blinded Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 It's been 2 months since xMM and I spoke. Would he think I'm crazy? I have the uncontrollable urge to contact him and try to reconnect. Instead I am here. Someone knock some sense into me. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 It's been 2 months since xMM and I spoke. Would he think I'm crazy? I have the uncontrollable urge to contact him and try to reconnect. Instead I am here. Someone knock some sense into me. DON'T do it. If he hasn't spoken to you in 2 months then he doesn't want to speak to you. Stay well away from him and his life. It was probably F**ked up before you came into it, even more F**ked up while you were in it and is maybe just getting some sort of order now....don't put yourself back in that mess... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 I know. During Jan. I really didn't count the days or anything. But realizing the date (has just turned 2 months) has made me think about him more. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Don't contact him. 2 months of NC is a long time and you've (without knowing it) been healing along nicely. Just because you miss him and want to reconnect (aka get a fix or a rush of feelings from him) is NOT worth it! He is STILL married, has a wife, living at home. What's the point? Do you want the affair to start up again? Do you want to be hurt again? Do you want to be the OW and ride that rollercoaster? My guess is no. SO stop and think. Keep busy, and be with friends who truly care about you! Don't contact exMM. Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I agree, don't do it ... you're worth so much more :) It's devishly hard to resist at times ... I really struggled at 2-3 months and I posted here similar to you so poeple could tell me not to do it. I didn't do it and once the urge had passed I have kept improving day by day and week by week ... Link to post Share on other sites
NEVERINTENDEDTHIS Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I am here to tell you it's not worth it. I have done the exact same thing and been a wreck again with LC only. You have done great I wish I could say the same about me. One day I will post when I'm 2 months into NC.!! Thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) Thank you for the responses- it REALLY means a lot. But it's hard. I've been trying to do what I think is right: - stay away from xMM (strict NC) - reconnect with friends that I lost touch with (time was previously occupied by xMM) - reconnect with my H who I drifted away from - started seeing a therapist - started revising my resume (we don't work together, but he knows where I work) The problem is when I am not preoccupied or when my friends or H are too busy for me. My mind and my memories are my worst enemy. Sometimes in the end of the day I still feel a loss/ empty space. It's hard to lose feelings/habits after 2.5 years (but he seems to have moved on easily). Edited February 3, 2010 by blinded added Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Thank you for the responses- it REALLY means a lot. But it's hard. I've been trying to do what I think is right: - stay away from xMM (strict NC) - reconnect with friends that I lost touch with (time was previously occupied by xMM) - reconnect with my H who I drifted away from - started seeing a therapist - started revising my resume (we don't work together, but he knows where I work) The problem is when I am not preoccupied or when my friends or H are too busy for me. My mind and my memories are my worst enemy. Sometimes in the end of the day I still feel a loss/ empty space. It's hard to lose feelings/habits after 2.5 years (but he seems to have moved on easily). It sounds like you're doing really well and also trying to consciously "help" yourself though this difficult time. Don't crucify youself by feeling bad about taking more time to get over it ... whatever is right for you is right for you ... other people are different. It sounds like you've identified situations that cause the habit to re-surface ... perhpas you could try pre-preparing something in advance one day to stave off one of these ... eg a simple post-it note that you put up when feeling more positive that says, maybe, "switch the computer off (if that;s making it worse) " ... or "go to bed, you already know you'll feel good in the morning") ... I know it sounds trivial, but for me realising that I could pre-plan my own rescues was a great discover ... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Thank you for the responses- it REALLY means a lot. But it's hard. I've been trying to do what I think is right: - stay away from xMM (strict NC) - reconnect with friends that I lost touch with (time was previously occupied by xMM) - reconnect with my H who I drifted away from - started seeing a therapist - started revising my resume (we don't work together, but he knows where I work) The problem is when I am not preoccupied or when my friends or H are too busy for me. My mind and my memories are my worst enemy. Sometimes in the end of the day I still feel a loss/ empty space. It's hard to lose feelings/habits after 2.5 years (but he seems to have moved on easily). Continue on this path!! Hang in there and the 'desire' to contact him will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
alg24 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 DO NOT DO IT!!! 2 MONTHS NO CONTACT. THATS AMAZING In contacting him... You will hurt all over again, cause a lot of problems/drama... Do you want that? To jump back onto the path of nowhere but a lot, a lot, A LOT of pain? DO NOT DO IT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Thank you for the responses- it REALLY means a lot. But it's hard. I've been trying to do what I think is right: - stay away from xMM (strict NC) - reconnect with friends that I lost touch with (time was previously occupied by xMM) - reconnect with my H who I drifted away from - started seeing a therapist - started revising my resume (we don't work together, but he knows where I work) The problem is when I am not preoccupied or when my friends or H are too busy for me. My mind and my memories are my worst enemy. Sometimes in the end of the day I still feel a loss/ empty space. It's hard to lose feelings/habits after 2.5 years (but he seems to have moved on easily). I'm a WS and I miss my AP. It doesn't matter why he isn't contacting you. I know the natural inclination is that he may be working things out with his spouse. He may be. He may be miserable also. He may be trying to work things out and miserable for a while along the way. It simply isn't just about the two of you and your feelings. The point is, the way your relationship with him started was just bad. I'm not saying you're bad, I'm just saying an emotional connection happened that shouldn't have happened. Neither of you were available. Since you both acted on it -- as did I and my AP -- something that may have been wonderful had you been single, just wasn't. It probably never could be after the way the two of you started. It's a bad choice that hurts everyone involved. I doubt he moved on easily. I haven't, but I have those feelings about my AP -- that he did. I guess that's a paranoia that happens in these situations. I'm sorry you're sad. Don't call him. If you two should be together, you will know if you both end up seeing each other again when you're both not married anymore and still want to be together. It's just so unlikely as there would be way too much water under the bridge. Stay strong and continue to do what you have been doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 It's been 2 months since xMM and I spoke. Would he think I'm crazy? I have the uncontrollable urge to contact him and try to reconnect. Instead I am here. Someone knock some sense into me. Do not contact him!! Two months is GREAT. If you contact him you will be back to square one.. and why go backwards? I know you may go back and forth a bit in your mind.. been in your shoes, but your on the right path now to break free from this XMM buying cutting him out of your life. Stay strong.. You can do this. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted February 5, 2010 Author Share Posted February 5, 2010 Thanks for all the support. Dec was easy for me because there were the holidays to keep my mind busy. Jan. had me thinking of him more often and I'm scared Feb will just be a repeat of Jan. Keep busy, and be with friends who truly care about you! Don't contact exMM. That's one of my problems. There's only so much you can rely of friends for when they don't know why I'm so moody. Nobody knows what I am feeling internally (except my therapist). I could NEVER confide in anyone else about this. I know my friends all too well. I will be judged and scolded as opposed to supported. I am all too hard on myself right now that I don't really need anyone lecturing me on my wrong choices. Nobody (except for those on here) could possibly know the emotions I am going through. I thought I could handle things better. I knew it was wrong, but I continued to destroy myself. I am trying. Really I am. It's just such a long, hard, LONELY process. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 It's just such a long, hard, LONELY process.This is so very true. Lately I have been thinking of my xOM because my H has been emotionally distant AGAIN and well I understand the feeling of lonely. It sucks. Hang in there!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 This is so very true. Lately I have been thinking of my xOM because my H has been emotionally distant AGAIN and well I understand the feeling of lonely. It sucks. Hang in there!!! Yes, it's certainly very difficult when there is still loneliness in your marriage. I feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
NEVERINTENDEDTHIS Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I'm so glad I have this website at least we have people that understand because unless YOU have been through this no one knows. Hugs out to you!!!! It's such a long road. My xMM called me at work yesterday! He couldn't stand it that I hadn't contacted him. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted February 6, 2010 Share Posted February 6, 2010 I'm so glad I have this website at least we have people that understand because unless YOU have been through this no one knows. Hugs out to you!!!! It's such a long road. My xMM called me at work yesterday! He couldn't stand it that I hadn't contacted him. I hope you ignored his call. He needs to respect you and leave you alone! Link to post Share on other sites
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