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what if you were there first..


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duskandsummer

I didn't even realize this thread was here..which is good cause I need help understanding this. I've posted my situation on the dating and coping threads but I think I might be in the right place?

 

I am 20..and about 3 and a half years ago at 17 I started talking to this guy I grew up with..he is a year and a half younger than me. We talked and kept things light and eventually things turned sexual. About a year or so into whatever we had..he started going out with this girl that he is still with. That didn't change anything though he still looked for me, still texted and still called. The weird thing is..is that we never had sex. We would just mess around in person. He would sext and phone sex or whatever but we never went all the way in person. He would ask all the time to see me and I would make up excuses on why I couldn't. But the times I did give in..all we did was mess around. Well a year ago from today things got weird..he started blowing me off. He would be the one chasing me and now all of a sudden if I wanted to hear from him I was the one having to text, and for the first time he was treating me like crap. He was very short with me. Eventually he deleted my number. I texted and he asked me who it was. As a closure thing, I texted him one last time before he left for college telling him im always there for him and im proud of him. He said it meant so much to him hearing me say that. Then around October he was back in town and I decided to text and again he asks who it is. I told him it didn't matter and I haven't texted since.

 

I have had a really hard time getting over him, because its like from one day to another everything changed. He lost all interest in me without telling me the reason at all. Its like he just walked away instead of breaking things off. It sucks cause I care so much for him and I thought he would at least care somewhat to treat me right because we grew up together, we know each other family and I know he was taught better than that.

 

I don't know what to think..what to do. What did he want from me? I blame his girlfriend so much for all the pain I feel now..thats the only thing I could think of for his reason for "leaving".

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bentnotbroken

You don't blame his GF for him wanting to move on. You need to let go of someone who has already let go of you.

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duskandsummer

i posted here cause i was the other woman for 2 years..he was cheating on his girlfriend. We may have not had sex but we messed around and he told me things that if I were in a relationship and my boyfriend told a girl things like that I would leave him. I've gotten good advice from both places..but nothing seems to change how I feel now. Im still so attached. I know its as simple as letting him go. I know what I need to do..its my heart that isn't listening.

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You can't blame his gf when she doesn't even know about you.

 

It's clear that he has long since moved on- doesn't even know who you are when you text him. That's reason enough to learn how to toughen up and respect yourself. You have to move on and let it go.

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duskandsummer

i know i really need to move on from this..i really want to. I just don't know why he has such a strong hold on me. I know im gonna be better off without him, but yet Im still attached. Its just been hard.

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whichwayisup

People have the right to change their minds, for whatever reason.

 

Your reality is different than his. Accept that. He's moved on and if you continue to hold him close to heart, YOU are the one suffering. On your own, by choice.

 

You CAN choose to close yourself off from him..Just don't let yourself think/fantasize about him anymore. It's the ONLY way you can get over him and move on.

 

He decided, for whatever reasons to not be with you and has another girlfriend. IF you cannot accept this and really can't let go, don't want to let go, seek professional help, a therapist can give you the tools, teach you how to do this.

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i know i really need to move on from this..i really want to. I just don't know why he has such a strong hold on me. I know im gonna be better off without him, but yet Im still attached. Its just been hard.

 

Well, I suspect you don't like yourself enough to break the attachment.

You need to learn to value yourself and your worth. It sounds like you have a big self esteem issue.

 

Anyone with a healthy self esteem would have broken ties from a relationship like this ages ago.

 

Of course it is going to hurt- but you have to start finding value in yourself in order to realize that sometimes we have to leave someone behind when it's the best choice for us to do so.

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I think the reason you are having a hard time is because you 'dumped' you. I do understand that - you wonder what was wrong with you, why, etc.

 

But, he is really trying to work on his relationship with his g/f and he needs you to leave him alone. Hard as it is, you need to respect that.

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