GetSmart1967 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I broke it off with my exMM 2 months ago. The last time we had sex was on my birthday which I just found out was HIS wedding Anniversay. I'm just venting...WTF! How low can a man go??? I think it was bad enough he was having an affair for 2.5 yrs but to also have sex with his AP on his wedding anniversary?? I'm guessing he's got absolutely no respect or regard for his wife or marriage. But then again, he wouldn't be having an Affair. Wondering your thoughts... P.S. For those of you trying to get out of your A, do yourself the favor, and do it!! Run, as fast as you can. For me, I had to hit rock bottom in the relationship for it to happen but I did it and I'm not turning back! Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I broke it off with my exMM 2 months ago. The last time we had sex was on my birthday which I just found out was HIS wedding Anniversay. I'm just venting...WTF! How low can a man go??? I think it was bad enough he was having an affair for 2.5 yrs but to also have sex with his AP on his wedding anniversary?? I'm guessing he's got absolutely no respect or regard for his wife or marriage. But then again, he wouldn't be having an Affair. Wondering your thoughts... P.S. For those of you trying to get out of your A, do yourself the favor, and do it!! Run, as fast as you can. For me, I had to hit rock bottom in the relationship for it to happen but I did it and I'm not turning back! Personally, I am confused. What makes him having sex with his OW on that day any worse than having sex with his OW on any other day? Do you think there is a wife out there who when finding out about her husbands affair will think to herself, "Oh, well he did f*ck her on our Anniversary, so it's not so bad...." And I am quite certain that if you had known it was his anniversary you would still have had sex with him. If you want to be angry at your xMM be angry, but at least be honest about what you are angry about. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hmm, I'm thinking it would have been highly hypocritical of him to be at home celebrating his anniversary with his wife when he'd been cheating on her for 2.5 years. Having sex with you on that day seems quite fitting, since he didn't give a crap about his marriage. A moment of real honesty for him, no? If you broke up with him a couple of months ago, how did you just find out it had been his anniversary? Are you still in contact with him? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 What does it matter now? The A is over.. Sorry, but I'm a little surprised this shocks you seeing as you had a 2 year A with MM. Just curious, but if he had told you on your bday that it's his wedding anniversary as well, yet he still chose to be with you, take you out to dinner, have sex with you, would you have refused knowing it was his anniv. too? I ask this because some OW wouldn't have let that bug them, they may have been flattered that he chose OW over spending the anniv. with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Well, I posted about something similar on the Infidelity board last week. I too was surprised that it apparently makes no difference to the MM if the day itself has a special significance for the married couple. I don't know, but I figure that the MM must have worked through his guilt to the degree that he just treats the relationship with the OW like any other relationship. If he wants to have sex he has it, no guilty thoughts about the wife at home. In your case since it was your birthday, the day also had a significance for the two of you. I would have been pissed off if my MM would not want sex on my birthday just because it was their anniversary. In my opinion, your MM did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 He sounds as charming as any other cheater. Cheaters have no rules, boundaries or moral, don't be so shocked! Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hmm, I'm thinking it would have been highly hypocritical of him to be at home celebrating his anniversary with his wife when he'd been cheating on her for 2.5 years. Having sex with you on that day seems quite fitting, since he didn't give a crap about his marriage. A moment of real honesty for him, no? For once I agree with you, norajane. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 He sounds as charming as any other cheater. Cheaters have no rules, boundaries or moral, don't be so shocked! Yup. A perfect "person" for a hookup, no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GetSmart1967 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hmm, I'm thinking it would have been highly hypocritical of him to be at home celebrating his anniversary with his wife when he'd been cheating on her for 2.5 years. Having sex with you on that day seems quite fitting, since he didn't give a crap about his marriage. A moment of real honesty for him, no? If you broke up with him a couple of months ago, how did you just find out it had been his anniversary? Are you still in contact with him? I found the info. on his wife's Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GetSmart1967 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 What does it matter now? . It doesn't matter but I was surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GetSmart1967 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 Personally, I am confused. What makes him having sex with his OW on that day any worse than having sex with his OW on any other day? I guess it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GetSmart1967 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 I found it surprising. Guess you are all right. Why be soo surprised? Thanks for listening. I was just wondering if it happened to any of you. I'm guessing it has. Typical. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I found the info. on his wife's Facebook. Aw, stop torturing yourself. Don't look at her FB or his. Just move on and be glad you don't have to care about them anymore. That should be a huge relief! Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I guess for me it doesn't come as a shock because in order for him to be having a long term affair, he had already had to have a disconnect from his wife. Obviously, his wedding anniversary had already lost it's significance to him. The fact that you seem so upset by it now, seems of much more importance to me... why is it that it bothers you so? Do you feel more guilt for having had sex with him on that day, more so than any other day? If so, why? I stand by what I said, that had you known at the time, it would not have stopped you from having sex with him. I agree with jennie, he did the right thing. Obviously spending your birthday with you meant more to him than spending his anniversary with his wife. As Nora pointed out, it seems a moment of real honesty from him. He was admitting, at least to himself, what he considered, at the time, as the more important relationship to nurture. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I remember being surprised when almost a year after the A was over he contacte me in the middle of an anniversary party to tell me that he missed me. He didnt tell me he was at his anniversary party until the next day. I was shocked and of course at the time I tried to read things into it (before I joined LS - this place will set you straight). In the end, its all one big who cares. Sleeping with you on his anniversary was possibly a passive aggressive act on his part - not SO miserable - hes still there. Respect for his marriage? Depends on his perspective. Sometimes, you just dont know what people are thinking (even when you watch their lips move). Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Being married myself cheating is bad enough but it would piss me off even more to know he did on that day.I would kick him to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I remember being surprised when almost a year after the A was over he contacte me in the middle of an anniversary party to tell me that he missed me. He didnt tell me he was at his anniversary party until the next day. I was shocked and of course at the time I tried to read things into it (before I joined LS - this place will set you straight). In the end, its all one big who cares. Sleeping with you on his anniversary was possibly a passive aggressive act on his part - not SO miserable - hes still there. Respect for his marriage? Depends on his perspective. Sometimes, you just dont know what people are thinking (even when you watch their lips move). I agree with JJ: Could be a passive-aggressive act on his part. Some affairs can have elements of revenge or rebellion present -- the uncaring wife as the big, bad mommy of my childhood. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Yeah, I remember xMM scheduling trips to see me around his anniversary and his wife's bd. Once he visited me on her bd. Such love and respect - I can see that it's a match made in heaven. Like you, I got smart, too and got out of that situation. It was demoralizing. Once you're done, you're done. There is no going back. I'm happy that you got out, too. It's very freeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) I found it surprising. Guess you are all right. Why be soo surprised? Thanks for listening. I was just wondering if it happened to any of you. I'm guessing it has. Typical. I think it does make a difference. I found it surprising that my xMM did things like that because he was supposed to be putting on a facade that he was still into the marriage. I used to think, "Aren't you going out to buy your wife a gift and tell her you love her right after we spent several nights together?" To me, doing that kind of thing looked like the actions of a person planning to get out. Now your xMM will always think about the fact that he made love with you on his anniversary. If I were his wife and knew he did that, it would piss me off immensely. Yes, somehow that does make it worse. Edited January 19, 2010 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Yes my MM was with me on their anniversary. It just solidified his statement that they were leading separate lives and did not celebrate those things. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I think it does make a difference when it comes to things like f*cking the AP on significant days such as an anniversary. Yes, the WS is already showing disrespect by cheating, but that just further proves the level of disregard he has for his W. Its like not only is he stumping on the M, but he’s spitting and whizzing on it too. My MM has slept with me on days that I consider significant to the SO and although I was surprised I was uber flattered and uber turned-on from it. I really thought he had more respect/love for his W than that because at the time he’d never said an unkind word about her. Apparently, I was wrong in that instance. I really couldn’t see how his W could possibly forgive him if she knew the truth about how little he seemed to think of her and their M from his actions. But I’m kinda glad I was wrong and I wanted to be wrong. I like when he does things like that. It makes me feel kinda special to him. And I actually feel good and proud of myself like I’ve accomplished something. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Maybe he and his wife aren't having sex anymore. If he is discrete, she may be relieved. Particularly if the other option is divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I think it was bad enough he was having an affair for 2.5 yrs but to also have sex with his AP on his wedding anniversary?? I'm guessing he's got absolutely no respect or regard for his wife or marriage. But then again, he wouldn't be having an Affair. There is your answer. I will not judge you but you answered your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
jnd2009 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 My MM and I first started messing around over the summer- our first time having sex was just days after his anniversary..... their 1st Anniversary to be exact. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Maybe he and his wife aren't having sex anymore. If he is discrete, she may be relieved. Particularly if the other option is divorce. I wonder if this is the case with my MM and his wife. She has in no way reacted to them not having sex for almost a year now. Finally let off the hook for mercy sex? Is that what she feels? Link to post Share on other sites
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