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What were the TRIGGER words that sent you spiraling down?


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We talk about the Trigger words which send you spiraling down or was the words you sit on to give you hope.... what are yours? This might help some people who are not recognizing them....here are my examples...

 

1. Soon - We are going to be together soon....

2. Ready - I'm ready to get out of my marriage...

3. Miss - I miss you sooooooooooo much

4. Waste - I don't want to waste another day of my life....

 

If I could have a dollar for every time I heard these words I'd be very rich!!!

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What were the TRIGGER words that sent you spiraling down?

We talk about the Trigger words which send you spiraling down or was the words you sit on to give you hope.... what are yours? This might help some people who are not recognizing them....here are my examples...

 

1. Soon - We are going to be together soon....

2. Ready - I'm ready to get out of my marriage...

3. Miss - I miss you sooooooooooo much

4. Waste - I don't want to waste another day of my life....

#3 was the one that my XOM used to say to me constantly. It really sucked me in.

 

These gave me HOPE:

 

1. I hope this never ends.

2. I can't imagine being without you.

3. If I had to make a choice I would choose you.

4. You make me feel like a 13 year old with a crush (LOL sorry this one always makes me laugh).

5. I can even help you with your kids.

6. My shirt still smells like you. I love the way you smell.

7. You are amazingly beautiful.

8. Sexy girl

9. I can't wait to see you.

10. I love you

 

These sent me SPIRALING DOWN:

 

1. I'm not doing this anymore because I'm not a liar.

2. Did you really think this was going to work out?

3. 2 things kept getting in the way, the obvious age difference and the fact that you do not want to have anymore kids (I have to admit these were valid points).

4. My feelings for my girlfriend ended up being stronger than I thought.

5. Sorry if I lead you on.

6. "BOTTOM LINE: I can't keep doing this to you or my girlfriend anymore. It was just killing me."

7. I still want to f**k you though:confused:

8. Could we still be friends?:rolleyes:

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We talk about the Trigger words which send you spiraling down or was the words you sit on to give you hope.... what are yours? This might help some people who are not recognizing them....here are my examples...

 

1. Soon - We are going to be together soon....

2. Ready - I'm ready to get out of my marriage...

3. Miss - I miss you sooooooooooo much

4. Waste - I don't want to waste another day of my life....

 

If I could have a dollar for every time I heard these words I'd be very rich!!!

I remembered some more.....

 

These sent me SPIRALING DOWN:

 

1. I got the impression and feel you want me to raise your 14 year old daughter.

2. You became someone I didn't know anymore and I don't want to leave my situation to go into the same situation.

3. We need to do the right thing....

4. Sorry I can't make the holidays with you. (after she said we were going to be together like 6 months before.)

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We talk about the Trigger words which send you spiraling down or was the words you sit on to give you hope.... what are yours? This might help some people who are not recognizing them....here are my examples...

 

1. Soon - We are going to be together soon....

2. Ready - I'm ready to get out of my marriage...

3. Miss - I miss you sooooooooooo much

4. Waste - I don't want to waste another day of my life....

 

If I could have a dollar for every time I heard these words I'd be very rich!!!

C4N,

 

Personally, I don't know what to think....the people on LS must think I'm really jacked up for going back and forth...from hate, to love, to understanding, to disgust, to forgiving, to hate...well you get the picture.

 

So please understand, that I am trying to understand and find some common ground for my particular sitch as everyone on LS is so well worded and so intelligent and YOU ALL make sense....so with that said, here is my reply to your thread ...(((((C4N))))

 

You have a formula....I didn't....please C4N, you being a guy maybe can give me some insight due to being in my sitch also....I saw briefly others having a formula too....I need a formula

 

ExMM/Friend was way confused, walks in confusion...it is his "smoke screen" ((((((((Angel and others that brought this to light....gaslighting))))))))....ok now with a total psycho F, they have no feelings...well exMM does have some, although thank you RD for declaring difference due to drug use, which exMM abuses drugs.

 

ExMM would say (as an example) 'I want to go to the store, no I don't want to go to the store', in the same sentance...contradicting totally...

 

I love you and I love my W....

 

I would tell him thank you for something he did for me...reply 'I would do that for anyone'....meant to not make me special.

 

'I hate D' (he felt bad for a guy going through D after 42 yrs of M), yet he was having an EA with me...oh he called it 'friends'....thank you ((((Spark))))

 

Contant mixed messages all of the time...how his W could handle it is beyond me, he had to have been that way with her too, as it was much too strong of a personality defect.

 

Fact is C4N....some people cannot stand him and others like him (this is in my own family too) the division is so great and I am very confused at this point.

 

Now he is D'ed and is not 'as' bad, meaning the treatment of me is better, almost back to the respect he had in the beginning, although it is not the same...I am hurt that there was any disrespect at all....I can understand a slip here and there, although there is a line that is crossed.

 

I know the people on LS pick up the wavering back and forth, although want to say that if it weren't for the people in LS throughout the years, I do not know where I would be today....

 

When I go NC he blows up my phone....and when it gets really bad and he thinks I'm gonna roll for sure...he uses the "M" word, coupled with I've got an engagement ring...one time dropped the ring (or a ring) so that I could hear it....me and my son laughed.

 

He used to be cool and I donot know if it is a major thing like what was pointed out in Angels thread or is it just life things he is going through due to the D.

 

One of my friends told me back in the day (he was M'ed, co-worker) that if he were to become single he would want to "screw around" a lot....in my line of work ya better be able to take it...the guys did not mense words.

 

Does he want to screw around for awhile?

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#3 was the one that my XOM used to say to me constantly. It really sucked me in.

 

These gave me HOPE:

 

1. I hope this never ends.

2. I can't imagine being without you.

3. If I had to make a choice I would choose you.

4. You make me feel like a 13 year old with a crush (LOL sorry this one always makes me laugh).

5. I can even help you with your kids.

6. My shirt still smells like you. I love the way you smell.

7. You are amazingly beautiful.

8. Sexy girl

9. I can't wait to see you.

10. I love you

 

These sent me SPIRALING DOWN:

 

1. I'm not doing this anymore because I'm not a liar.

2. Did you really think this was going to work out?

3. 2 things kept getting in the way, the obvious age difference and the fact that you do not want to have anymore kids (I have to admit these were valid points).

4. My feelings for my girlfriend ended up being stronger than I thought.

5. Sorry if I lead you on.

6. "BOTTOM LINE: I can't keep doing this to you or my girlfriend anymore. It was just killing me."

7. I still want to f**k you though:confused:

8. Could we still be friends?:rolleyes:

 

Sorry if I lead you on????????? Excuse me?????? Ya I heard that one a lot....

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Sorry if I lead you on????????? Excuse me?????? Ya I heard that one a lot....

 

Right???:rolleyes: I know. I should have told him that when you say "I love you" to a person you can't use the leading on excuse...Puuuhhhleeese

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Things that sent me spiraling down

1. How can we look at ourselves in the mirror?

2. There are a ZILLION reasons this will not work

3. We are at two different places in our lives

4. I don't love you, I'm 'fond' of you

5. I thought we would be 'email' friends

6. Talking him through his rough valentines day because he was fighting with his wife while I was sitting home alone

 

Things that give me hope

1. He is getting divorced

2. He actually did move to the same state

3. He says that he loves me

4. He says he will never lie - I may not like what he has to say, but he will never lie. (I need that - don't sugar coat it - just say it).

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A bit different same concept:

 

Spiriling Down Results: (after he separated from W)

 

I feel like I have been violated

I had a nervous breakdown

My health is not as good

Self Esteem? What is that?

I aged

I literally pulled out my hair (it is comming back fast)

I gained 20lbs

Loss of ambition

Depression/Anxiety....ummmm, the list goes on and on...

 

 

The Hope:

 

That I will keep him the F out of my life

That I will continue to grow emotionally

That it won't take a whole week to get over him

 

The Truth:

 

My life IS already better

I love my kids

I love my grandkids

Tomorrow is better

This list will never end....

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Miss you loads - That actually made me feel good.

 

No

Nothing

I don't know

These 3 words doesn't send me spiraling down but infuriates me.

 

Is all my fault

I don't want to talk about it

Self pity and cowardliness also annoys me...

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These sent me SPIRALING DOWN:

1. I'm not doing this anymore because I'm not a liar.

2. Did you really think this was going to work out?

3. 2 things kept getting in the way, the obvious age difference and the fact that you do not want to have anymore kids (I have to admit these were valid points).

4. My feelings for my girlfriend ended up being stronger than I thought.

5. Sorry if I lead you on.

6. "BOTTOM LINE: I can't keep doing this to you or my girlfriend anymore. It was just killing me."

7. I still want to f**k you though:confused:

8. Could we still be friends?:rolleyes:

 

I could see MM saying all of these things (#3 I want kids, he doesn't want any more) to me. He has made #7 very clear...pr*ck.

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We talk about the Trigger words which send you spiraling down or was the words you sit on to give you hope.... what are yours? This might help some people who are not recognizing them....here are my examples...

 

1. Soon - We are going to be together soon....

2. Ready - I'm ready to get out of my marriage...

3. Miss - I miss you sooooooooooo much

4. Waste - I don't want to waste another day of my life....

 

If I could have a dollar for every time I heard these words I'd be very rich!!!

 

"If you don't stop being so insecure you are going to lose me."

 

Our relationship hasn't been the same since.

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Wow, I am so glad my baby has never said any of those horrible things to me..

 

what gives me hope?

 

I love you so much.

I am with you because I want you, not because I need you.

You are my passion.

I miss you (as he is pulling out of the driveway to go to work).

I can't imagine my life without you.

You are my lobster. (lmao) From "Friends" that one always makes me giggle :p

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  • 2 weeks later...
Getting_stronger

Made me feel good:

I love you

My heart is for you

This house ( we saw on TV) could be ours

I feel so relaxed with you

You make me feel so happy

I want you in the front row at my funeral, you are the one who made my life (even I found this one odd!)

 

Things that made me see reality

I cannot deal with having two of you

I cant show my feelings anymore- I feel too much guilt

I dont know how I;ll feel in a year from now

I need to pull back, this is becoming very hard for me

 

Im so much better off. No more angst waiting for contact, feeling guilty, waiting for scraps of time he could spend with me. I am a wonderful woman and my life and marriage will be great@!

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Sent me spiraling down....

 

Hearing him say, "I love you too", while on the telephone with his W.

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Confused4Now
Sent me spiraling down....

 

Hearing him say, "I love you too", while on the telephone with his W.

Ouch!!! That would do it for me too....YUK!!!
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