Told MM We Should Just Be Friends...Now I Think He's Upset With Me...

[ladylovely]

Hi everyone

 

Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

Here's my situation:

 

A month ago I attended the 40th bday party of one of my classmates from jr high and high school. A classmate of ours from jr high was in attendance. He seemed very excited to see me, which sort of surprised me because we had not seen each other in 27 years. I remembered him by name and face, but did not recall much else about him.

 

He went on about how I looked the same and mentioned remembering my dimples. He also said I seemed to be shy like i was in school. Again, i was shocked because we weren't friendsn school and i always felt i went unnoticed in school because of my extreme shyness.

 

Well, we sat at a table together and talked the whole time we were there, which was well over an hour. We got caught up on the happenings in our lives. He immediately tells me that he is in a loveless marriage and that his wife cheated on him and was disrespectful to him. He even showed me a text message that she supposedly sent him that said he could not tell her who could touch her body or who she could talk to. He said that he was going to leave her and move out of the state to NC or FL by March. I am pretty much speechless because I am wondering why he was spilling his guts out to me after seeing each other for the first time in 27 years.

 

He said more than once that he couldn't believe I was single. And when i mentioned that i wanted to go to nyc this year, he said wanted to go with me. He also said that he wanted to take me to FL with him. I was totally floored.

 

We exchanged numbers and he invited me to his job the following day.

 

I went up to his job and he just looked at me with lustful eyes. I knew then that he wanted to get something going between us two.

 

He invited me to the movies the following day. i could not go but said the next day would work for me. We went to the movies and he made the moves on me big time.

 

So for the past month we've talked, texted and seen each other a few times. we have not gone out on anymore dates. Everytime we make arrangements to go somewhere, he calls and cancels blaming his wife or doesn't call and claim he thought i was going to call him.

 

He constantly tells me how much he want to be with me, how he wants to have sex with me, etc...i mean the man has mad game and knows all the right things to say. But regardless of what he said, it was his actions that made me think something was not right because it did not make sense why we weren't able to go out and be together.

 

I started to suspect that he was lying because one day he told me that he was preapproved for a mortgage and he wanted me to go looking at houses with him. To myself, i was like, 'what happened to moving out of state to get away from wife and starting over?' then out the blue he was like "let's get a place together'. He was just all over the place. Oh yeah, he even told me that he was moving into a hotel on New Year's Day because things were so bad with his wife.

 

I never asked him about his wife or pressured him about anything. He wanted to come over to my place but i told him that i was not comfortable with that yet because I have children and i don't bring men over unless we are serious.

 

Fast forward: I got tired not being able to be with him, so i told him Saturday that I thought we should just be friends. He got defensive and said that he thought I understood his situation and that he was working on leaving his wife. Then he asked me what he could do to make things better. I told him I just wanted to spend time with him. He said that we would spend all day Sunday together. I said ok and told him to call me on Sunday. He said he would and that he would call me later on that night.

 

Well, just as i suspected, he did not call me back that night and did not call me on Sunday. I sent him a text saying I was looking forward to spending the day with him and because I had not heard from him i wanted to know if a raincheck was in store. He texted back "Yes. I'm at my mom's". I texted back 'OK' I mean, how inconsiderate of him to not let me know that our date was not going to happen.

 

I called him yesterday. He said he would call me back and he did. We had a long convo, but it was different. It was very casual and general. No sexy talk. I must admit I really like when he talks sexy too me. He did say during the convo that I should save my vacation days for when we go to FL.

 

I sent him a cute text today. No response and he hasn't called. I really feel bad now. I think he is upset with me because I said we should just be friends. I wish I never told him that because now I miss him calling and texting me. Not quite sure if things will be the same.

 

I guess I should have never gotten caught up with a married man that is probably lying to me anyway about his situation. He was 3 small children: ages 7, 6 and 4. He probably isn't going to leave his wife because of all the child support he will have to pay.

 

Should I not call or text him unless he initiates first? Should i just forget about this brief relationship and move on?

Edited January 6, 2010 by ladylovely

[NoIDidn't]

What kind of friends are you trying to be? Seems like you are sending mixed messages to him, out of curious motivation.

 

You tell him you just want to be friends, but then you turn around and send him cutesy text messages and wonder if you should call him, or wait for his call. Most of us don't put those kinds of demands on friends.

 

Is it that you really just want to be friends, or you want more and don't know how to go about asking for it? It doesn't seem like you mind the fact that he has a W, so I don't think that's the issue mainly.

[2sunny]

#1 HE'S MARRIED!!!!

 

and to all the other stuff - he's married! he can't just meet with you or even call whenever you want because he needs to be sure his WIFE is happy first and foremost!

 

he lies! he lies because he's married and he's trying to have sex with you. he'll tell you anything you need to hear to get the sex.

 

get it? it really is THAT simple.

 

is this all you expect and want for yourself? if it is - ok. if it's not - RUN!!! don't ever answer any contact from him! he will break your heart over and over.

[whichwayisup]

If he was truly serious about you and wanting something other than an affair, he would have said from the start, after he commented that you were single, that he would love to date you, take you to dinner AFTER he divorces.

 

Sorry but he totally has led you to believe alot of crap on a stick. This man is NOT leaving his wife, his young children. I don't believe for a second that it's possible..

 

Forget the holiday, GO to NYC with a girlfriend and have fun. Don't change it because of him.

 

27 years ago you knew him..You DO NOT Know him now, that's for sure, look at his behaviour.

 

I think this guy fed your ego and you've enjoyed his attention..Leave it at that and let go. Don't call him and when/if he calls you just tell him you do not want be the OW and help him betray his wife, hurt her and be in an affair, that you deserve better than that.

 

You haven't invested that much time into him so hopefully it won't take long to get over him.

[whichwayisup]

He probably isn't going to leave his wife because of all the child support he will have to pay

 

Also here's reality. Sorry to be blunt - But, he isn't going to leave his wife and young children for someone he once knew 27 years ago and recently started hanging out with for only ONE month.

 

Let's say he DID leave.. You really want a guy who could walk out on his young kids and his wife, bam, straight into your arms?? What kind of person does that? Think about it.

 

End it and go on with your life, meet new guys, single guys who can offer you much more than being the OW.

[ladylovely]

What kind of friends are you trying to be? Seems like you are sending mixed messages to him, out of curious motivation.

 

You tell him you just want to be friends, but then you turn around and send him cutesy text messages and wonder if you should call him, or wait for his call. Most of us don't put those kinds of demands on friends.

 

Is it that you really just want to be friends, or you want more and don't know how to go about asking for it? It doesn't seem like you mind the fact that he has a W, so I don't think that's the issue mainly.

 

I'm not trying to send mixed messages. When I told him that we should probably be friends and the reason was because he could not fit me into his schedule. He asked me what he could do to make it better or to change my mind about just being just friends. When I told him that i wanted to be able to spend time with him, he responded with us being able to spend the whole day together.

 

I guess I should have just held firm to being just friends instead of allowing myself to be sucked back in.

[ladylovely]

#1 HE'S MARRIED!!!!

 

and to all the other stuff - he's married! he can't just meet with you or even call whenever you want because he needs to be sure his WIFE is happy first and foremost!

 

he lies! he lies because he's married and he's trying to have sex with you. he'll tell you anything you need to hear to get the sex.

 

get it? it really is THAT simple.

 

is this all you expect and want for yourself? if it is - ok. if it's not - RUN!!! don't ever answer any contact from him! he will break your heart over and over.

 

You're right.

 

I told someone that something didn't see right because he came on so strong so soon and knew how to say all the right things. He seemed too perfect. Plus it made no sense for him to tell me about his bad marriage moments after seeing him. It was all probably a set up, so instead of hiding his marriage, he came out the gate saying he was married, but played the "I am on the brink of getting a divorce' card. He's a smooth operator.

[whichwayisup]

Friends don't have 'sexy talk'... This guy is NOT your friend. You are into him too, so don't think it's an innocent friendship. His wife doesn't know about you, #1 bad and no no for a married person is hiding opposite sex friends from spouses. If he was interested in JUST friendship, you would have met his wife and kids, like no big deal... You know what's what and befriending him is only going to cause trouble, heartache down the road.

 

take time to read threads in this section to see what you're up against.

[ladylovely]

If he was truly serious about you and wanting something other than an affair, he would have said from the start, after he commented that you were single, that he would love to date you, take you to dinner AFTER he divorces.

 

Sorry but he totally has led you to believe alot of crap on a stick. This man is NOT leaving his wife, his young children. I don't believe for a second that it's possible..

 

Forget the holiday, GO to NYC with a girlfriend and have fun. Don't change it because of him.

 

27 years ago you knew him..You DO NOT Know him now, that's for sure, look at his behaviour.

 

I think this guy fed your ego and you've enjoyed his attention..Leave it at that and let go. Don't call him and when/if he calls you just tell him you do not want be the OW and help him betray his wife, hurt her and be in an affair, that you deserve better than that.

 

You haven't invested that much time into him so hopefully it won't take long to get over him.

 

Yes, he definitely stroked my ego.

 

He probably has been toying with women's hearts for years, so he's mastered the art of manipulation.

 

The past month has been a rollercoaster ride and it's time for me to get off.

 

Thanks so much for your advice.

[2sunny]

just send him a text saying that after thinking it over NOTHING about keeping in contact is right and you won't participate any longer.

[GreenEyedLady]

You say you went to his job? May I ask what he does for a living?

[bentnotbroken]

This may sound strange, but him inviting you to his job reminds me of something my brother once told me. He said that the some of the men at work had a sort of game going on. They met women, prime them and then have sex with them. The odd part is the women were invited to work so they could be "graded" by the other men involved. There was a point system for looks, whether she was single or married, and points if the woman was better looking than the scum.

 

He came on strong, told you his marital issues(if there really are any), invited you to his job and a date, then moved on when you suggested friendship only. Just my thought.

 

Why deal with a MM anyway? This drama you can be avoided with you saying no from the beginning.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You say you want to be friends with him. Friendships should enrich your life. What about this friendship with him would enrich your life?

[crystal_lostheart]

Just sounds to me like another MM not considering anyone else's feelings except his own

[fooled once]

Hi everyone

 

Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

Here's my situation:

 

A month ago I attended the 40th bday party of one of my classmates from jr high and high school. A classmate of ours from jr high was in attendance. He seemed very excited to see me, which sort of surprised me because we had not seen each other in 27 years. I remembered him by name and face, but did not recall much else about him.

 

He went on about how I looked the same and mentioned remembering my dimples. He also said I seemed to be shy like i was in school. Again, i was shocked because we weren't friendsn school and i always felt i went unnoticed in school because of my extreme shyness.

 

Well, we sat at a table together and talked the whole time we were there, which was well over an hour. We got caught up on the happenings in our lives. He immediately tells me that he is in a loveless marriage and that his wife cheated on him and was disrespectful to him. He even showed me a text message that she supposedly sent him that said he could not tell her who could touch her body or who she could talk to. He said that he was going to leave her and move out of the state to NC or FL by March. I am pretty much speechless because I am wondering why he was spilling his guts out to me after seeing each other for the first time in 27 years.

 

He said more than once that he couldn't believe I was single. And when i mentioned that i wanted to go to nyc this year, he said wanted to go with me. He also said that he wanted to take me to FL with him. I was totally floored.

 

We exchanged numbers and he invited me to his job the following day.

 

I went up to his job and he just looked at me with lustful eyes. I knew then that he wanted to get something going between us two.

 

He invited me to the movies the following day. i could not go but said the next day would work for me. We went to the movies and he made the moves on me big time.

 

So for the past month we've talked, texted and seen each other a few times. we have not gone out on anymore dates. Everytime we make arrangements to go somewhere, he calls and cancels blaming his wife or doesn't call and claim he thought i was going to call him.

 

He constantly tells me how much he want to be with me, how he wants to have sex with me, etc...i mean the man has mad game and knows all the right things to say. But regardless of what he said, it was his actions that made me think something was not right because it did not make sense why we weren't able to go out and be together.

 

I started to suspect that he was lying because one day he told me that he was preapproved for a mortgage and he wanted me to go looking at houses with him. To myself, i was like, 'what happened to moving out of state to get away from wife and starting over?' then out the blue he was like "let's get a place together'. He was just all over the place. Oh yeah, he even told me that he was moving into a hotel on New Year's Day because things were so bad with his wife.

 

I never asked him about his wife or pressured him about anything. He wanted to come over to my place but i told him that i was not comfortable with that yet because I have children and i don't bring men over unless we are serious.

 

Fast forward: I got tired not being able to be with him, so i told him Saturday that I thought we should just be friends. He got defensive and said that he thought I understood his situation and that he was working on leaving his wife. Then he asked me what he could do to make things better. I told him I just wanted to spend time with him. He said that we would spend all day Sunday together. I said ok and told him to call me on Sunday. He said he would and that he would call me later on that night.

 

Well, just as i suspected, he did not call me back that night and did not call me on Sunday. I sent him a text saying I was looking forward to spending the day with him and because I had not heard from him i wanted to know if a raincheck was in store. He texted back "Yes. I'm at my mom's". I texted back 'OK' I mean, how inconsiderate of him to not let me know that our date was not going to happen.

 

I called him yesterday. He said he would call me back and he did. We had a long convo, but it was different. It was very casual and general. No sexy talk. I must admit I really like when he talks sexy too me. He did say during the convo that I should save my vacation days for when we go to FL.

 

I sent him a cute text today. No response and he hasn't called. I really feel bad now. I think he is upset with me because I said we should just be friends. I wish I never told him that because now I miss him calling and texting me. Not quite sure if things will be the same.

 

I guess I should have never gotten caught up with a married man that is probably lying to me anyway about his situation. He was 3 small children: ages 7, 6 and 4. He probably isn't going to leave his wife because of all the child support he will have to pay.

 

Should I not call or text him unless he initiates first? Should i just forget about this brief relationship and move on?

 

HE's married. Stop sending him cute texts. Stop contacting him. He's married. Why would you want to get involved with a MARRIED man??

 

IF he ever gets single, go for it. For now, stop making plans involving him. Let him figure out his marriage and only after he gets a divorce or whatever, then date him. But you really can't date a married man (and by that I mean a man living with his wife and she has no knowledge of him having outside relationships).