Common Ground

[pureinheart]

*Tone* Low, concerned/calm

 

I really would like too see us all come together....and want to say, if I have offeneded anyone in a maliced seeming way in the past I do apologize. I get defensive and do agree on both ends of the OW/OM and BS.

 

I have been doing some reading on what the OW/OM goes through and also am delving in what BS's go through. The gaslighting thread gave me a better understanding of what a BS endures.

 

I don't mean to be hypocritical at all, and I know it may have seemed like it, going back and forth, although I do apologize as it is not intentional.

 

All of you have given me much food for thought and I appreciate all of it so much. I am a passionate person, passionate about everything and at times do offend others because of this. All of you have been essential in my healing and I can never repay it, as it is priceless.

 

I say this to ALL of you....do you have any idea how precious you are? What you have done by giving your own perspective to a very sensitive situation? The impact you all have on the world...our big picture.

 

The levels of intelligence in these forums challenge me daily, actually I am not worthy to stand before any of you, but do try. I feel honored when any of you speak to me as I am trying to connect.

 

We are all learning, if we stop, we die as a people.

 

To me it is important to stand in anothers shoes...not to be a hypocrit, but to understand what another might be going through....right, wrong or indifferent.

 

Can we find common ground and work together? This is my question.

 

Or is the gap too great....am I being unrealistic?

[greengoddess]

No. Not if you want us to just give you hugs and tell you all is ok.

 

I hurt when I read this forum and it angers me. I hurt for you. I hurt for the other women that are wasting their lives waiting and waiting and waiting. I especially hurt when I know the other woman is young and the mm is older. It makes me so angry and I just wish the young ones dads would find out about the mm. Although that probably would not matter because I have a feeling they have daddy issues to make them go with much older married men.

 

I will never be a cheerleader for an affair and I will continue to strongly suggest to run and tell the wife. I think on that basis alone there is no common ground. You want to sneak around behind the wifes back as the secret and I want you to yell it from the rooftops. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE!! If not and you get him then what do you have? You are a young woman with an old damaged cheating man with a new family. YUCK.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Pure, I feel you. I totally understand what you are trying to address. At first, when I came to this site and would read this forum, my stomach would turn and I couldn't believe some of the things I read. BUT the knowledge has helped me understand soooooo much. I look at my H's infidelities very different thanks to this site..most of the posters on this site are so full of knowledge and it truly inspires me to try harder, love harder, and think hard about what other people are going through. I think you are very open minded with everything.

[crazycatlady]

*Tone* Low, concerned/calm

 

I really would like too see us all come together....and want to say, if I have offeneded anyone in a maliced seeming way in the past I do apologize. I get defensive and do agree on both ends of the OW/OM and BS.

 

I have been doing some reading on what the OW/OM goes through and also am delving in what BS's go through. The gaslighting thread gave me a better understanding of what a BS endures.

 

I don't mean to be hypocritical at all, and I know it may have seemed like it, going back and forth, although I do apologize as it is not intentional.

 

All of you have given me much food for thought and I appreciate all of it so much. I am a passionate person, passionate about everything and at times do offend others because of this. All of you have been essential in my healing and I can never repay it, as it is priceless.

 

I say this to ALL of you....do you have any idea how precious you are? What you have done by giving your own perspective to a very sensitive situation? The impact you all have on the world...our big picture.

 

The levels of intelligence in these forums challenge me daily, actually I am not worthy to stand before any of you, but do try. I feel honored when any of you speak to me as I am trying to connect.

 

We are all learning, if we stop, we die as a people.

 

To me it is important to stand in anothers shoes...not to be a hypocrit, but to understand what another might be going through....right, wrong or indifferent.

 

Can we find common ground and work together? This is my question.

 

Or is the gap too great....am I being unrealistic?

 

First off, I totally agree with you from the other side of the fence. I like seeing the other side, I need to see it, to understand it, to try and grasp the reasons why, how, etc in a way that is respectful. I don't feel treating people with respect is aiding and abetting. I also don't think relationships are black and white as people want to make them out to be. And rarely do I think there is malice involved, carelessness maybe, but not malice - I know of some cases where there was malice involved, but I don't think they are common.

 

But your understanding and everything is the reason why when i first started posting that I posted on this board and not the infidelity board. Because I could not handle the bitterness and anger that is all over the infidelity board. I felt bad enough on the snooping that I did, I could never sneak around and find proof, or do any of the other things talked about. In some ways I identify with how the OW feels, the love I have for him is too much to let go.

 

I have my ups and downs from there, mostly up, but lately its been a bit down. Its been a tough week for me in dealing with this, I don't know what's going on in his mind, he's acting weird again and I dont know if he's pissed at me for some reason, if he's stressed at work, if its the fact that I'm going on a trip with his OW next week and he's worried shes going to fess up to me, or if he's starting to feel resentful that I get to go on a trip and he doesn't (keep in mind that he's done trips without me in the past that for various reasons some for work and some for pleasure) and he had encouraged me to take this trip. I dont know and I'm not getting an answer the one or two times I asked him if I had pissed him off etc. I am not going to harp on him, so I'll leave it at what Ive said and just....I don't know. I'm just a little bewildered right now at his behavior.

 

CCL

[alg24]

No. Not if you want us to just give you hugs and tell you all is ok.

 

I hurt when I read this forum and it angers me. I hurt for you. I hurt for the other women that are wasting their lives waiting and waiting and waiting. I especially hurt when I know the other woman is young and the mm is older. It makes me so angry and I just wish the young ones dads would find out about the mm. Although that probably would not matter because I have a feeling they have daddy issues to make them go with much older married men.

 

I will never be a cheerleader for an affair and I will continue to strongly suggest to run and tell the wife. I think on that basis alone there is no common ground. You want to sneak around behind the wifes back as the secret and I want you to yell it from the rooftops. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE!! If not and you get him then what do you have? You are a young woman with an old damaged cheating man with a new family. YUCK.

 

Perhaps I should just keep quiet and not even reply to this post... Would be the smarter thing... I 100% see where you are coming from. I am a much younger (21) woman that was involved (now over) with a MM (he was 38). It was disgusting on all levels. BUT I never had daddy issues. My father is the most amazing, kind, generous man in the world. He has never abused me, treated me poorly, or acted out of form in his father-daughter relationship with me. He is a hard working businessman and is everything for his family. I come from a upperclass family, attending private school my whole live, and siblings attending colleges such as Cornell. My dad did not know the whole story with MM but from his findings he was ready to kill him. I think being so young, naive, living on my own, seeking love/affection, I fell into it. (Not an excuse)

 

I would NEVER enter into another affair and any woman thinking about it PLEASE do not. I have a deep amount of guilt and pain. I feel awful for my involvement and pain I caused the BS. (She was very nice to me, and actually felt sorry for me-- seeing the pain, abuse, lies, etc. her H soon to be exH) I wasted two years of my life, got herpes from MM, and will waste many months after this healing. Not to mention the baggage I will take with me.

 

But I do feel that BS cannot blame everything on the OW/OM. As the BS in my A said, "You were not married to me. It was my husbands choice to step out on our marriage not yours."

 

I feel that the OW/OM who are struggling on this board do not need to be put down. If its hard to find a common ground than just don't say anything at all. Pain is pain, anyway you look at it. Yes, when entering into an affair you should know what your getting into and some might find it hard to show sympathy but if you can't then nothing should be said.

 

No woman deserves to be treated badly or cheated on... I know that is weird coming from the OW (but after my experience I would never willing enter into being the OW) I feel horrible for the BS and I would never blame her for her husbands decision to step outside of the marriage.

 

Perhaps my post does not make sense... A little all over the map.. Getting tired... But I think we all can learn from each other in a sense... At the end of the day we are human, and as a said pain is pain.

[pureinheart]

No. Not if you want us to just give you hugs and tell you all is ok.

 

I hurt when I read this forum and it angers me. I hurt for you. I hurt for the other women that are wasting their lives waiting and waiting and waiting. I especially hurt when I know the other woman is young and the mm is older. It makes me so angry and I just wish the young ones dads would find out about the mm. Although that probably would not matter because I have a feeling they have daddy issues to make them go with much older married men.

 

I will never be a cheerleader for an affair and I will continue to strongly suggest to run and tell the wife. I think on that basis alone there is no common ground. You want to sneak around behind the wifes back as the secret and I want you to yell it from the rooftops. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE!! If not and you get him then what do you have? You are a young woman with an old damaged cheating man with a new family. YUCK.

 

Sometimes that's all that is needed as we all make mistakes....

[alg24]

And I don't feel that when people enter onto this site (BS or OW/OM) they are looking for hugs/don't worry everything will be alright. Yes they are looking for comfort but they are in a great deal of pain and are seeking help to get to the other side and be understood. They have the chance to find people who are undergoing a similar situation and support each other.

 

With the pain/mistakes I am making I am 100% NOT looking for someone to type to me "Don't worry ALG ((hugs)) everything will work out" But it does help when someone tells me "Yes, its normal to feel how you are feeling. If you continue to make positive choices and keep away from that toxic situation the pain will slowly fade in time."

[pureinheart]

Pure, I feel you. I totally understand what you are trying to address. At first, when I came to this site and would read this forum, my stomach would turn and I couldn't believe some of the things I read. BUT the knowledge has helped me understand soooooo much. I look at my H's infidelities very different thanks to this site..most of the posters on this site are so full of knowledge and it truly inspires me to try harder, love harder, and think hard about what other people are going through. I think you are very open minded with everything.

 

Wow...I am so sorry, I didn't know your background as I have been on and off of LS. I am soooo glad though that your M has worked out. I was a BW a lot of times.

 

I grew up so differently than most...hey I was listening for race track results when I was 5 for the bookie in our town....my grandmother ran moonshine in Ohio for her father, so in essence she was in todays terms a "drug dealer"....I ran with bikers as a teenager. I just got in touch with a teenage friend and we were talking about our past and the people we hung with and her comment was, "Kathy, we hung with the big boys"...I had forgotten certain things.

 

I was a "preppy type" looking girl that hung with bikers, I didn't wear Levi's, I wore what I wanted...that is how rebellious I was, would not even conform to the bikers...lol...bikers did teach me a lot though, we called ourselves, "the family"...they had my back.

 

It wasn't until I read the stories on LS that I realised there are a lot of people really pissed about being cheated on, I wasn't, a whole new thing to me....maybe I should have been pissed? I worked and took care of my kids and partied.

 

Now I read these threads and gain knowledge....I am so grateful to all of you, constuctive critism, hugs, hate, whatever ....to me it's all good now.....

[pureinheart]

And I don't feel that when people enter onto this site (BS or OW/OM) they are looking for hugs/don't worry everything will be alright. Yes they are looking for comfort but they are in a great deal of pain and are seeking help to get to the other side and be understood. They have the chance to find people who are undergoing a similar situation and support each other.

 

With the pain/mistakes I am making I am 100% NOT looking for someone to type to me "Don't worry ALG ((hugs)) everything will work out" But it does help when someone tells me "Yes, its normal to feel how you are feeling. If you continue to make positive choices and keep away from that toxic situation the pain will slowly fade in time."

 

You know, had I had 1% of the knowledge that you have, my life would have been different....it is going to be ok for you because mistakes can be a good thing. When I was growing up things were different....I didn't talk to anyone about what was going on with me...had I had the internet that might have been different.

 

I don't think I realise the power the internet has....I CAN talk to people and gain knowledge now.

 

Maybe that is why I was not angry being in the BW position, I felt that well now I really know who he is....and then I made my choices.

[pureinheart]

First off, I totally agree with you from the other side of the fence. I like seeing the other side, I need to see it, to understand it, to try and grasp the reasons why, how, etc in a way that is respectful. I don't feel treating people with respect is aiding and abetting. I also don't think relationships are black and white as people want to make them out to be. And rarely do I think there is malice involved, carelessness maybe, but not malice - I know of some cases where there was malice involved, but I don't think they are common.

 

But your understanding and everything is the reason why when i first started posting that I posted on this board and not the infidelity board. Because I could not handle the bitterness and anger that is all over the infidelity board. I felt bad enough on the snooping that I did, I could never sneak around and find proof, or do any of the other things talked about. In some ways I identify with how the OW feels, the love I have for him is too much to let go.

 

I have my ups and downs from there, mostly up, but lately its been a bit down. Its been a tough week for me in dealing with this, I don't know what's going on in his mind, he's acting weird again and I dont know if he's pissed at me for some reason, if he's stressed at work, if its the fact that I'm going on a trip with his OW next week and he's worried shes going to fess up to me, or if he's starting to feel resentful that I get to go on a trip and he doesn't (keep in mind that he's done trips without me in the past that for various reasons some for work and some for pleasure) and he had encouraged me to take this trip. I dont know and I'm not getting an answer the one or two times I asked him if I had pissed him off etc. I am not going to harp on him, so I'll leave it at what Ive said and just....I don't know. I'm just a little bewildered right now at his behavior.

 

CCL

 

Ok...CCL #1, you are a gem, he will not find better and he knows it...if he wanted to be with someone else he would.....he knows you know, right?

 

You are no dummy, so you sensed it has something to do with this trip....

 

You and I both know he's not going anywhere, he would have already and that is why people tell half truths, lie ect...is because they DON'T want to loose what they have, they simply have made mistakes....

 

I would say that if he doesn't know you know, he IS acting weird because of fear....no matter what CCL, it's fear...I am picking up fear...

[greengoddess]

Alg thanks for sharing that.

 

Is that what finally ended it? Your dad finding out?

I imagine the wife was nice to you. She probably felt a little parental protection.

 

Don't you get angry when you see a new young woman like yourself just beginning a relationship with an older man? Don't you just want to shake them and wake them up from this great love and show them what their future holds? Either heartbreak or marriage to an old man with the baggage of child support and alimony.

 

It hurts knowing young women are being treated this way.

[crazycatlady]

ARGH I just lost everything I had written.

 

Pure - aww thanks. I think you are right, I think he is afraid because the OW is not who you tell when you want someone to keep a secret. I also think he does care very much for her. He does not know I know though I've dropped hints, talked to him about the polyamory. But I also freaked out over it last year when it probably started. Maybe he wouldn't have said anything any way. He might be enjoying the illicitness of it. Which yeah I can see him enjoying that part of it. H is a bit of a cake eater and a conflict avoider.

 

But I know he loves me and wants me . He reacts to me the same as always. We don't touch much because we turn each other on very easily, and while work stress is affecting the frequency that we do it, now that is settling down again that is picking up to where we both are most comfortable.

 

And that's why I do tend to identify with the OW. Because I don't think I'm second best, but I accept that he cares for another woman, course in my case I think he loves her. I would rather it be above board, and I do hope she tells me about it so we can talk about it without it being hidden and without me having to admit my snooping. But if she doesn't, and he doesn't, I keep going back and forth on confessing and confronting. I love both of them - in different ways, I'm not that much of a freaking - and I think this is hurting them too. I actually feel bad for both of them....and on the other hand I'm like "good because it hurts me too because of the lying and secracy".

 

Ohhh and i forgot to say in my first post, I highlighted in your first post something that I love, the learning quote. I completely believe that. I love it when I learn something totally new during the day. I think learning is so important for everyone. But I'm a seeker too.

 

CCL

[alg24]

Alg thanks for sharing that.

 

Is that what finally ended it? Your dad finding out?

I imagine the wife was nice to you. She probably felt a little parental protection.

 

Don't you get angry when you see a new young woman like yourself just beginning a relationship with an older man? Don't you just want to shake them and wake them up from this great love and show them what their future holds? Either heartbreak or marriage to an old man with the baggage of child support and alimony.

 

It hurts knowing young women are being treated this way.

 

Hey! It did not finally end with my dad finding out. The ''relationship" with MM and I was very toxic and out of control. My dad knew something was not right, but from what I confessed he knew that this guy was very toxic for my health. Not to mention MM gave me herpes! (100% he gave it to me) My dad told me that he did not want me with this guy. That I was worth so much more, and it was painful for him as a father seeing me in this horrific situation.

 

The W and I had contact while I was still with MM. I think she appreciated my honesty, and at the point saw what a sick man her soon to be exH was (she is in the process of divorcing him now) She was amazing to me, very kind, diplomatic, and real lady.

 

He and I had gone back and forth many times. Its over its done, then back together. I had not been talking to him for a day or so- I was very angry with him. My relationship ended with him by her texting me that day that she was kicking him out of the guest room. She had friends coming and he needed to leave. (Prior to that he had been staying with me a little) Her and I had been texting back and forth that day. I went to dinner around 7PM and left my phone in my house on the charger. Came home my cell phone was missing (text messages still in phone!), called phone, 1 minute later my house phone rang it was MM freaking out at me. ( I did not realize he still had a key to my house) I freaked, went to Ws house (she was so kind, let me into her home talked to me.) She called him, he came over, he and I got into a fight in the front yard with her witnessing it. When he told me to shut up she told him not to speak to me like that... It was like this white trash jerry springer episode! (I felt so bad for the W... She is such a kind amazing woman and never in a million years deserved this.) And a bunch of other stuff happened but that was that...

 

Its painful to see people at a young age getting involved with older men, especially MM. I learned a lot from this experience, and yes I lost a couple years of my youth on this and a huge amount of my innocences. I would never recommend anyone (young or old) getting involved in an affair. It hurts EVERYONE involved. If the person is unhappily married they need to sit down with their spouse and exist. Cheating is not the answer. I truly feel that cheaters love to cheat. A person who is unhappy in there marriage will either work on it, or admit its not working and end it. Then move on with their live. I feel a cheater, in a good situation or bad, will cheat.

 

I am in a great deal of pain over my situation. I don't ask for sympathy, I was the OW. My situation has been over for almost a month ( I sent him a text about two weeks ago with no response thank goodness) Just the other day he sent me a text friday and saturday. Saturday asking the same thing, why I spoke so bad about him, I lost a friend, good-bye forever, good luck. I was stupid and answered..

 

Regardless of what position you are in it still hurts. We are human.

 

Seeing young girls such as myself enter into these relationships with older MM especially sadden me, because like me, they are worth so much more. They don't understand that these men do not truly care about them. These men (can we call them that?) are looking to have their cake and eat it too.

 

The MM I was involved with never spoke badly about his W. He told me that it wasn't working... Then the tables turned and he wanted to be with me wait for me. (Now I was 20 and the time, he was 37.. Screwed up! Not to mention we were from VERY different backgrounds) After I spoke to the W I saw things from a much different light. She was this hard working, amazing woman and he was just...

 

So yea! Did I type enough?

 

I do truly feel that we can all find a common ground on this board and least respect each other. In some ways I was able to get closure and answers from my MM's W. She did the same with me. Her and I both realized it was NOT us, it was him (Crazy?) BS need to stop hating the OW/OM, and the other way around. We need to look at these MM/cheaters as the problem. Regardless we can all learn from each other and gain insight. What it comes down to is we are all human, and pain is pain.

[alg24]

Alg thanks for sharing that.

 

Don't you just want to shake them and wake them up from this great love and show them what their future holds? Either heartbreak or marriage to an old man with the baggage of child support and alimony.

 

Yes yes and YES. BUT I for me to learn I had to learn the hard way. And they will too. I can remember a million great memories (but it was not reality, it was a fantasy) And I can remember a billon awful fights, sleepless nights, and many many wasted tears.

 

Mine ended in a mass amount of heartbreak that will stay with me for a long long time BUT it could have ended much worse... Marriage to this old sick twisted man... The MM I was involved with was very very possessive, controlling, and emotionally abusive.

 

Pathetic!?

[skywriter]

A person who is unhappy in there marriage will either work on it, or admit its not working and end it. Then move on with their live. I feel a cheater, in a good situation or bad, will cheat.

 

Hear, here!

You are a wise young lady Alg. I tried to pm recently and couldn't.

I think that you and I have some things in common and I relate.

One being, my deceased daughter, Kaeley, would be your age now had she lived.

 

Pure,

Didn't mean to t/j. I'm not one to post alot, however, I read here almost daily.

[pureinheart]

ARGH I just lost everything I had written.

 

Pure - aww thanks. I think you are right, I think he is afraid because the OW is not who you tell when you want someone to keep a secret. I also think he does care very much for her. He does not know I know though I've dropped hints, talked to him about the polyamory. But I also freaked out over it last year when it probably started. Maybe he wouldn't have said anything any way. He might be enjoying the illicitness of it. Which yeah I can see him enjoying that part of it. H is a bit of a cake eater and a conflict avoider.

 

But I know he loves me and wants me . He reacts to me the same as always. We don't touch much because we turn each other on very easily, and while work stress is affecting the frequency that we do it, now that is settling down again that is picking up to where we both are most comfortable.

 

And that's why I do tend to identify with the OW. Because I don't think I'm second best, but I accept that he cares for another woman, course in my case I think he loves her. I would rather it be above board, and I do hope she tells me about it so we can talk about it without it being hidden and without me having to admit my snooping. But if she doesn't, and he doesn't, I keep going back and forth on confessing and confronting. I love both of them - in different ways, I'm not that much of a freaking - and I think this is hurting them too. I actually feel bad for both of them....and on the other hand I'm like "good because it hurts me too because of the lying and secracy".

 

Ohhh and i forgot to say in my first post, I highlighted in your first post something that I love, the learning quote. I completely believe that. I love it when I learn something totally new during the day. I think learning is so important for everyone. But I'm a seeker too.

 

CCL

 

I hate it when that happens!!!!! Now you have to type everything over!!!!

 

I kinda had a feeling it was work along with the fear and was gonna ask you if he is facing financial struggle/lay-offs....lots of fear CCL, on all sides it looks like on his part...BUT the great thing about that is this "fear" will break him. He is not going to leave.

 

As I have (and you) have seen on these boards, no two situations are the same...sure there are variances, although most are few and far between.

 

Every R has it's problems...where the big problem sets in is lack of communication or lack of knowledge. In your case you have the knowledge, which in fact sets you ahead of the game.

 

IMO from what I've read from you, I pick up that yes he does "love" her, but not in the way he loves you, not EVEN close. He loves her as a family member and I think the rest is lust...and we both know lust doesnot equate to love. Personally I think he would have been gone already.

 

ALSO....I think if you thought he really loved her in that way YOU would have been long gone!!!!!!

 

I know for me and what I've read here also, I see very little of what WE want in the process of figuring this stuff out....dealing with the pain and such....

 

Yes we have mellowed, lol....but it is not wise to back us in a corner concerning such important matters, and that is why I say you would have been gone, because you do know the difference of being understanding vs being a doormat...lol

[pureinheart]

A person who is unhappy in there marriage will either work on it, or admit its not working and end it. Then move on with their live. I feel a cheater, in a good situation or bad, will cheat.

 

Hear, here!

You are a wise young lady Alg. I tried to pm recently and couldn't.

I think that you and I have some things in common and I relate.

One being, my deceased daughter, Kaeley, would be your age now had she lived.

 

Pure,

Didn't mean to t/j. I'm not one to post alot, however, I read here almost daily.

 

In this forum (possibly others) I don't see how one can stay on the topic...very hard for me....hey go for it!

 

I am so sorry about your daughter....((((((hugggsss))))))

 

I wish xDM wasn't such a cake eater....so yeah...your first sentance is what would be the best for all.

[alg24]

A person who is unhappy in there marriage will either work on it, or admit its not working and end it. Then move on with their live. I feel a cheater, in a good situation or bad, will cheat.

 

Hear, here!

You are a wise young lady Alg. I tried to pm recently and couldn't.

I think that you and I have some things in common and I relate.

One being, my deceased daughter, Kaeley, would be your age now had she lived.

 

Pure,

Didn't mean to t/j. I'm not one to post alot, however, I read here almost daily.

 

Skywriter thank-you... I am so sorry about your daughter

[crazycatlady]

Last night I was feeling a little vulnerable when I wrote that. I was having a minor freak out, because of how he was acting. The job issue was resolved a few weeks ago which helped in some ways, he was less stressed, and he started talking more with me again - he doesnt share much with me when hes worried like that. I think he thinks hes saved me from worrying too much.

 

I think part of it was over this weekend, she and he did speak some, or at least send text messages. I know he sent her one first on valentines day. And then she responded, and when he got his new phone, I told her to text him so he would have her number (we were talking on line) and they texted back and forth for a while. Remember I'm playing dumb they dont know I know. So those are things I would have done before hand. And really, its not the talking that bothers me, it really isn't. If he hadn't been all wonky yesterday, I wouldn't even have thought twice about their chatting. I know there are feelings there, and yes lust is a huge one. She is his physical ideal. If I had to create a woman that matched his physical preference, she would have been it. But we all know that physical ideal doesnt necessarily mean its going to be a good match long term. And i think he knows that. Where as I'm a good match long term. We might have our problems, and whent hey happen she sure does look good and appealing.

 

I just sometimes wonder though...If it were out in the open, and they were able to spend time together now and then when they could manage it, if during rough times if solo with her would be as appealing as it is when they are hidden, and its a way to escape the realities of a marriage and all the crap that is part of life together. It would cease to be an escape. Which is part of why I want to bring it to the open. And also, I think it could be good for them too. She could use someone to love her, care about her, and for once she needs something that could be open and honest too. He would probably be happier with it open, I dont think he likes sneaking that much. And it being open, i would be more willing to help them spend time together.

 

Sorry for the slight thread jack LOL I just been pondering it the last few days. However the freak out from last night got totally reassured at bed time.

 

CCL

[skywriter]

Hi PIH,

Now this is why I appreciate your post.

 

To me it is important to stand in anothers shoes...not to be a hypocrit, but to understand what another might be going through....right, wrong or indifferent.

 

Thank you for being openminded and understanding. When a person is trying to deal with something and searching for someone that might give them direction, harsh words, and judgement can send them back into their shell or worse.... You just never know where a person has been and what they've gone through.

 

Thank you for being openminded and understanding. Always stands out in your post. It's obvious, you've lived and experienced outside the realm of comforts and one sided thinking. I thank the heavens for folks that aren't all about sewing on the scarlet letters, although I understand this might distract attention , therefore, casting a shadow over their own sins.

 

Alg,

 

Keep doing, what you're doing baby girl. You'll be the wiser, and possibly another unsuspecting souls strength and shoulder in the future.