When it was really over

[NEVERINTENDEDTHIS]

I'm having a day of thinking back on everything that has happened in the past year and I was wondering what were the signs of the actual affair being over between you and MM/MW before anything was really said?

[ladydesigner]

When it was really over

I'm having a day of thinking back on everything that has happened in the past year and I was wondering what were the signs of the actual affair being over between you and MM/MW before anything was really said?

Well I am a MOW and my XOM ended things with me. The signs that I knew it was over before he ended it was a missed email one morning, IM's decreased (and he emailed me everyday and on IM everyday) and a text I sent went unanswered for a whole day. The very next day he ended it in an email. So literally it went from "I love you" one day to " I can't do this anymore" the next.

 

It sucked, still hurts to think about it. Would have been nice to know his thoughts and feelings were changing for me so I could have been let down easier than it being a WTF!!!

[bentnotbroken]

Well I am a MOW and my XOM ended things with me. The signs that I knew it was over before he ended it was a missed email one morning, IM's decreased (and he emailed me everyday and on IM everyday) and a text I sent went unanswered for a whole day. The very next day he ended it in an email. So literally it went from "I love you" one day to " I can't do this anymore" the next.

 

It sucked, still hurts to think about it. Would have been nice to know his thoughts and feelings were changing for me so I could have been let down easier than it being a WTF!!!

 

 

Bet his wife felt the same way.

[NEVERINTENDEDTHIS]

Well I am a MOW and my XOM ended things with me. The signs that I knew it was over before he ended it was a missed email one morning, IM's decreased (and he emailed me everyday and on IM everyday) and a text I sent went unanswered for a whole day. The very next day he ended it in an email. So literally it went from "I love you" one day to " I can't do this anymore" the next.

 

It sucked, still hurts to think about it. Would have been nice to know his thoughts and feelings were changing for me so I could have been let down easier than it being a WTF!!!

 

 

LD sorry for your pain, I know exactly what your going through. Hugs and kisses out to you and hopefully little by little we can get through this and move on sooner then later.

[ladydesigner]

Bet his wife felt the same way.

 

Well he has a long-term girlfriend and I'm sure if she were to ever find out yes she would be extremely upset. He has not disclosed the A to her.

[bentnotbroken]

Well he has a long-term girlfriend and I'm sure if she were to ever find out yes she would be extremely upset. He has not disclosed the A to her.

 

 

Doesn't surprise me at all. Why should he respect her enough to make fully informed choices about her own life? That would require him to display a maturity level that he can't handle.

[Samantha0905]

Well I am a MOW and my XOM ended things with me. The signs that I knew it was over before he ended it was a missed email one morning, IM's decreased (and he emailed me everyday and on IM everyday) and a text I sent went unanswered for a whole day. The very next day he ended it in an email. So literally it went from "I love you" one day to " I can't do this anymore" the next.

 

It sucked, still hurts to think about it. Would have been nice to know his thoughts and feelings were changing for me so I could have been let down easier than it being a WTF!!!

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. It is a very rough way for a relationship to end. The last time I "talked" to my XAP was by text. He had just seen me about a week before (and yes, that was a long stretch for us not to see each other) during which time he went on and on about how much he loved me as we made love, etc.. I did know, however, the affair relationship was bothering both of us. He wanted to be with me full time (he's single) and I knew that would be next to impossible and cause a lot of pain (I'm married.) He talked about those feelings also.

 

I definitely understand your WTF moment though. While he was talking, he said he had decided to give it until the end of the month and then that would be it for him. It was the end of the month. I had no idea he had made that decision. It would have been helpful had he shared the decision sooner perhaps.

 

The next weekend, I went out of town. While I was away, he sent me a series of texts saying it "had to end" all of a sudden and the texts became more and more abusive saying things like I never loved him, was selfish, etc. His final text was for me to call him when I was back in town so we could end things properly and not via text. I never called him and I have not heard from him. I figured there was no reason for me to call and endure more abuse. It's a rather sad way to end a relationship, but the relationship was fraught with problems because it was an affair.

 

In retrospect I have to say I'm sure it's for the best it ended -- even though I do think of him every day still. Yuck.

[califnan]

I'm having a day of thinking back on everything that has happened in the past year and I was wondering what were the signs of the actual affair being over between you and MM/MW before anything was really said?

 

 

-------------------------

 

In checking any relationship.. I can reflect back before my marriage .. it was the first marriage for each of us - there was a high, and exhilaration .. and an excitement that was shared by BOTH of us - and with an expectation of good things for the future .. So I would say that the first time in an unintended relationship when we are made to feel like less than the Whole, special person that we ARE - that would be the beginning of the end ..

[ladydesigner]

In retrospect I have to say I'm sure it's for the best it ended -- even though I do think of him every day still. Yuck.

 

I have to say I feel the same exact way. I will admit there are still days where I will think about him and I just think will this ever stop:mad:

[Samantha0905]

I have to say I feel the same exact way. I will admit there are still days where I will think about him and I just think will this ever stop:mad:

 

I still glance at my phone expecting him to call. It is rather harsh when they just disappear, but it had to end eventually. There were too many cards stacked against it. Plus, we weren't exactly an ideal match. I'm still trying to figure out why "WWE" and "Family Guy" are his favorite television shows. :laugh:

[ladydesigner]

I still glance at my phone expecting him to call. It is rather harsh when they just disappear, but it had to end eventually. There were too many cards stacked against it. Plus, we weren't exactly an ideal match. I'm still trying to figure out why "WWE" and "Family Guy" are his favorite television shows. :laugh:

 

My XOM was definitely not an ideal match for me. Completely opposite of what I'm usually attracted to. He was not very attractive, was not physically fit, not very tall, complete introvert, oh it's just so embarrassing. We got along well as friends first and had amazing chemistry for some reason. He was the most awesome kisser I have ever met. Wow

[skywriter]

So I would say that the first time in an unintended relationship when we are made to feel like less than the Whole, special person that we ARE - that would be the beginning of the end ..

 

 

This statement says so much of how I have felt through my entire A.

 

As if it's been ending , before it could ever really get anywhere anyway.

 

It's so painful to spend so much time with someone that is committed to another, yet at the same time you feel as if you just can't stop. Meanwhile,they're claiming to feel the same for you, and yet, someone else is always their priority.

 

So, you think to yourself, "I knew they were committed, so I put myself in this situation and I am responsible for removing myself from this situation".

[jj33]

LD sorry for your pain, I know exactly what your going through. Hugs and kisses out to you and hopefully little by little we can get through this and move on sooner then later.

 

Never intended - if you know exactly what LD was going through then it sounds like you are being ignored and the MP is giving you signs that he is not really into the relationship.

 

Why wait for him to pull the trigger? Why put yourself through the pain of being treated so poorly? It can be difficult enough to be with a married person even if you have come to terms with the idea that they are committed to someone else.

 

But if he is not acting like the relationship is important to him? Give him a wake up call. Tell him you dont put up with being treated like this.

 

It is empowering to stand up for yourself. The only thing stopping you is the fear that he will wake up tomorrow and get with the program and treat you like a queen.

 

Newsflash - if hes not doing it of his own volition he needs a swifft kick. Either he treats you better or he loses you

 

This awful passivity (when did you really know it was over) is so demoralizing. Dont continue to put yourself through that.

 

I knew it was over when he freaked out one too many times about the situation (that he was married and in love with me) and started the waffling (i cant do this, no I cant let you go) so I cut it off. Made the decision for him. Basta enough. It didnt stick, he kept trying to come back and to this day its still all messed up (mostly because we do business together).

 

But the one thing that made me feel better (sort of) was that I didnt allow him to keep me swinging in the wind. I took control.

 

Try it.

[califnan]

So I would say that the first time in an unintended relationship when we are made to feel like less than the Whole, special person that we ARE - that would be the beginning of the end ..

 

 

This statement says so much of how I have felt through my entire A.

 

As if it's been ending , before it could ever really get anywhere anyway.

 

It's so painful to spend so much time with someone that is committed to another, yet at the same time you feel as if you just can't stop. Meanwhile,they're claiming to feel the same for you, and yet, someone else is always their priority.

 

So, you think to yourself, "I knew they were committed, so I put myself in this situation and I am responsible for removing myself from this situation".

 

 

Yes, I guess the reason why we stay in the relationships is because of loving the individual more than one's self - and also with the feeling that things may improve.

 

Maybe this might be helpful: JThorne posted this on another thread - "Never allow someone to be your priority - while allowing yourself to be their option" ..