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The last couple of days have been hard....


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As the title says, the last couple of days have been hard for some reason.

 

I had a great night out on Saturday but felt low on Sunday, put it down to being tired. Been low all day today too:(

 

I'm hoping this is just part of the process but it worries me. I really thought the worst was over.

 

xMM has chosen his W and I have no choice but to move on....I get that so why won't my heart listen:mad::confused:

 

I've had tears again, out of no where, they just come!

 

When does this stop? The pain is just to much sometimes:confused:

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((((HUGS))))

 

I'm sorry :( I get that way too, just out of nowhere the sadness and feelings of loss will hit. Memories of everything. Everywhere I turn there's a trigger and most of the time I think that just breathing is a trigger.

 

I have no doubt H4U that you have the qualities about you that will bring you all of the things you want out of life.

 

For now, its the sucky, horrible grieving process that you get to go through to morn the losses of this relationship. I don't think anyone can place a time frame on any of it, everyone is different. Just lean on those you trust, post here, get out and find things to do that take your mind of things, and soon it will be "MM who?".

 

Hang in there okay? You're not alone!

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Just let the tears come..Cry when you need to..BUT, don't sit and 'remember' the good times. When those thoughts come and you think you miss him, and memories hit you, DO something to distract yourself.

 

Keep as busy as you can, be around family and friends, reach out when you need to, don't isolate yourself.

 

This will just take time. Like any other break up, or major 'loss' in life, the grieving process is different for everyone..Just know that you WILL get through this, and come out even stronger. Have faith that you are going to be alright.

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((((HUGS))))

 

I'm sorry :( I get that way too, just out of nowhere the sadness and feelings of loss will hit. Memories of everything. Everywhere I turn there's a trigger and most of the time I think that just breathing is a trigger.

 

I have no doubt H4U that you have the qualities about you that will bring you all of the things you want out of life.

 

For now, its the sucky, horrible grieving process that you get to go through to morn the losses of this relationship. I don't think anyone can place a time frame on any of it, everyone is different. Just lean on those you trust, post here, get out and find things to do that take your mind of things, and soon it will be "MM who?".

 

Hang in there okay? You're not alone!

 

 

Thanks WTGFH, think my friends have had enough TBH. Spoke to my best and clostest friend tonight and she was like...'if i see him, i will kick him in the nuts, he's a lying bastard and i hate him'. Thing is I don't want anyone to hate him but my friends and family are because they see the mess I'm in and how hurt I am.

 

When I've seen him I'm all 'yeah I'm fine' but my friends see through me.

 

My head is clear but GOD my heart hurts!!

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Just let the tears come..Cry when you need to..BUT, don't sit and 'remember' the good times. When those thoughts come and you think you miss him, and memories hit you, DO something to distract yourself.

 

Keep as busy as you can, be around family and friends, reach out when you need to, don't isolate yourself.

 

This will just take time. Like any other break up, or major 'loss' in life, the grieving process is different for everyone..Just know that you WILL get through this, and come out even stronger. Have faith that you are going to be alright.

 

Its just the worst place I've ever been WWIU, one day I'm strong and the next day I'm just a mess!

 

I'm not sure I've ever felf emotions like this. I'm just all over the place, its way out of my comfort zone, I'm usually very level headed.

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H, what you're feeling and going through is normal. Just ride it out..It sucks, it hurts.. That's what break up's and loss of someone you love is all about.

 

You are alot stronger than you think, even if right now it doesn't feel that way.

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My head is clear but GOD my heart hurts!!

 

 

Mine heart hurts too. I don't think my head is all that clear yet, but soon I hope. I can't talk about my situation with anyone(except LS). I've got to keep it all inside except for when I get out by myself. Putting the "Happy Face" and just trying to get from one day to the next is a killer sometimes. You know that. I'm trying to get an IC secretly because my W doesn't want me to go to anyone but an MC because I think she's affraid of what the IC would tell me. Anyway.....One day to the next. Thats all we can do.

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H, what you're feeling and going through is normal. Just ride it out..It sucks, it hurts.. That's what break up's and loss of someone you love is all about.

 

You are alot stronger than you think, even if right now it doesn't feel that way.

 

I know you are right, this is the reason I post here, I know I will get the kick up the ass I need!!

 

God....talk about karma...I sure feel like I'm getting payback!!

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I really want you to go enjoy yourself - DO something crazy and fun. Something that will make you laugh, the type of laughter that happy tears roll down your face, enough that makes your tummy hurt.

 

Recently I lost a good friend to cancer, along with some other crap, health stuff too .. Anyway, one night my neighbours and I all got together and the whole evening was so much fun. So much laughing and being silly. I swear my stomach ached for 2 days from laughing so hard. It was exactly what I needed, and since then I've felt so much better. Throw in some exercise (Yoga and walking), better eating habits, I'm on the mend. Still have down and sad moments, but nothing like it was.

 

Hope this helps.

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Mine heart hurts too. I don't think my head is all that clear yet, but soon I hope. I can't talk about my situation with anyone(except LS). I've got to keep it all inside except for when I get out by myself. Putting the "Happy Face" and just trying to get from one day to the next is a killer sometimes. You know that. I'm trying to get an IC secretly because my W doesn't want me to go to anyone but an MC because I think she's affraid of what the IC would tell me. Anyway.....One day to the next. Thats all we can do.

 

My xMM went MC with his W before DDay, he said it was a waste of time because he couldn't be honest. They went twice....waste of time and money. He went IC and she was really good for him because he could be honest.

So inside, how are you feeling now??

 

xMM always said I'd make a good C lol

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H4U, I feel your hurt. (((hugs)))

 

I know it feels like hell and like you are totally out of control, but this is not the case; I agree with WWIU - you're stronger than you thing. Feel your emotions and confide in those you love; they understand and I bet they're not fed up of you, its just natural to feel like you are burdening people when you become more harder to maintain than usual - everyone goes through this once in a while. Your friends and family will continue to be there for you.

 

You'll come out of this. It's s***, but you'll do it.

 

WTGFH - I think it's wise to pursue IC, it's such a shame your wife doesn't agree because she is possibly doing more to harm your M by not letting you confront your true feelings.

 

I'm right there with you and positivity is hard - but we can do it.

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Hi hopeless4u,

 

Hope this post finds you in better spirits. I had to grin when I read your comment about karma.

 

I've said the same thing to myself more than once, about deserving to feel like sh*t.

 

I've done what apparently many of the previous posters have done as well. THe cries on the ride home, just the basic, grieving quietly and alone, things.

All my friends have had enough of my A, drama too. I get the impression at this point that their attitudes are, "you can't fix someone, who isn't willing or ready to be fixed".

 

....and in some ways they may have a point. I believe I am ready to move on and I believe I'm ready to fix myself, but why do I feel the weight of the world on my ankles?

 

Why does my heart still skip a beat when he comes up on caller ID. Why does my heart do backward flips at the very sight of him?

 

Damn....and I am not even involved with him physically anymore. Just haven't gone so far as to cut off all contact. That part might be a bit tricky.

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I really want you to go enjoy yourself - DO something crazy and fun. Something that will make you laugh, the type of laughter that happy tears roll down your face, enough that makes your tummy hurt.

 

Recently I lost a good friend to cancer, along with some other crap, health stuff too .. Anyway, one night my neighbours and I all got together and the whole evening was so much fun. So much laughing and being silly. I swear my stomach ached for 2 days from laughing so hard. It was exactly what I needed, and since then I've felt so much better. Throw in some exercise (Yoga and walking), better eating habits, I'm on the mend. Still have down and sad moments, but nothing like it was.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

Yes it helps:)

 

I have my weekends filled with goodtimes and I'm ok..ish when I'm around people and drinking....its the time alone I guess, the triggers hit and I'm a mess again!(only last few days).

 

I've been ok and been quite positive until the last few days.

 

Felt low yesterday but put it down to being tired from the night out but went to bed, snuggled up to monkey(xMM got me) and cried my eyes out, came out of no where!!

 

Really don't know why I've suddenly gone backwards, never saw this coming.

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My xMM went MC with his W before DDay, he said it was a waste of time because he couldn't be honest. They went twice....waste of time and money. He went IC and she was really good for him because he could be honest.

So inside, how are you feeling now??

 

xMM always said I'd make a good C lol

 

Well, I don't want to thread jack you...Yeah the MC was a waste and I didn't feel I could be honest either. He spent a lot of time speculating on the characteristics of my AP and that I was being lied to and played. He told me I was thinking about her too much, which I guess constantly is probably too much.

 

Its hard. there's a lot of confusion, anxiety, regret. I know what I want, but I've grown up with the whole thought of I can't have everything I want in life.

 

Thanks for asking H4U, maybe you should be a C :)

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Hi hopeless4u,

 

Hope this post finds you in better spirits. I had to grin when I read your comment about karma.

 

I've said the same thing to myself more than once, about deserving to feel like sh*t.

 

I've done what apparently many of the previous posters have done as well. THe cries on the ride home, just the basic, grieving quietly and alone, things.

All my friends have had enough of my A, drama too. I get the impression at this point that their attitudes are, "you can't fix someone, who isn't willing or ready to be fixed".

 

....and in some ways they may have a point. I believe I am ready to move on and I believe I'm ready to fix myself, but why do I feel the weight of the world on my ankles?

 

Why does my heart still skip a beat when he comes up on caller ID. Why does my heart do backward flips at the very sight of him?

 

Damn....and I am not even involved with him physically anymore. Just haven't gone so far as to cut off all contact. That part might be a bit tricky.[/QUOTE]

 

 

Right there with you SW!!

 

Its just got to be the worst place to be....and the best, all at the same time:o

 

I hate myself sometimes for feeding his ego but TBH he feeds mine to!

 

LOVE SUC:oKS

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Well, I don't want to thread jack you...Yeah the MC was a waste and I didn't feel I could be honest either. He spent a lot of time speculating on the characteristics of my AP and that I was being lied to and played. He told me I was thinking about her too much, which I guess constantly is probably too much.

 

Its hard. there's a lot of confusion, anxiety, regret. I know what I want, but I've grown up with the whole thought of I can't have everything I want in life.

 

Thanks for asking H4U, maybe you should be a C :)

 

 

I have looked into C, thought I could get through this by myself but not so sure now!

 

I'll PM you.

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Are you still in contact with him? Do you still see him?

 

It might help to stop that contact, because each time you see/speak to him, it refreshes everything and sends you back to square 1 in terms of healing.

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H4U, I feel your hurt. (((hugs)))

 

I know it feels like hell and like you are totally out of control, but this is not the case; I agree with WWIU - you're stronger than you thing. Feel your emotions and confide in those you love; they understand and I bet they're not fed up of you, its just natural to feel like you are burdening people when you become more harder to maintain than usual - everyone goes through this once in a while. Your friends and family will continue to be there for you.

 

You'll come out of this. It's s***, but you'll do it.

 

WTGFH - I think it's wise to pursue IC, it's such a shame your wife doesn't agree because she is possibly doing more to harm your M by not letting you confront your true feelings.

 

I'm right there with you and positivity is hard - but we can do it.

 

 

Hey HH, how you doing??

 

I know i'm hitting a weak moment...days...

 

Just feeling very sorry for myself I guess. Never expected to suddenly feel so sad and lost.

 

Just another part of the process i suppose.

 

Been telling myself over and over he's at home sitting pretty with it all 'in tact', now that makes me angry!!!

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Really don't know why I've suddenly gone backwards, never saw this coming.
Progress isn't linear. You will go through phases when you feel better, phases where you will feel angry, and phases when you feel worse. This phase will fade and you'll feel better, but you'll probably feel bad again, too. Eventually, the cycle will minimize and fade away altogether, but that will take a lot longer if you maintain contact with him.
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Are you still in contact with him? Do you still see him?

 

It might help to stop that contact, because each time you see/speak to him, it refreshes everything and sends you back to square 1 in terms of healing.

 

Thing is NJ I work with him so its hard to go complete NC.

 

I have no problem with seeing him, it hurts but I expect that TBH.

 

He did lean on me a little at first but he has stopped that. I can't fault him for how he has been. He has done everything I have asked of him.

 

I guess thats what hurts deep down, he isn't trying to drag me back into the A, he's trying to do whats right by everyone, same as he's always done.

 

I know everyone wants to hate MM but he's not a bad person and he knows I'm hurting and that kills him but he also knows, as I do, WE have to do this. This is the only way to end this once and for all. WE both knew this would be painfull.

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I guess thats what hurts deep down, he isn't trying to drag me back into the A, he's trying to do whats right by everyone, same as he's always done.

 

Recognize what this is.. This is NOT your heart, it's ego. You DO want him to chase you, a little bit and break NC in that way.. Even though you don't want the A to continue, there's a part of you that enjoyed the chase, the cat and mouse game. Now that it's stopped, that thrill and excitement he brought into your life is gone. Is it possible THAT is what you're missing? Not really 'him' per say?

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I have looked into C, thought I could get through this by myself but not so sure now!

 

I'll PM you.

 

I think the IC would help me at first to grieve the loss of the relationship. Then at that point I can maybe start to think more clearly. I didn't have much used for C's until all this happened. I had a really good IC till she decided to go back to school(or I drove her insane :) ).

 

Norajane is right. Its a few steps forward and then 15,000 steps backwards at times. Down the road we'll just be taking less steps backwards.

 

We're all doing it. Its torture. All in all, even as hard as it is, I still don't regret that it happened. Its all part of the "feeling alive" experience that I gained from it all.

 

I agree HH, I will get back to IC.

 

Yeah, PM me. I think that works now.

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Hey HH, how you doing??

 

I know i'm hitting a weak moment...days...

 

Just feeling very sorry for myself I guess. Never expected to suddenly feel so sad and lost.

 

Just another part of the process i suppose.

 

Been telling myself over and over he's at home sitting pretty with it all 'in tact', now that makes me angry!!!

 

You know, I'm doing ok, I guess, thank you. Most of the time I'm good at slapping the old brave face on, but I don't really feel it. I just hope that if I keep holding it there my emotions will follow suit.

 

I think about my exMM the same way: that he's all cosied up with his wife at home watching movies and feeling relieved even and I feel angry too. I'll pm you. xx

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Recognize what this is.. This is NOT your heart, it's ego. You DO want him to chase you, a little bit and break NC in that way.. Even though you don't want the A to continue, there's a part of you that enjoyed the chase, the cat and mouse game. Now that it's stopped, that thrill and excitement he brought into your life is gone. Is it possible THAT is what you're missing? Not really 'him' per say?

 

 

Yes I totally agree, I do miss the chase, the 'does he want me that much' thing, I recognise that and thats what has got me through the last few weeks. I've told myself thats what 'we're' all about but thats not what I miss, I miss the silly chats about 'life, football and stuff that would be boring to most' I miss the things that made us 'us'.

 

These are the things that make me cry.

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You know, I'm doing ok, I guess, thank you. Most of the time I'm good at slapping the old brave face on, but I don't really feel it. I just hope that if I keep holding it there my emotions will follow suit.

 

I think about my exMM the same way: that he's all cosied up with his wife at home watching movies and feeling relieved even and I feel angry too. I'll pm you. xx

 

 

If we could bottle that brave face we'd be loaded!!!! xx

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