to seeking intimacy. People tend to misunderstand the word. I was not talking about intimacy being sex itself. I was talking about a mutual trust between two people who accept the truth about each other no matter what. In Carnes' book he shares that this kind of intimacy is what disrupts the addictive cycle with regard to SA. Reaching this kind of intimacy is when the sex addict knows he is making love as apposed to just getting off with meaningless sex.

 

crackin, you first need to decide what you want and who fits in your life with that revelation. It sounds like it is your W you love and if so you need to tell her before the OW does. Then break up with the OW. Only then can you really get help with SA if you really feel you have it. It will be that much easier to tackle overcoming SA if your partner is onboard with you.

 

Best of luck to you.

[White Flower]

I need help because I'm cracking up inside. I know this isn't the place for someone like me, because society despises people like me.. but I have nowhere to go, I have nobody to talk to. And I'm cracking up. I'm so stressed up I just can't do my things anymore. I have so much guilt and fear in my life now, I just don't know how to cope with it anymore.

I got involved with a colleague at work. At first it was a casual fling, but things took an unexpected turn.. and then next thing I knew, I slept with her. It was unexpected.This happened almost more than a year ago. The problem is tat, I'm married, with a 2 year old, and the worst thing is that my wife is pregnant with a second baby right now.

 

I know I'm not to be forgiven.. I did the worst thing I've ever did in my life and I really seriously think that I have some sort of addiction with sex. I don't know. I think my wife is not satisfying me sexually. I'm not sure.

 

Things went 'well', we were being discreet and all, until some other colleagues started becoming suspicious. Things happen, and my wife found out. My wife knows some of the colleagues tat became suspicious. I tried so many ways to explain to her, tat it was a casual fling and nothing else. I had no heart to tell her that I slept with another woman.

 

My wife has given me a few chances to come back as she found out many other things which proved I'm still with the girl. She found text messages on my phone which I forgot to delete, 'reports' of me still hanging out with the girl at lunch from my colleagues.

 

The reason I'm still with the girl is because.. she's too into the relationship. And the worst thing is tat I gave her the impression that I love her too. We made some videos and took some pictures, and we exchange explicit text messages and she has copies of them with her. There was one time when my wife finds out tat I'm still with her.. she had hinted that if I ever leave her, she will tell everything to my wife.

 

This girl is emotionally needy. She's demanding more of my time with her, forcing me to give I have to work late as a reason to go home late. And she's even asking me to tell every single thing I talk to my wife at home, and wat I do whenever I'm not with her. Just that she hasn't tell me to leave my family yet.

I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't. I'm facing such dilemma tat my wife will eventually leave me if she finds out tat I slept with her. I'm so stressed out, I'm not myself anymore. I feel so guilty of the whole thing.

 

It's not tat I don't love the girl.. I want to care for her but I can't lose my family, cos I still love my wife and my daughter.

But then I find myself unable to resist the sex that I'm having with the girl. It's just too incredible. I seriously think I have some sort of sex addiction.

I know I shouldn't be asking for any advice.. but I just need a channel to voice out. I just can't cope with this anymore. I have to 'pretend' every single day to her and my wife. In front of her, I will need to be her lover, who loves her more than I love my wife, who gives her my time more and more each day, and just can't stop pampering her with loving words and gifts and all.

 

...and in front of my wife.. I need to tell her lies every single day just to justify why I need to be at office all the time to finish up my work.

Someone please help. I need an opinion.

Like I said, he has a sex addiction because he has admitted as much. He didn't come here to say hey I can't make a choice. He is here to say hey I'm coming close to cracking and I need real help. He admits to not loving the OW but the sex is irresistable*; not all SAs have sex with strangers in seedy motels. Some will have long term As and feed lies of love in order to protect the sex supply.

 

Not all MM have SA and not all OW on this board are out to give a MM an easy escape. I happen to know a few things about SA and I will stand with my opinion based on what crackinup has told us.

 

Crackin, there is a really good book on this and I suggest you read it. It will definitely help you decide whether you have SA or not. It is called, 'Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes.

 

With regard to seeking intimacy. People tend to misunderstand the word. I was not talking about intimacy being sex itself. I was talking about a mutual trust between two people who accept the truth about each other no matter what. In Carnes' book he shares that this kind of intimacy is what disrupts the addictive cycle with regard to SA. Reaching this kind of intimacy is when the sex addict knows he is making love as opposed to just getting off with meaningless sex.

 

crackin, you first need to decide what you want and who fits in your life with that revelation. It sounds like it is your W you love and if so you need to tell her before the OW does. Then break up with the OW. Only then can you really get help with SA if you really feel you have it. It will be that much easier to tackle overcoming SA if your partner is onboard with you.

 

Best of luck to you.

[White Flower]

My apologies,

 

My attempt to spellcheck created a double post.