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Need strength... NC is terrible!!


I Miss the Kiss

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I Miss the Kiss

I am finally taking everyone's advice and going NC with the a$$hat. I will admit that I have not changed my cell # yet, but for me, just keeping MYSELF from contacting him is the hardest part!

 

I am sitting here trying to work, to concentrate, but I keep wanting to text or email. Just to see if he got home safely from Florida or whatever. But I KNOW I CAN'T DO IT.

 

Please, someone just remind me that this will be better for me in the end and that every day that passes I will feel better. As a bonus, I might even be giving him a little of his own medicine... disappearing without a word. He deserves it...

 

I feel sick to my stomach :( I miss him but know he's a sociopath....

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Need strength... NC is terrible!!

I am finally taking everyone's advice and going NC with the a$$hat. I will admit that I have not changed my cell # yet, but for me, just keeping MYSELF from contacting him is the hardest part!

 

I am sitting here trying to work, to concentrate, but I keep wanting to text or email. Just to see if he got home safely from Florida or whatever. But I KNOW I CAN'T DO IT.

 

Please, someone just remind me that this will be better for me in the end and that every day that passes I will feel better. As a bonus, I might even be giving him a little of his own medicine... disappearing without a word. He deserves it...

 

I feel sick to my stomach :( I miss him but know he's a sociopath....

 

NC is VERY hard. It hurts. Of course you feel like contacting him. We all feel that way. Just try to remind yourself of what happens when you do contact him. He gives you the reassurance you are looking for that he still thinks of you and then one week later s**ts on you (sorry). I remember when my XOM and I were on that "friendship" level (LC) and then he would say something sexual out of the blue. I would always think to myself, wow he's still thinking about me in that way? A big ego feed for me and then he would disappear and not answer my emails leaving me to feel the fool once again.

 

I heard this somewhere before but nothing says F**K YOU louder and clearer than NC.

 

Good for you that you are in NC. Stay strong post... post ... and post again. Post before you contact him. He will get the message and you will get your life back.

 

Hang in there (((I Miss The Kiss)))

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Keep going IMTK! Doitdoitdoitdoit!!! But do it for you, not to punish him. It needs to be to help your recovery and to help you get to a point where you don't care if it punishes him. I know I've not always stuck to NC, but when I have it has, eventually, made me feel so good. You will get there.

 

(((hugs)))

Hazy

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NC is VERY hard. It hurts. Of course you feel like contacting him. We all feel that way. Just try to remind yourself of what happens when you do contact him. He gives you the reassurance you are looking for that he still thinks of you and then one week later s**ts on you (sorry). I remember when my XOM and I were on that "friendship" level (LC) and then he would say something sexual out of the blue. I would always think to myself, wow he's still thinking about me in that way? A big ego feed for me and then he would disappear and not answer my emails leaving me to feel the fool once again.

 

I heard this somewhere before but nothing says F**K YOU louder and clearer than NC.

 

Good for you that you are in NC. Stay strong post... post ... and post again. Post before you contact him. He will get the message and you will get your life back.

 

Hang in there (((I Miss The Kiss)))

 

I had exactly the same 'prompts' from my xAP (being careful with those acronyms ;) ) too. You're right LD, they were an ego boost, that I was always weak for from him. Argh.

 

NC! NC! NC! :)

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I Miss the Kiss
I heard this somewhere before but nothing says F**K YOU louder and clearer than NC.

 

:lmao::lmao: LD, I am cracking up over here! I needed to hear that quote!!! You're right (or whoever said it was right)... I am now even more determined to stay NC so he can just get a big ol' F*** YOU!!! hahahaha :p

 

Texting me all weekend on his little "boys" trip with his dad. What an idiot. I'm so glad I had a chance to slip into our conversation that another firefighter had asked me out, even though I'm not going to go. That's just enough to make him insane, especially if I don't contact him. And NO, I'm not going NC in an attempt to get him to come back. I'm truly not. I'm doing it for ME, and if I can make his stomach feel half as sick as mine does in the meantime, so be it. I was in the hospital, for pity's sake, and all he had to say about it was, "Sorry to hear about the hospital, that makes me sick." AHHHHHHH

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IMSTK (((hugs)))

I no how hard NC is. My exMM and I have been NC now for about 2 1/2 weeks and I broke it twice but he does not respond which I am lucky (My 2yr A ended very badly and he absolutely hates me) Its so hard, and I understand the pain but look what MM did to you!! You do NOT want this guy in your life at all. He has hurt you BEYOND and is so sick and twisted. Easier said than done but you need to erase him from your life. Sadly in my situation I see my exMM almost everyday (we live in the same small town) but you don't have to deal with that. Forget him forget him. Change your pattern get busy with other things. Who cares how Florida went or if he got back safely! He is a sick sick SICK twisted man. He is selfish, a pig, and did I mention sick! Look what he did to you. Don't think about the good, don't remember the good. You need to hate this man. He hurt you so bad you had to be hospitalized! You deserve the world and this man (can we call him that?) is the **** under your shoes. He might have some good qualities, it might have been great when you were with him, FORGET IT. Bottom line is he has hurt you beyond beyond. He can let go of the great thing which is you but you need to let go of the bad thing which is him. Its so hard ((hugs)) and you won't forget him right away but stop everything now. Block him from your phone, email whatever. You don't want this... Every time you think about him think about how bad he hurt you. You went to see him and look how he treated you after. Do NOT make excuses for him. You deserve so much better.

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KISS, go back and re-read your other threads. That ought to make you stop and think, make you see that contacting him, or answering when he contacts you.. Is the pain worth it? That little bit of rush you get, heart flutter? Is it worth it?

 

You CAN do this!

 

Just because you love him, doesn't mean you have to have him.

 

He isn't the man you thought he was, he is a fantasy. He's a real schmuck, you know this, so DO NOT cave. Get your pride and ego involved here. Just know that EVERY TIME you two have contact, it reaffirms in HIS mind that HE can do and say whatever he pleases, and you'll be there, listening, wanting him..Again. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

 

GET PISSED OFF! This guy only cares about himself.

 

Remember all that distance you travelled to see him? Had sex with him, he gave you a bunch of empty promises, then BAILED ON YOU? DUMPED YOU, left you crying and in pain?

 

REMEMBER that feeling the next time you get the urge. If you contact him, answer his call or text, you're setting yourself up for whatever comes at you - PAIN.

 

Hope this helps!

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cassiecharlie

Hey, Im a MM who is in a affair for 4 months and I can not imagine not being with her and everyone tells me that I should just end it now beofre the pain starts. I hurt when I cant speak to her so I am so sorry for your pain.

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I Miss the Kiss

Thanks, everyone :confused:

 

I know you're all right about this. I am going to spend the rest of the evening allowing myself to ONLY think of the last time I went up there to see him, he went home and packed his stuff, came back to start a life with me, then went right back home not 24 hours later, sending me to the hospital :( If that's not enough to remind me of the pain, nothing is.

 

I am struggling tonight with missing the good stuff. I can't focus on that. I have never loved anyone in my life the way I love this man, and I am 40 years old. His kisses sent me into oblivion... literally. In fact, that's how it all started on the night we met. We kissed for almost 30 minutes straight...

 

BUT... the reality is that he had the capability to crush me OVER AND OVER AND OVER. More than 5 times, to be exact. I know he's hurting right now, and he's not comfortable with his latest "choice", as he puts it, but for once I just don't care anymore. Its time to turn the tables. If he is hurting, wondering if I'm with someone new... then let him hurt. If he's not, that's okay too. He knows what he gave up... he knows what someone else will gain someday :) I treated him like GOLD. I am not kidding, either. He was very good to me other than his indecision. We were nothing but sweet and kind and open with each other. We never once had an arguement in 9 months. He never told me not to call him at this time or that time, not to text, not to email. Maybe if we had just had even ONE disagreement, that would be something for me to go on.

 

But alas, we really were in love. His commitment to his W and kids was more than he could overcome, and there's nothing I can do to change that. We all have free will, and he chose to stay there. So I now choose to move on...

 

I love him dearly, maybe even loved his confused soul and his broekn heart. Maybe somewhere down deep I felt sorry for him because he is so tormented. Maybe I just wanted to love him through it all... but all my love and devotion and kindness got me was 3 days in the psych ward, and nothing more than "I'm sorry about the hospital; that makes me sick" from him in return.

 

So onward and upward... and every minute that goes by that he's not getting a text from me is making him crazy right now, i can tell you that with 100% certainty. Hopefuly we will BOTH move on and heal from this very soon. The only reason I want or even care if he heals is for his kids' sake. He needs to be all there for them, and he's not right now. His head is 3.5 hours away...

 

Ahhhh the lessons of life. My D will be final soon. I am dealing with my STBXHs anger about that as well. I need to worry about that and my kids now, not the a$$hat. My girls are spending a lot of time with me here and seem quite happy. For that I am very proud... :) And I think this antidepressant is kicking in! LOL

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BlueeyedJonesy

IMTK, You are so brave! you are doing the right thing..I can't imagine how much pain this is putting you through but in end you know it will be worth it! Try your hardest to focus on something other than him and it will get easier! Good luck to you.

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I am finally taking everyone's advice and going NC with the a$$hat. I will admit that I have not changed my cell # yet, but for me, just keeping MYSELF from contacting him is the hardest part!

 

I am sitting here trying to work, to concentrate, but I keep wanting to text or email. Just to see if he got home safely from Florida or whatever. But I KNOW I CAN'T DO IT.

 

Please, someone just remind me that this will be better for me in the end and that every day that passes I will feel better. As a bonus, I might even be giving him a little of his own medicine... disappearing without a word. He deserves it...

 

I feel sick to my stomach :( I miss him but know he's a sociopath....

 

I am going to post something (start a new post). I want you to read it, okay? Read it, absorb it and really think about it!

 

Stop, stop worrying about him -- I guarantee you he isn't worried about you!

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Stop, stop worrying about him -- I guarantee you he isn't worried about you!

 

This is the realization I finally came to in my own situation. Hurt like hell, but what did I expect anyways. This stuff sucks. Wish people didn't have to go through this. But then again if I had made the decision not to have an affair I wouldn't be here. :(

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IMTK,

 

I just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your posts for the past few days and I have you in my thoughts and prayers! Just from reading your story, my emotions seem to feel similar to yours. Reading the threads is helping me to understand that even though I logically know that me and my MM will never be and he can never provide me w/anything at all, etc., but my heart doesn't want to follow. I just can't seem to make my heart understand. I just prayed today that God would help me make my heart follow with my logic. I pray the same for you and anyone else in this boat!!

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NC is hard.

 

Back in 2002, I was with a guy for 2 yrs (after my 11 yr r/s ended) and this guy was a BAD choice on my part.

Caught the douche cheating on me and he dumped me and played games.

 

I went total NC and struggled. I went to therapy, wrote every hour in a journal and really just kept busy. Gym, friends, work, gym gym gym.

I have to tell you, I got into the best shape of my life in those days.

 

I made my healing about me but yes, it was SO SO hard!

 

But what kept me in NC was ANGER! yes, I was angry and that alone kept me away.

 

I was over him in 3 months

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

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Thanks, everyone :confused:

 

I know you're all right about this. I am going to spend the rest of the evening allowing myself to ONLY think of the last time I went up there to see him, he went home and packed his stuff, came back to start a life with me, then went right back home not 24 hours later, sending me to the hospital :( If that's not enough to remind me of the pain, nothing is.

 

That's pretty rough. I can see why you had a lot of issues with that one. Sorry about the hospital.

 

I am struggling tonight with missing the good stuff. I can't focus on that. I have never loved anyone in my life the way I love this man, and I am 40 years old. His kisses sent me into oblivion... literally. In fact, that's how it all started on the night we met. We kissed for almost 30 minutes straight...

 

I know that feeling.

 

 

 

Ahhhh the lessons of life. My D will be final soon. I am dealing with my STBXHs anger about that as well. I need to worry about that and my kids now, not the a$$hat. My girls are spending a lot of time with me here and seem quite happy. For that I am very proud... :) And I think this antidepressant is kicking in! LOL

 

You've been through a lot. I hope things get better for you soon. I'm sorry for what you've been through and I'm glad the antidepressant is kicking in!!

 

NC is hard.

 

Back in 2002, I was with a guy for 2 yrs (after my 11 yr r/s ended) and this guy was a BAD choice on my part.

Caught the douche cheating on me and he dumped me and played games.

 

I went total NC and struggled. I went to therapy, wrote every hour in a journal and really just kept busy. Gym, friends, work, gym gym gym.

I have to tell you, I got into the best shape of my life in those days.

 

I made my healing about me but yes, it was SO SO hard!

 

But what kept me in NC was ANGER! yes, I was angry and that alone kept me away.

 

I was over him in 3 months

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

 

The gym helps me a lot -- and yes, at least the getting in great shape thing is a benefit!! It really helps me to alleviate my stress.

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(((((((((IMTK))))

 

It's like a withdrawl from a freaking drug, but worse....they say nicotine is the worse and as far as drugs go I would agree, although this is worse or right up there....

 

They say it takes 30 days to break a habit, not so sure, although after 30 days I don't think you will be "white knuckling it" anymore....

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I Miss the Kiss

Hi all...

 

Well, I made it through last night and so far today without texting, emailing, or otherwise. Its seroiusly like nicotine withdrawal (although I've never been a smoker, but I can only imagine!) Its all I am thinking about. But every time I feel the urge to text, I remember what Ladydesigner said yesterday: "NC is like a big F*** YOU!" :) And that's what I feel toward him right now. I love him, but F*** him for what he has done to me, my life, and even the lives of my children to some extent. Yes, I am responsible for my part in this, but I followed through with my promises to make a life with him, I trusted him to do the same. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Now I am almost D. My M had problems already, obviously, but maybe we could have worked it out? Who knows... now I will never know...

 

I will add here that I am quite happy on my own. I don't think my H and I belong together at all, sadly... We are from different worlds. Tooooooo much hurt. I know some marriages recover from A's, but my thoughts are that many more don't.

 

So I will continue today sitting on my hands and being a nervous wreck, but I WILL NOT CONTACT MM!!!!! I'll report in later ;)

 

I AM FINALLY ANGRY!!! Yay me!

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WhereToGoFromHere
Hi all...

 

 

 

I AM FINALLY ANGRY!!! Yay me!

 

Yay you! I'm on day 3 of NC again. Its going by so slow but I won't contact her for any reason. Big F**K YOU is right. Hang in there IMTK, you're doing great!

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I Miss the Kiss
Yay you! I'm on day 3 of NC again. Its going by so slow but I won't contact her for any reason. Big F**K YOU is right. Hang in there IMTK, you're doing great!

 

I guess I'm on technically day 2 of total NC, so I'm right there with ya! Let's be NC buddies! hee hee :) Better yet, let's ALL be NC buddies, if that's what we're trying to do!

 

I hate that I have to do this, but I have to walk around everywhere I go (even in public) saying in my head (to MM) "F**K YOU!" LOL Its pretty funny, actually....:o

 

I' sure the a-hole will do something to try to get my attention sooner or later. This is the first time I've *truly* done FULL-ON NC. He will be dazed and confused by it :) And I'll be movin' right on with my life...

 

HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME.

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WhereToGoFromHere
I guess I'm on technically day 2 of total NC, so I'm right there with ya! Let's be NC buddies! hee hee :) Better yet, let's ALL be NC buddies, if that's what we're trying to do!

 

I hate that I have to do this, but I have to walk around everywhere I go (even in public) saying in my head (to MM) "F**K YOU!" LOL Its pretty funny, actually....:o

 

I' sure the a-hole will do something to try to get my attention sooner or later. This is the first time I've *truly* done FULL-ON NC. He will be dazed and confused by it :) And I'll be movin' right on with my life...

 

HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME.

 

NC buddies :) thats funny. Its funny, I do the same thing. F**K YOU!! to my MW... Over and over and over. Sometimes the middle finger goes up when no one is around to add to the effect. Yeah pretty funny :) We'll all get through this. Day 3 won't be complete till around 5pm so its really day 2.5. I hate this!

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I hate that I have to do this, but I have to walk around everywhere I go (even in public) saying in my head (to MM) "F**K YOU!" LOL Its pretty funny

 

I can kind of relate to this, embarressement wise - I used to suffer really bad anxiety and have panic attacks. I'd fight the anxiety and take control over it, but while it was building up, I'd talk to myself outloud. One day I was grocery shopping, was fine, then all of a sudden it hit me, so I did some deep breathing, told myself (in my head) that I was going to be OK, that the feeling would pass..Soon.. Well, it didn't. Finally I got MAD and said (outloud and by accident, quite loudly!) F**K OFF already!!!!!!! I got afew odd looks from those around me.. It actually made me laugh!

 

Anyway, stay strong, you can do this! Get a new cell phone, that way you won't know if he's tried to contact you.

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I Miss the Kiss
NC buddies :) thats funny. Its funny, I do the same thing. F**K YOU!! to my MW... Over and over and over. Sometimes the middle finger goes up when no one is around to add to the effect. Yeah pretty funny :) We'll all get through this. Day 3 won't be complete till around 5pm so its really day 2.5. I hate this!

 

Ok now I'm really laughing because the middle finger goes up here quite often as well. We have to do what we have to do to get through it! :) Ok, my day #2 will be fully complete at 10 p.m. tonight because I sent him a stupid text at 10 p.m. on Tuesday night when he was driving home from FL. GRRR (so weak of me). So I'm not as far as I thought, but still!!! LOL Its all kind of liberating, actually... I can actually walk around my apartment without my cell phone stuck to my body at all times. I even left it in the car earlier when I had to go out and run errands! Its pretty sad that I am so proud of that, but its a step nonetheless...

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WhereToGoFromHere
I can kind of relate to this, embarressement wise - I used to suffer really bad anxiety and have panic attacks. I'd fight the anxiety and take control over it, but while it was building up, I'd talk to myself outloud. One day I was grocery shopping, was fine, then all of a sudden it hit me, so I did some deep breathing, told myself (in my head) that I was going to be OK, that the feeling would pass..Soon.. Well, it didn't. Finally I got MAD and said (outloud and by accident, quite loudly!) F**K OFF already!!!!!!! I got afew odd looks from those around me.. It actually made me laugh!

 

Anyway, stay strong, you can do this! Get a new cell phone, that way you won't know if he's tried to contact you.

 

I hate that!!!! I get really bad anxiety now because of all this where my chest starts to tighten and I just pace around where ever I am. I feel like I'm going crazy a lot of the time. Especially in the afternoon. Climbing the walls...I know its going to get worse before it gets better and I was actually thinking of seeing if I could get some meds for it. Hmmmm....

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Don't go on meds unless you have to. Start doing yoga and deep breathing. Exercise (walk briskly everyday) and also keep track of what you eat. Too much sugar, caffeine can make it worse. Another thing, keep a daily journal going, write your feelings and thoughts down, getting it out really helps.

My anxiety was all about fears of the future and death. I ended up going to talk to someone about it and along the way learned alot about me, learned how to deal and cope with anxiety. Do (CBT - Cognitive behaviour therapy) if you find the anxiety is taking over.

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WhereToGoFromHere
Ok now I'm really laughing because the middle finger goes up here quite often as well. We have to do what we have to do to get through it! :) Ok, my day #2 will be fully complete at 10 p.m. tonight because I sent him a stupid text at 10 p.m. on Tuesday night when he was driving home from FL. GRRR (so weak of me). So I'm not as far as I thought, but still!!! LOL Its all kind of liberating, actually... I can actually walk around my apartment without my cell phone stuck to my body at all times. I even left it in the car earlier when I had to go out and run errands! Its pretty sad that I am so proud of that, but its a step nonetheless...

 

I do that too! Cell phone attached to me even in my house! Carry it everywhere even though I don't need to. In my pocket at all times! I've tried just leaving it on my desk at home and walking away from it. I don't get to far, but you're right, every step is progress. I dream of being about to leave the house without it!!! Maybe instead of meds for anxiety a strategically stated F**K OFF! when needed might do the trick!

 

It does suck!

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