Affairs That Have Ended-Getting over Him or Her

[ladydesigner]

For all of us who have ended, myself included (my xOM dumped me). Do you think women get over endings better than men or vice versa? I just read that women tend to go through all the grieving and then come out okay and do not really look back, while men tend to not go through the grieving and push aside all those feelings and then suddenly realize they have not moved on, that they are not over their ex partner.

 

I'm not generalizing here it just caught my curiosity as I tend to grieve hard and then I am over the person usually with no more emotions attached to the past R.

 

It would be interesting to hear both women's and men's points of view on endings and moving on.

[pureinheart]

For all of us who have ended, myself included (my xOM dumped me). Do you think women get over endings better than men or vice versa? I just read that women tend to go through all the grieving and then come out okay and do not really look back, while men tend to not go through the grieving and push aside all those feelings and then suddenly realize they have not moved on, that they are not over their ex partner.

 

I'm not generalizing here it just caught my curiosity as I tend to grieve hard and then I am over the person usually with no more emotions attached to the past R.

 

It would be interesting to hear both women's and men's points of view on endings and moving on.

 

I think women deal with it and are done, while men (imo) don't get over the R or R's as fast if ever. One poster communicated that they feel the women work through it while it's going on in the M or R, while the men wait till it's over and then deal with it...this is in general and once again IMO.....

 

For me, with the exception of this last R...when I was done there was no looking back nor a desire.

[Jeff1962]

I'm a man. I deal with most issues as they come emotionally, inside.

 

Don't sell a man so short. We are more complicated than you might think. We DO get over relationships. Men are taught at an early age and on a social level to just deal with things. Men hold things inside and deal with them internally. A woman is more emotional and can show this with acceptance by men, women and society in general. If a man were to show the emotions that we ALL have like a woman does, he would be viewed as weak and less of a man, by women and on a social level by other men. So before you completly judge us men and decide that you know everything about us. Remember that you hold certian expectations of us men that are primordial. To be strong, steadfast, unwavering, reliable, loving. Us men DO deal with issues. We don't deal with them like women do. Let women be women and let men be men. This is not wrong.

[silverplanets]

I'm a man but I tend to deal with it by throwing myself into grief ... talk about it with everybody, get it out of my sytem and then after that I'm pretty done.

 

I think there's a difference between wanting to be with somone (and knowing you can't), grieving for a loss and missing someone even though you accept they no longer have a place in your life.

 

A long time ago I used to bottle these things up, no though I sing them out .. it's a lot healthier :-)

[confusedinkansas]

This is an interesting topic - since I myself, just this morning was having a hard time with "Memories"

My affair has been over for more than a year now - Haven't seen the other man since Valentines Day weekend last year (he happened to be in the same restaurant as my husband & myself.....talk about weird)

Anyway, The affair was over long before that day.

I still grieve from time to time. A song on the radio will trigger an emotion, a thought, a memory. Can't help what pops into our brains.

 

My husband & I are doing well.....(we had much bigger issues than the affair to get past)..........

I think - for myself, women grieve much longer. Or in my case, being so in love with the other man & how things ended. Still hurts some, even after all this time.

[blinded]

I really don't think it's a matter of gender when it comes to a breakup. I think that the dumper is the one that gets over it quicker. They are able to prepare mentally for the breakup.

 

In terms of an affair, things get more complicated. The breakup may be due to DDay in which neither party was prepared to deal with the break. But overall, I think men are able to move on without a backward glance or thought about the OW.

[ladydesigner]

I'm a man but I tend to deal with it by throwing myself into grief ... talk about it with everybody, get it out of my sytem and then after that I'm pretty done.

 

I think there's a difference between wanting to be with somone (and knowing you can't), grieving for a loss and missing someone even though you accept they no longer have a place in your life.

 

A long time ago I used to bottle these things up, no though I sing them out .. it's a lot healthier :-)

 

I'm a man. I deal with most issues as they come emotionally, inside.

 

Don't sell a man so short. We are more complicated than you might think. We DO get over relationships. Men are taught at an early age and on a social level to just deal with things. Men hold things inside and deal with them internally. A woman is more emotional and can show this with acceptance by men, women and society in general. If a man were to show the emotions that we ALL have like a woman does, he would be viewed as weak and less of a man, by women and on a social level by other men. So before you completly judge us men and decide that you know everything about us. Remember that you hold certian expectations of us men that are primordial. To be strong, steadfast, unwavering, reliable, loving. Us men DO deal with issues. We don't deal with them like women do. Let women be women and let men be men. This is not wrong.

 

These are very refreshing. It's good to hear men's responses to breakups and endings.

 

 

My husband & I are doing well.....(we had much bigger issues than the affair to get past)..........

I think - for myself, women grieve much longer. Or in my case, being so in love with the other man & how things ended. Still hurts some, even after all this time.

 

Yes this is me as well one day I am over it and then..BOOM...some song or memmory will just bring it right back. I would say that I myself grieved much longer, but then again I was the one who was dumped. I also believe the dumper gets over things much quicker than the one being dumped.

 

In terms of an affair, things get more complicated. The breakup may be due to DDay in which neither party was prepared to deal with the break. But overall, I think men are able to move on without a backward glance or thought about the OW.

 

I have to say that I agree with this. It would be nice to think that what was shared by both is is grieved just as hard by both, but I think not.

[Spoiled]

I was the "dumper" and we maintained NC for slightly over four months. During that time, I was grieving and not one day passed in which I did not think about him. He broke NC 8 weeks ago via phone call and it's been a whirlwind ever since. Seems like we were both going through similar experiences during that time. "Humpty Dumpty" should be my new name.

[herenow]

In general, I think it depends on the level of emotional ties each individual has. Affair or no affair, once a relationship ends, IMO the person most emotionally invested will take longer to heal. It may be the "dumper" or "dumped", whoever has the stronger feelings will be most effected and take longer to "get over it". If the feelings are really strong, that person may never get over the relationship. IMO

[fooled once]

For all of us who have ended, myself included (my xOM dumped me). Do you think women get over endings better than men or vice versa? I just read that women tend to go through all the grieving and then come out okay and do not really look back, while men tend to not go through the grieving and push aside all those feelings and then suddenly realize they have not moved on, that they are not over their ex partner.

 

I'm not generalizing here it just caught my curiosity as I tend to grieve hard and then I am over the person usually with no more emotions attached to the past R.

 

It would be interesting to hear both women's and men's points of view on endings and moving on.

 

I think it is different for each man and each woman.

 

I had a harder time getting over the affair I was in than I did ending my marriage. My ex had a very hard time with the ending of our marriage (no, the affair I had didn't have anything to do with my marriage ending ~ met the MM after the marriage had ended and my ex had moved out).

 

Maybe it is because with my marriage, I had 'time' to know and adjust to it ending; whereas the Affair, it was different. I know in my marriage, I truly had been loved by my ex whereas in the affair, I constantly wondered if I was loved like he said (because I DO believe that if you love someone, you will move mountains to be with that person and not just provide lip service).

[NowhereToHide]

I was the "dumper" and we maintained NC for slightly over four months. During that time, I was grieving and not one day passed in which I did not think about him. He broke NC 8 weeks ago via phone call and it's been a whirlwind ever since. Seems like we were both going through similar experiences during that time. "Humpty Dumpty" should be my new name.

 

Spoiled.... You need to fill me in. What's up?