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Married woman having a crush


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I have been married for about 8 years. My husband is a nice guy, and tries hard to be caring for me. But he loves his work above all things. He works 7 days a week and at least 12 hours every day. We barely talk to each other on a daily basis, let alone being romantic with each other. I have tried being a good wife. I take care of everything in the household so that he can focus on his work. But increasingly I am unhappy and unsatisfied with my married life.

 

A few months ago, I met a guy. I had good first impression of him, but did not give too much thought. Then in the last few weeks, we began working on a project together, I have gotten to know him more. Every time I am with him, I feel happy and relaxed. He is a genuine and honest guy. And I felt that he is just my type. He is quiet, does not say much, but gets things done.

 

I have a crush on him. He is on my mind all the time. My heart is torn because I don't know what to do. I know that he likes me, but probably just like a friend, rather than anything else, since he knows that I am married.

 

I really like him, and almost want to tell him that I have a crush on him. What should I do? Any advice? Please help me! Thank you.

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WhereToGoFromHere

Would you leave your husband for him?

 

I have to warn you, just run! Everyone thinks their affair is different and will be all wonderful and stuff, but you're starting on a road that is really long and painful. Most affairs don't end well.. Just my advice, you don't want this, really you don't...

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I have been married for about 8 years. My husband is a nice guy, and tries hard to be caring for me. But he loves his work above all things. He works 7 days a week and at least 12 hours every day. We barely talk to each other on a daily basis, let alone being romantic with each other. I have tried being a good wife. I take care of everything in the household so that he can focus on his work. But increasingly I am unhappy and unsatisfied with my married life.

 

Talk to your husband. MAKE time for one another and let him know how you feel. Marriage is hard work and it takes two to make it good and happy. He is providing for you, you're taking care of the house but you both need to be connected and intimate as husband and wife. It's just too easy to look else where, so DON'T...And, DON'T tell that guy you're crushing on him..Go read some threads in this section and also in the infidelity section. Don't cheat on your husband. Fix your marriage and reconnect with your H.

 

A few months ago, I met a guy. I had good first impression of him, but did not give too much thought. Then in the last few weeks, we began working on a project together, I have gotten to know him more. Every time I am with him, I feel happy and relaxed. He is a genuine and honest guy. And I felt that he is just my type. He is quiet, does not say much, but gets things done.

 

Grass is greener syndrome..Don't get caught up in it. It's wrong to go looking elsewhere when you're married. How would you feel if your H met someone else and got close to another woman? Please, think about what you're doing...Because you're unhappy at home doesn't justify or give you the right to allow yourself to pursue feelings for another man. Everyone gets crushes, that's OK, but keep it in perspective since you are married. Also, don't lead this other guy on or give him hope. What if he falls inlove with you? Would you divorce your husband and go be with this OM?

 

I have a crush on him. He is on my mind all the time. My heart is torn because I don't know what to do. I know that he likes me, but probably just like a friend, rather than anything else, since he knows that I am married.

 

You're too attached to him and it's time to distance and detach. If he hasn't said anything to you about how he feels, it means HE respects the fact you're married and doesn't want to cross that line. Please, do the same. DO NOT TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. TELL your H how you feel, fix your marriage. Your H is more important than some guy who makes you feel good and makes your heart flutter.

 

I really like him, and almost want to tell him that I have a crush on him. What should I do? Any advice? Please help me! Thank you.

 

Get busy with women friends, family and your H. Again, dont' tell this guy about the crush. You will regret it.

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I have been married for about 8 years. My husband is a nice guy, and tries hard to be caring for me. But he loves his work above all things. He works 7 days a week and at least 12 hours every day. We barely talk to each other on a daily basis, let alone being romantic with each other. I have tried being a good wife. I take care of everything in the household so that he can focus on his work. But increasingly I am unhappy and unsatisfied with my married life.

 

A few months ago, I met a guy. I had good first impression of him, but did not give too much thought. Then in the last few weeks, we began working on a project together, I have gotten to know him more. Every time I am with him, I feel happy and relaxed. He is a genuine and honest guy. And I felt that he is just my type. He is quiet, does not say much, but gets things done.

 

I have a crush on him. He is on my mind all the time. My heart is torn because I don't know what to do. I know that he likes me, but probably just like a friend, rather than anything else, since he knows that I am married.

 

I really like him, and almost want to tell him that I have a crush on him. What should I do? Any advice? Please help me! Thank you.

 

If u really like him & want to tell him u can but make sure yu husband knows that . after all u said he's just ur type so maybe u might have a future with him . But u need to be honest so first u need to dump ur husband before u start with this guy .

good luck

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Hi guys and gals,

 

Thank you so much for all your sage advice! I think you are right. I should talk to my husband first and try to work things out. In the past, I have attempted talking to him several times. He would improve a little bit at first, but then went back to normal again. So I gave up on him. But perhaps I should try hard.

 

Thank you again!

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If you've given up on him, then divorce him. It's extremely selfish to go behind his back and seek out another man, all because you feel he stopped trying.

 

Marriage is a two way street! And it's an ongoing thing to put daily effort in by both parties. It's not easy to change old habits, but I'm sure if your H knew about your crush, how close you are to a full on affair, he (your H) WOULD react big time and do alot more.

 

It's wrong to give up, especially since you do love your H. Adding another man into your life is NOT fixing anything, sure you feel good, but on the expense of your unknowing and innocent husband.

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I know what women usually mean when they say "I've talked to him about the problems". Most of the time it's either nagging and bitching, or a lot of vague hints that we're supposed to interpret with our ninja mind reading skills.

 

Unfortunately, most of us men suck badly when it comes to communication skills, and have NO mind reading abilities whatsoever. What you generally have to do is smack us right between the eyes with an axe handle. Then you'll know we're paying attention.

 

You need to get his attention. His FULL attention. Don't beat around the bush. I don't mean threaten him with another man or anything like that, assure him you love him, you want to spend your life with him, but you want to LIVE life, and if he doesn't want to share that with you, you'll have to reexamine your priorities.

 

You don't want to make him think you have one foot out the door, just make sure he understands that that COULD happen if he doesn't wake up.

 

It's really easy for a man to get caught up with work. Up until a certain age it's how men identify ourselves. Women aren't typically like that. Working hard and bringing home the bacon is great. I admire that (speaking as a former workaholic)... but things are just things. At the end of the day, all we really have is each other.

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To all who had replied to my posting,

 

Many thanks for reading my post and responding to me with your advice and insights. They are very helpful! My heart aches a lot these days and I cannot sleep well at night. I am really into this guy, and do believe he is the right person for me. When I first married my H, I was in a rush to get married because I wanted to have kids at a reasonable age. And I married him because he is a good person. But I did not truly love him. I know I am the person at fault here. I should not have married in haste. Now with this guy that I had met, I really have fallen in love with him, so much so I am starting to debate with myself on whether I should get a divorce. I want to be a responsible adult, and don't want to date anyone until after divorce. On the other hand, I know if I were to pursue that path, it is going to take a long time since my H and I have accumulated various assets over the years, and financially it's going to take a while to get everything sorted out. I am worried that by the time I am free and clear, the guy might have found someone else already, especially since he does not even know that I have fallen in love with him. Any more advice?

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You need to leave your marriage and do what you need to do during the D process, reguardless of what the OM does. He shouldn't be the ONLY factor as to why you are leaving your marriage, divorcing your H.

 

If OM had not entered your life, would you still have thoughts of leaving your H?

 

Also, why should the OM stick around and wait? Can you 100% guarantee him that you won't change your mind half way through? What if feelngs come up for your H, those feelings you've buried? What then?

 

Either end your A, fix your marriage, or divorce. Either way, end your A, this way IF you and the OM end up together it'll be when the timing is better and you truly are available, and not in an affair setting.

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Thank you for following up on my post so quickly. I currently do not have A and the guy does not even know that I have this secret crush on him. But you are absolutely right, I should either work it out with my H or end marriage. I think I need to be alone for a few days to sort out my feelings and thoughts.

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Thank you all again for your support! You have provided me with excellent advice and I am very glad that I took your advice. The last few days have been agonizing. My mind fought with my heart fiercely. I eventually came to terms with myself and decided to save my marriage and stay with my H.

 

Last night I confessed to my H about my crush. He was quite calm about it although saddened. But we are both coping with it well now. After getting that rock off my chest, I am feeling much better now. I think I am getting over the crush finally. And best of all, I have not told the guy that I had a crush on him. So your advice definitely saved me from embarrassing myself and making a mess out of it!

 

Thank you again!

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have you mentioned this

"But I did not truly love him. I know I am the person at fault here. I should not have married in haste."

 

so that he can prepare for the next round of your butterfly love ..

Edited by scorpmale003
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have you mentioned this

"But I did not truly love him. I know I am the person at fault here. I should not have married in haste."

 

so that he can prepare for the next round of your butterfly love ..

 

i agree , she needs to get that out too.

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i agree , she needs to get that out too.

 

I don't want to hide anything from my H, but telling him that I don't truly love him is too cruel for me to do. After 8 years of marriage, he is already a part of my life, and I care about him tremendously. This is very difficult for me to do. I confessed my crush to him because I did not want to hide stuff from him, and want to confront some of our marital issues directly. If you have advice on how I can tell him this, please let me know. Thank you.

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I don't want to hide anything from my H, but telling him that I don't truly love him is too cruel for me to do. After 8 years of marriage, he is already a part of my life, and I care about him tremendously. This is very difficult for me to do. I confessed my crush to him because I did not want to hide stuff from him, and want to confront some of our marital issues directly. If you have advice on how I can tell him this, please let me know. Thank you.

 

You do love your husband. This crush may have pushed feelings away, buried them, but they are there. Now, it won't be that heart flutter, the sweaty palms - That happens at the beginning of 'new' relationships, first times etc. You cannot bring that back completely but you CAN reconnect with your H. Remember why you fell for him many years ago. You can bring back passion, but it takes both of you to make it work.

 

Just be honest with your H. Speak from your heart. Forget the crush, close the door on that forever. That now has nothing to do with what you need to do to fix things. To not let life get in the way, daily routines, being too settled, living as roommates. ASK your H how he feels too. Is he happy? Does he feel neglected, unloved, taken for granted.. BOTH of you must have thoughts about this and how to improve the marriage.

 

Go on a vacation together, have fun and live in the moment.

 

Telling him about the crush is a wake up call.

 

Consider marriage counseling too, if you both feel it could help too.

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HONESTY is what your H deserves.

 

Are you worried that if you tell him, he will dump you and then you will be alone? I mean, this new guy you have a crush on ... he supposedly has no idea, yet you have decided he is perfect for you and you barely know him. You know the "WORK" guy, but not the guy unless you are spending time with him outside of the work setting :confused:

 

Be honest - with yourself, your H.

 

If you don't love your H - tell him. He deserves to have the chance to find the perfect woman for him too ;) Someone who will love him, someone who will fight for him, someone to spend time with him, someone to share a future with him. Not someone who states she didn't really love him, rushed to marry him for babies and now gets turned on by a guy and blames him because he works a lot. Maybe he works a lot because you are unavailable emotionally? Maybe he works a lot to be a good provider for his family? Maybe he works a lot because it is easier than being home with the woman who married him in a rush so she could have babies?

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I don't want to hide anything from my H, but telling him that I don't truly love him is too cruel for me to do. After 8 years of marriage, he is already a part of my life, and I care about him tremendously. This is very difficult for me to do. I confessed my crush to him because I did not want to hide stuff from him, and want to confront some of our marital issues directly. If you have advice on how I can tell him this, please let me know. Thank you.

 

I think you ought to reflect on this in its entirety. If your H were to work on and improve what you consider to be his flaws (as you should yours), would you still truly feel that you do not 'truly love him?'

 

If after significant thought and exploration of your feelings in this matter, if this is how you truly feel, as hard as it may be, you need to tell it to him that you are feeling that you do not truly love him. If it's not truly how you feel, then you can tell him that you briefly had these feelings during your crush period, and realize that you should tell him this so that the two of you can work on overcoming the separation and distance that made you feel this way in the first place.

 

Don't use my suggestion as an excuse to get it out without hurting him as much. Really explore if you were swayed in the moment by the excitement of the potential new relationship, or did you really make a mistake marrying him?

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I have been married for about 8 years. My husband is a nice guy, and tries hard to be caring for me. But he loves his work above all things. He works 7 days a week and at least 12 hours every day. We barely talk to each other on a daily basis, let alone being romantic with each other. I have tried being a good wife. I take care of everything in the household so that he can focus on his work. But increasingly I am unhappy and unsatisfied with my married life.

 

 

My gosh. It sounds to me like the two of you simply need time to re-conect. If he's working a ton of hours, of course it's going to be tough to have time for one another. So, make time for each other.:love:

 

 

 

I have a crush on him. He is on my mind all the time. My heart is torn because I don't know what to do. I know that he likes me, but probably just like a friend, rather than anything else, since he knows that I am married.

 

What to do? Let it go and fast. Because if you don't, what is a simple little crush right now.. may lead you down the highway to H*** and quick. I happen to know this first hand.. and trust me YOU don't want to go there.

 

 

Mea:)

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