Could do with some insight...again!

[hopeless4u]

Ok I know I shouldn't be thinking of xMM and his life and TBH I'm not doing to bad really.

Its just when something starts going round my head I nead to get it out and it always helps to get it out on here to you lot:confused:

 

So here goes....he has been coming into work and acting 'normal', getting me coffee, cracking jokes and stuff. He hasn't been going on about his M and how things are at home but he has dropped the odd 'hook' every now and then but at least now I DO see the hooks so I am moving on, even if it is slowly:o

 

Fast forward to Friday night, he rang me(he was off on holiday Saturday morning) he spent most of the call telling me how he wasn't going to forget me while he was away and how he was sure he would be a 'thorn in my side' on Friday when he gets back....yes another 'hook' I see that.

 

Anyway, I woke up on Saturday morning to a text from him saying 'ignore the next text you get from me, W has seen your number in my call list'

 

So Saturday night the text comes......all about how I called him and how HE wants NC, he and his W are making the M work and he is not coming to my office to make things easier for me and HE knows its hard this is for me but its over.

 

Ok so he warned me to ignore this text but how the hell can I, either his W has written it without him knowing what was in it or he has sat there, written it and agreed to send it, the latter is more likely....both are just as bad in my opinion.

 

As far as I know his W hasn't told him she text me about my myspace comment so she is probably thinking that is why I rang(obviously she cant tell incoming & outgoing calls on his phone as he called me) but what is nagging in my head is HE has obviously told her I RANG HIM!! Now that F**ks me right off!!

 

I don't want to get torn apart here, just need to vent a little and wonder if anyone else has had the same sort of thing happen?

[torranceshipman]

I think you should put yourself first and react in whatever way is best for your dignity and self respect. As far as I can see, he is talking crap about you, to her, makig up stuff-that you are chasing him or whatever, and that is really not acceptable. I actually think you are helping him throw you under a bus, and I think it could be sensible for you to cover your ass here.

[hopeless4u]

I think you should put yourself first and react in whatever way is best for your dignity and self respect. As far as I can see, he is talking crap about you, to her, makig up stuff-that you are chasing him or whatever, and that is really not acceptable. I actually think you are helping him throw you under a bus, and I think it could be sensible for you to cover your ass here.

 

 

Yeah I'm beginning to think the same. I haven't replied to the text his W sent me last week and I haven't replied to this one either.

 

I don't want to play their games, either of them. His W maniplulates everyone emotionally and he turns it round to suit him....I can see that now.

 

I'm hoping that while he is away this week I can start to see things more clearly, knowing he can't just turn up at work is a good thing for me and maybe, just maybe by the time he gets back I will be strong enough to not answer my phone when he calls.

[jwi71]

h4u,

 

Whenever you're ready for this drama to end you'll end it.

Because taking his calls and texts, to me, says you are NOT ready to end it at some level.

Until you reach "the end"...you'll keep on talking to him...

[hopeless4u]

h4u,

 

Whenever you're ready for this drama to end you'll end it.

Because taking his calls and texts, to me, says you are NOT ready to end it at some level.

Until you reach "the end"...you'll keep on talking to him...

 

 

Yeah I know this, I have said all along that I'm weak when it come to him, even after DDay.

He has even said to me that if him calling me and still talking to me at work isn't helping then he will stop and I think he would and if we didn't work together and I didn't have to see him then maybe I could be stronger and tell him not to contact me but(I hate myself fot it) I just can't!!

[norajane]

I don't want to play their games, either of them. His W maniplulates everyone emotionally and he turns it round to suit him....I can see that now.

Seems to me it is his MM who is manipulating both of you. He is the one who is continuing to talk to you, and lying to his wife. His wife is merely reacting to what she discovers or he tells her. She's not manipulating anybody - she's actually being quite straight-forward and honest and clear.

 

If you really didn't want to play games, you'd stop talking to him. You'd block his number and you'd tell him to stay away from you at work unless it is strictly work related and only work related. But, you haven't done that. THAT is on you. You are bringing this on yourself.

[Hazyhead]

Yeah I know this, I have said all along that I'm weak when it come to him, even after DDay.

He has even said to me that if him calling me and still talking to me at work isn't helping then he will stop and I think he would and if we didn't work together and I didn't have to see him then maybe I could be stronger and tell him not to contact me but(I hate myself fot it) I just can't!!

 

Hi H4U, it pains me that you are still involved in this - that he is still involving you, because the way in which you care for him is too much for you to say 'No' as there is still that tiny little bit of hope inside you. It can't make you feel good right now, being still involved, loosely as it is, in this drama. It can't. I know it will pain you incredibly to do it but I think you have to be the one to break the ties completely - to say to him when he is back at work, or calls you, or whatever, that you are not prepared to discuss anything other than work related issues with him anymore. Don't let him keep you on the backburner - you are better than that and deserve more than him. Use this week to live without him in your thoughts, as much as you can. See friends, have fun with your kids, get a box set of DVDs out (I'm working my way through TV series's I never saw). Most of all, learn to live for you. Completely. No him. No them. No drama.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

NC..is that something cheaters just make up to make it look like they are making an attempt?? U are in no way moving on. I can't believe two women are fighting over such a coward of a man.

[SuburbanOblivion]

Seems to me it is his MM who is manipulating both of you. He is the one who is continuing to talk to you, and lying to his wife. His wife is merely reacting to what she discovers or he tells her. She's not manipulating anybody - she's actually being quite straight-forward and honest and clear.

 

If you really didn't want to play games, you'd stop talking to him. You'd block his number and you'd tell him to stay away from you at work unless it is strictly work related and only work related. But, you haven't done that. THAT is on you. You are bringing this on yourself.

 

THIS.

 

The guy is completely throwing you under the bus and you continue to just let him.

 

Weak I understand, this borders on masochistic.

[Angel1111]

The fact that he's lying to his wife about calling you would just plain piss me off to no end. He just put you in the hotseat and this is totally unacceptable. I'd send him a response that he'd never forget. His actions would seal it for me, because he threw you under the bus when he did this. Any man who even hints at doing such a thing to me would be off my list forever. End of story. Goodbye. The End.

 

I do understand still wondering about his life and all that, but you would do yourself a huge favor if you'd get over this attitude of 'I just can't help myself' when it comes to talking to him or allowing him into your life. That's total nonsense. You can help yourself, especially if you'd look at the real picture now - because he's doing nothing but using you and putting you at risk. Just remember that if you continue to talk to him and pine over him after what he just did, you might as well wear a sign around your forehead that says, "Attention, all men! I have no self-love, I have no self-esteem. Please feel free to kick me and use me whenever you please. No appointments necessary. Thank you."

 

If I were you, I'd let him know that he crossed the line and that it cannot be uncrossed, and to never contact me again unless it pertains to business.

[hopeless4u]

Seems to me it is his MM who is manipulating both of you. He is the one who is continuing to talk to you, and lying to his wife. His wife is merely reacting to what she discovers or he tells her. She's not manipulating anybody - she's actually being quite straight-forward and honest and clear.

 

If you really didn't want to play games, you'd stop talking to him. You'd block his number and you'd tell him to stay away from you at work unless it is strictly work related and only work related. But, you haven't done that. THAT is on you. You are bringing this on yourself.

 

Yes I know, I am fully aware that I am weak and its my own fault for letting him stay in my life and as I said I want to be strong enough to tell him to stay away from me but I also have to add that his W is not being straight forward and is playing games just as much as he is.

[hopeless4u]

Hi H4U, it pains me that you are still involved in this - that he is still involving you, because the way in which you care for him is too much for you to say 'No' as there is still that tiny little bit of hope inside you. It can't make you feel good right now, being still involved, loosely as it is, in this drama. It can't. I know it will pain you incredibly to do it but I think you have to be the one to break the ties completely - to say to him when he is back at work, or calls you, or whatever, that you are not prepared to discuss anything other than work related issues with him anymore. Don't let him keep you on the backburner - you are better than that and deserve more than him. Use this week to live without him in your thoughts, as much as you can. See friends, have fun with your kids, get a box set of DVDs out (I'm working my way through TV series's I never saw). Most of all, learn to live for you. Completely. No him. No them. No drama.

 

 

Yeah I have told myself that when he is back I will tell him to just stay away and leave me alone.

I am hoping this week will help me get to the point of being able to get to the next stage.

[jwi71]

The fact that he's lying to his wife about calling you would just plain piss me off to no end. He just put you in the hotseat and this is totally unacceptable. I'd send him a response that he'd never forget. His actions would seal it for me, because he threw you under the bus when he did this. Any man who even hints at doing such a thing to me would be off my list forever. End of story. Goodbye. The End.

 

I do understand still wondering about his life and all that, but you would do yourself a huge favor if you'd get over this attitude of 'I just can't help myself' when it comes to talking to him or allowing him into your life. That's total nonsense. You can help yourself, especially if you'd look at the real picture now - because he's doing nothing but using you and putting you at risk. Just remember that if you continue to talk to him and pine over him after what he just did, you might as well wear a sign around your forehead that says, "Attention, all men! I have no self-love, I have no self-esteem. Please feel free to kick me and use me whenever you please. No appointments necessary. Thank you."

 

If I were you, I'd let him know that he crossed the line and that it cannot be uncrossed, and to never contact me again unless it pertains to business.

 

Sorta.

 

Instead of contacting him (again) to tell him off (again) and to never contact h4u (again)...just go NC. NO need to tell him its "over" or this is "NC"...just do it.

 

Ignore it all. Block him and move on. Just disappear...no replies of any kind at all to anything.

[Hazyhead]

Yes I know, I am fully aware that I am weak and its my own fault for letting him stay in my life and as I said I want to be strong enough to tell him to stay away from me but I also have to add that his W is not being straight forward and is playing games just as much as he is.

 

Choose to be strong H4U. You can do it. Look at the hurt and the pain this continues to cause you - think of what it will be like when you no longer worry about your next contact with him. It doesn't matter to you what games his wife plays, or he plays; leave those games to them. Tell them both 'No more'. Choose to be strong and with strength you'll find happiness again.

[hopeless4u]

NC..is that something cheaters just make up to make it look like they are making an attempt?? U are in no way moving on. I can't believe two women are fighting over such a coward of a man.

 

I am in NO WAY fighting over this man.....the reason I post on here is to get THIS MAN out of my system and not react to his W texting me.

 

If I wanted to fight over him I would not be venting my frustration over the situation on here I would be telling him how I feel and play on his feelings and guilt like his W is doing.

[hopeless4u]

The fact that he's lying to his wife about calling you would just plain piss me off to no end. He just put you in the hotseat and this is totally unacceptable. I'd send him a response that he'd never forget. His actions would seal it for me, because he threw you under the bus when he did this. Any man who even hints at doing such a thing to me would be off my list forever. End of story. Goodbye. The End.

 

I do understand still wondering about his life and all that, but you would do yourself a huge favor if you'd get over this attitude of 'I just can't help myself' when it comes to talking to him or allowing him into your life. That's total nonsense. You can help yourself, especially if you'd look at the real picture now - because he's doing nothing but using you and putting you at risk. Just remember that if you continue to talk to him and pine over him after what he just did, you might as well wear a sign around your forehead that says, "Attention, all men! I have no self-love, I have no self-esteem. Please feel free to kick me and use me whenever you please. No appointments necessary. Thank you."

 

If I were you, I'd let him know that he crossed the line and that it cannot be uncrossed, and to never contact me again unless it pertains to business.

 

 

This is what annoys me about myself, I know all of this and I am so strong when I don't see him. Like I said I'm hoping this week when I am sure he won't be showing up at work that the fog will clear and I will be strong enough to just say 'F**k off', what you did was finally enough for me to see you for what you are'

[Hazyhead]

I am in NO WAY fighting over this man.....the reason I post on here is to get THIS MAN out of my system and not react to his W texting me.

 

If I wanted to fight over him I would not be venting my frustration over the situation on here I would be telling him how I feel and play on his feelings and guilt like his W is doing.

 

Don't worry about this; if any of the men that we were involved with were perfect then none of us would be here, including (sorry BEJ - nothing personal) Blue Eyed's, and by the same token - nor are we. I don't mean that as an attack - just that we come here for help with how to move on from them or deal with them - it doesn't really help to just cast the generalisation net over it. H4U - you will find your strength, I know it.

[jwi71]

if any of the men that we were involved with were perfect then none of us would be here(

 

Hey...I think I'M perfect.

Pretty damn close anyway.

Thank you very much.

And I'll just preemptively accept your apology in light of my vigorous unassailable logic.

[Hazyhead]

Hey...I think I'M perfect.

Pretty damn close anyway.

Thank you very much.

And I'll just preemptively accept your apology in light of my vigorous unassailable logic.

 

Oops! Freudian slip - I meant 'if any of us were perfect'. What? I did!

[hopeless4u]

Sorta.

 

Instead of contacting him (again) to tell him off (again) and to never contact h4u (again)...just go NC. NO need to tell him its "over" or this is "NC"...just do it.

 

Ignore it all. Block him and move on. Just disappear...no replies of any kind at all to anything.

 

 

If we didn't work together I would do this but it just makes thing uncomfortable at work as I know he would come and find me to see if I was ok.

Its better for me to tell him to leave me alone. I won't need to contact him as I know he will contact me.

[hopeless4u]

Don't worry about this; if any of the men that we were involved with were perfect then none of us would be here, including (sorry BEJ - nothing personal) Blue Eyed's, and by the same token - nor are we. I don't mean that as an attack - just that we come here for help with how to move on from them or deal with them - it doesn't really help to just cast the generalisation net over it. H4U - you will find your strength, I know it.

 

 

Yeah HH you are right, none of us are perfect and yes this is the reason I guess we all come here to vent our feelings, sometimes good, sometimes bad but it usually does the job by stopping us from going insane:confused:

 

Thanks xx

[Angel1111]

If we didn't work together I would do this but it just makes thing uncomfortable at work as I know he would come and find me to see if I was ok.

Its better for me to tell him to leave me alone. I won't need to contact him as I know he will contact me.

 

xMM and I work together in a sense. He's in one city and I'm in another. But he's the owner and I have to sit in weekly conference meetings and listen to him talk. He's always cute and amusing and used to make little comments that were directed right at me, but no one else knew. Once, he called me 'sweetie' in the meeting and I just about fell over. These days, I just act like my happy self and ignore the whole thing. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't sometimes bother me to hear his voice but then I just remind myself that he chose to be with someone else and there's nothing I can do about it except move on. Every now and then he calls me and I'm friendly with him (I mean, I'm not going to be rude to the owner of my company for crying outloud) but it's not the same as it used to be between us. It truly has cooled off ever since I ended it once and for all last May. I never thought that would happen. But it's a good thing because I didn't want that heartache anymore. I'd much rather be alone or be with a guy who's actually available than deal with that MM crapola ever again.

 

So, I think it's quite priceless that you work together. It's the perfect opportunity to ignore him. Kind of like NC in person. ha ha! And when he brings you coffee, take it from him and toss it in the trash. And then walk into the kitchen and get your own coffee. OMG, the possibilities are endless.

[hopeless4u]

xMM and I work together in a sense. He's in one city and I'm in another. But he's the owner and I have to sit in weekly conference meetings and listen to him talk. He's always cute and amusing and used to make little comments that were directed right at me, but no one else knew. Once, he called me 'sweetie' in the meeting and I just about fell over. These days, I just act like my happy self and ignore the whole thing. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't sometimes bother me to hear his voice but then I just remind myself that he chose to be with someone else and there's nothing I can do about it except move on. Every now and then he calls me and I'm friendly with him (I mean, I'm not going to be rude to the owner of my company for crying outloud) but it's not the same as it used to be between us. It truly has cooled off ever since I ended it once and for all last May. I never thought that would happen. But it's a good thing because I didn't want that heartache anymore. I'd much rather be alone or be with a guy who's actually available than deal with that MM crapola ever again.

 

So, I think it's quite priceless that you work together. It's the perfect opportunity to ignore him. Kind of like NC in person. ha ha! And when he brings you coffee, take it from him and toss it in the trash. And then walk into the kitchen and get your own coffee. OMG, the possibilities are endless.

 

Ha ha OMG that would be so good, his face would just be a picture but I'm not sure it would go down to well as my office is very large and he is a manager(not mine) and I think that really would get people talking about us. Everyone at work knows about us, most of them think he is D and he has been happy to let them think that so having a 'tiff' in the middle of the office would be a no,no I'm afraid.

[hopeless4u]

It doesn't matter what his wife is doing......do you realize how ridiculous just making that statement sounds?

 

Me thinks..you, him and her are playing games with each other. Put on your big girl panties and tell him where to take a short walk to. Games are for kids......not adults.

 

 

The only reason I made that statement was because I wanted to say yes there are 3 of us in this and none of us are 'right' in what we are doing.

 

Yes, I should ignore him. Yes he shouldn't be contacting me and his W also shouldn't be texting me.

She is telling him she has put things behind her and wants to make their M work but is texting me behind his back, he is telling her he wants to work on their M but is contacting me behind her back and I'm like 'WTF'. I actually haven't contacted either of them, I vent on here when I'm hurting and confused and when xMM contacts me I put my big girl panties on and give him the brave face and then when I'm hurting I deal with it on here or by myself.

[Angel1111]

Ha ha OMG that would be so good, his face would just be a picture but I'm not sure it would go down to well as my office is very large and he is a manager(not mine) and I think that really would get people talking about us. Everyone at work knows about us, most of them think he is D and he has been happy to let them think that so having a 'tiff' in the middle of the office would be a no,no I'm afraid.

 

Maybe it's possible to do that in a very quiet, non-attention-getting way...?