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Married Guy BUT "Single"


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This guy, we're co workers at a restaurant. He's 26 & I'm 20. It all started with the morning of my birthday July 1st. I was driving him home at 6AM from work (yes, the overnight shift) and before he got out, he just started making out with me. I really liked him. We have been getting close since.

The thing is, I don't feel guilty because everyone at this job(we're all like family) considers him "single" (He never told me about his situation, but a friend of his says they did marry because they did love each other, even though this marriage will make him a US Citizen. but after a while, she started fooling around. So they "broke up" But they still live together. And they have a kid. Its true. All she does is fool around and hook up with the busboy- And its no secret.) I just don't understand why this guy never really told me anything about his situation.

He asked me to be his Girlfriend last August, but I didn't know about his situation, I was still getting to know him. I was also shocked because I didn't see that one coming. I never had a Boyfriend before. so I just said I'd have to think about it. And I told him I really liked him. All this time I was expecting him to come up to me & ask me again. So I was prepared. I realize that's not going to happen, so I need help! I don't know what to do. I have been praying he would just ask me to be his Girlfriend again.

The other day, I overheard his "wife" saying something about whenever he is finally officially a citizen she will leave him and he can take his kid with him. She's just saying she wants to be single...

All this time we have been texting/flirting/making out..since my birthday... I am so in love with him. I don't know how it happened, but I can't stop thinking about him. He is so sweet, he once told me whenever I want to see him, he is so totally up for that. Back when I didn't know what his situation was, he told me he wish that he met me before...a while ago. (before he married). I agreed. But at first I didn't know what he was talking about. (obviously, he doesn't like to talk about it.)

I can see myself growing old with him. I want to have a family with him someday. Get married, all that stuff. I don't get how his current wife(obviously they will divorce eventually) could just cheat on this awesome guy. I wish I were in her position. She's not gonna find another guy like him.The guy she hooks up with is 9 years younger than her and is only interested in hooking up.

I can't let this guy go, I have such strong feelings for him. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't talk to me about things, But he is the sweetest guy I have ever met. EVER. And I do want a future with him. He has told me he loved me..

When we are working with his wife, he doesn't talk to me, really. Its confusing. Sometimes, it feels like the longest hours ever. I just want to get out of there sometimes so badly because I can't take the fact that he won't talk and he is so quiet. I don't get how she affects him.. If they are single! Does that make sense at all?! haha.

All I want is him. I would be perfectly fine with marrying him tomorrow.

 

Anyway, I don't have anyone to talk to about this, any advice?! I sincerely appreciate anything on your mind! :)

Edited by jaclynxox89
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SoulSearch_CO

DUDE. AGAIN? Or maybe I should say "STILL??" You keep posting the same thread over and over and over and over...just slightly reworded (and in some cases c/p'd). He is not into you - he is USING you.

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c/p'd? nope. i did not copy that. and im sorry if i bother you. and btw this is just the 3rd time im posting it.. not over and over and over and over and over. and im sorry, you don't know him. he's not using me. BTW there is absolutely nothing for him to use me for.... we don't have sex. so there you go.

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This guy, we're co workers at a restaurant. He's 26 & I'm 20. It all started with the morning of my birthday July 1st. I was driving him home at 6AM from work (yes, the overnight shift) and before he got out, he just started making out with me. I really liked him. We have been getting close since.

The thing is, I don't feel guilty because everyone at this job(we're all like family) considers him "single" (He never told me about his situation, but a friend of his says they did marry because they did love each other, even though this marriage will make him a US Citizen. but after a while, she started fooling around. So they "broke up" But they still live together. And they have a kid. Its true. All she does is fool around and hook up with the busboy- And its no secret.) I just don't understand why this guy never really told me anything about his situation.

He asked me to be his Girlfriend last August, but I didn't know about his situation, I was still getting to know him. I was also shocked because I didn't see that one coming. I never had a Boyfriend before. so I just said I'd have to think about it. And I told him I really liked him. All this time I was expecting him to come up to me & ask me again. So I was prepared. I realize that's not going to happen, so I need help! I don't know what to do. I have been praying he would just ask me to be his Girlfriend again.

The other day, I overheard his "wife" saying something about whenever he is finally officially a citizen she will leave him and he can take his kid with him. She's just saying she wants to be single...

All this time we have been texting/flirting/making out..since my birthday... I am so in love with him. I don't know how it happened, but I can't stop thinking about him. He is so sweet, he once told me whenever I want to see him, he is so totally up for that. Back when I didn't know what his situation was, he told me he wish that he met me before...a while ago. (before he married). I agreed. But at first I didn't know what he was talking about. (obviously, he doesn't like to talk about it.)

I can see myself growing old with him. I want to have a family with him someday. Get married, all that stuff. I don't get how his current wife(obviously they will divorce eventually) could just cheat on this awesome guy. I wish I were in her position. She's not gonna find another guy like him.The guy she hooks up with is 9 years younger than her and is only interested in hooking up.

I can't let this guy go, I have such strong feelings for him. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't talk to me about things, But he is the sweetest guy I have ever met. EVER. And I do want a future with him. He has told me he loved me..

When we are working with his wife, he doesn't talk to me, really. Its confusing. Sometimes, it feels like the longest hours ever. I just want to get out of there sometimes so badly because I can't take the fact that he won't talk and he is so quiet. I don't get how she affects him.. If they are single! Does that make sense at all?! haha.

All I want is him. I would be perfectly fine with marrying him tomorrow.

 

Anyway, I don't have anyone to talk to about this, any advice?! I sincerely appreciate anything on your mind! :)

 

Hey J89...you said something about him and being a citizen, I thought by marrying an American, that that in itself solidifies that..? I'm not sure though. There is someone in this forum that knows those rules.

 

You may just have to see how this plays out....if he is for real then he will move heaven and earth for you, if not well, you know how that goes. This is really a difficult situation to read, I understand where you are coming from, although he doesn't talk to you when his W is around....this tells me there is something more to their R than he is telling you...

 

My heart goes out to you because these R are so hard....my thoughts are definitely with you....k...

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so you can just tell everybody now in these threads that their person that they are interested in... that person is using them. for sex, or an ego boost... or whatever. right? hmm

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so you can just tell everybody now in these threads that their person that they are interested in... that person is using them. for sex, or an ego boost... or whatever. right? hmm

 

Hang in there girl, there are some in this forum that are cool and do have compassion...

 

I'm kinda bumbed because a lot of what I see is negative posting, not really helping anyone....like I said though there are some!

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Hey J89...you said something about him and being a citizen, I thought by marrying an American, that that in itself solidifies that..? I'm not sure though. There is someone in this forum that knows those rules.

 

You may just have to see how this plays out....if he is for real then he will move heaven and earth for you, if not well, you know how that goes. This is really a difficult situation to read, I understand where you are coming from, although he doesn't talk to you when his W is around....this tells me there is something more to their R than he is telling you...

 

My heart goes out to you because these R are so hard....my thoughts are definitely with you....k...

 

aww thank you :) FINALLY someone who understands me. haha. i think its been 3 years they have been married, and nope, i dont know it goes, but its not like as soon as you get married your a citizen.. because even my manager says he's still waiting. lol. because my manager went through it ;p he said when u enter the country, depends on how u did.. they can make u wait years. he said they come to your house and check for things like pictures of the two... and stuff like that. just to make sure their not marrying for money.. idk. its confusing for me. and i know about the last thing you said, i dont understand why he is so quiet when she's around. because she certainly is not! always talking about partying and going out with her boyfriend alex the busboy right in front of her husband! haha. so i dont get why he is affected by her.... a friend of his did say he's not divorcing because all this time would be for nothing. all these years. so when he DOES become a citizen, i would hope and imagine they do get divorced!! haha. even if he is not my soul mate, that relationship they are in is so childish and so wrong. i just want him to be happy. he doesn't deserve how he is being treated at all.

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SoulSearch_CO
k thanks for the reminder lol.....

 

i will no longer come on this website.

Oh, the drama. :bunny:

Hang in there girl, there are some in this forum that are cool and do have compassion...

 

I'm kinda bumbed because a lot of what I see is negative posting, not really helping anyone....like I said though there are some!

I think it's incredibly inconsiderate to people that have already posted on her threads before to just ignore advice already given. Clearly, she doesn't care. So I guess I'm trying to understand the point in posting here when it goes in one ear and out the other.

 

And I'm perfectly compassionate - to those that actually WANT help.

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aww thank you :) FINALLY someone who understands me. haha. i think its been 3 years they have been married, and nope, i dont know it goes, but its not like as soon as you get married your a citizen.. because even my manager says he's still waiting. lol. because my manager went through it ;p he said when u enter the country, depends on how u did.. they can make u wait years. he said they come to your house and check for things like pictures of the two... and stuff like that. just to make sure their not marrying for money.. idk. its confusing for me. and i know about the last thing you said, i dont understand why he is so quiet when she's around. because she certainly is not! always talking about partying and going out with her boyfriend alex the busboy right in front of her husband! haha. so i dont get why he is affected by her.... a friend of his did say he's not divorcing because all this time would be for nothing. all these years. so when he DOES become a citizen, i would hope and imagine they do get divorced!! haha. even if he is not my soul mate, that relationship they are in is so childish and so wrong. i just want him to be happy. he doesn't deserve how he is being treated at all.

 

 

Maybe he is trying to respect her...was not raised to marry for citizenship, you know....raised to respect. Also in one thread they talked about this and I think they are being watched...my daughters friend was really worried for two years after M concerning the citizen thing, she was afraid her H would make it hard on her or something....

 

In this forum, I think it was JW if I remember correctly that went through this...hey JW if it's not you don't curse me...lol...na JW isn't like that...lol.

 

Maybe she can screw him over or is playing games with him....now see in your situation, you see both sides all of the time...most ladies here don't get that opportunity and can only go by what one person tells them....so this is a little better....I still know your pain though, and I wish it were different.

 

There have been times in LS that my situation stayed the same kinda so I posted similar things because it wasn't finalized in my mind, I still had questions....I had not come to terms that I could understand ...you know...hey, it is just terrible to feel this way, not have anyone to talk to about this...

 

Well, if you can just keep your mind on your job...I totally excelled in my job when I had relationship difficulties...just threw myself in my work...hang in there...it will get better

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aww thank you :) FINALLY someone who understands me.

 

Typical.

Someone pulls you up for breaking the rules and you get all defensive.

 

It's not a question of not 'understanding' you, it's a question of pointing out that you've made a mistake.

OK?

 

As for your situation, tell your guy to man up and do some investigating of his rights.

The sooner the legal picture is cleared up for him, the sooner he can stop hopping from one leg to the other....

If he needs help finding which way to go, then give him a hand.

But if he's working and holding his own in a job, he's not thick or inept.

good on him.

Now - tell him to pull his finger out.

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Oh, the drama. :bunny:

 

I think it's incredibly inconsiderate to people that have already posted on her threads before to just ignore advice already given. Clearly, she doesn't care. So I guess I'm trying to understand the point in posting here when it goes in one ear and out the other.

 

And I'm perfectly compassionate - to those that actually WANT help.

 

SS, I wasn't referring completely to this reply...just all over the site...man. Have to say, for the record this is a joke that me and my daughter have concerning my son and a couple of other people we know....that if a person was thinking of committing suicide, my son would push them right over the edge....this is a thought I have concerning some replies on the entire site.

 

What I have in bold is not compassionate, although you have a right to say I guess.

 

How is her repeating a close thread or close to the same hurting anyone...there have been times that a matter is not completely at rest in my mind, even with all of the great advice, I still might search...it's not meant to be uncool to anyone....maybe there is that one person that has all of the right answers....I have found that many times in threads.

 

A poster will get 50 replies basically all saying the same thing, meaning the same advice, yet there will be that one that the poster connects with...it's not that the poster is disregarding the other replies, there is just that particular wording or repore that bonds the poster to the reply....

 

It's all good SS, you sound like a completely through and through intelligent person....I don't think she meant any harm....

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Oh geez. All this is about me because i just asked the question a couple times. Well its all done and over with and I PROMISE i won't do it again. SORRRRRRYYYYY!

haha.

i just feel like crap. and all i wanna know is how long until he is officially a citizen.. he entered illegially.. so yeah. i heard immigration makes u wait longer if u enter illegially. but they have been married for a few years now. idk.

and SS your perfectly compassionate.. to those who "WANT" help.. SOOOO.. I DON'T? just because i made a mistake and posted this question a couple times?? because i am confused. and i love the dude. and i know he does too... but you think he doesn't.. i dont care because you don't know him, or his situation. thats why i can't talk to my parentss bout this. they dont know that i have a friend like him.. ANYTHING. i just cant talk to them because they are against dating someone of the opposite race. their not racist. they just want me to marry an american. so i have no one to talk to. unless i want them to chase him away. like they did a couple of my other friends who were JUST FRIENDS.

 

thank you guys... ill just have to figure this out on my own.

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bittersweet memories
Hang in there girl, there are some in this forum that are cool and do have compassion...

 

I'm kinda bumbed because a lot of what I see is negative posting, not really helping anyone....like I said though there are some!

 

I don't totally agree..

 

Why give false hope..that makes it worse for the poster.

 

I have compassion but why paint a rosy picture to make the other person feel good. Its good to be honest and have her see the positive and negative. Life is not all peaches and creme. Let her decide for herself.

 

Sometimes tough love is good. Alot of us mean well by the way.

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all i wanna know is how long until he is officially a citizen..

 

Who knows? The thing is, he HAS to stay married to her until he becomes a citizen. It could take another year, maybe two years. Are you willing to sit by the side lines and wait for this guy?

 

You all are putting (himself included) in a situation where he COULD be kicked out of the Country. All it takes is ONE call and boom! He's gone. Is it worth sneaking around just because you love him? His wife shouldn't be fooling around with other men either, he shouldn't be fooling around with you.. But, he is and ALL of you might regret this someday soon.

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bentnotbroken
Oh geez. All this is about me because i just asked the question a couple times. Well its all done and over with and I PROMISE i won't do it again. SORRRRRRYYYYY!

haha.

i just feel like crap. and all i wanna know is how long until he is officially a citizen.. he entered illegially.. so yeah. i heard immigration makes u wait longer if u enter illegially. but they have been married for a few years now. idk.

and SS your perfectly compassionate.. to those who "WANT" help.. SOOOO.. I DON'T? just because i made a mistake and posted this question a couple times?? because i am confused. and i love the dude. and i know he does too... but you think he doesn't.. i dont care because you don't know him, or his situation. thats why i can't talk to my parentss bout this. they dont know that i have a friend like him.. ANYTHING. i just cant talk to them because they are against dating someone of the opposite race. their not racist. they just want me to marry an american. so i have no one to talk to. unless i want them to chase him away. like they did a couple of my other friends who were JUST FRIENDS.

 

thank you guys... ill just have to figure this out on my own.

Cute. :confused:

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torranceshipman

Well...he kinda ignores you when his W is in the room, and is married, and flirts with you...and said he only married his W so he could get citizenship. Three huge red flags in a 2-line sentence. I'd leave this one alone. If you really want to pursue it go directly to the W and ask her. If things are really as bad as he says, she'll say the same. Or if he is lying she will give you the heads up.

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c/p'd? nope. i did not copy that. and im sorry if i bother you. and btw this is just the 3rd time im posting it.. not over and over and over and over and over. and im sorry, you don't know him. he's not using me. BTW there is absolutely nothing for him to use me for.... we don't have sex. so there you go.

 

I agree -- this is the same thing you have posted twice already.

 

I guess since nothing has changed, even after all the pages of advice you were given, you really aren't open to hearing what people say.

 

So I have to wonder, why keep posting the same thing?

 

As for wanting to know the answer to the question of "how long does he has to stay married to be considered Legal", try googling it.

 

And just know that just because he may be legal doesn't mean he will dump her for you ;)

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