BurriedAlive Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I found this on MSN's home page today... I think it clearly defines this type of relationship and shows its possible to have one as long as the mentioned boundaries are not crossed... http://www.workopolis.com/work.aspx?action=Transfer&View=Content/Common/ArticlesDetailView&lang=EN&articleId=Workopolis20080402File1Article1&theme=sympatico&cid=321:19L:13370 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazyforhim Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Great article. I was my MM's work wife/GF and his W even referred to me as that. But in these relationships when there's strong emotions involved, it's hard not to cross those boundaries and since that point we have been in a full blown A for the last two years. My advice, hang out with your friends of the same sex at work. Alot less complicated and heart breaking! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Most As allegedly start in the workplace... Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I found this on MSN's home page today... I think it clearly defines this type of relationship and shows its possible to have one as long as the mentioned boundaries are not crossed... http://www.workopolis.com/work.aspx?action=Transfer&View=Content/Common/ArticlesDetailView&lang=EN&articleId=Workopolis20080402File1Article1&theme=sympatico&cid=321:19L:13370 In my mind, if my spouse were so close to someone that they referred to them as an office girlfriend or wife, the boundary is already crossed. As far as no sex, most As start at the office in a situation where two workers come closer and closer together untill, "it just happens". When the author states "no sex", I think she is bieng naive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BurriedAlive Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 In my mind, if my spouse were so close to someone that they referred to them as an office girlfriend or wife, the boundary is already crossed. As far as no sex, most As start at the office in a situation where two workers come closer and closer together untill, "it just happens". When the author states "no sex", I think she is bieng naive. I think the key to these relationships is that the "home" wives & husbands know about it thereby taking the secret nature of it away. But you are right, where most affairs start at the office for the reasons you have mentioned, maybe we are all naive for thinking a relationship can remain platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I've been working in the same place for over 14 years (minus some time off for school), and I have seen far too many of these become full blown affairs. The only successful ones I have seen have involved gay or lesbian people paired with 'straights'. That said, it is a solid dealbreaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 My previous job, there were "TONS" of work husbands/wives and it led to full blown affairs.. which everyone knew about as gossip travels fast. Plus, afew who were in affairs didn't seem to hide it or care that pretty much everyone knew. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 (edited) I have worked in multiple fields at different points in my life, and in all of them I have seen this kind of dalliance start innocent and end in shambles, except for the few single people who ended up married to each other. Men and women can, sometimes, be friends. Even totally hetero men and women. But usually, insofar as I have experienced/observed, some kind of romantic/sexual tension begins to grow. It might never ramp all the way up into an affair, but it nearly always gets a little murky, IMO. I used to have more close friendships with men myself until I realized that after a few drinks all kinds of things would start to come up that somehow never came up with my gay male or hetero female friends, and I started examining my 'platonic' relationships with a more discerning eye and noticed just how fuzzy the lines sometimes were. My husband has several female coworkers and employees; he's friendly with all of them, and likes most of them as people, a couple of them he gets along with pretty well, appreciates their humor etc. He chats with them around the office, has lunch or coffee with them sometimes alone or sometimes along with some other coworkers, etc. But if he started having lunch exclusively with one, or going shopping with her and letting her pick out his clothes, and he started telling her details of his work life instead of talking to me about it (why would I not want to hear about his work life?) or anybody started referring to her as his "work wife", all kinds of red flags would be raising and sirens would be going off, for me. I have kind of a Highlander approach to marriage...I'm his wife, he's my husband, and there can be only one! Edited February 1, 2010 by Stung Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I've been working in the same place for over 14 years (minus some time off for school), and I have seen far too many of these become full blown affairs. The only successful ones I have seen have involved gay or lesbian people paired with 'straights'. That said, it is a solid dealbreaker for me. This made me laugh as many years ago I had a great friend at work, he called himself my "wife" he said that if I could learn to be butch, he loved me enough to try to be straight. LOL.. I miss him. He was the one man I knew loved me just for me.. cause he was not at all interested in sex with me. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Most As allegedly start in the workplace... Mine did In my mind, if my spouse were so close to someone that they referred to them as an office girlfriend or wife, the boundary is already crossed. As far as no sex, most As start at the office in a situation where two workers come closer and closer together untill, "it just happens". When the author states "no sex", I think she is bieng naive.Mine didn't Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I've been working in the same place for over 14 years (minus some time off for school), and I have seen far too many of these become full blown affairs. The only successful ones I have seen have involved gay or lesbian people paired with 'straights'. That said, it is a solid dealbreaker for me. LB, I love your avatar! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I think the key to these relationships is that the "home" wives & husbands know about it thereby taking the secret nature of it away. But you are right, where most affairs start at the office for the reasons you have mentioned, maybe we are all naive for thinking a relationship can remain platonic. I've always had more, and closer, male friends at work than female, probably because I'm more interested in talking about ideas and experiences than handbags or shopping . And, because I work in an environment where As are common and unremarkable, rumours always flourish. While that never got to me - I found it quite amusing to hear who all I'd been paired up with - it did get out of hand once when a jealous somebody started writing anonymous notes to one of my close male friends' W, telling her that her H was having an A with me, which caused her some initial distress as she had not met me at that point and so could not evaluate for herself whether there was likely to be any substance in the allegations. That said, I've often sourced MMs through work.... but always discreetly. I would never hang out so obviously with anyone I was interested in for an A - I keep my professional life, my sex life and my social life quite neatly compartmentalised and would not want the complications of the boundaries bleeding into each other. If I was hanging out with someone - of whichever sex - in the kind of way described in the article, it would be very obvious that the R was entirely platonic. [At least, from MY side. And, if it's platonic from at least one side, nothing's going to happen.] Link to post Share on other sites
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