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How do these work---my husband saidhe had set one up for our computer at home and he checked it from his office when he first discovered our affair.

He also said something about that he could only check back two weeks at any one time for what i had typed on here?

For obvious reasons i don't want to ask him?

also when you buy a key logger thing-how long does it last forever?

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Is it wrong of me to feel that is such an invasion of privacy that to me, it almost feels like a worse betrayal the an affair?

 

CCL

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hmmm.. yeah, they are sometimes sent in to computers hidden in other programs, emails etc, like viruses, so that thieves can gather info on you.. banking, SSN, all that stuff they need to steal your identity.... thoug, I am not sure that putting one on your OWN computer should be an issue, though, I would have to say that if you are trying to gather evidence perhaps it is best to use any passwords you were to get (because the keylogger would log all the passwords) and use them to get directly to the email.. lmao.. at least that way you could say they forgot to sign out when you use the evidence to confront them. :o

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my husband bought a software version recommened by a "friend" of ours--he did so as he found out my affair was with someone from the UK and he was worried i was going to take the kids and go to England..... and yes i was upset (knowing he read alll that i had wrote to my affair partner--did seem like an invasion of privacy ) however i had to remember that i was the one having the affair so it was warranted i guess.

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Is it wrong of me to feel that is such an invasion of privacy that to me, it almost feels like a worse betrayal the an affair?

 

CCL

 

Totally agree CCL....ewwww, makes me feel ....ewwwwww

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I think it's a terrible invasion of privacy. I would not want it done to me and I'd think very, very carefully about doing it to someone else, in fact I'm not sure that I would or could.

 

I would feel soooo guilty.

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oxfordsocks...its forever unless removed.

 

He is referring to the length of the log the keylogger creates. It ONLY captures the previous two weeks of data and then overwrites the oldest data first. However, a clever soul can circumvent it. Bottom line, he has at LEAST the last two weeks of every key press in every program. Likely he has more.

 

As far as illegal...it depends. If its a family computer know and jointly used by all...unlikely. If its "her" laptop she exclusively uses...then MAYBE. It gets messy in the details but my lawyer said its NOT usually the case.

 

I think its fascinating that some others feel it would be a gross invasion of privacy yet cheat. Anyone care to reconcile that?

 

Its actually an honest question. My xWW accused me of the same thing...violating her privacy and how "wrong I was". Yet she never answered how I was wrong in doing that but its ok for her to cheat? Can anyone shed some light on that? I know what I think...but I'd love your views....

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oxfordsocks...its forever unless removed.

 

He is referring to the length of the log the keylogger creates. It ONLY captures the previous two weeks of data and then overwrites the oldest data first. However, a clever soul can circumvent it. Bottom line, he has at LEAST the last two weeks of every key press in every program. Likely he has more.

 

As far as illegal...it depends. If its a family computer know and jointly used by all...unlikely. If its "her" laptop she exclusively uses...then MAYBE. It gets messy in the details but my lawyer said its NOT usually the case.

 

I think its fascinating that some others feel it would be a gross invasion of privacy yet cheat. Anyone care to reconcile that?

 

Its actually an honest question. My xWW accused me of the same thing...violating her privacy and how "wrong I was". Yet she never answered how I was wrong in doing that but its ok for her to cheat? Can anyone shed some light on that? I know what I think...but I'd love your views....

 

I don't see it as a gross invasion of privacy, but then I don't do things that I am not honest about. When I was in my emotional affair, before I left my husband, my husband knew about it.. in fact, for a long time he encouraged it.. (LONG STORY) but it boiled down to him at one point telling My MM "talk to the b!tch, the more you talk to her, the less I have to".. of course, he knew I was falling in love, but he didn't think I was worthy of My MM falling in love with me...

 

But I used to snoop on my cheating now ex-H a lot in the beginning, til I hit the point that i just didn't care what he did.. *shrug*

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Is it wrong of me to feel that is such an invasion of privacy that to me, it almost feels like a worse betrayal the an affair?

 

CCL

 

my husband bought a software version recommened by a "friend" of ours--he did so as he found out my affair was with someone from the UK and he was worried i was going to take the kids and go to England..... and yes i was upset (knowing he read alll that i had wrote to my affair partner--did seem like an invasion of privacy ) however i had to remember that i was the one having the affair so it was warranted i guess.

 

If my husband decided to leave me because of my infidelity, that I would accept. There's no way in Hell I would accept a relationship involving a key logger whether I had an affair or not. The same goes for P.I.'s.

 

There seems to be a communication problem. Why can't you ask him? Not being judgmental -- there's a big communication problem in my marriage -- but I think a step in the right direction would be to ask him and also to tell him (if you feel this way) that you'd refuse to accept having a spy installed on your computer.

 

I consider it a huge invasion of privacy because IT IS.

 

The BS needs to decide whether they will be able to trust the WS again or not. In my case, this would have to be done without a key logger. I realize the trust needs to be rebuilt, but I hardly think monitoring someone like they are a child or criminal is the best way to rebuild trust. If a BS can't do it without going to that extent, perhaps he/she need some time to regroup on his/her own.

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When you promised to love me, forsaking all others, forever and ever, till death do us part, and then you brought a third person into our relationship, without my knowledge, THAT is the biggest invasion of privacy there is.

 

And at that point, all the rules are changed. If you want to amend the "till death do us part" thing, that's fine. Leave me, divorce me, whatever. But if you choose to simply break your promise, and not even tell me about it, then anything I do is fair.

 

The truth is, people get mad because they got caught, not because their privacy was invaded.

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bentnotbroken
my husband bought a software version recommened by a "friend" of ours--he did so as he found out my affair was with someone from the UK and he was worried i was going to take the kids and go to England..... and yes i was upset (knowing he read alll that i had wrote to my affair partner--did seem like an invasion of privacy ) however i had to remember that i was the one having the affair so it was warranted i guess.

 

 

That's the way I see it. Kind of hard to be upset when the preceding action warranted the truth and you know you are going to get it from the person. What's that saying...for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction? Been a long time, not sure that's right:o

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"for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction"

 

That's not actually a saying, it's a Law of Physics. :)

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Invasion of privacy. hahahahaha.

 

Of course it is.. in a normal healthy marriage and in my world would be a deal breaker,

Trust is paramount in a healthy marriage and ANY breach of trust by either party works at destroying the foundation of the marriage.

 

I think sometimes people just want to be right about it but honestly if your marriage is in such a mess that you have gone to the steps of putting keyloggers on the computers then the marriage is gone, affair or not.

 

Using a keylogger for the legal process and divorce providing that is what your lawyer wants then yes.. but to discover an affair.. No..

 

Like I said.. even if you find no affair with the keylogger then marriage is still over.

 

IMO

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When my wife was messing around... I installed keyloggers, a GPS on her car, tapped the home phone line, hid a voice activated digital recorder in her car, stole the password to her work computer and set up remote access, and stole the password to her cell phone account. If she wasn't going to play by the rules... why should I?

 

And screw your twisted ideas about invading her privacy. Inviting another man into my marriage was a pretty ****ing big invasion of my privacy too.

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no key logger would be needed if you was communicating then you would tell about the affair.If you are in a realationship with someone then cheating on them is their buisness.If you dont want that person you have a comited to to know your cheating then dont cheat leave first.All is fair in love and war.Just how I feel.

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Yeah, set some accountability in place but on I thought love was wanting someone to be happy & letting go if it's not w/ you? If it is, they'll come back on their own. Love & hostage aren't the same. I wouldn't force someone to be with me.

What do you want? Have his efforts stopped you from getting ahold of OM? Or did you find a way to sneak around it? This PI stuff is going to be a full time job.....for what?

This is kind of an addiction. The addict has to decide & nothing anyone puts in place is going to work until one of the addict's stops. I mean really, you could bore your friends & family to tears w/ the sob story of how the WS betrayed you & prove it to the world every which way by destroying them & PROVING them the bad guy. This is not usually one person's fault, it's just one person's inappropriate reaction to an already bad situation.

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Of course it is.. in a normal healthy marriage and in my world would be a deal breaker,

Trust is paramount in a healthy marriage and ANY breach of trust by either party works at destroying the foundation of the marriage.

 

I think sometimes people just want to be right about it but honestly if your marriage is in such a mess that you have gone to the steps of putting keyloggers on the computers then the marriage is gone, affair or not.

 

Using a keylogger for the legal process and divorce providing that is what your lawyer wants then yes.. but to discover an affair.. No..

 

Like I said.. even if you find no affair with the keylogger then marriage is still over.

 

IMO

 

Only people with something to hide consider it an invasion of privacy. My computer stays on logged into my email all the time. My spouse could sit down anytime and see exactly what I'm doing, no keylogger required. My cell phone lays around the house where ever I last used it. Pick it up, read the texts, listen to the voice mail, check the history. Wouldn't matter to me. I've never had anything to hide.

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This PI stuff is going to be a full time job.....for what?

 

For what? To protect myself from you. From the pain, from the STDs, from the financial ramifications.

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Only people with something to hide consider it an invasion of privacy.

 

Well that isn't true.. I have nothing to hide and I consider it an invasion of privacy in a healthy marriage.

 

The idea of putting on a keylogger in itself is a breach of trust and very damaging to the marriage.

 

Can you not see that ?

 

If you cannot trust your spouse then you have NO marriage..

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Is it wrong of me to feel that is such an invasion of privacy that to me, it almost feels like a worse betrayal the an affair?

 

CCL

 

I think it's a terrible invasion of privacy. I would not want it done to me and I'd think very, very carefully about doing it to someone else, in fact I'm not sure that I would or could.

 

Really? I don't think so. Especially if its only on computers in my own home. I think short of reading everything a person is doing on a computer, its a reasonable option to get the truth from a person that is inclined to lie to you.

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Well that isn't true.. I have nothing to hide and I consider it an invasion of privacy in a healthy marriage.

 

The idea of putting on a keylogger in itself is a breach of trust and very damaging to the marriage.

 

Can you not see that ?

 

If you cannot trust your spouse then you have NO marriage..

 

Ahh, but you qualify your statement well: in a HEALTHY marriage.

 

There is nothing healthy about a marriage where one suspects cheating to be going on.

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its a reasonable option to get the truth from a person that is inclined to lie to you.

 

True.. if you know an affair has already happened.. then the ole bitten once scenario would come in..

 

but if you keylog your spouse and you have no knowledge of an affair then what you are doing is just as bad as an affair.. IMO...

 

Isn't an affair a breach of trust ? well so is keylogging your spouse..

 

Pick your poison.. your marriage is over..

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Ahh, but you qualify your statement well: in a HEALTHY marriage.

 

There is nothing healthy about a marriage where one suspects cheating to be going on.

 

that is true, that is what I posted and meant

 

I will say though that if I suspected my spouse of cheating I wouldn't be using a keylogger to catch her..

 

If I couldn''t trust my wife I wouldn't be married to her.. period..

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