Understanding Things...

[TarnishedInequity]

Hello all,

 

I am new here and with a small story of my own. I am currently 20 (very young, I know!) and I am involved with a guy who has a girlfriend (he's not married has never been married and is only a few months older than me). We started talking about 7 months ago - at the time he was not seeing the girl that he is currently dating and it was only me. He was very straightforward and honest with me, told me he had two children (8 month old and one on the way) and that he has never been faithful in ANY of his relationships. He also told me that he did not date in college so I took everything in stride. I knew from the get-go not to get caught up with him for all of those reasons.

 

We started a very good friendship which gradually led to a physical one. Our friendship continued to blossom as time went on and he did reveal to me that he was talking to another female (the girl he is currently in a relationship) which I was okay with, I wasn't in a relationship with him so I did not care. He slowly started to open up to me, telling me he was willing to bend his rules (that he did not date in college) because his feelings for me were becoming deeper. I was honest with him and told him I was afraid he would cheat on me because history repeats itself but I have no reason not to trust him so he has the benefit of a doubt until otherwise.

 

Anyway, after a wonderful weekend we had spent together in which I expressed I was ready to fully open up to him after his actions proved that he had moved past his old mistakes, he tells me that following Monday that he has decided to officially be in a relationship with the other female. I was torn because I did not see it coming at all, none of it. I handled it as best I could and told him I felt uncomfortable continuing our friendship because we talked on the phone for hours at a time, texted constantly throughout the day and saw each other regularly throughout the week and I did not want to come between him and his new GF (who does know about me). He told me that if I was going to leave him, he would break up with the GF if I said the word... he claimed he did not want to lose a friend over a GF - and at this point, sex was not involved.

 

Two weeks later, he was over for dinner and we were having some alone time where we crossed boundaries, he told me the only reason he did not try anything with me earlier was because he did not want me to regret anything and then proceeded to tell me he had no regrets if he was to cheat on his GF with me... needless to say, I gave in.

 

This was back in early February, since then, we have continued our "A" and our friendship. His GF knows about me, he talks to her about me a lot and almost 85% of the time when I call him or he calls me, he is with her.

 

At first... I was continuing to have sex with him because I was jealous and spiteful of the GF and I felt like I was losing him because of her and because I did not understand where I fit into his life anymore. Now, as my romantic feelings wane for him, I see that my position as the "OW" was a "good idea" because I get to see him for him...

 

He has told me (and proven to me) that he does not trust his GF at all... she does NOT know about his children (who is by a woman who he had a fling with while dating an ex of 4 years), or that his ex of 4 years who has been invited by his mother to live with him when he goes back home for the summer (he lives on an island and not in the mainland), and she does not know that he plans on breaking up with her the moment school ends for the year and summer starts. She does not know about his cheating methods (he has told me, consistently, in detail, how he cheats and how he keeps his women in the dark and relays family history of his father and older brother who also cheat - he claims it is in the blood.)

 

I am currently grappling with how much longer I will continue to be second fiddle as I have expressed to "MM" that I despise the idea of not being the primary woman in his life outside his mother, sister or daughter and how his conflicting actions of distaste for his GF give me mixed signals, but at the same time... I know I could NEVER be in a real relationship with this young man because he is not faithful... though he tells me through his actions (not his words) that he wants to have something more with me...

 

So... I know my situation is not as deep or severe as many of the other women/men who actually dealing with MM/MW... but I wonder if any OW/OM felt like they had a better position than the W/H because you knew exactly how the MM/MW was?

[Heather1]

You're way to young to be w/ a guy with so much drama/baggage. His "honesty" sucks. At your age, there's still lots of guys who wouldn't do this to a woman & are single.

 

Tell him to take a hike! He'll like & respect you more for that than what's going on now.

 

I just hate to see young girls get in this pattern, when there really are great guys out there who aren't like this at all.

[TarnishedInequity]

Heather - I am trying very hard to remove myself from this, the hardest part is knowing I'll probably have to end our friendship. Despite his drama and baggage, he is a good friend, but sucks in terms of being a BF or faithful in any way. I know the hardest step is always the first... but he's been such a consistent presence in my life for almost the past year it's hard removing him from that position...

[Heather1]

I understand the friendship part, I really do. I struggled with that for a long time because OM & I were friends for over a year. Men & women just think differently about friendship. Women look at it as a friendship, where men just want to keep the window open. This confused me for a long time, because I've had nothing but male friends most of my life, and I work with all men, so you'd think me of all people would get it. Throw the sex in, and a woman naturally gets more connected & it's hard.

 

So he's being "honest" with you. He's with his gf 85% of the time when you call. Think of how you're going to feel when he finally tells you he's marrying her, or someone else. Is that OK? He hasn't lied to you, you should be happy for him! Why don't you date someone else, and then you can give him a call (as a friend) & he can be happy for you! That'll make him sweat.

[fooled once]

Hello all,

 

I am new here and with a small story of my own. I am currently 20 (very young, I know!) and I am involved with a guy who has a girlfriend (he's not married has never been married and is only a few months older than me). We started talking about 7 months ago - at the time he was not seeing the girl that he is currently dating and it was only me. He was very straightforward and honest with me, told me he had two children (8 month old and one on the way) and that he has never been faithful in ANY of his relationships. He also told me that he did not date in college so I took everything in stride. I knew from the get-go not to get caught up with him for all of those reasons.

 

We started a very good friendship which gradually led to a physical one. Our friendship continued to blossom as time went on and he did reveal to me that he was talking to another female (the girl he is currently in a relationship) which I was okay with, I wasn't in a relationship with him so I did not care. He slowly started to open up to me, telling me he was willing to bend his rules (that he did not date in college) because his feelings for me were becoming deeper. I was honest with him and told him I was afraid he would cheat on me because history repeats itself but I have no reason not to trust him so he has the benefit of a doubt until otherwise.

 

Anyway, after a wonderful weekend we had spent together in which I expressed I was ready to fully open up to him after his actions proved that he had moved past his old mistakes, he tells me that following Monday that he has decided to officially be in a relationship with the other female. I was torn because I did not see it coming at all, none of it. I handled it as best I could and told him I felt uncomfortable continuing our friendship because we talked on the phone for hours at a time, texted constantly throughout the day and saw each other regularly throughout the week and I did not want to come between him and his new GF (who does know about me). He told me that if I was going to leave him, he would break up with the GF if I said the word... he claimed he did not want to lose a friend over a GF - and at this point, sex was not involved.

 

Two weeks later, he was over for dinner and we were having some alone time where we crossed boundaries, he told me the only reason he did not try anything with me earlier was because he did not want me to regret anything and then proceeded to tell me he had no regrets if he was to cheat on his GF with me... needless to say, I gave in.

 

This was back in early February, since then, we have continued our "A" and our friendship. His GF knows about me, he talks to her about me a lot and almost 85% of the time when I call him or he calls me, he is with her.

 

At first... I was continuing to have sex with him because I was jealous and spiteful of the GF and I felt like I was losing him because of her and because I did not understand where I fit into his life anymore. Now, as my romantic feelings wane for him, I see that my position as the "OW" was a "good idea" because I get to see him for him...

 

He has told me (and proven to me) that he does not trust his GF at all... she does NOT know about his children (who is by a woman who he had a fling with while dating an ex of 4 years), or that his ex of 4 years who has been invited by his mother to live with him when he goes back home for the summer (he lives on an island and not in the mainland), and she does not know that he plans on breaking up with her the moment school ends for the year and summer starts. She does not know about his cheating methods (he has told me, consistently, in detail, how he cheats and how he keeps his women in the dark and relays family history of his father and older brother who also cheat - he claims it is in the blood.)

 

I am currently grappling with how much longer I will continue to be second fiddle as I have expressed to "MM" that I despise the idea of not being the primary woman in his life outside his mother, sister or daughter and how his conflicting actions of distaste for his GF give me mixed signals, but at the same time... I know I could NEVER be in a real relationship with this young man because he is not faithful... though he tells me through his actions (not his words) that he wants to have something more with me...

 

So... I know my situation is not as deep or severe as many of the other women/men who actually dealing with MM/MW... but I wonder if any OW/OM felt like they had a better position than the W/H because you knew exactly how the MM/MW was?

 

In my view, you are just one of the many women in his life.

 

I mean, he doesn't care enough about you to NOT have a girlfriend. That should speak VOLUMES to you.

 

This young man, really a boy, is incredibly immature, irresponsible and a cheating jerk.

 

why are you willing to be the "ow" with a guy who is nothing but a cheater?

 

You think his girlfriend knows so little, when in reality, you only know what he tells you. I guarantee you his girlfriend doesn't know he is sleeping with you...and if you believe him, in my view, you are being incredibly naive.

[TarnishedInequity]

Jthorne - Yeah, I've tried ending the sexual Rs twice already within the past two months, but for the very fact that we are friends and we do hang out, I end up falling back into bed with him. And not at all, since we are very open and talk about everything, I usually have to grit my teeth as I do listen to him. I'm fed up already in terms of how I feel about the whole situation, it's garnering the strength for it all...

 

Heather - Yeah, and it's not okay at all. I know the answers to the questions, I just don't quite understand why I am still here in this situation, ya know? :/ funny thing is, I am starting to talk to other people, he does not like the fact that I am losing romantic feelings for him at all.

 

Fooled Once - Oh I understand that 100% I know it's only what he wants me to know and oh, I know his girlfriend does not know at all. He finally admitted to me because I've been pressing to him about it for weeks, but he finally said his GF is very jealous of me because when he's not with her, in class or sleeping, he's with me.

 

I can't answer your other question because I have no idea why I am allowing myself to be the "OW" in this situation one of my exes who I am still friends with asked me the same thing when he inquired about the situation and was disappointed that I had sunk to such a level... I'm trying to figure out how to let him go and move on...

[fooled once]

Jthorne - Yeah, I've tried ending the sexual Rs twice already within the past two months, but for the very fact that we are friends and we do hang out, I end up falling back into bed with him. And not at all, since we are very open and talk about everything, I usually have to grit my teeth as I do listen to him. I'm fed up already in terms of how I feel about the whole situation, it's garnering the strength for it all...

 

Heather - Yeah, and it's not okay at all. I know the answers to the questions, I just don't quite understand why I am still here in this situation, ya know? :/ funny thing is, I am starting to talk to other people, he does not like the fact that I am losing romantic feelings for him at all.

 

Fooled Once - Oh I understand that 100% I know it's only what he wants me to know and oh, I know his girlfriend does not know at all. He finally admitted to me because I've been pressing to him about it for weeks, but he finally said his GF is very jealous of me because when he's not with her, in class or sleeping, he's with me.

 

I can't answer your other question because I have no idea why I am allowing myself to be the "OW" in this situation one of my exes who I am still friends with asked me the same thing when he inquired about the situation and was disappointed that I had sunk to such a level... I'm trying to figure out how to let him go and move on...

 

Then it is time for you to examine if this is all you want....if you want to be 'just' the OW, then continue on with what you are doing.

 

if you want more from him, I honestly don't think you will get more because he chose to 'get' a girlfriend while with you which says to me, by his actions, that you aren't 'girlfriend' material for him. The same way I feel that if a married man really wanted to be with the OW, he would take action to be JUST with her and not keep her a secret.

 

I think because you are so young, you are thinking he is 'the best' for you. But I also think you realize he isn't. Yes, he is fun and exciting -- but dang, look at his baggage ~ lots of kids, lots of cheating and lots of lying and he is only 20 years old!!!

 

Once you realize that you do deserve better, you will be able to move forward (unless you decide you are okay with being the girl on the side). I hope you do decide that you deserve better .... because YOU DO!!!

 

Every person who wants a monogomous relationship should have one. If you don't want to share, you shouldn't have to and you should strive to make sure you don't have to share.

 

I am betting there are lots of guys who would be interested in dating you --- but you have to make that decision (to allow yourself to break free and date others).

 

I wish you well and hope you can move on from him because I think you deserve better!! (hugs)

[2.50 a gallon]

Are you serious?

 

Coming form a former player, you are being played and laid.

 

Man is he good! Reread your first post and concentrate on the next to last paragraph. He tells you all of his cheating secrets, as a friend

 

First law of being a player: Become their friend

[Heather1]

I'm going to agree w/ that one. That much I know from the guys I'm around all the time. Much needed guys POV.

[TarnishedInequity]

Then it is time for you to examine if this is all you want....if you want to be 'just' the OW, then continue on with what you are doing.

 

if you want more from him, I honestly don't think you will get more because he chose to 'get' a girlfriend while with you which says to me, by his actions, that you aren't 'girlfriend' material for him. The same way I feel that if a married man really wanted to be with the OW, he would take action to be JUST with her and not keep her a secret.

 

I think because you are so young, you are thinking he is 'the best' for you. But I also think you realize he isn't. Yes, he is fun and exciting -- but dang, look at his baggage ~ lots of kids, lots of cheating and lots of lying and he is only 20 years old!!!

 

Once you realize that you do deserve better, you will be able to move forward (unless you decide you are okay with being the girl on the side). I hope you do decide that you deserve better .... because YOU DO!!!

 

Every person who wants a monogomous relationship should have one. If you don't want to share, you shouldn't have to and you should strive to make sure you don't have to share.

 

I am betting there are lots of guys who would be interested in dating you --- but you have to make that decision (to allow yourself to break free and date others).

 

I wish you well and hope you can move on from him because I think you deserve better!! (hugs)

 

**Hugs back.** Thank you so much Fooled I know I do deserve better... I am making the steps at the moment to end things... I have been actually sitting "on the fence" for the past few weeks and I thought of this place as my last little bit of encouragement before I move forward.

 

Are you serious?

 

Coming form a former player, you are being played and laid.

 

Man is he good! Reread your first post and concentrate on the next to last paragraph. He tells you all of his cheating secrets, as a friend

 

First law of being a player: Become their friend

 

Thank you 2.50... I did need a male's perspective. I do understand the player rule, he's explained it to me and I know that I am getting sucked in. I am not sure if I get points for being aware I am being pulled in... but I know I'll be even better when I end things...

 

The thing is - he has told me everything and I do question his motives towards me, I have even asked him many times about it and he has always been honest and straightforward (as much as a player/cheater can be)...

 

As I type this right now, I am in the process of texting him. If I am going to leave him, I am going to explain myself and everything. This is not the first time I've tried to end things (mostly just try to avoid him and cut off contact without talking to him except for one time), and not once has he tried to stop me, he has expressed that he would rather I stay, but he repeatedly reminded me that it is my decision. He said he would leave the door open for me to come back, but just has a requested that when I do leave, to tell him to delete my number because he knows for a fact that he would text/call me.

 

My hands are shaking and I'm near tears because I'm sad for such a wonderful friendship to leave... perhaps if I did not have feelings for him romantically, or allowed myself to be in the position as the "OW" things would be different...

 

I will update soon... thank you so much everyone.

[NoIDidn't]

Are you serious?

 

Coming form a former player, you are being played and laid.

 

Man is he good! Reread your first post and concentrate on the next to last paragraph. He tells you all of his cheating secrets, as a friend

 

First law of being a player: Become their friend

 

THanks for this, 2.5.

 

I have a few guy friends that are sworn "players forever". They ALL tell the women up front what they are doing. They ALL get her to trust that they are telling the truth, and yet the girls/women are still getting played.

 

I think players make good use of women's natural jealousy and feelings of superiority/inferiority to get what they want out of them. Telling one woman that the other is clueless or that he doesn't trust one, only serves to make the other think she is in a superior position and might have a good chance to getting him all to herself. Little does she know....

 

The second law of being a player must be always be up front for the purposes of being able to say "didn't I say" later?

[skywriter]

I know I could NEVER be in a real relationship with this young man because he is not faithful... though he tells me through his actions (not his words) that he wants to have something more with me.

 

Huh? He shows you what through his actions? That he flaunts a parade of women before you, tells you how he uses them. All I can say is thank heavens you are only twenty, and can learn this lesson early on in life.

 

I hope you've learned that he's so not your friend. Friends like him, give you std's, possibly one you'll never get rid of.

 

You sound very emotionally wrapped up in this guy, so going NC is gonna hurt you real bad. It'll probably be the only way to get him completely out of your system though.

[torranceshipman]

Heather - I am trying very hard to remove myself from this, the hardest part is knowing I'll probably have to end our friendship. Despite his drama and baggage, he is a good friend, but sucks in terms of being a BF or faithful in any way. I know the hardest step is always the first... but he's been such a consistent presence in my life for almost the past year it's hard removing him from that position...

 

Just remember, he is NOT your friend - he is a douche that disrespects all women he comes in contact with, and charms them to do pretty much whatever he wants (just think about how you've acted with him!-the weekend you tell him how you feel, he gets exclusive with another girl, sleeps with you behind her back for months, tells you what a dog he is in all his R's - in fact that being a dog is genetic!!!!, and somehow keeps you saying things like 'he's a good friend' for all of that time!!! - be VERY wary about extracating yourself from this guy as he seems to be able to charm the pants off of you).

 

Good luck and - this guy is not your friend. You don't need friends like this!

[TarnishedInequity]

I know I could NEVER be in a real relationship with this young man because he is not faithful... though he tells me through his actions (not his words) that he wants to have something more with me.

 

Huh? He shows you what through his actions? That he flaunts a parade of women before you, tells you how he uses them. All I can say is thank heavens you are only twenty, and can learn this lesson early on in life.

 

I hope you've learned that he's so not your friend. Friends like him, give you std's, possibly one you'll never get rid of.

 

You sound very emotionally wrapped up in this guy, so going NC is gonna hurt you real bad. It'll probably be the only way to get him completely out of your system though.

 

It's hard to take the rose-colored glasses off of my eyes... part of me knows that what you guys and a few around me have told me that is 100% true, and the other half of me keeps looking back on someone who I thought was "honest" despite his speckled past... I never believed he had "changed" but I thought he was at least my friend...

 

Just remember, he is NOT your friend - he is a douche that disrespects all women he comes in contact with, and charms them to do pretty much whatever he wants (just think about how you've acted with him!-the weekend you tell him how you feel, he gets exclusive with another girl, sleeps with you behind her back for months, tells you what a dog he is in all his R's - in fact that being a dog is genetic!!!!, and somehow keeps you saying things like 'he's a good friend' for all of that time!!! - be VERY wary about extracating yourself from this guy as he seems to be able to charm the pants off of you).

 

Good luck and - this guy is not your friend. You don't need friends like this!

 

What I bolded stood out to me so much, it was a smack in the face... I never saw it, as in terms of me expressing my feelings for him and then him turning around and dating another girl... never saw it as that.... ouch... I know it's for the better...

 

 

Update: I tried breaking things off last night, explaining to him it was time to part ways... he pretty much said the same four things to me "Is that how you feel?", "I understand", "Are you sure you want to take this route?", and "It's your decision."

 

I even asked him if he had any comments or anything, he just asked what's my purpose of letting him go. I explained to him I was in denial about waning romantic feelings and that it was completely stupid for me to be hanging onto him and how we could never, ever be "just friends".

 

He said let nature take its course before suggesting "we just take a break"... he knows in my eyes when people take a break, they never come back. I told him physically... I can't see him, but - and I know this will seem weak or if he manipulated me to you LS'ers but I did opt to remain in contact via calls and texts. (My choice, after he said let's take a break - he suggested nothing else.)

 

I know I have to severe completely contact and go cold turkey 100%, and despite the fact I pulled my decision back last night, I feel like I am giving the situation a more critical eye... I need to get everything okay on the inside... and if I was to cut completely everything now, I know I'd be back within less than a week.

[skywriter]

TE,

 

If you were to put your friendship to the test, you may be able to set your mind at ease.. Sooner or later you're gonna find out anyway, just because life happens.

 

Ask yourself some questions and then answer yourself as honestly as you possibly can.

 

For ex; If you were to become sick, needed to go to the emergency room, could you depend on your "friend", to take you? Would he be there, by your side, until you were well?

 

If so, that's a friend. (at least by my definition)

 

Would he help you if you were to have car trouble?

 

If you lost your job, would he be there for you?

 

You see where I'm going? So you can ask yourself , do you truly have a friend in this person, or is he selective on when he is a friend?

 

Just asking, I know that some people in my life have tossed the title "friend" around when it benefits them most.

[TarnishedInequity]

Thank you Jthorne - the idea of it disgusts! It helped me to do a double-take and realized he was truly double dipping and it felt like I was suddenly sleeping with his girlfriend... *shivers in disgust.*

 

Sky - Actually, he is very much like that - if I needed help with anything and it was within his power, he'd make an attempt to do it. I am moving in a week and he told me, I didn't even hint at asking him, that if I needed help to give him a call. I've texted/called him at 3/4am in the morning (no sex implied) just needing someone to talk to and he'd always answer if he wasn't sleeping and if he was, I could guarantee a text waiting for me in the morning.

 

But! I do have another update: I did reinforce our "break" and made no attempt at contacting him since around 11pm Tuesday night. While he was frequently on my mind - I did not feel a strong/overwhelming urge to contact him.

 

While I do agree that the signs of being a player is becoming their friend first, I doubt he has a lied to me that much with the things he has done and has not asked/or expected anything in return (I have not met any other player who would have gone through such a lengthy process of getting some booty!), but I do not doubt that he has twisted many lines to get into my pants!

 

The straw that broke the camel's back was when he was telling me about his sister's impending divorce. His sister found out that her husband had been cheating on her... and the thing is, my "MM" has known about it for the LONGEST and even attempted to help his BLOOD sister's husband CHEAT on her. It was... absolutely despicable. He had no sympathy for his sister's loss or the fact that he helped continue such a charade... the thing is, he has a good relationship with her... she sends him money and such when he needs it and pays a few of his small bills.

 

As I was talking to my mother about it... it's completely my fault for allowing myself to be pulled into being under his influence because I'm just another one of his females, but to see he has NO respect for even his family member's made me realize, even if we somehow got into a twisted relationship that he would NEVER respect me or love me enough to keep me safe and protected...

 

It's doesn't hurt as much understanding this... thank you all for your words of support and wisdom...

[stillafool]

OP if your bf does not like his gf, does not tell her about his kids, does not tell her about his past, is planning on breaking up with her - WHY HASN'T HE BROKEN UP WITH HER AND ASKED YOU TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND? Because he is full of s--t! Don't let him use you anymore as his thing on the side, he obviously is in love with his gf if all you say is true.

[TarnishedInequity]

Ew, this guy has serious issues with women, I think. Obviously no respect for them. Helping his brother in law cheat on his sister? That really takes the cake. It's good that you see him for what he really is now.

 

You're young, you can find better friends (and lovers) that have your best interests at heart.

 

He does... and I am ashamed at myself for just deciding to realize them after almost a year... He has a very warped sense of "respect" - claiming that hanging out with me one night after the movies (no sex! we had made plans a week in advance and we had 6 other people with us, GF knew about it and approved) was disrespectful to her (after she got upset when he told her he might be staying out a little later - the movie started at 9:50 and we didn't get out until almost 12:30, she was NOT alone or waiting on him, but with a large group of friends herself), but then proceeded to make plans to actually have sex with me the next night after she left...

 

I feel disgusted with myself for the most part and wondering why I blew all of this away. I've been feeling something was off since the beginning, but I kept... pushing it back because I wasn't in a relationship with him nor did I have strong feelings for him... now... now that I'm attached... it's rather overwhelming...

 

OP if your bf does not like his gf, does not tell her about his kids, does not tell her about his past, is planning on breaking up with her - WHY HASN'T HE BROKEN UP WITH HER AND ASKED YOU TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND? Because he is full of s--t! Don't let him use you anymore as his thing on the side, he obviously is in love with his gf if all you say is true.

 

I've already started initiating the beginnings of NC. And actually, I have no want to be in a relationship with him at all... I just have strong romantic feelings for him, and a stupidly strong emotional attachment and have "settled" for being OW... even though I am working on changing all of that even now.

 

Actually, he told me the whole reason he "chose" her was because I didn't open up to him fast enough and that him and the other female had longer, deeper conversations. His whole "reason" for not telling her anything is because he didn't "trust" her.

 

Now, despite liking such a low-grade male, I know for a fact he does not "love" this other female... he blatantly disrespects her, teases her... especially in front of me. If he's putting on a show for me, he's dumb, but I have heard with my own ears from her mouth that she has confronted him about the disrespect and he... well, he laughed in her face.

 

Yes, I have met the GF... he actually introduced us.

 

Either way... I am currently 27 hours within our break/NC... and no pining need to call/text him though I have checked his Facebook three times throughout the entire span of the day...

[stillafool]

 

Actually, he told me the whole reason he "chose" her was because I didn't open up to him fast enough and that him and the other female had longer, deeper conversations. His whole "reason" for not telling her anything is because he didn't "trust" her.

 

So he has long, meaningful conversations with her but he doesn't trust her. So if he doesn't trust her, what are they talking about for hours - stocks and bonds? This guy just doesn't make sense.

 

Now, despite liking such a low-grade male, I know for a fact he does not "love" this other female... he blatantly disrespects her, teases her... especially in front of me. If he's putting on a show for me, he's dumb, but I have heard with my own ears from her mouth that she has confronted him about the disrespect and he... well, he laughed in her face.

 

 

Do you ever wonder or ask him why he is in a relationship with someone he clearly disrespects? If he can't stand this girl what are his reasons for still being with her? He has probably told her he loves her and that is why she is putting up with his BS. I hope you see the way he treats her and realizes that this may be you if you end up in a relationship with this guy. He sounds very abusive.

[TarnishedInequity]

 

 

 

So he has long, meaningful conversations with her but he doesn't trust her. So if he doesn't trust her, what are they talking about for hours - stocks and bonds? This guy just doesn't make sense.

 

 

 

Do you ever wonder or ask him why he is in a relationship with someone he clearly disrespects? If he can't stand this girl what are his reasons for still being with her? He has probably told her he loves her and that is why she is putting up with his BS. I hope you see the way he treats her and realizes that this may be you if you end up in a relationship with this guy. He sounds very abusive.

 

What he has told me is that she usually talks about her relationships when they talked. I did not bother to go majorly indepth with my past because while I have been hurt, I've closed the door and am moving forward.

 

Apparently her exes have used her for her money (her family is very well off) and treated her like property and even though "MM" is a disrespectful player, he has that charming disposition and great communication skills.

 

I can only speculate why he's with her, he's never given me a real answer and has told me he doesn't know after saying he has a deeper connection with her...

 

Why she's with him? She believes she has a good man. But apparently one of her exes has been around taking her out to breakfast and dinner... MM knows about it too... and knows she still likes her ex.

 

I will never be in a relationship with him at this point. Also no contact at all today!

[stillafool]

I'm confused. This guy is married but has you and this other girl? If so, I understand what he is doing.

[TarnishedInequity]

No, no, I just call him "MM"... since most people on this forum are involved with actual married people. This guy isn't married, he's in a relationship with the other girl (the GF) and I am the OW.

 

I simply use the term MM with him as it makes it easier to refer who I am talking to. He has all the makings of a cheating MM though!

[stillafool]

Well I think for this forum you should call him BF so you won't get flamed for some thinking you are seeing a MM.

[zebracolors]

There was someone's signature phrase on here that is worth noting for the OP to consider. I think it was "Never make someone a priority in your life, if that person only sees you as an option."

 

If I were in your shoes, I would really weight how you feel about him if its not already been said. I'm not going to judge or pass an opinion on what I think you should do, but just decide if you really care enough about him to share. If so fine. But if not you may just be much more disappointed down the road.

[TarnishedInequity]

Thank you everyone for your words of advice and wisdom!

 

Tomorrow will make a week of no contact - no texts, phone calls or physical contact whatsoever. He did leave a comment on FB on one of my statuses, but it was a simple "glad you had a good weekend" - in which I said thanks and continued no other conversation with.

 

We are still amicable, but I know I need to go through with not continuing to see him until I am over him emotionally.

 

And yes, I should say just BF, still. Ty.